So bizarre !
- Thread starter Ann Mac
- Start date
I only saw it once edited Amy, but reading your post I'd realised what you meant before I saw slugsta's. I think use of bad language is getting worse, I and a few others are pretty guilty in work.
last resting places - hmm - I've got a conundrum on that one.
My mum will be easy, long ago she said she wanted her ashes to be interred with my dad's. His were interred into his parents grave, along with his sister's as she died a few weeks before him. So in mum's words 'despite it being a catholic graveyard' she wants to go there.
However when we cleared my mum's house we found my gran's ashes, my brother said 'ooohhhhh - I've just found something really awful, not sure if I should tell you' - I was actually rather relieved that it wasn't a large quantity of dead mice, and couldn't understand the fuss and upset he made about it. However the urn (well ugly plastic container) is now in my living room (behind the sofa). No idea how to sort it out, especially as not really on speaking terms with brother. We did agree to work out somewhere to scatter them near where she lived (I know you are meant to have permission so would do it when it was dark) but really not sure where. Sort of wonder whether to contact the crem where she was cremated and see if they can go in a garden of remembrance there, but that is 20 miles from where she lived. Ho hum, just another thing to do.
As son is first year at school and others in his form had already come a cropper on same rule think he should have known (I was bouncing with him over it) - older ones may be getting a new rule but it is all a new rule to him.
last resting places - hmm - I've got a conundrum on that one.
My mum will be easy, long ago she said she wanted her ashes to be interred with my dad's. His were interred into his parents grave, along with his sister's as she died a few weeks before him. So in mum's words 'despite it being a catholic graveyard' she wants to go there.
However when we cleared my mum's house we found my gran's ashes, my brother said 'ooohhhhh - I've just found something really awful, not sure if I should tell you' - I was actually rather relieved that it wasn't a large quantity of dead mice, and couldn't understand the fuss and upset he made about it. However the urn (well ugly plastic container) is now in my living room (behind the sofa). No idea how to sort it out, especially as not really on speaking terms with brother. We did agree to work out somewhere to scatter them near where she lived (I know you are meant to have permission so would do it when it was dark) but really not sure where. Sort of wonder whether to contact the crem where she was cremated and see if they can go in a garden of remembrance there, but that is 20 miles from where she lived. Ho hum, just another thing to do.
As son is first year at school and others in his form had already come a cropper on same rule think he should have known (I was bouncing with him over it) - older ones may be getting a new rule but it is all a new rule to him.
Morning all,
Poor you Amy - and your poor Mum too! It is incredibly distressing when our loved ones' memories and minds play cruel tricks like that. As Slugsta says, doesn't matter if its a real event from years ago or a completely confabulated tale - its real to them, and so are the emotions that they experience in relation to it. As you know, Mil churned out stories of cruelty and mistreatment about pretty much everyone she encountered on a regular basis (she still often does). It was so hard to deal with, and I'll be honest and say that it wasn't just coping with her upset that was hard. She could deliver these confabulations/delusions in such a plausible and convincing sounding manner, that sometimes I would end up feeling really cross, because there was always the possibility that she might come out with one of these tales to someone who didn't realise that pwd's can do this and believe her, and it could potentially have caused a lot of trouble. Oddly, it was the less melodramatic accusations that worried me more - her claiming that staff at DC had put her in the street and turned a hosepipe on her, and how all the neighbours had come out of their houses and laughed at her, was so outlandish and easily disproven that no one would believe it - but when she would casually indicate a bruise on her arm and comment that 'Ann did that to me, when I wouldn't get out of her way on the stairs' - well, you could see why someone, not familiar with her or with dementia, might just believe her.
Feeling for the distress of your loved one also doesn't stop you sometimes struggling not to at least smile at some of the more bizarre notions - like you Slugsta, I was hard pushed not to chuckle at Mil's tale of swapping hostages for teabags and sausages. For someone who all her life claimed to have 'no imagination' and who said that English was her worst subject at school because she was 'rubbish at writing stories', Mil manages some amazingly creative confabulations now! The remark your Mum made about buying a shop strikes a chord - its not an 'every conversation' thing with Mil, but she can sometimes respond to a comment with a remark or reply that suggests that what you have been saying is most definitely not what she has heard. Makes conversation hard going
Good luck with the first viewing - you never know, it might be 'the one' x
Red - yep, up early. Not sure why exactly, but having a lot of trouble with aches and pains at the moment - not just back and hips, but as sometimes happens, other joints are playing up - ankles, shoulders, wrists, knees Its a pain in the backside vicious circle at the moment. Giving up trying to sleep at around 4a.m. because I'm stiff and sore, then exhausted at night and going to bed sometimes before 10 - only to start tossing and turning 4 or 5 hours later, and finally giving up at around 4 again. I feel for you with the dilemma over your Dad's last resting place. There was a dilemma with my Mum, as you may remember. It wasn't that she didn't leave instructions it was that the instructions she left simply couldn't be followed. She always insisted she wanted to be buried, NOT cremated and that she wanted to be buried with her Mother. And that wasn't possible - the cemetry her Mum was buried in (nearly 30 years ago) was not only now full, but Mum hadn't purchased a double plot when gran was buried, and so she couldn't be buried there - though her ashes could be. I left the decision to step-dad, and he chose cremation and burying her ashes with her Mum. But, my brother is apparently now not happy about this solution (though what he thinks he can do now, at this late date, is beyond me!) and has said that Step dad rail-roaded him into agreeing when he was 'too upset to think straight'. I am staying well out of it, but faced with a dilemma about funeral wishes, I think all you can do is try and make that considered decison - and then try not to second guess yourself xxxx
JM, what about scattering your Gran's ashes on the grave where your Mum wants to go? Would that be allowed? Or is there perhaps an area/garden there where ashes can be scattered? Then she would be near her daughter at least, when the time comes. Its the only thing I can think of, so sorry if its not a suggestion that would work xxx
OK - news! There are just two homes in this county that have very small EMI nursing units (and they are VERY small units, believe me) and vacancies are scarcer than hens teeth. One home is a big 'No' from the get go - we have good reasons, believe me - the other doesn't operate a waiting list policy. Several years ago, there was a serious 'incident' at this second home, that nearly caused it to close. But, big changes have been made, I've read recent reviews and the latest inspection reports, and whilst its been pulled on a couple of very minor things, on the whole, feedback is pretty good, with especial reference to how well the staff handle challenging behaviour. I phoned last night, not expecting to get anywhere again - and was told that they have a vacancy. We are going tomorrow afternoon, to meet the manageress, have a close look at the place for ourselves - and start the ball rolling (if all is OK) with getting Mil moved there. I can hardly believe it - we were resigned to her not being as local as we would want, and thought the best we could do would possibly be getting her into a home we know of in Llangollen (though that does have a waiting list - a big one, we have been told), or one in Flintshire. We had accepted that she might even end up over 2 hours away, in one of 3 homes along the coast.
So - please keep fingers and toes crossed that this local home is suitable for Mil, that it is the right place. It would be such a massive relief if we could have her so close to us - and logistically, obviously a whole lot easier.
Today, I'm off to Manchester, to spend the day with the lady selected to be my 'work buddy' whilst I'm new to the job - we've spoken a few times, she seems really friendly and approachable and very down to earth, so I'm actually looking forward to it - though very glad its not another massively long train journey for me. Friday morning, hopefully new car, Friday afternoon, visiting the home - so very busy for the next couple of days!
Hope all have a good day xxxx
Poor you Amy - and your poor Mum too! It is incredibly distressing when our loved ones' memories and minds play cruel tricks like that. As Slugsta says, doesn't matter if its a real event from years ago or a completely confabulated tale - its real to them, and so are the emotions that they experience in relation to it. As you know, Mil churned out stories of cruelty and mistreatment about pretty much everyone she encountered on a regular basis (she still often does). It was so hard to deal with, and I'll be honest and say that it wasn't just coping with her upset that was hard. She could deliver these confabulations/delusions in such a plausible and convincing sounding manner, that sometimes I would end up feeling really cross, because there was always the possibility that she might come out with one of these tales to someone who didn't realise that pwd's can do this and believe her, and it could potentially have caused a lot of trouble. Oddly, it was the less melodramatic accusations that worried me more - her claiming that staff at DC had put her in the street and turned a hosepipe on her, and how all the neighbours had come out of their houses and laughed at her, was so outlandish and easily disproven that no one would believe it - but when she would casually indicate a bruise on her arm and comment that 'Ann did that to me, when I wouldn't get out of her way on the stairs' - well, you could see why someone, not familiar with her or with dementia, might just believe her.
Feeling for the distress of your loved one also doesn't stop you sometimes struggling not to at least smile at some of the more bizarre notions - like you Slugsta, I was hard pushed not to chuckle at Mil's tale of swapping hostages for teabags and sausages. For someone who all her life claimed to have 'no imagination' and who said that English was her worst subject at school because she was 'rubbish at writing stories', Mil manages some amazingly creative confabulations now! The remark your Mum made about buying a shop strikes a chord - its not an 'every conversation' thing with Mil, but she can sometimes respond to a comment with a remark or reply that suggests that what you have been saying is most definitely not what she has heard. Makes conversation hard going
Good luck with the first viewing - you never know, it might be 'the one' xRed - yep, up early. Not sure why exactly, but having a lot of trouble with aches and pains at the moment - not just back and hips, but as sometimes happens, other joints are playing up - ankles, shoulders, wrists, knees
Its a pain in the backside vicious circle at the moment. Giving up trying to sleep at around 4a.m. because I'm stiff and sore, then exhausted at night and going to bed sometimes before 10 - only to start tossing and turning 4 or 5 hours later, and finally giving up at around 4 again. I feel for you with the dilemma over your Dad's last resting place. There was a dilemma with my Mum, as you may remember. It wasn't that she didn't leave instructions it was that the instructions she left simply couldn't be followed. She always insisted she wanted to be buried, NOT cremated and that she wanted to be buried with her Mother. And that wasn't possible - the cemetry her Mum was buried in (nearly 30 years ago) was not only now full, but Mum hadn't purchased a double plot when gran was buried, and so she couldn't be buried there - though her ashes could be. I left the decision to step-dad, and he chose cremation and burying her ashes with her Mum. But, my brother is apparently now not happy about this solution (though what he thinks he can do now, at this late date, is beyond me!) and has said that Step dad rail-roaded him into agreeing when he was 'too upset to think straight'. I am staying well out of it, but faced with a dilemma about funeral wishes, I think all you can do is try and make that considered decison - and then try not to second guess yourself xxxxJM, what about scattering your Gran's ashes on the grave where your Mum wants to go? Would that be allowed? Or is there perhaps an area/garden there where ashes can be scattered? Then she would be near her daughter at least, when the time comes. Its the only thing I can think of, so sorry if its not a suggestion that would work xxx
OK - news! There are just two homes in this county that have very small EMI nursing units (and they are VERY small units, believe me) and vacancies are scarcer than hens teeth. One home is a big 'No' from the get go - we have good reasons, believe me - the other doesn't operate a waiting list policy. Several years ago, there was a serious 'incident' at this second home, that nearly caused it to close. But, big changes have been made, I've read recent reviews and the latest inspection reports, and whilst its been pulled on a couple of very minor things, on the whole, feedback is pretty good, with especial reference to how well the staff handle challenging behaviour. I phoned last night, not expecting to get anywhere again - and was told that they have a vacancy. We are going tomorrow afternoon, to meet the manageress, have a close look at the place for ourselves - and start the ball rolling (if all is OK) with getting Mil moved there. I can hardly believe it - we were resigned to her not being as local as we would want, and thought the best we could do would possibly be getting her into a home we know of in Llangollen (though that does have a waiting list - a big one, we have been told), or one in Flintshire. We had accepted that she might even end up over 2 hours away, in one of 3 homes along the coast.
