So bizarre !

[2jays]

You are, of course, going to refuse point blank to have mil home until her meds are sorted aren't you

Ok back on my high opinionated horse....
Mil may be "more settled" at care home BECAUSE there is a steady routine there. No to-ing and fro-ing, no minor changes that cause her to try to keep up, like the post man calling...... Life in a busy family home.....

Just my opinion of course

 

[RedLou]

Do NOT feel guilty. Any sign of the guilt monster send him onto TP where we can pummel the life out of him. Fingers and toes crossed for OH. & remember - if he gets the job it means more unrelieved one on one with MiL! Her meds NEED sorting.

 

[Batsue]

Ann, I realised halfway through your first paragraph that my mouth was hanging open in disbelief

Glad to hear that you are enjoying your break xx..

 

[Onlyme]

Ann, I realised halfway through your first paragraph that my mouth was hanging open in disbelief

Glad to hear that you are enjoying your break xx..

I caught a fly!

This is my pet bugbear. Why do they assess someone in the morning? 10 am in mum's care home all quiet and peaceful.

After 3pm a switch would flip in Mum and all her fellow residents and it became a complete nightmare of screaming to be let out, up down, home, for their mother, trapped in prison, ring the police, rape (yes, really). On it went getting louder until sometimes 8 pm. If you walked around the home you would get mown down by the previously immobile suddenly on mission impossible to get out.

 

[Ann Mac]

I don't know that its she is more 'settled' there 2jays - afterall, this time (again) its down to her being anything but settled there that has them finally offering an assessment. I do think its more to do with as Lemony says, the time of day. And the almighty power of an 'Authority figure' - doctors, people who look 'official' - they always bring out the hostess mode in Mil and she can (and does) present in an incredibly convincing manner. Let that same person see her on an average evening, and they would see something completely different, authority figure or not, I reckon


I'm putting my fingers in my ears and singing 'lalalalalalalaaaaa' when the guilt monster starts Red - he's a hard beastie to ignore, though

I was gobsmacked, too, Sue - you really couldn't make it up, could you!


The CPN has rang again - Another update

Mil comes home Thursday night, as arranged. The consultant is coming out to see her to do an admission assessment on Friday morning - the idea is (If I have this right) that he can persuade Mil into the frame of mind to agree to be admitted, to 'sort her medication', thus avoiding any unpleasantness at home or DC, and the need for this 'AMP' person. Once she is there, should it become necessary, they will section her. I am - I've just realised - assuming that admission will take place on Friday. That's the impression I've been left with, anyway. I've phoned DC - who were quite surprised when I said that the first I'd heard about the consultant seeing her at DC was from todays phone call - and let them know the situation.

So now, we wait and see what Friday brings, I guess !

 

[LadyA]

Onlyme, I think you actually answered your own question as to why they assess people in the morning! :-D
Ann, I do so hope MIL is admitted on Friday. I don't comment often, but do keep up with your situation. It really has gone far enough, hasn't it?

 

[Slugsta]

Dear doG, this is utterly ridiculous! Ann, I do hope that things go smoothly (for once) and MIL gets the assessment you all need so badly.

I used to work nights in a NH. We had one resident, a lady, who was the client of a friend of mine who is a solicitor. My friend used to swear that Peggy was totally 'with it' with no confusion at all. That was not the lady I saw in the wee small hours! Whilst 'sundowning' as a concept, is not known to all healthcare professionals (which must be down to a serious lapse in training), we do all know that people can vary from one day to the next and even from one hour to another. Why does MIL's psych seem to be missing this vital bit of information??

It also makes me very cross that MIL was assessed at the CH without her NOK being informed. It makes me wonder what other decisions are taken without family being aware!

Ann, it sounds as if you have had some fun and also got some domestic goddessing done. Please don't forget to rest somewhere along the line

It's been a lovely day here. Hubby and I went to a very nice barn cafe for lunch and think we will take Mum there for coffee and cake tomorrow. Tomorrow afternoon we are going over to Studland for 1 night to celebrate our wedding anniversary - so I might not be in again until Thursday.

