Hello All,
JM, sorry its been pants at work for you
Having watched OH go through the mill where he has been working, I know what a massive impact being unhappy in your job can have. I really hope that things are moving along to resolve the issues you have been having there xxx
Grace, I agree - its not complaining - and even if it were, Lord knows you have justification, hun - this has been dragging on for so long, completely unfair and unaceptable! I hope you are feeling better today.
Amy, bless you - you have so much on your plate, especially with your Fil's illness - thinking of you, hun xxx
Celia, you asked about OH's job - well, he has been offered a job in childrens services, at a much higher grade than his current position - this is through re-deployment, and will start as soon as the new DBS comes through (the DBS required to work with kids is a little different form the one to work with vulnerable adults). He is looking forward to it so much, but we both have concerns because as the end of the day, its for the same LA - and when they have shaved every penny possible from adult services and still need to make cuts, does it mean that they will start on childrens services and that OH will be in the same situation that he is in now, in 3 or 4 or 5 years times ? At the same time, he applied for a 'support role' in the prison serivice, and also completed a long day of assessments and exams for a prison officers role - and has been offered the support role and passed all the assessments and also now has the accreditation for the officers role. The support roles pay is pretty poor, however so although there are a lot of aspects about the job that appeal to him, I don't think he will take that further - though that job wouldn't be due to start till end of September, anyway. The officers role - well, training for that will probably not start until Feb next year - we have a new prison opening, just a few miles away, and staff are being recruited in 'waves', to start work in waves as the prison starts to accept 'inmates' gradually and then moves up to full capacity - and before he starts training, because of the specifics of the new prison, he will have yet another 'assessment day' to go through. However, the pay and pension are really good, and the big thing about that job is it offers many, many chances for further training and opportunities, which all would allow OH to stay in a 'hands on role' (he isn't interested in management ), but still 'progress' in the service. That is a big draw for him - one which I understand and fully agree with. For the moment, he is taking the job with childrens services, but keeping the option of the officers job open - I would imagine that once he is in the new role for the LA, he will quickly get a clear idea of how secure that job will be and if it is the right move for him. Its actually a really good situation to be in, to have this amount of choice, after the last 5 years of pay cuts and contract changes and the constant threat of redundancy or being 'tupe'd' over to agency.
Mil and her mobility - OK, she has been infection free for about 2 and a half weeks now, and her mobility (from what we can see for ourselves) appears to be back to the level of pre-admission. Physio's/OT's are also involved, she has been tried out on stairs several times, and apparently managing fine.
The trial period is what I want, OH wants and we feel we have to try having her home, one last time. The bed at the assessment unit remains hers, and she remains under the section 3 - once she is home, if we find at any point during the two week 'trial' that it isn't working, then she will go straight back and the search for a residential EMI home will start. It 'not working' includes issues with her mobility and how well I can manage with my back and hip, as well as how her behaviour is back in this 'home' environment. We know - and the hospital know - that there is a strong likliehood that it won't work. The hospital have really hammered that point home, they seem on the whole, rather amazed that we have stuck with this for so long. But by giving this one last opportunity, at least we can be 100% sure that we really have done our best, that we really have tried every option available, before we go down the residential route. Knowing that it can be EMI, rather than EMI nursing now, has removed one massive obsticle, in my eyes - because that means that we have a choice of homes and every chance of finding her somewhere local. Her potentially ending up miles and miles away would be something that neither I nor OH could have easily accepted.
OH and I have also had several discussions as well about how realistic is it that we could cope if she becomes bed-bound - because with the potential for falls and the parkinsonisms, that is very likely. Neither of us are sure we could - that is also playing heavily towards us feeling that we will probably have to opt for residential care, too. We feel that its been worth all the fighting, because at least this current situation has given us the chance to step back a bit and really think things like that through.