So - please keep fingers and toes crossed that this local home is suitable for Mil, that it is the right place. It would be such a massive relief if we could have her so close to us - and logistically, obviously a whole lot easier.
Today, I'm off to Manchester, to spend the day with the lady selected to be my 'work buddy' whilst I'm new to the job - we've spoken a few times, she seems really friendly and approachable and very down to earth, so I'm actually looking forward to it - though very glad its not another massively long train journey for me. Friday morning, hopefully new car, Friday afternoon, visiting the home - so very busy for the next couple of days!
Hope all have a good day xxxx
Evening
Ann - care home news sounds really positive, hope Manchester went OK.New car as well
Your suggestion re ashes of my gran makes logical sense on one level, but not sure it is right, my gran had very little to do with my grandparents on my father's side, and feels not quite right to me.
I planned to do paperwork today, so as is often the case didn't get much of it done, and no chores either.
Son had asthma checkup, and was given nasal flu spray (instead of jab for U18s). He had a reaction to it needing an inhaler quick! He seems fine now and I've messaged the nurse on FB to tell her (she lives in my road). He was a bit stroppy with his answers for her to start with, which he wouldnt have been for someone he didn't know! She had spoken to him earlier in the week when she met him about high school as her son moves up soon.
Slugsta - hope viewing went well. Once a decision is made you just so want to get on with it!
Ann - care home news sounds really positive, hope Manchester went OK.New car as well
Your suggestion re ashes of my gran makes logical sense on one level, but not sure it is right, my gran had very little to do with my grandparents on my father's side, and feels not quite right to me.
I planned to do paperwork today, so as is often the case didn't get much of it done, and no chores either.
Son had asthma checkup, and was given nasal flu spray (instead of jab for U18s). He had a reaction to it needing an inhaler quick! He seems fine now and I've messaged the nurse on FB to tell her (she lives in my road). He was a bit stroppy with his answers for her to start with, which he wouldnt have been for someone he didn't know! She had spoken to him earlier in the week when she met him about high school as her son moves up soon.
Slugsta - hope viewing went well. Once a decision is made you just so want to get on with it!
Evening all - Thursday night and catching up whilst waiting to book next week's aquagym.
Ann, I'm sorry that you are feeling generally sore and achy, I do know how hard that makes everything Lack of sleep certainly doesn't help either!
I do have everything crossed that the EMI home is everything you need it to be. The fact that they have a vacancy does seem like some sort of an 'omen'. I guess it must be hard to be clear headed when so much depends on getting things right . I'm sure I would, subconsciously, be trying to make the home fit the criteria simply because it was nearby and had a space!
JM, you can scatter ashes on public land or in coastal waters without permission, otherwise you do need permission from the landowner. Maybe this will help
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6529215.stm
We scattered MIL's ashes on top of a cliff on the coast. We had intended to go down to the beach but it was raining and blowing a hoolie - and the wind direction was such that the clifftop seemed more suitable. It actually felt right somehow to watch the ashes swirl away on the wind after my BIL said a few words ('To the east, to the west, to the north, to the south, to the sky, to the earth - we will love you always').
This morning hubbie and I went over to Mum place, while she was out at DC, and sorted out her airing cupboard. Everything is now tidy and all shelves labelled - I wonder how long that will last!
The house viewing due today was cancelled as the prospective buyer has had an offer accepted on another property. However, someone else has booked for tomorrow. I suppose that this up and down will be the order of the day for the coming weeks and months
Had a lovely sing this evening, a small group session with the guy who runs our choir. He says I need to spend 5 minutes a day singing at full volume in order to strengthen my voice. Hubby is not amused
Ann, I'm sorry that you are feeling generally sore and achy, I do know how hard that makes everything
Lack of sleep certainly doesn't help either!I do have everything crossed that the EMI home is everything you need it to be. The fact that they have a vacancy does seem like some sort of an 'omen'. I guess it must be hard to be clear headed when so much depends on getting things right . I'm sure I would, subconsciously, be trying to make the home fit the criteria simply because it was nearby and had a space!
JM, you can scatter ashes on public land or in coastal waters without permission, otherwise you do need permission from the landowner. Maybe this will help
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6529215.stm
We scattered MIL's ashes on top of a cliff on the coast. We had intended to go down to the beach but it was raining and blowing a hoolie - and the wind direction was such that the clifftop seemed more suitable. It actually felt right somehow to watch the ashes swirl away on the wind after my BIL said a few words ('To the east, to the west, to the north, to the south, to the sky, to the earth - we will love you always').
This morning hubbie and I went over to Mum place, while she was out at DC, and sorted out her airing cupboard. Everything is now tidy and all shelves labelled - I wonder how long that will last!
The house viewing due today was cancelled as the prospective buyer has had an offer accepted on another property. However, someone else has booked for tomorrow. I suppose that this up and down will be the order of the day for the coming weeks and months
Had a lovely sing this evening, a small group session with the guy who runs our choir. He says I need to spend 5 minutes a day singing at full volume in order to strengthen my voice. Hubby is not amused
Ann, sorry to hear about the aches and pains but keeping fingers and toes crossed tomorrow about the care home!!!!!
Morning all,
Lol - yep, its all going on at the moment, JM! Manchester was really good, met with the lady I'm 'shadowing' for the next couple of months and she was lovely, I got to attend a 'session' with some young disabled people at a college - challenging individuals, but it was a fantastic insight into how you can start to engage and support them. After London on Monday, it was another pretty long day, but so useful, so very glad I was able to do it. New car is just (we think) a sensible decision at this point - our old one passed the MOT last week, but it won't be long until I think we start to have some expensive and serious issues with it. I'm here, there and everywhere with the new job, and whilst I use the train for longer journeys, I still need something reliable for covering the county. Plus the current car is a big hatchback, heavy on petrol and road tax - the new one will be a whole lot more economical. As for the home - just crossing fingers there!
Sorry your boy had a bad reaction to the nasal spray, but glad he is OK now. Will he have the jab instead now?
I can see why the suggestion about interring or scattering the ashes in the same place where your Mum wants to go doesn't feel right, under the circumstances you have mentioned. Its so hard to know what to do in a situation like that - I hope Slugsta's info was helpful.
I've been quite surprised with what I've found out about the legal stance on burial lately, actually - and no, its not that I am a morbid so and so, reading up on stuff like that - I had a reason My next door neighbour called me over for a chat in the garden a couple of weeks back. His neighbours on the other side are a really lovely couple, the gentleman has suffered dreadful health for years and has now been diagnosed with a terminal cancer. They are a very religeous couple and occasionally come across as a little odd, but at base, they are very kind and very sweet - and very devoted to each other. Anyway, after they were given the news that the gentleman sadly has a limited time left, he and his wife had apparently discused his wishes. And then spoke to my next door neighbour about it. They have decided that when the time comes, the gentleman is going to be buried - at the bottom of their garden. Complete with headstone. And when the wife passes, the intention is for her to join him. I'll be honest and say when my neighbour told me, and asked how I felt about it, I was inclined to think he was pulling my leg - but no, apparently its what is planned. He is worried about how it will impact on the value of his house - on paper, estate agents have told him it shouldn't make a difference, but in reality, whilst it shouldn't affect the value they concurred that it might affect the 'saleability'. And well, he basically feels quite sqeamish about it - he says he really doesn't want to look out of his windows and see a mini graveyard next door. I honestly didn't think this would be allowed, but having looked it up, it's actually completely legal. There are rules about proximity to water sources, the body must be buried at least 30 inches deep (though you don't even have to use a coffin, a winding sheet or body bag will do!!!) , the headstone's height is goverend by legislation - but otherwise, yep, anyone can do it. It has to be marked on the deeds of the house, but you don't even have to ask permission or notify anyone else. I honestly don't know how I feel about it. On a practical level I do wonder if it will impact on our 'saleability' (we would be able to see it from back bedroom windows), but I don't feel squeamish about it - more puzzled by why anyone would consider doing it?
Sorry the house viewing was cancelled, Slugsta - I know its part and parcel of house buying and selling, but still - very frustrating. Fingers crossed that this next viewing goes a lot better x Lol - if I spent 5 minutes a day singing full volume, it would affect the saleability (and value) of the neighbours houses even more than the prospect of a mini graveyard would
Yep - you are right - OH and I have both said that we have to be careful not just to try and make the home 'fit' simply because its proximity is ideal - it really has to be right for Mil. On paper, it does look as though it meets important criteria for us - particularly the praise for how well the staff deal with challenging behaviour, the layout and although there were comments about one area having a 'stale smell', there was an added comment that the home had already arranged for this to be dealt with, and that the rest of the building met 'acceptable standards' for cleanliness . We'll see when we go this afternoon.
Thanks Amy xxxx
All go today - Youngest manaaged to damage what the GP referred to as her 'AC joint', in her shoulder whislt she was doing her voluntary work at the local swimming classes, and has physio this morning. The new car also has to be picked up. OH got stuck into the house yesterday, as son and his GF are being picked up this evening and will be home for a few days - so I intend to get 'stuck in' and finish off the housework today. Visiting the home this afternoon, and if everything goes well, on to the hospital to let them know that we have started the ball rolling. At this point the social worker needs to be involved - we have still yet to meet her (or even have her name confirmed), despite having been told that she would 'be in touch in the next few days', over 4 weeks ago. So, we'll see what happens now . Despite it being my day off, I found out yesterday that I've been sent the wrong IT equipment - my boss is not happy with the IT department! - and I will have to sort something around that today. Plus make sure that I know whats happening next week, when I'm off to London again - this time possibly for an overnight jaunt, for an all day annual meeting. Its mad - and all go at the moment!