 

[jknight]

The imp in me wants to have a tea party to keep us busy while Ann is away.

(Passes around some very nice biscuits). Tea anyone?

I'm in! Is there a lemon puff available? A mug of builders tea with one sugar, please!!

 

[jknight]

Dear Ann. Please try and switch off and enjoy your break xxx

 

[dottyd]

We've had thick fog...and 7 degrees!!
Why wasn't I born dahn sarf!

 

[Rageddy Anne]

I caught a fly!

This is my pet bugbear. Why do they assess someone in the morning? 10 am in mum's care home all quiet and peaceful.

After 3pm a switch would flip in Mum and all her fellow residents and it became a complete nightmare of screaming to be let out, up down, home, for their mother, trapped in prison, ring the police, rape (yes, really). On it went getting louder until sometimes 8 pm. If you walked around the home you would get mown down by the previously immobile suddenly on mission impossible to get out.

What a beautiful description! All the so- called experts should be made to read it as part of their training.

 

[Rageddy Anne]

I don't know that its she is more 'settled' there 2jays - afterall, this time (again) its down to her being anything but settled there that has them finally offering an assessment. I do think its more to do with as Lemony says, the time of day. And the almighty power of an 'Authority figure' - doctors, people who look 'official' - they always bring out the hostess mode in Mil and she can (and does) present in an incredibly convincing manner. Let that same person see her on an average evening, and they would see something completely different, authority figure or not, I reckon


I'm putting my fingers in my ears and singing 'lalalalalalalaaaaa' when the guilt monster starts Red - he's a hard beastie to ignore, though

I was gobsmacked, too, Sue - you really couldn't make it up, could you!





The CPN has rang again - Another update

Mil comes home Thursday night, as arranged. The consultant is coming out to see her to do an admission assessment on Friday morning - the idea is (If I have this right) that he can persuade Mil into the frame of mind to agree to be admitted, to 'sort her medication', thus avoiding any unpleasantness at home or DC, and the need for this 'AMP' person. Once she is there, should it become necessary, they will section her. I am - I've just realised - assuming that admission will take place on Friday. That's the impression I've been left with, anyway. I've phoned DC - who were quite surprised when I said that the first I'd heard about the consultant seeing her at DC was from todays phone call - and let them know the situation.

So now, we wait and see what Friday brings, I guess !

I can't help thinking that the outcome might be different if the consultant did the assessment on Thursday night, when MIL has been home for an hour or two. But that's not going to happen is it?
Fingers crossed though that the strategy works, but what makes them think that "getting her into the right frame of mind"is going to last?
Sorry, Ann, I haven't had a chance to read back, but just wanted to drop by and wish you well....

 

[Onlyme]

I think I have mentioned this before. When Mum's Dr saw her she was on her best visitor behaviour. He kept telling me he couldn't see much reason for her to be in a nursing home and I felt he implied i had acted too quickly. Next time before he saw her I told him to mention her favourite obcession/delusion. He started talking to her and casually dropped it into conversation. BANG. She was off like a horse that the Grand National.

I felt really sorry for him when he finally got away from her having had her spout fire and brimstone at him for 5 minutes. He looked totally bewildered as to what had just happened. He said he couldn't believe it was the same person he usually saw. I will admit to a smug face and telling him perhaps he ought to ask different questions of his patients.

Perhaps a discussion on who lives in your house or are there any children might set her off Ann.

 

[jugglingmum]

Ann - really not sure what to make of it all at all, you must feel so frustrated and not knowing what is happening. If you or OH has health and welfare POA should he have seen her without you knowing.

If she doesn't go into be assessed is it worth considering full time care now? MIL doesn't seem to get a lot of benefit from family life and with OHs new shift roster and maybe working in Manchester, it will be much more resting on your shoulders.

One of the first things I learnt on TP was that you needed to give health professionals a warts and all picture, which was quickly obvious to both me and my brother. Before he reverted to chocolate teapot mode, he sorted out mum's diagnosis, and with his GP she definitely presented in 'hostess mode'. GP was clued up enough to ask her pertinent questions on what my brother told him to get her talking riddles and expose the true position (eg why had she switched her electric off). Not nice but needs to be done. Both Health Professionals and the general public need to be aware of how dementia presents in this way to anbale the families supporting those with dementia cope. (there are quite a few colleagues at work) I always tell people that my mum's memory loss is the least of the dementia issues.

