Hi everyone,
Amy - thanks for the update on your Fil. I'm glad you had a good visit, but I will bet that between worry, your Mum and the travelling, you really are 'knackered' hun - take care of yourself too, if you can. Mil is frequently without her bottom dentures when we go to see her at the moment, but (touch wood) so far the staff on the ward have managed to track them down everytime. She is getting some discomfort from them, due to (according to the dentist) her jaw bone shrinking with age, which apparently can happen quite rapidly sometimes. It means that there is no point in having new dentures made - further shrinkage would just make them a poor fit too - so I had arranged for regular (6 weekly) visits where the dentist could use a sort of 'filler' and 'filing' method to keep alterning the dentures and stop them rubbing - of course, now Mil is in hospital, that's on hold and it looks like the teeth are rubbing her again, she takes them out so often. They get stashed everywhere - she hoisted up her top and whipped them out of her bra, one day, in front of OH - a sight he tells me he could have done without
Hope that kitty is OK, Slugsta - its awful when a pet is ill, and a worry as they start to get older - I fret about my old doggy, Busta now nearly 14, and though he is in mostly good health, I can see that he is getting on a bit and dread him getting ill xxxx
Spamar, I think that there are area's of North Wales that are absolutely stunning - I think Anglesey, for example, is one of the most beautiful places on the planet - so worth a visit if you can xxx
It seems that great minds think alike -I too wondered about DC and all the other things with Mil. I also wondered how on earth a POVA could be issued against soemone who has been deemed as not having mental capacity
So - firstly, I phoned the ward and asked to speak to 'someone' who could explain clearly how this 'POVA' works with Mil - and what the implications are. The person who spoke to OH was very formal, merely saying that Mil had been involved in an 'altercation', had 'hit' another patient and they had 'issued a POVA' - I wanted the details. So - the 'incident' boils down to another very disruptive patient, who shouts, stomps and apparently 'invades personal space' getting very close to Mil whilst she (the other patient) was being 'noisy' - she was 'crowding' Mil. Mil tried to doge around her, there was an excange of words, the woman raised her arm to prevent Mil getting past her - and Mil 'sort of gave a little smack' against the womans arm to stop her blocking Mil's escape. That was it. That was Mil 'hitting' another person
But because it involved her making 'physical contact' its considered an assault by hospital rules, and they then have to issue this POVA - which is basically, in this instance, 'paperwork' generated to cover the hospitals backside. The Behavioural Support team will get a report, there may be an assessment if its felt necessary and any 'avoidence stratagies' will be put in place only if its felt its needed - and quite probably, unless Mil 'attacks' anyone else, that will be as far as it will go - the 'assessment and stratagies' will possibly not even be required. Why the person OH spoke to didn't explain this, I really don't know. The staff I spoke to actually saw the 'incident' and was quick to tell me that Mil was instantly upset and apologised for smacking the other womans arm, the staff adding that it was 'nothing really' and that us being notified and the whole 'POVA' thing is an automatic response due to 'policy'. Its absolutely nothing like my understanding of POVA's, but there you go. To be on the safe side, I phoned DC and spoke to 'S' - the manager - and she was (like me) inclined to roll eyes and sniff that its a case of 'stupid paperwork and covering bums!'. She also said that as far as DC were concerned, they had not been given any information that would cause them to not hold Mil's place for her, and as far as they are concerned, if and when she comes home, she is very welcome to go back there.
I still have no idea about when My Mum's funeral is - yet again, the promised phone call didn't happen. Maureen, I did contact one sister and give her the news - this is the sister who responded with the heartbreaking outpouring of everything Mum had done to her over the years and who is obviously still suffering trauma over it all. She made it very clear she would NOT come to the funeral, and why - and I respect and understand her reasoning. So, I did what SD wanted initially where she is concerned - and its now that I am refusing to put her under pressure by trying to persuade her to change her mind. The other sister - I know she lives locally, but haven't had any contact with her for around 13 years (no one in the family has), I don't have an address or number, have no idea where she works or even if she works. And I don't want to know, nor do I want to have any contact - she never brings anything but grief to any encounter, and SD has acknowledged all this - which is why, I guess, he wants me to be the 'messenger' . I'm not putting myself through dealing with her, and I honestly feel he will regret it if I did. I can't stop him trying to contact her - but I'm having no part of it. At the moment, I'm mainly frustrated by the lack of info and the not phoning/contacting me when he (SD) says he will - I know that its down to a combination of me refusing to do as he wants over the sisters, and because its a sort of 'punishment' for me backing off from Mum for the last 2 years - and if he wants to be like that, fine. My concern is that if he doesn't pass on info, the chances of oldest getting here for the funeral are affected - and again, although Oldest mainly wants to go for his sake, if she isn't there I think he will react badly and I don't want him storing up anything that he may later use to give her a hard time over. To sum it all up, you know, everything I am doing now is aimed at preventing any further bad feeling and potential hassle and upset. I am not going to risk upsetting the one sister who is (justifiably) refusing to attend, I know that having the other sister there is an invitation to trouble, and I am trying to avoid giving SD and brother any reason (excuse?) not to feel justified in critising me or my family at the funeral. As for going to the funeral myself, would it really matter if I didn't? Well, my feeling is that she was my Mum. I couldn't, despite years of trying, have the relationship I would have loved to have with her, I regret that for the last two years I had to stay away (but still believe that was the right thing for me to do) but I feel that I just want to be there to say a quiet and dignified 'goodbye' - its the last thing I can do for her, and in an odd way, for me too.
Oldest has headed off back to Stockport, but son's GF has come to stay for a few days, and son has talked us into going to the zoo with them today. It will be a slow plod round for me. I can't say that there has been any improvement in my hip after that blasted injection, sadly. If anything, its caused more pain because I know I have been walking awkwardly to compensate for the after-effects, and that's impacted on my back, knees and ankles
I have a follow up appointment next week, where I believe they are likely to suggest giving it a second try - I'm going to try and keep my response to a reasonably polite (under the circumstances) 'Not bliddy likely - go take a running jump!'.
Tomorrow, we have a meeting with Mil's consultant and the rest of the hospital gang - I'll update you if there is any news. Take care everyone, and again, thank you for all the support - I hope you realise just how much I appreciate it all xxxx