Hope you all have a good day today xxxxx
Ann - care home news sounds really positive, hope Manchester went OK.New car as well
Lol - yep, its all going on at the moment, JM! Manchester was really good, met with the lady I'm 'shadowing' for the next couple of months and she was lovely, I got to attend a 'session' with some young disabled people at a college - challenging individuals, but it was a fantastic insight into how you can start to engage and support them. After London on Monday, it was another pretty long day, but so useful, so very glad I was able to do it. New car is just (we think) a sensible decision at this point - our old one passed the MOT last week, but it won't be long until I think we start to have some expensive and serious issues with it. I'm here, there and everywhere with the new job, and whilst I use the train for longer journeys, I still need something reliable for covering the county. Plus the current car is a big hatchback, heavy on petrol and road tax - the new one will be a whole lot more economical. As for the home - just crossing fingers there!
Sorry your boy had a bad reaction to the nasal spray, but glad he is OK now. Will he have the jab instead now?
I can see why the suggestion about interring or scattering the ashes in the same place where your Mum wants to go doesn't feel right, under the circumstances you have mentioned. Its so hard to know what to do in a situation like that - I hope Slugsta's info was helpful.
I've been quite surprised with what I've found out about the legal stance on burial lately, actually - and no, its not that I am a morbid so and so, reading up on stuff like that - I had a reason
My next door neighbour called me over for a chat in the garden a couple of weeks back. His neighbours on the other side are a really lovely couple, the gentleman has suffered dreadful health for years and has now been diagnosed with a terminal cancer. They are a very religeous couple and occasionally come across as a little odd, but at base, they are very kind and very sweet - and very devoted to each other. Anyway, after they were given the news that the gentleman sadly has a limited time left, he and his wife had apparently discused his wishes. And then spoke to my next door neighbour about it. They have decided that when the time comes, the gentleman is going to be buried - at the bottom of their garden. Complete with headstone. And when the wife passes, the intention is for her to join him. I'll be honest and say when my neighbour told me, and asked how I felt about it, I was inclined to think he was pulling my leg - but no, apparently its what is planned. He is worried about how it will impact on the value of his house - on paper, estate agents have told him it shouldn't make a difference, but in reality, whilst it shouldn't affect the value they concurred that it might affect the 'saleability'. And well, he basically feels quite sqeamish about it - he says he really doesn't want to look out of his windows and see a mini graveyard next door. I honestly didn't think this would be allowed, but having looked it up, it's actually completely legal. There are rules about proximity to water sources, the body must be buried at least 30 inches deep (though you don't even have to use a coffin, a winding sheet or body bag will do!!!) , the headstone's height is goverend by legislation - but otherwise, yep, anyone can do it. It has to be marked on the deeds of the house, but you don't even have to ask permission or notify anyone else. I honestly don't know how I feel about it. On a practical level I do wonder if it will impact on our 'saleability' (we would be able to see it from back bedroom windows), but I don't feel squeamish about it - more puzzled by why anyone would consider doing it?Sorry the house viewing was cancelled, Slugsta - I know its part and parcel of house buying and selling, but still - very frustrating. Fingers crossed that this next viewing goes a lot better x Lol - if I spent 5 minutes a day singing full volume, it would affect the saleability (and value) of the neighbours houses even more than the prospect of a mini graveyard would
Yep - you are right - OH and I have both said that we have to be careful not just to try and make the home 'fit' simply because its proximity is ideal - it really has to be right for Mil. On paper, it does look as though it meets important criteria for us - particularly the praise for how well the staff deal with challenging behaviour, the layout and although there were comments about one area having a 'stale smell', there was an added comment that the home had already arranged for this to be dealt with, and that the rest of the building met 'acceptable standards' for cleanliness . We'll see when we go this afternoon.
Thanks Amy xxxx
All go today - Youngest manaaged to damage what the GP referred to as her 'AC joint', in her shoulder whislt she was doing her voluntary work at the local swimming classes, and has physio this morning. The new car also has to be picked up. OH got stuck into the house yesterday, as son and his GF are being picked up this evening and will be home for a few days - so I intend to get 'stuck in' and finish off the housework today. Visiting the home this afternoon, and if everything goes well, on to the hospital to let them know that we have started the ball rolling. At this point the social worker needs to be involved - we have still yet to meet her (or even have her name confirmed), despite having been told that she would 'be in touch in the next few days', over 4 weeks ago. So, we'll see what happens now . Despite it being my day off, I found out yesterday that I've been sent the wrong IT equipment - my boss is not happy with the IT department! - and I will have to sort something around that today. Plus make sure that I know whats happening next week, when I'm off to London again - this time possibly for an overnight jaunt, for an all day annual meeting. Its mad - and all go at the moment!
Hope you all have a good day today xxxxx
Ann, I have this theory (!?) that in the middle of the night my joints have a chat with one another to decide which one is going to play up the following day! There seems to be no other rhyme or reason to it!
JM, sorry about son, hope he gets everything sorted!
Slugsta, made me laugh!
Must go and dress, I thought iPad was going to update overnight, but it didn't! So I've done it this morning. Must go shopping for about 3 things this morning, fill car with petrol, go and visit friend with cancer ( and she's just taken a massive downturn, what with Granny G updating about Helen, I'm not in a good place). Years ago when I worked in hospital, pain management was one of the things that people thought would improve, but it hasn't, it really makes me mad!
Sorry, rant over, must go and ablute and dress!
Oh, and cleaner coming to do ironing and I've got to pack as well.
Roll on Dorset/Cornwall!
JM, sorry about son, hope he gets everything sorted!
Slugsta, made me laugh!
Must go and dress, I thought iPad was going to update overnight, but it didn't! So I've done it this morning. Must go shopping for about 3 things this morning, fill car with petrol, go and visit friend with cancer ( and she's just taken a massive downturn, what with Granny G updating about Helen, I'm not in a good place). Years ago when I worked in hospital, pain management was one of the things that people thought would improve, but it hasn't, it really makes me mad!
Sorry, rant over, must go and ablute and dress!
Oh, and cleaner coming to do ironing and I've got to pack as well.
Roll on Dorset/Cornwall!
Afternoon,
(((Spamar))) you sound more than ready for your holiday! You are right about pain management You would think that is is such a potentially lucrative field that lots would be happening but it certainly doesn't seem that way from where I am standing (well, lying down actually).
Ann, you are so busy at the moment, I'm surprised you don't meet yourself coming back! I have everything crossed for your CH visit - which does make typing rather difficult
I hope your daughter's physio is helpful. The acromioclavicular joint, at the front of the shoulder, is quite commonly damaged.
We took Mum to Tesco's, as usual, this morning and then on for coffee. The podiatrist visited too, so feet and fingernails have been sorted. Mum has picked up a verruca from somewhere, possibly from showering in the communal shower. We have told her she must stick to using her own shower now - I'm sure you can all tell me the likelihood of that happening!
My choir are singing tomorrow - at a 'fun day' held in a local library. I wonder if we will be asked to keep the noise down?
(((Spamar))) you sound more than ready for your holiday! You are right about pain management
You would think that is is such a potentially lucrative field that lots would be happening but it certainly doesn't seem that way from where I am standing (well, lying down actually).Ann, you are so busy at the moment, I'm surprised you don't meet yourself coming back! I have everything crossed for your CH visit - which does make typing rather difficult
I hope your daughter's physio is helpful. The acromioclavicular joint, at the front of the shoulder, is quite commonly damaged.
We took Mum to Tesco's, as usual, this morning and then on for coffee. The podiatrist visited too, so feet and fingernails have been sorted. Mum has picked up a verruca from somewhere, possibly from showering in the communal shower. We have told her she must stick to using her own shower now - I'm sure you can all tell me the likelihood of that happening!
My choir are singing tomorrow - at a 'fun day' held in a local library. I wonder if we will be asked to keep the noise down?
Morning all,
Sounds like you need that holiday, Spamar ! I find it hard to accept that there is so little that can be done for chronic pain, too. And that it takes so long to do so little! Its 4 and a half years since I first sought help, and still to hit on something that can provide a long term solution/help with the pain. The shock wave therapy has been the most effective, but its a short term improvement and I'm told I can only have so many repeat sessions of that. Once they decide that I've had my quota, I have no idea what comes next At the moment, I'm beginning to suspect that I have a mild viral infection that is causing the current swelling and pain in so many joints. Yesterday, I suddenly realised that I'd left the tap running in the kitchen, turned quickly to go to it and my hip and knee just sort of 'gave way' and I ended up on the floor. Not hurt, just a wee bruise and a scrape - but its the first time that two joints have just 'gone' like that at the same time, and I've actually fallen. I should be taking anti-inflamatories, but can't for the 12 weeks after the SW therapy, so I just have to wait for it to settle - but its frustrating and uncomfortable
Thanks Slugsta, yes Dau's physio went well - no serious damage, just a sprain of that joint. Annoying for her, because her swim coaching and dance at her drama class are not allowed until it heals - and it might take 3 to 5 weeks - but I think she will listen to the physio's advice and do as she is told, no matter how impatient she is. We seem to have had our quota of 3 accidents in this family at the moment - I've fallen, dau has sprained that joint and son is home from uni wearing a boot-like support on one foot, which is swollen and extremely black and blue, after he fell last weekend and ended up also with a really bad sprain. Lets hope that's the end of accidents for the Mac's for the foreseeable future!
I guess there are two chances of your Mum remembering to use only her own shower - little and none! And nothing that you can do about it - worrying and frustrating. Hope the singing went well - I have an image of you all having to whisper the songs
So - the home. We were told we could turn up at any time to look round, and (after picking up the new car, sorting dau's physio, and then dropping her at school) we managed to get there just as lunch was ending. Its a large, quite modern looking building, set back on a fairly busy road. The EMI nursing unit is on the ground floor, and the security seems pretty good - just as well with Houdini Mil! The room they have vacant is at the 'front' of the unit, and its clean and bright, with an en-suite loo. The carpet had just been cleaned, fresh paintwork, there is a hospital bed (identical to hers here) a double wardrobe, chest of drawers, small bedside cabinet and shelving. Its not huge, but still a little bigger than the room she had here. OH and I really liked the way each of the 'bedroom' corridors had been decorated - each with a theme (on Mils corridor, its nature and animals) with lots of paintings, photo's, 3D wall art and ornaments relating to the theme, very bright and cheerful, and not too 'institutional' - in fact, it almost reminded me of the themed hotels in Disney!. Other corridors have been themed with 1950's memorabelia, music and in one area, the patients voted for the theme to be sci fi and comic book superhero's - Star Wars, Batman and the like! Clearly a lot of thought and effort gone into it. So big checks in the 'good' column from OH and I there.