One of our concerns has always been that her house was a semi- detached ex-council house, in an area that isn't particularly sought after, so although she has capital, at EMI rates, the money she had for it would only pay for her care for about 18 months before she dropped below the £23K, and at EMI nursing rates, it would probably cover her for about 12 months, if that, and especially if she had to be placed out of the area and into somewhere where the rates are a lot higher again. We were really concerned that should it come to that, what on earth would we do if the LA then turned around and said that she needed to move somewhere cheaper? I know we could fight that, but the thought of the stress it would cause was a huge worry. The 117 funding, although it most certainly was not something we thought about prior to her admission (didn't even know it existed at that point!) removes that worry, because although it appears that she may have to pay 'top ups', her money will obviously go a lot further, and we can now more or less ensure that if it is residential, well at least we won't have to face that particular battle and she won't ever have to face being moved around and perhaps ending up somewhere that we don't think is good enough. I've seen that topic raised on the forums and read about the worry and heartbreak it causes.
I know it probably sounds like I am being ridiculous under these particular circumstances, but when I take something on, I have to feel like I have given it my very best shot before I can feel OK about admitting 'defeat'. I absolutely know that no one would or could (I hope) fail to understand that the promises we made to Mil that we wouldn't put her in a home may not be promises we can keep - and I also know we have reached the stage now where we really have done absolutely everything we can to try and keep them, and I feel like if this last shot doesn't work, then I can live with the decision, broken promise or not. I'll be sad that it didn't work, but I'll be able to live with it. That matters to me - and even more so to OH. He also feels that this is last chance saloon, and like me, has very realistic expectations about how likely it is to work. And I am certain that he will also be able to live with the decision too. there is also the fact that it may be that even if we could cope, that a residential environment might actually be better for Mil than being at home - particularly now the decision that she can have just EMI care means we have more choice in finding the right place for her. I know that several of you have said before that this might be the case, but it matters that we have been able to have this opportunity to see that this could be the best thing for her, ourselves, before we have had to make the decision. I'm tempted to say that we are 'lucky' to have had that opportunity - but after all the fighting and stress, I think our 'pig-headedness' has more to do with it than luck!
We went to see Mil last night - we deliberately switch between going at a time when we know that (currently at least) she is likely to be in good humour and going in the early evening, when we feel we get an idea of how the sundowning is still impacting. Just before we arrived last night, there was an altercation between two other patients, and poor Mil got accidentally pushed over, simply through being in close proximity when it all kicked off. So we found her quite shaken, complaining loudly about how sore her bum was (she had landed on it quite heavily) but still in reasonably good humour. Very, very confused - she talked a lot about how 'Ann and S***' had taken her to visit us that afternoon (?), and she was very sure that either we or her lived in Ireland and it was good of us to come such a long way to see her. An uncomfortable moment when she insisted that I tell her all about how I had been to visit my Mum that afternoon and then an account of how she had seen my Mum in town that morning - but we weathered it, though it did make me feel rather odd
We then ended up in absolute pleats because a nurse came to do 'ob's' on Mil, after her fall, whilst waiting for a doctor to come and 'check her over' - the poor nurse was leaning over Mil, very close and looking into her eyes with that little light they use, when Mil very suddenly shouted 'WOOOOOF' at the top of her voice and the poor nurse jumped a mile. Mil was nearly crying with laughter at her 'joke', and OH and I couldn't speak as we roared too
That is so like the Mil of old, that really wicked sense of humour - it was lovely to see. But, as if to then bring home the reality, the next 10 minutes saw Mil suddenly become more delusional and paranoid as tales began all about the 3 children who had been in the woods in her garden (?) with a gun and how she was scared that they would shoot her. And that moved to the old, mulish expression and her obviously getting cross because she started on about going 'home'. We beat a hasty retreat, because it was also obvious that we were actually making it worse - she was convinced we were there to take her home. It just really highlighted to us that although she can now have more 'content' moments, that there are also still regular times when all the old delusions and upset break through, and that even if they are only happening in the evening, they are still likely to be just as difficult and awful for us to deal with
All quiet yesterday from SD and the rest - I got some jobs out of the way in the morning, then spent the afternoon peacefully with a book in the garden, coming indoors again only when rain clouds suddenly rolled in! It then rained heavily, up to about an hour or so ago - its still on the grey side, but also still really muggy and warm. I like the heat - but prefer it to come with an acompaniment of sunshine!
Hope you all have a good day xxxx
