Morning everyone,
Spamar, I really hope the journey home is a lot easier than the journey out for you, hun xxxx
Its good to read of the progression with Alf and Sky, Slugsta - they do seem to have gone a long way towards accepting each other in a pretty short time, which is brilliant. Got fingers crossed that your Mum's nosebleeds don't make a reappearance - never had to experience cauterisation, but it doesn't sound the most pleasant of procedures!
OOOOOhhhh....
SiL (different one) popped in to see me week before last ...
She said 'Had I thought anymore about what 'we' were going to do with MiL for Christmas?
After all, its only fair that you have her this year....
I said I was going away for Christmas .... SiL not happy !!!
Well, Grace - talk about sheer, flipping cheek!!! Honestly, the nerve of your Mil's family takes my breath away! What are
"WE" going to do with Mil for Christmas, indeed! Glad you had a quick response for her, but as Amy says, give that bunch an inch, and they will take a mile, so make sure you stick to those boundaries hun - and that's for Mils sake, as well as yours. I'll echo JM and say for goodness sake, TAKE IT EASY - slow but steady hun, to get yourself back to normality with your knee, don't risk setting yourself back by doing too much too soon xxx
JM, hope the blood test at the end of the month shows a big improvement for your girl. We were out yesterday, in the Glyn Ceriog area and I saw that the trees are really starting to turn now - beautiful! Planning on heading back that way, when I can in the next week or so, with my camera - its a pretty area at any time of the year, but in Autumn, it can be spectacular.
I had another sleepless night last night (new rule: no spending time on the computer when I can't sleep; I looked up stuff that distressed me and that's just silly at 1 am) and so today was tired, and upset, and intermittently quite tearful. This is as upset as I've been about my mother in a very long time and I understand what is going on, but can't say I like it. As most of you probably know, I was never close to my mother and pre-dementia she was a difficult person in general, and a difficult parent as well. I've been relatively free of guilt during this process but admit the remorse/anticipatory loss/whatever you call it, has been hitting me hard lately. I know it's ridiculous because I cannot change the past and even if I could do it over, there's likely nothing I could have done, to have changed our relationship and how it turned out. Certainly the dementia isn't my fault. I know all that. I hate all of this.
Just want to send you massive {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} to start, Amy x Common sense, knowing that you can't change anything, even knowing that you have honestly done your best, are at times are not very effective weapons against either the Guilt Monster, or the compulsion to go over and over things and fret about them - especially in the wee small hours of the night. I know - because though I'm better than I was pre-GP visit, I'm still having bad days and nights, where I just feel so low and overwhelmed by a long list of 'what ifs' and 'I wish'. I do think these feelings are made worse when you are faced with a lot of stuff to deal with - in your case, sorting the finances and the paperwork, as well as the move. I can tell myself till I'm blue in the face that I've done my best, that this isn't my fault, that its all down to the dementia - but even knowing that's the truth, I still feel just horrible. The lack of info, for you, won't help either - uncertainty is never a good bed fellow when you are overwhelmed by other stresses. I believe those fellow carers who say that it will get easier, it just takes time - so the only advice I can give you, is to give yourself that time, and please, please, unload here whenever you want to - I think that it helps xxxxxxx
Not having a brilliant weekend. By Friday mid morning, the annoying bit of a sniffle I've had for a week or so developed into a very sore throat, full on sneezing and a cough - and OH was in the same state
However, I still had to go and collect the work stuff from the sorting office, get clean laundry to Mil and chase up what is happening with the assessment and move to the home for Mil. Phoned the hospital first thing to explain about both OH and I being ill, and that because of it we couldn't visit Mil (last thing we need at this point is her picking up a nasty infection and ending up on a medical ward again!) - we agreed I would just drop off her clean clothes at the door and then I asked about how the assessment had gone. The ward manager told me it had been rearranged from the Wednesday to the Thursday - but that then the manager from the home hadn't shown up. He said that they were going to chase it up and I asked them to ring me and keep me informed. He assured me that they would - but after collecting the work stuff from the sorting office, OH headed back to bed and I just crashed out on the sofa and by the time I woke and realised that the hospital hadn't rung, the ward manager had left - I now have to wait till tomorrow to find out what is happening. Which is a pain because I have a heavy work load tomorrow, which includes an important meeting, a telephone 'chat' with my boss in advance of my first 'one-to-one' review later in the week - and setting up all my IT stuff. Tuesday and Wednesday are similarly busy, and it will take most of Thursday to deal with the admin updates that I have to do IF the IT installation has gone to plan! In addition, I have to now take the issue with the school to the next level, and as so far that has been a real lesson in extreme frustration and getting nowhere, the inclination to just say "S*d it' is pretty strong - even whilst I know that I can't really do that as even just this last week, there was yet another 'incident' with the same teacher.
As well as that, sorting out the spare room and turning it back into my office simply has to be done in the next week or so - Mil's hospital bed has to go (the home we have found do provide them) and 3 stacking storage units have to be emptied, sorted and found a new home. I need to fit shelves and oldest is going to have to decide what the heck she wants me to do with a huge amount of her 'stuff' - soft toys she has been given as gifts, alongside a lot of other bits and bobs - she doesn't want it all in her bedroom, but it can't stay in my 'office' either! I have to order the office equipment, stationary and furniture that I need (work pay for that, thank goodness) and sort out the travel arrangements and tickets for an event I have to go to in Newcastle, next month - in addition to travelling for a National Team meeting (location not yet decided) and a Wales team meeting (probably going to be in South Wales again).
I'm also fed up with the lack of help around the house - OH is doing a bit more, but the bulk of everything is still being left for me - all the cooking, the washing, the ironing, the cleaning, the shopping. A lot of it is just 'habit' - for the last few years I've been the one at home and best placed to deal with the house and all the chores, and its a case of the rest of the family just don't 'think' - though having said that, to be fair, OH yesterday (out of the blue) said he want's us to all sit down and work out some way of him and youngest doing a bit more to help - he says he has realised that I'm still doing most of everything and that it isn't fair. So, we'll see. At the moment, very little time for zoo trips, for me to edit several lots of images that I've taken (thats one of the ways I love to chill out, and I'm frsutrated that I'm so far behind!) - even the trip to Glyn Ceriog was in anticipation of a meeting I have there next week - I wanted to be sure I could find the right location - not just a run out for the fun of it.
There aren't enough hours in the week at the moment!
As you can probably see, feeling very overwhelmed and the grumpy black cloud is sitting on my shoulders again at the moment. I'm telling myself that things will calm down once I have the IT stuff clear and sorted, once I have my office sorted and once we have Mil settled - its just summoning up the energy and gritting my teeth to get to that point. Once November is out of the way, the bulk of training, inductions and meetings that require a lot of travel will also ease off, and that will help - at the moment, there are a lot of weeks where I have days that start at 6a.m. and don't finish till 7.30pm or later, due to the travel, and its bound to be exhausting, I guess.
Right - shower, quick tidy up and on to the school business!
Take care everyone, and have a good day xxxx