That corridor has doors at one end that lead directly into a very large communal area, L-shaped, with an area with small round dining tables, and a lot of comfy chairs set into little groupings around the rest of the room. This area looks quite shabby, but the whole unit is in the middle of a major 'make over' and it will all be done by Christmas, we were told. Leading off that is a smaller area which is being converted into a sensory and relaxation room - it sounds like its going to be very well equipped when done. The garden area's around the unit are being extended as well at the moment, and what we saw that was finished looked really nice. There's a 'hair salon', staffed two days a week and a lift can be used to take residents up to the second floor, where there is a large activitiy area and 'home cinema' type area in another pretty good sized L-shaped room. They have two full time activity staff.
Overall, the whole place looked clean (though as we were there at meal time there was that institutional, school dinner type smell) and the interaction we saw between staff and residents looked pretty good - the manager was frequently stopped by residents as we moved round, and treated to several hugs, and she was clearly comfortable with and used to that happening.
The only minus points we came up with were that there isn't a designated 'quiet lounge', which we both think Mil would benefit from - though, it may be that the sensory and relaxation room will compensate for that - and the large scale redecoration, which we think might make it hard for her to settle initially as its inevitable that it will be at least a little disruptive. The staff seemed warm and friendly and as I said, the last inspection was really complimentary about the way the staff deal with any instances of challenging behaviour, though - and those are big plusses. Its not 'posh' but where the redecoration is finished (Like the bedrooms and corridors) its nice.
So, we've arranged for the manageress to go and asses Mil, probably on Wednesday next week - and then, if all is OK, I guess the wheels start turning. There will have to be a DST meeting and a discharge meeting, and heaven only knows how long that will take - but at least things are moving.
We went from the home to visit Mil (and to let the hospital know). Again, we had her shouting at a male patient who dared to speak to me as he passed by, accusing him of having 'hit her in the street'. And she spent 5 minutes trying to get the attention of one lady patient, who spends her days going round with an imaginary duster and chatting away to herself and anyone she happenes to encounter - Mil wanted to introduce OH to her - because Mil was adamant that this lady was OH's grandmother! Another lady was pointed out as being OH's sister. After about 30 minutes, we were told that it was time for us to go, that we had to be in that 'other place' - OH asked Mil was she fed up of us? 'Yes' she said - no frills or tact there! So we went. Taking a bag of laundry - and guess what - the wet stuff was separated out and sealed in a separate bag. So maybe I got through the other day!
We're relieved that we finally seem to be on track for getting Mil settled, but oddly, both OH and I felt a little down once we got home. As he said, we never envisaged a time when his Mum would end up in a home, and though we thought we had accepted that it was now inevitable, reality bit hard yesterday and we just felt so sad that it had come to this. As OH said, you may know that its reached the stage where the circumstances have made this inevitable - but that doesn't mean that you don't wish that it could have been different.
Got a frantic week coming up, which has been extremely complicated by the IT department messsing up on equipment which has delayed me (and the rest of the new team) sorting out our travel for London next week, amongst other things - its going to be tight, getting it sorted in time. Monday - which was supposed to be my day off next week, as I have a funeral to go to in the afternoon - I am now going to have to spend the morning on the phone and computor to try and sort out travel in time for Thursday. I have a few meetings the rest of the week too, and - if the IT situation is sorted as promised - 3 weeks worth of paperwork to now catch up on, all whilst learning to navigate around a huge database and a complex admin system. I also hope - again, once the IT is sorted - to be able to order the 'office' equipment needed, as the week after my boss is hopefully coming to 'sign off' my home work space - which currently still contains Mil's hospital bed and mattress! Feeling just a tad overwhelmed, though I keep telling myself that it WILL get done, so no point worrying
Hope you all have a good day and a lovely weekend xxxx
Sounds like you need that holiday, Spamar ! I find it hard to accept that there is so little that can be done for chronic pain, too. And that it takes so long to do so little! Its 4 and a half years since I first sought help, and still to hit on something that can provide a long term solution/help with the pain. The shock wave therapy has been the most effective, but its a short term improvement and I'm told I can only have so many repeat sessions of that. Once they decide that I've had my quota, I have no idea what comes next
At the moment, I'm beginning to suspect that I have a mild viral infection that is causing the current swelling and pain in so many joints. Yesterday, I suddenly realised that I'd left the tap running in the kitchen, turned quickly to go to it and my hip and knee just sort of 'gave way' and I ended up on the floor. Not hurt, just a wee bruise and a scrape - but its the first time that two joints have just 'gone' like that at the same time, and I've actually fallen. I should be taking anti-inflamatories, but can't for the 12 weeks after the SW therapy, so I just have to wait for it to settle - but its frustrating and uncomfortable Thanks Slugsta, yes Dau's physio went well - no serious damage, just a sprain of that joint. Annoying for her, because her swim coaching and dance at her drama class are not allowed until it heals - and it might take 3 to 5 weeks - but I think she will listen to the physio's advice and do as she is told, no matter how impatient she is. We seem to have had our quota of 3 accidents in this family at the moment - I've fallen, dau has sprained that joint and son is home from uni wearing a boot-like support on one foot, which is swollen and extremely black and blue, after he fell last weekend and ended up also with a really bad sprain. Lets hope that's the end of accidents for the Mac's for the foreseeable future!
I guess there are two chances of your Mum remembering to use only her own shower - little and none! And nothing that you can do about it - worrying and frustrating. Hope the singing went well - I have an image of you all having to whisper the songs
So - the home. We were told we could turn up at any time to look round, and (after picking up the new car, sorting dau's physio, and then dropping her at school) we managed to get there just as lunch was ending. Its a large, quite modern looking building, set back on a fairly busy road. The EMI nursing unit is on the ground floor, and the security seems pretty good - just as well with Houdini Mil! The room they have vacant is at the 'front' of the unit, and its clean and bright, with an en-suite loo. The carpet had just been cleaned, fresh paintwork, there is a hospital bed (identical to hers here) a double wardrobe, chest of drawers, small bedside cabinet and shelving. Its not huge, but still a little bigger than the room she had here. OH and I really liked the way each of the 'bedroom' corridors had been decorated - each with a theme (on Mils corridor, its nature and animals) with lots of paintings, photo's, 3D wall art and ornaments relating to the theme, very bright and cheerful, and not too 'institutional' - in fact, it almost reminded me of the themed hotels in Disney!. Other corridors have been themed with 1950's memorabelia, music and in one area, the patients voted for the theme to be sci fi and comic book superhero's - Star Wars, Batman and the like! Clearly a lot of thought and effort gone into it. So big checks in the 'good' column from OH and I there.
That corridor has doors at one end that lead directly into a very large communal area, L-shaped, with an area with small round dining tables, and a lot of comfy chairs set into little groupings around the rest of the room. This area looks quite shabby, but the whole unit is in the middle of a major 'make over' and it will all be done by Christmas, we were told. Leading off that is a smaller area which is being converted into a sensory and relaxation room - it sounds like its going to be very well equipped when done. The garden area's around the unit are being extended as well at the moment, and what we saw that was finished looked really nice. There's a 'hair salon', staffed two days a week and a lift can be used to take residents up to the second floor, where there is a large activitiy area and 'home cinema' type area in another pretty good sized L-shaped room. They have two full time activity staff.
Overall, the whole place looked clean (though as we were there at meal time there was that institutional, school dinner type smell) and the interaction we saw between staff and residents looked pretty good - the manager was frequently stopped by residents as we moved round, and treated to several hugs, and she was clearly comfortable with and used to that happening.
The only minus points we came up with were that there isn't a designated 'quiet lounge', which we both think Mil would benefit from - though, it may be that the sensory and relaxation room will compensate for that - and the large scale redecoration, which we think might make it hard for her to settle initially as its inevitable that it will be at least a little disruptive. The staff seemed warm and friendly and as I said, the last inspection was really complimentary about the way the staff deal with any instances of challenging behaviour, though - and those are big plusses. Its not 'posh' but where the redecoration is finished (Like the bedrooms and corridors) its nice.
So, we've arranged for the manageress to go and asses Mil, probably on Wednesday next week - and then, if all is OK, I guess the wheels start turning. There will have to be a DST meeting and a discharge meeting, and heaven only knows how long that will take - but at least things are moving.
We went from the home to visit Mil (and to let the hospital know). Again, we had her shouting at a male patient who dared to speak to me as he passed by, accusing him of having 'hit her in the street'. And she spent 5 minutes trying to get the attention of one lady patient, who spends her days going round with an imaginary duster and chatting away to herself and anyone she happenes to encounter - Mil wanted to introduce OH to her - because Mil was adamant that this lady was OH's grandmother! Another lady was pointed out as being OH's sister. After about 30 minutes, we were told that it was time for us to go, that we had to be in that 'other place' - OH asked Mil was she fed up of us? 'Yes' she said - no frills or tact there! So we went. Taking a bag of laundry - and guess what - the wet stuff was separated out and sealed in a separate bag. So maybe I got through the other day!
We're relieved that we finally seem to be on track for getting Mil settled, but oddly, both OH and I felt a little down once we got home. As he said, we never envisaged a time when his Mum would end up in a home, and though we thought we had accepted that it was now inevitable, reality bit hard yesterday and we just felt so sad that it had come to this. As OH said, you may know that its reached the stage where the circumstances have made this inevitable - but that doesn't mean that you don't wish that it could have been different.
Got a frantic week coming up, which has been extremely complicated by the IT department messsing up on equipment which has delayed me (and the rest of the new team) sorting out our travel for London next week, amongst other things - its going to be tight, getting it sorted in time. Monday - which was supposed to be my day off next week, as I have a funeral to go to in the afternoon - I am now going to have to spend the morning on the phone and computor to try and sort out travel in time for Thursday. I have a few meetings the rest of the week too, and - if the IT situation is sorted as promised - 3 weeks worth of paperwork to now catch up on, all whilst learning to navigate around a huge database and a complex admin system. I also hope - again, once the IT is sorted - to be able to order the 'office' equipment needed, as the week after my boss is hopefully coming to 'sign off' my home work space - which currently still contains Mil's hospital bed and mattress! Feeling just a tad overwhelmed, though I keep telling myself that it WILL get done, so no point worrying
Hope you all have a good day and a lovely weekend xxxx
Ann - I know you eat healthily anyway but would it be worth cutting out all inflammatories from your diet, e.g. any sugar whatsoever, and/or upping the anti-inflammatories - e.g. turmeric - to see if that helped?
Slugsta - house selling is a pain - my sympathies!
Slugsta - house selling is a pain - my sympathies!
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Afternoon all,
Ann, I'm glad that the CH visit seemed positive - but I can imagine how the reality of the situation hit you hard I hope that all the arrangements to do with the transfer go smoothly for you. It's good to hear that MIL sounds settled where she is, but it certainly isn't a long-term solution. It's also good to hear that you seem to have made your point about the washing - for now, at least.
Sorry to hear that your IT department have fouled up and made things more difficult for you, you really could have done without that
Also sorry to hear about the families general proclivity to accidents, and your fall in particular. Glad you didn't hurt yourself! I had to stop my anti-inflams last year (due to gastritis) and found the rebound pain quite difficult to cope with
Our singing went well yesterday, we enjoyed ourselves and other people seemed to enjoy it too. The guy who leads the choir is hoping that we will get to do quite a bit of performing. According to his CV, he was a vocal coach for the X Factor up until last year, he worked with people before the live rounds, so he clearly has a performing background.
The person who viewed the house was very pleasant but left feedback saying that the price would have to come down quite a lot as there was a lot of updating needed. We have a modern kitchen and shower room but accept that not everyone would share our taste in decor (it's pretty bland, both estate agents have said that it is ready to move into). Now I see that the same person has booked to come for a second viewing on Tuesday . . .
We had torrential rain yesterday morning but the weekend has been pretty good other than that. Hoping that everyone else has seen a bit of sunshine too
Ann, I'm glad that the CH visit seemed positive - but I can imagine how the reality of the situation hit you hard
I hope that all the arrangements to do with the transfer go smoothly for you. It's good to hear that MIL sounds settled where she is, but it certainly isn't a long-term solution. It's also good to hear that you seem to have made your point about the washing - for now, at least.Sorry to hear that your IT department have fouled up and made things more difficult for you, you really could have done without that
Also sorry to hear about the families general proclivity to accidents, and your fall in particular. Glad you didn't hurt yourself! I had to stop my anti-inflams last year (due to gastritis) and found the rebound pain quite difficult to cope with
Our singing went well yesterday, we enjoyed ourselves and other people seemed to enjoy it too. The guy who leads the choir is hoping that we will get to do quite a bit of performing. According to his CV, he was a vocal coach for the X Factor up until last year, he worked with people before the live rounds, so he clearly has a performing background.
The person who viewed the house was very pleasant but left feedback saying that the price would have to come down quite a lot as there was a lot of updating needed. We have a modern kitchen and shower room but accept that not everyone would share our taste in decor (it's pretty bland, both estate agents have said that it is ready to move into). Now I see that the same person has booked to come for a second viewing on Tuesday . . .
We had torrential rain yesterday morning but the weekend has been pretty good other than that. Hoping that everyone else has seen a bit of sunshine too
Hello to everyone and hope you are all as well as possible.
I am distracted by my own situation right now and have come here for a moan, but I do want to say to Ann that the care home sounds very promising and I hope you get the assessment, and whatever information comes from it, sooner rather than later.
I definitely know that feeling of the reality of the situation hitting you hard, even when you've thought it through. It is lousy and I am sorry.
So apologies for blathering on about my own worries here, but it's a safe place and there's nobody else I care to say this to. Don't feel obligated to read or respond, please.
My husband went to see my mother yesterday, and managed to take her out for the first time in a while (the last few weeks she's been unsettled and when we've been, she has been otherwise occupied and we haven't even tried). He said she was fine and no mention of the "distressing" incident that happened a couple of weeks ago, thank goodness.
A staff member approached my husband and told him the move to the new room would be this week! My husband came home not pleased about that!!
I got a phone call from the nurse manager today and after some back and forth phone calls with me and the other resident's family, the move will be this Thursday. My husband was able to re-arrange his work schedule (or at least, told me he was and I'm not asking questions!) and a family friend is coming (actually, the father of a lifetime friend of mine) to help us as well. We will get help from staff but as it's two residents moving at the same time, I thought it just as well to make sure we have an extra pair of hands.
The move will be while my mother and Miss T (the other resident, who is moving at the same time and into a room next door to my mother) are on an outing. They will not be told about the move ahead of time, and will be brought back to their new rooms afterwards. If they ask or protest, staff will tell them a story that there was a problem in their other room (broken water pipe or heater or similar) and here is a lovely room we've arranged for you until it gets fixed, and look, we have put you next door to each other. If my mother asks where some things are (the new room is smaller so all her furniture won't fit), I plan to tell her it was damaged when the water pipe broke and we'll get it fixed soon, although I am sad to say her short term memory is getting worse and it's possible she won't miss anything she can't see. Even when we moved her into the care home last February, she didn't recognize the furniture as hers, although some of it had been in her home since the 1970s and some pieces were from her childhood home. So I suppose it's quite likely she won't miss it, or recognize what we do move, isn't it?
The part I'm frustrated about is that the care home didn't tell me UNTIL TODAY that they were considering this week for the move. One of the new rooms had a resident in it until last week. They could have told me he moved out. The new rooms were refurbished over the weekend. They could have told me that. They could have told me something, anything!!
I know it does no good to dwell on that, or even think about it, as I can't change the past and can only deal with what's in front of me. I have spent a lot of time (and money) on people telling me just that, and learning to let go of all kinds of things. Mostly I do very well. However, I just wanted to say it out loud once, and know this is a safe place to do that. So now I'm moving on.
I have some things to arrange for Thursday, such as getting her television service switched on in the new unit and getting some things ready to go. I do have time to deal with that this week. I can't say I'm thrilled, but I can do it.
I find I am feeling emotional about this move, more than I expected, and likely this has hit me as it's now "real." I know that's to be expected but don't much like it. I know it's a reasonable thing to do, and my mother will get more care in the memory unit, and be safer, and those are all good things. However, it's hard to shake the feeling of not being able to make a decision without it not feeling like a good decision. I don't feel guilty (not quite or not most of the time) or like a bad daughter, it's just more that it's hard to feel okay, no matter what I do. Do I do this or that with her investments? I feel bad either way. Do I or don't I visit? I feel bad either way. What on earth do I do about the general election coming up? You get the idea.
Yes, I know it's because there are no easy answers with dementia and I know I do the best I can. It's just hard, and I know everyone here can relate to that.
We also found out last night that my husband's sister, who lives very far away from all of us, broke both wrists in a bike accident yesterday. She had to be sedated to have the fractures set and she will likely need surgery on one or both wrists once the swelling goes down. They have four kids, from a teen to a 3-year-old, and the three older ones get driven to school, and she runs her own photography business, her husband works full-time out of the house, and I don't know how on earth they will manage. Part of me wants to go and help, but part of me feels my husband's family has used up their "Amy Helper Credits" for the year (and don't think I don't feel conflicted about those thoughts!). Part of me also hopes my newly widowed MIL will go and help them out, as that could be a win-win situation. Something for my lonely MIL to do that makes her feel useful. Help for my poor sister-and-brother-in-law, and their kids. A chance for my MIL to make it up to the kids for being so difficult when we visited this summer, and to spend time with her grandchildren. Or maybe it's all a pipe dream and I will get on a plane and give up my life for a week or a month to go help out. That sounds terrible when I type it out, so maybe I won't.
I have to go get cracking on errands and chores for the move this week, but if anyone read that, thank you, and thank you for allowing me to let off steam in a safe place.
Very best wishes to all of you, with the kids, with the mothers, with the house sale, with the knee, with the singing, with everything, and sorry this was so self-absorbed. Many thanks to you all for your kindness and support.
I am distracted by my own situation right now and have come here for a moan, but I do want to say to Ann that the care home sounds very promising and I hope you get the assessment, and whatever information comes from it, sooner rather than later.
I definitely know that feeling of the reality of the situation hitting you hard, even when you've thought it through. It is lousy and I am sorry.
So apologies for blathering on about my own worries here, but it's a safe place and there's nobody else I care to say this to. Don't feel obligated to read or respond, please.
My husband went to see my mother yesterday, and managed to take her out for the first time in a while (the last few weeks she's been unsettled and when we've been, she has been otherwise occupied and we haven't even tried). He said she was fine and no mention of the "distressing" incident that happened a couple of weeks ago, thank goodness.
A staff member approached my husband and told him the move to the new room would be this week! My husband came home not pleased about that!!
I got a phone call from the nurse manager today and after some back and forth phone calls with me and the other resident's family, the move will be this Thursday. My husband was able to re-arrange his work schedule (or at least, told me he was and I'm not asking questions!) and a family friend is coming (actually, the father of a lifetime friend of mine) to help us as well. We will get help from staff but as it's two residents moving at the same time, I thought it just as well to make sure we have an extra pair of hands.
The move will be while my mother and Miss T (the other resident, who is moving at the same time and into a room next door to my mother) are on an outing. They will not be told about the move ahead of time, and will be brought back to their new rooms afterwards. If they ask or protest, staff will tell them a story that there was a problem in their other room (broken water pipe or heater or similar) and here is a lovely room we've arranged for you until it gets fixed, and look, we have put you next door to each other. If my mother asks where some things are (the new room is smaller so all her furniture won't fit), I plan to tell her it was damaged when the water pipe broke and we'll get it fixed soon, although I am sad to say her short term memory is getting worse and it's possible she won't miss anything she can't see. Even when we moved her into the care home last February, she didn't recognize the furniture as hers, although some of it had been in her home since the 1970s and some pieces were from her childhood home. So I suppose it's quite likely she won't miss it, or recognize what we do move, isn't it?
The part I'm frustrated about is that the care home didn't tell me UNTIL TODAY that they were considering this week for the move. One of the new rooms had a resident in it until last week. They could have told me he moved out. The new rooms were refurbished over the weekend. They could have told me that. They could have told me something, anything!!
I know it does no good to dwell on that, or even think about it, as I can't change the past and can only deal with what's in front of me. I have spent a lot of time (and money) on people telling me just that, and learning to let go of all kinds of things. Mostly I do very well. However, I just wanted to say it out loud once, and know this is a safe place to do that. So now I'm moving on.
I have some things to arrange for Thursday, such as getting her television service switched on in the new unit and getting some things ready to go. I do have time to deal with that this week. I can't say I'm thrilled, but I can do it.
I find I am feeling emotional about this move, more than I expected, and likely this has hit me as it's now "real." I know that's to be expected but don't much like it. I know it's a reasonable thing to do, and my mother will get more care in the memory unit, and be safer, and those are all good things. However, it's hard to shake the feeling of not being able to make a decision without it not feeling like a good decision. I don't feel guilty (not quite or not most of the time) or like a bad daughter, it's just more that it's hard to feel okay, no matter what I do. Do I do this or that with her investments? I feel bad either way. Do I or don't I visit? I feel bad either way. What on earth do I do about the general election coming up? You get the idea.
Yes, I know it's because there are no easy answers with dementia and I know I do the best I can. It's just hard, and I know everyone here can relate to that.
We also found out last night that my husband's sister, who lives very far away from all of us, broke both wrists in a bike accident yesterday. She had to be sedated to have the fractures set and she will likely need surgery on one or both wrists once the swelling goes down. They have four kids, from a teen to a 3-year-old, and the three older ones get driven to school, and she runs her own photography business, her husband works full-time out of the house, and I don't know how on earth they will manage. Part of me wants to go and help, but part of me feels my husband's family has used up their "Amy Helper Credits" for the year (and don't think I don't feel conflicted about those thoughts!). Part of me also hopes my newly widowed MIL will go and help them out, as that could be a win-win situation. Something for my lonely MIL to do that makes her feel useful. Help for my poor sister-and-brother-in-law, and their kids. A chance for my MIL to make it up to the kids for being so difficult when we visited this summer, and to spend time with her grandchildren. Or maybe it's all a pipe dream and I will get on a plane and give up my life for a week or a month to go help out. That sounds terrible when I type it out, so maybe I won't.
I have to go get cracking on errands and chores for the move this week, but if anyone read that, thank you, and thank you for allowing me to let off steam in a safe place.
Very best wishes to all of you, with the kids, with the mothers, with the house sale, with the knee, with the singing, with everything, and sorry this was so self-absorbed. Many thanks to you all for your kindness and support.
Oh, Amy, what a to-do! Hope everything goes as well as possible.
Sorry for my absence. Drove from home to Dorset on Saturday, the rain!! Never seen it so bad, ever! It wasn't a case of following the car in front, more of following the car tracks! And over the QE2 bridge as well! Then the southern M25 was solid! I missed all the service stations, too much traffic. Hit the M3, solid with road works! A 3 1/2 hour journey took nearly 5! I stopped at Stourhead, even the cake was dry! Got down to my b&b, totally exhausted! No way was I going visiting!
Next morning set off for south west, better journey, weather better!
Unfortunately no broadband, and their son, living next door, was out all day. So I have only just got online.
Went to a new waitrose today, all I can say is that's it's a miracle of engineering, and needs more Signposting!! Bought 2 bottles of wine! Had to fight the traffic to get there, fight to get out, then got stuck behind something agricultural, ended up back at cousins, wheezing!
I've read at length all your problems, now forgotten most, but good luck everybody!
Hoping there's less traffic tomorrow,
Cheers,
S
Sorry for my absence. Drove from home to Dorset on Saturday, the rain!! Never seen it so bad, ever! It wasn't a case of following the car in front, more of following the car tracks! And over the QE2 bridge as well! Then the southern M25 was solid! I missed all the service stations, too much traffic. Hit the M3, solid with road works! A 3 1/2 hour journey took nearly 5! I stopped at Stourhead, even the cake was dry! Got down to my b&b, totally exhausted! No way was I going visiting!
Next morning set off for south west, better journey, weather better!
Unfortunately no broadband, and their son, living next door, was out all day. So I have only just got online.
Went to a new waitrose today, all I can say is that's it's a miracle of engineering, and needs more Signposting!! Bought 2 bottles of wine! Had to fight the traffic to get there, fight to get out, then got stuck behind something agricultural, ended up back at cousins, wheezing!
I've read at length all your problems, now forgotten most, but good luck everybody!
Hoping there's less traffic tomorrow,
Cheers,
S
Amy -
there's nothing I can say about 'not feeling good' except you know we all understand so well the stressful beat of that bleak background emotion.
Which brings me to the second dilemma. I don't think you're in any shape to go and help someone else out for a week/month and not so far from home. We so often tell each other to take care of ourselves on here and that sounds as if we're counselling a foam bath and a manicure or something equally frivolous but I think it really boils down to recognising when you're running on empty. I'm sure your SiL has support systems (school run mothers and the like) to help her if your MiL doesn't step in. So, yes: look after yourself. *hug*
We've had a worrying couple of days. My sister's partner has been ill -- it's nagging away at me that it's her cancer come back again (supposed to be in remission.) ER said virus so I'm no doubt being silly - but please cross your fingers that it is indeed me being a pessimistic dork.
My post crossed with yours, Spamar. Have a safe and traffic-free journey!
there's nothing I can say about 'not feeling good' except you know we all understand so well the stressful beat of that bleak background emotion.
Which brings me to the second dilemma. I don't think you're in any shape to go and help someone else out for a week/month and not so far from home. We so often tell each other to take care of ourselves on here and that sounds as if we're counselling a foam bath and a manicure or something equally frivolous but I think it really boils down to recognising when you're running on empty. I'm sure your SiL has support systems (school run mothers and the like) to help her if your MiL doesn't step in. So, yes: look after yourself. *hug*
We've had a worrying couple of days. My sister's partner has been ill -- it's nagging away at me that it's her cancer come back again (supposed to be in remission.) ER said virus so I'm no doubt being silly - but please cross your fingers that it is indeed me being a pessimistic dork.
My post crossed with yours, Spamar. Have a safe and traffic-free journey!
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RedLou, thank you for your kind words. I absolutely am sending good thoughts for your sister's partner. I know from experience that when somebody has had cancer, even if it's been "cured," you always have a little bit of doubt somewhere in the back of your head and it's certainly understandable for you to react the way you did.
And no, I won't be jumping up to volunteer to help out my SIL and her family. Even if she has young children (and teens). Even if my MIL doesn't step in. Even after we get my mother moved and we see how she settles. Even if she is the SIL to whom I'm the closest! Because after my FIL's illness and death, and all the attendant craziness, I am just now starting to claw my way back to some semblance of baseline/less awful/new normal and the last thing I need is to put my life on hold again. I also have financial/legal issues of my mother's, that need straightening out, and I don't want to procrastinate that any longer. Not to mention, things I need to do for myself. If I could drive there, I might consider it, but she is--I had to Google it--over 700 miles away.
You are absolutely right.
Sending better driving thoughts, Spamar, and better breathing as well! And enjoy that wine!
And no, I won't be jumping up to volunteer to help out my SIL and her family. Even if she has young children (and teens). Even if my MIL doesn't step in. Even after we get my mother moved and we see how she settles. Even if she is the SIL to whom I'm the closest! Because after my FIL's illness and death, and all the attendant craziness, I am just now starting to claw my way back to some semblance of baseline/less awful/new normal and the last thing I need is to put my life on hold again. I also have financial/legal issues of my mother's, that need straightening out, and I don't want to procrastinate that any longer. Not to mention, things I need to do for myself. If I could drive there, I might consider it, but she is--I had to Google it--over 700 miles away.
You are absolutely right.
Sending better driving thoughts, Spamar, and better breathing as well! And enjoy that wine!
Evening all - I've been reading and sending good vibes, but too busy juggling - will try and comment later, but may be in a few days.
Got to finish off on line shop in next 40 mins so we have food for the week, cut grass in the dusk as it got wet, helped with homework, washed up from last night (I know!) dishwasher is on, washing machine to load - but I did pause to watch Cold Feet.
edit to add:
Ann - care home sounds as close to perfect as you're ever going to get - I hope the assessment goes well. Whilst the decorating process will slow settling in, it sounds like it'll be worth it.
Hope the funeral went OK, I have one to go to tomorrow, an elderly cyclist, 85, who had a stroke 5 months ago. He hadn't been able to cycle for a bit, and lost speech with the stroke but could still write to communicate.
slugsta - glad your singing went well, and a 2nd view sounds promising, think price negotiations may have been the aim of the comments, hate house selling, not done it for a while.
Spamar, sounds a horrendous journey, hope it didn't take too much out of you.
Amy, that would really annoy me, other words spring to mind, about the short notice on the move. At least it is happening this week, and then it'll be done.
I know you get on with this SIL but you can't put your life on hold for her, if MIL doesn't go running (unlikely from what you've said about her - and I suspect SIL would be better off without her anyway) then I suspect that kids friends parents may help out, often happens in situations like this. Think taking leave off work is harder in the US than over here, a lot of professional level employers would be sympathetic, we have plenty of people need to take leave in these circumstances and plenty at clients as well, although work from home is done as much as possible.
Dau had bloods taken last Wed, get results tomorrow, I complained to PALS about the lack of signage to paediatric outpatients, when OH took her he went to the sign saying reception, and this is for maternity, he said they were there for blood tests, and they sent him across the large hospital to adult blood tests, who couldn't do it as she was under 16, but then did do it! I thought it might have been dopey dad, but no signs, and reception so clearly labelled! Also complained about all the smokers outside the building which set dau's asthma off, they had bunches of flowers in hand so were waiting for maternity visiting.
Dau raced on Sat, first time in months, and she rode fairly well, but was wiped out yesterday and not great today, she so wants to race and really enjoyed it but we really don't know if we are doing the right thing. She does seem to be slowly improving, but after initial speedy improvement so hard and don't know if this bit of improvement should be so slow. She is a lot brighter in herself than she was even 3 weeks ago, but the need to have extra naps all the time is really worrying us.
OH and I are exhausted after doing a 'double header' 2 races in 2 days, even if I am just rolling round at the back I gave it my best, think I had a cold caught off dau, which didn't help her recovery, although the first mild illness she has had which hasn't knocked her for 6 for 18 months. so another positive. Son pretty tired as well, so we all had an evening off cycling.
Off to wash up before bed.
Got to finish off on line shop in next 40 mins so we have food for the week, cut grass in the dusk as it got wet, helped with homework, washed up from last night (I know!) dishwasher is on, washing machine to load - but I did pause to watch Cold Feet.
edit to add:
Ann - care home sounds as close to perfect as you're ever going to get - I hope the assessment goes well. Whilst the decorating process will slow settling in, it sounds like it'll be worth it.
Hope the funeral went OK, I have one to go to tomorrow, an elderly cyclist, 85, who had a stroke 5 months ago. He hadn't been able to cycle for a bit, and lost speech with the stroke but could still write to communicate.
slugsta - glad your singing went well, and a 2nd view sounds promising, think price negotiations may have been the aim of the comments, hate house selling, not done it for a while.
Spamar, sounds a horrendous journey, hope it didn't take too much out of you.
Amy, that would really annoy me, other words spring to mind, about the short notice on the move. At least it is happening this week, and then it'll be done.
I know you get on with this SIL but you can't put your life on hold for her, if MIL doesn't go running (unlikely from what you've said about her - and I suspect SIL would be better off without her anyway) then I suspect that kids friends parents may help out, often happens in situations like this. Think taking leave off work is harder in the US than over here, a lot of professional level employers would be sympathetic, we have plenty of people need to take leave in these circumstances and plenty at clients as well, although work from home is done as much as possible.
Dau had bloods taken last Wed, get results tomorrow, I complained to PALS about the lack of signage to paediatric outpatients, when OH took her he went to the sign saying reception, and this is for maternity, he said they were there for blood tests, and they sent him across the large hospital to adult blood tests, who couldn't do it as she was under 16, but then did do it! I thought it might have been dopey dad, but no signs, and reception so clearly labelled! Also complained about all the smokers outside the building which set dau's asthma off, they had bunches of flowers in hand so were waiting for maternity visiting.
Dau raced on Sat, first time in months, and she rode fairly well, but was wiped out yesterday and not great today, she so wants to race and really enjoyed it but we really don't know if we are doing the right thing. She does seem to be slowly improving, but after initial speedy improvement so hard and don't know if this bit of improvement should be so slow. She is a lot brighter in herself than she was even 3 weeks ago, but the need to have extra naps all the time is really worrying us.
OH and I are exhausted after doing a 'double header' 2 races in 2 days, even if I am just rolling round at the back I gave it my best, think I had a cold caught off dau, which didn't help her recovery, although the first mild illness she has had which hasn't knocked her for 6 for 18 months. so another positive. Son pretty tired as well, so we all had an evening off cycling.
Off to wash up before bed.
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Morning everyone,
Hiya Red - not eating as healthily as I should lately, so you probably have a valid point. Not bad on sugar, but probably far too much bread (which tends to contain a fair bit of sugar, though when I think about it!) - its too easy to make a quick sandwich, rather than sort a proper meal - and of course, a sandwich doesn't fill, so then snacking. I need to cut back and make the effort to eat better - its mad, because I do make sure that the rest of the gang eat well, but after cooking a meat based meal for them, too much effort to then put the same time and energy into to veggie or fish meal for me However, OH has decided to try a veggie diet for the next month - his idea, more to do with healthy eating than any moral stance - so maybe that will prompt me to take a bit more care for myself - as long as he doesn't want every meal loaded with his favourite chilli and cayenne, that is! I was told very firmly not to take any form of anti inflamatory, so I knocked the turmeric tablets on the head - still use it in cooking, but I really wanted to get the maximum benefit from this latest treatment, so I've tried to follow the instructions to the letter.
Glad the singing went well and you enjoyed it Slugsta When I read about the viewer commenting on the price, I sort of thought 'Oh-ooh' - and I agree with JM - suspect thats a pre-lim to a very low offer
Sending big {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} Amy. Totally get - as does everyone on here - the 'not feeling good'. Few decision's that we have to make about our loved ones' care come without that feeling, because even if what we decide is for the absolute best for them, every decision is in response to things getting worse, to another decline, to realising its another step down. When you add in the stressful 'extra's', like the inevitable paperwork and financial 'sorting out' that accompany changes, its no wonder that 'not feeling good' is pretty much the norm, though it being the 'norm' doesn't make it any easier for any of us to deal with xxxx I too would be furious at the short notice, its so typical (I think) of an attitude that we as carers often encounter - the expectation that we can simply sort everything at a minutes notice, with no thought for what else might be going on in our lives. I've had disaproving looks, or (more often) looks of total surprise when I've occasionally said that no, actually we can't attend a meeting, for example, that's been arranged for just a couple of days hence. I've explained that OH is perhaps working and can't get leave with so little notice, and had the response 'But its important!' - like OH's job isn't? Or like anything else that we may have arranged for that date isn't?
I agree with everyone who says please don't go running to help the Sil - you really have too much on your plate, and too little reserves in your energy tank to be able to take on anything else, Hun. I have fingers and toes crossed that the move goes with absolutely no hitches and stresses for you, and your Mum xxx
What a nightmaere journey, Spamar! Fingers and toes are also crossed for you and I'm hoping the return trip is far better for you xxx
Its good that your daughter is getting better and brighter, but can understand your frustration and worry that it all seems to be taking so long, JM. I hope the blood tests show that things are going in the right direction - would it be possible for you to speak to your GP (or similar) and ask advice about what your dau should and shouldn't be doing, and how long its likely to be before she is back up to parr? Maybe if she has a time frame, it will help her (and you) cope with the recovery period with less stress? xxxx
The funeral yesterday was pretty grim. It ment OH coming back into contact with some people from his old job, and it was uncomfortable. There were other aspects/issues, which for a lot of reasons struck OH as hypocritical and innapropriate, and I know he struggled with his feelings and emotions. He kept it dignified, we stayed just for the service then left - it was so important to OH to pay his respects and say Goodbye - but he spent the evening battling a dreadful headache, which was definitely down to stress
Straight after the service, we went to see Mil. She was full of 'it' (whatever 'it' might be!) yesterday - she nabbed OH's glasses, and put them on , pulling faces and clowing round - and we got a very odd (but hysterically funny) tale about how she had been lying in 'wet grass' with one of the male patients . OH asked her what they were lying in the grass for? 'So we could time it' she replied. 'Time what?' asked OH. 'Never you mind' said Mil, and went off into a peal of really wicked laughter, leaving me, OH and all surrounding staff literally rolling with laughter too. I have absolutely no idea what it was all about - but from the naughty twinkle in her eyes, I can make a wild guess!
On a far less funny note, however, one of the staff did tell us that she had had a bad morning, being really 'grumpy', and shouting and swearing at patients and staff. She had also taken off one of her shoes and thrown it at someone - fortunatly missing them, but its getting to be a more frequent occurance that she is either getting physically aggressive, or threatening to do so The staff are good at dodging the thrown items (which include plastic mugs, her shoes and even her walker, apparently), and the 'POVA's' are only issued when she actually makes contact or is injured herself as a result of an altercation, but it seems to me that almost every time we go there is a mention of her having 'gone' for someone, or thrown something at someone, or of her threatening to hit someone or throw something On the one hand, its validation that she really couldn't stay here with us, that we have done the right thing - but on the other hand, I find it so sad that she is deteriorating like this - so totally the opposite of the lady she used to be.
Oh, and back to normality - a stinking bag of washing with only one of the wet items sealed separately
Mad busy few days ahead, now - my new equipment is due today - unfortunately I already have at least one meeting scheduled, so hoping that OH or son (who is going back to uni this afternoon) are around to receive it. Then I am totaly dreading the slog to get everything up and running on the IT side - its all so complex, and whilst I don't think I'm stupid, its all so new that I can see myself making a hash of it. I have sorted out travel for London on Thursday - a journey that will have to start just after 6a.m. in order for me to get there on time - and will have to collect the tickets from an automated machine outside the station - slight panic in case it isn't working, so may call in today, to see if I can get the tickets early! Another meeting tomorrow, and whatever time I have left over in my working week to be spent trying to get to grips with the techy side. I've had a couple of really good days lately, when I've felt almost 'me' again, but other days its still a massive effort, and the poor sleep I don't think helps. My lovely GP has sadly left the surgery, under the major 're-shuffle' we were told about earlier this year - at first it seemed like the surgery was closing completely, but now the LA have put new doctors in place, we haven't even been told the name of our new GP, let alone anything else. I really don't want/can't face trying to explain how I feel to someone new, but know that next month I am supposed to see my GP (whoever it is!) to review the meds and hopefully stop them. Dreading it - not because of stopping the meds, its just the 'someone new' aspect.
Right - better get cracking! Need to get some laundry through and a dau off to school, sort myself for the meeting, hope the new kit arrives before I have to leave and that I can set up a phone consultation with IT to get everything up and running when I get back. Got a runny nose and a slightly sore throat again, which I am hoping won't come to anything, as the last thing I need at the moment is any sort of a lurgy, when I have so much to do!
Hope you all have a good day xxx
Hiya Red - not eating as healthily as I should lately, so you probably have a valid point. Not bad on sugar, but probably far too much bread (which tends to contain a fair bit of sugar, though when I think about it!) - its too easy to make a quick sandwich, rather than sort a proper meal - and of course, a sandwich doesn't fill, so then snacking. I need to cut back and make the effort to eat better - its mad, because I do make sure that the rest of the gang eat well, but after cooking a meat based meal for them, too much effort to then put the same time and energy into to veggie or fish meal for me
However, OH has decided to try a veggie diet for the next month - his idea, more to do with healthy eating than any moral stance - so maybe that will prompt me to take a bit more care for myself - as long as he doesn't want every meal loaded with his favourite chilli and cayenne, that is! I was told very firmly not to take any form of anti inflamatory, so I knocked the turmeric tablets on the head - still use it in cooking, but I really wanted to get the maximum benefit from this latest treatment, so I've tried to follow the instructions to the letter.Glad the singing went well and you enjoyed it Slugsta
When I read about the viewer commenting on the price, I sort of thought 'Oh-ooh' - and I agree with JM - suspect thats a pre-lim to a very low offer Sending big {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} Amy. Totally get - as does everyone on here - the 'not feeling good'. Few decision's that we have to make about our loved ones' care come without that feeling, because even if what we decide is for the absolute best for them, every decision is in response to things getting worse, to another decline, to realising its another step down. When you add in the stressful 'extra's', like the inevitable paperwork and financial 'sorting out' that accompany changes, its no wonder that 'not feeling good' is pretty much the norm, though it being the 'norm' doesn't make it any easier for any of us to deal with xxxx I too would be furious at the short notice, its so typical (I think) of an attitude that we as carers often encounter - the expectation that we can simply sort everything at a minutes notice, with no thought for what else might be going on in our lives. I've had disaproving looks, or (more often) looks of total surprise when I've occasionally said that no, actually we can't attend a meeting, for example, that's been arranged for just a couple of days hence. I've explained that OH is perhaps working and can't get leave with so little notice, and had the response 'But its important!' - like OH's job isn't? Or like anything else that we may have arranged for that date isn't?
I agree with everyone who says please don't go running to help the Sil - you really have too much on your plate, and too little reserves in your energy tank to be able to take on anything else, Hun. I have fingers and toes crossed that the move goes with absolutely no hitches and stresses for you, and your Mum xxx
What a nightmaere journey, Spamar! Fingers and toes are also crossed for you and I'm hoping the return trip is far better for you xxx
Its good that your daughter is getting better and brighter, but can understand your frustration and worry that it all seems to be taking so long, JM. I hope the blood tests show that things are going in the right direction - would it be possible for you to speak to your GP (or similar) and ask advice about what your dau should and shouldn't be doing, and how long its likely to be before she is back up to parr? Maybe if she has a time frame, it will help her (and you) cope with the recovery period with less stress? xxxx
The funeral yesterday was pretty grim. It ment OH coming back into contact with some people from his old job, and it was uncomfortable. There were other aspects/issues, which for a lot of reasons struck OH as hypocritical and innapropriate, and I know he struggled with his feelings and emotions. He kept it dignified, we stayed just for the service then left - it was so important to OH to pay his respects and say Goodbye - but he spent the evening battling a dreadful headache, which was definitely down to stress
Straight after the service, we went to see Mil. She was full of 'it' (whatever 'it' might be!) yesterday - she nabbed OH's glasses, and put them on , pulling faces and clowing round - and we got a very odd (but hysterically funny) tale about how she had been lying in 'wet grass' with one of the male patients
. OH asked her what they were lying in the grass for? 'So we could time it' she replied. 'Time what?' asked OH. 'Never you mind' said Mil, and went off into a peal of really wicked laughter, leaving me, OH and all surrounding staff literally rolling with laughter too. I have absolutely no idea what it was all about - but from the naughty twinkle in her eyes, I can make a wild guess! On a far less funny note, however, one of the staff did tell us that she had had a bad morning, being really 'grumpy', and shouting and swearing at patients and staff. She had also taken off one of her shoes and thrown it at someone - fortunatly missing them, but its getting to be a more frequent occurance that she is either getting physically aggressive, or threatening to do so
The staff are good at dodging the thrown items (which include plastic mugs, her shoes and even her walker, apparently), and the 'POVA's' are only issued when she actually makes contact or is injured herself as a result of an altercation, but it seems to me that almost every time we go there is a mention of her having 'gone' for someone, or thrown something at someone, or of her threatening to hit someone or throw something On the one hand, its validation that she really couldn't stay here with us, that we have done the right thing - but on the other hand, I find it so sad that she is deteriorating like this - so totally the opposite of the lady she used to be.Oh, and back to normality - a stinking bag of washing with only one of the wet items sealed separately
Mad busy few days ahead, now - my new equipment is due today - unfortunately I already have at least one meeting scheduled, so hoping that OH or son (who is going back to uni this afternoon) are around to receive it. Then I am totaly dreading the slog to get everything up and running on the IT side - its all so complex, and whilst I don't think I'm stupid, its all so new that I can see myself making a hash of it. I have sorted out travel for London on Thursday - a journey that will have to start just after 6a.m. in order for me to get there on time - and will have to collect the tickets from an automated machine outside the station - slight panic in case it isn't working, so may call in today, to see if I can get the tickets early! Another meeting tomorrow, and whatever time I have left over in my working week to be spent trying to get to grips with the techy side. I've had a couple of really good days lately, when I've felt almost 'me' again, but other days its still a massive effort, and the poor sleep I don't think helps. My lovely GP has sadly left the surgery, under the major 're-shuffle' we were told about earlier this year - at first it seemed like the surgery was closing completely, but now the LA have put new doctors in place, we haven't even been told the name of our new GP, let alone anything else. I really don't want/can't face trying to explain how I feel to someone new, but know that next month I am supposed to see my GP (whoever it is!) to review the meds and hopefully stop them. Dreading it - not because of stopping the meds, its just the 'someone new' aspect.
Right - better get cracking! Need to get some laundry through and a dau off to school, sort myself for the meeting, hope the new kit arrives before I have to leave and that I can set up a phone consultation with IT to get everything up and running when I get back. Got a runny nose and a slightly sore throat again, which I am hoping won't come to anything, as the last thing I need at the moment is any sort of a lurgy, when I have so much to do!
Hope you all have a good day xxx
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Evening,
(((Amy))) it does sound distinctly unhelpful and inconsiderate to have 'sprung' your Mum's move on you like this I hope that things go as smoothly as they ever could.
I'm not far along this path yet but I think I understand what you are feeling. You are trying to make decisions and arrangements on behalf of someone else and the 'best' thing for them would be not to need it in the first place. So now you are trying to decide the 'least awful' action while also dealing with the grief occasioned by them being in this situation . . .
I'm sorry to hear about your SIL's accident, it sounds terribly painful! Poor lady is going to find life quite difficult for a while - but she will manage, on way or another. It is testament to your kindness and good nature that you have even considered dropping everything to go and help. You can't rescue everyone. In fact, you won't be able to help anyone if you don't first look after yourself. You are entitled to this - not so that you can be a better carer but because you are important in your own right!
JM, It sounds as if the whole 'juggling' family are feeling the pace at the moment. I agree that it would be helpful for you to know how much your daughter should push herself and when she should rest.
RedLou, I'm sorry to hear about your sister's partner, I do hope you fears are unfounded.
Spamar, that sounds a hellish journey! Can I stop waving now??
Ann, I hope you don't come down with another lurgy! I think it is probably a sign that you are still under a great deal of pressure. I do hope all the meetings and IT problems are not eating their way into your non-working week!
I'm glad the funeral went reasonably well but sorry that your OH had such a stinking head afterwards.
MIL's aggressive episodes do sound upsetting when it is so unlike her normal nature. You are absolutely right in saying that it is confirmation that you have done the right thing for everyone concerned but it must be horrible to see.
The prospective house-buyer returned with a gentleman, don't know whether he was friend, partner or tradesman. I told them to wander round on their own, open any cupboards etc if they wanted and then come back and ask any further questions. I could hear the man saying 'oh, this is a good size', 'this is nice' etc as they went round. Now we just have to wait. As said previously, her previous comments suggest any offer will be rather low! As the house has only been on the market for 6 days, we don't feel inclined to drop below our lowest price just yet.
(((Amy))) it does sound distinctly unhelpful and inconsiderate to have 'sprung' your Mum's move on you like this
I hope that things go as smoothly as they ever could.I'm not far along this path yet but I think I understand what you are feeling. You are trying to make decisions and arrangements on behalf of someone else and the 'best' thing for them would be not to need it in the first place. So now you are trying to decide the 'least awful' action while also dealing with the grief occasioned by them being in this situation . . .
I'm sorry to hear about your SIL's accident, it sounds terribly painful! Poor lady is going to find life quite difficult for a while - but she will manage, on way or another. It is testament to your kindness and good nature that you have even considered dropping everything to go and help. You can't rescue everyone. In fact, you won't be able to help anyone if you don't first look after yourself. You are entitled to this - not so that you can be a better carer but because you are important in your own right!
JM, It sounds as if the whole 'juggling' family are feeling the pace at the moment. I agree that it would be helpful for you to know how much your daughter should push herself and when she should rest.
RedLou, I'm sorry to hear about your sister's partner, I do hope you fears are unfounded.
Spamar, that sounds a hellish journey! Can I stop waving now??
Ann, I hope you don't come down with another lurgy! I think it is probably a sign that you are still under a great deal of pressure. I do hope all the meetings and IT problems are not eating their way into your non-working week!
I'm glad the funeral went reasonably well but sorry that your OH had such a stinking head afterwards.
MIL's aggressive episodes do sound upsetting when it is so unlike her normal nature. You are absolutely right in saying that it is confirmation that you have done the right thing for everyone concerned but it must be horrible to see.
The prospective house-buyer returned with a gentleman, don't know whether he was friend, partner or tradesman. I told them to wander round on their own, open any cupboards etc if they wanted and then come back and ask any further questions. I could hear the man saying 'oh, this is a good size', 'this is nice' etc as they went round. Now we just have to wait. As said previously, her previous comments suggest any offer will be rather low! As the house has only been on the market for 6 days, we don't feel inclined to drop below our lowest price just yet.
Good afternoon, all!
Now sitting in a well known supermarket, not my usual one, catching up with you all!
JM, remember one can get glandular fever twice! Or so I was informed last night ( though your name wasn't mentioned!)
I really think Ann ought to rename this thread, 'recovery from the slough of despond'. We all seem to have problems. Just let's hope Grace is OK!
Slugsta, thank you for the wave! I think I'll go home M5/4, might be easier! I didn't get to see elderly friend after all, which is a nuisance .
I'm now trying to cope with the hills down here, steep, narrow, 180 degree bends in them! I learnt to drive on these hills, now I hate them and try to avoid! Plus it's October, and there are queues everywhere! I might even go home earlier than planned. Plus it certainly doesn't look like I shall ever drive alone down here again! Train/bus/fly if I ever come again.
No wonder we finished a bottle of wine last night - I had most!
I don't have time to comment individually, need paper and pencil! As I am using iPad and app. Will catch-up when I'm at home with peace and quiet!
Ducks from local park!
Cheers,
S
Now sitting in a well known supermarket, not my usual one, catching up with you all!
JM, remember one can get glandular fever twice! Or so I was informed last night ( though your name wasn't mentioned!)
I really think Ann ought to rename this thread, 'recovery from the slough of despond'. We all seem to have problems. Just let's hope Grace is OK!
Slugsta, thank you for the wave! I think I'll go home M5/4, might be easier! I didn't get to see elderly friend after all, which is a nuisance .
I'm now trying to cope with the hills down here, steep, narrow, 180 degree bends in them! I learnt to drive on these hills, now I hate them and try to avoid! Plus it's October, and there are queues everywhere! I might even go home earlier than planned. Plus it certainly doesn't look like I shall ever drive alone down here again! Train/bus/fly if I ever come again.
No wonder we finished a bottle of wine last night - I had most!
I don't have time to comment individually, need paper and pencil! As I am using iPad and app. Will catch-up when I'm at home with peace and quiet!
Ducks from local park!
Cheers,
S