Slugsta - hope you enjoy your wedding anniversary, ours almost got ignored this year, day after Mother's day didn't help.

My first born son would have been 16 today, he was stillborn, so we will be going to his grave later. Always very mixed feelings, as dau was born 12 months later, wouldn't have had a child come along then if he had lived. Always planned to have 2 children which we have.

 

[RedLou]

Oh - JM -- will be thinking of you. I can't begin to imagine how awful a stillbirth must be. I had three miscarriages and then had my daughter, so a very happy ending for me without ambivalence. I am so glad you got your beautiful daughter and son to complete your family. How is your son, btw? Is he all recovered?
Slugsta - Happy Wedding anniversary.
Lovely weather here; got dental appointment and then jabs for holiday.

 

[cragmaid]

JM I'm so sorry for your loss..... to carry a baby and never see them smile is so sad. I was so lucky to have 3 normal births ( although my interior workings are suffering now) but my MIL want through such torments, losing her firstborn at 1 day old, several misses, had a son, and a daughter normally and then when she had my OH, he was a twin...but his twin was lost during the first trimester and she didn't know until OH was a solid bump that she was still pregnant ( about 5 months!!) and then to compound it all, he needed a full blood exchange at birth. But he's 68 now so he hasn't suffered and I do say that the world was never going to be ready for two of him!!!!!!
To be pregnant is a life changing event, and I cannot imagine the pain that comes with the failure of a pregnancy. I send love and sympathy to all those who have felt that pain.x.x.

 

[jugglingmum]

I had 3 miscarriages between my daughter's first and second birthday as well. So a long journey to get 2, I was referred to Liverpool Women's, which when I work 10 mins away, was very humbled to have people in front of me in the queue booking the next appt explaining they were travelling from Nottingham or similar so couldn't make a 9am appt. They suspected that I had some clotting issues, as missed miscarriages and stillbirth go together, often with stillbirth first, although nothing came up on tests, which they think aren't fully conclusive so I took anticlotting drugs throughout my final pregnancy, daily self administered injections, somehow coped with my hate of needles!

I think I am very lucky to have my 2 children but do worry that I could have passed issues onto them. Hope medical science has advanced to identify things better by then if they choose to have children.

A friend born pre scans was the second of twins, and they didn't know he was in there, so he was oxygen deprived, scans, which are so routine now, must save so many lives.

 

[Grace L]

Ohh JM, I am sorry for your loss xxx

I was never able to be a 'Mum', husband had C (twice) when he was a teenager , long before I met him.
These days they harvest sperm, but not at the time my husband was ill.
I had C a few years after we married. I've been OK for decades.

My own Mum had a number of miscarriages before my sister and I were born.
Mums sisters also lost a few babies, but that was not really spoken about like it is today.

Then my sister struggled to conceive, losing several early 'babies'.
She only has one, but would have loved another.

I have always loved children and have worked with them on/off for years.
I really love toddler 2-3 ages, teaching them everything.... I even love their questions.
I love the 2-8+ ages .... I love creating, making things , getting messy....
Children grow up so fast these days , they don't seem to be children anymore once they get to High School.

 

[jknight]

Bless you JM. So sorry for your loss. My mum had a stillbirth almost exactly a year before she had me. She never mentions my brother. She was ill (TB) when I was a baby and was unable to have more children. It was a different world then x

 

[jugglingmum]

Jenny - whilst I think stillbirth is more talked about now, it is still relatively hidden, as you do when you are trying to understand we researched it and around the millenium there were 4000 stillbirths, it is now 3,600 per annum, one in every 200 births.. This compares to about 400 cot deaths a year.

When I woke my daughter up this morning, and told her it was F's birthday, she said I know, he is 1 year 1 week and 1 day older than me. We have always talked about him with the children, but not everyone does.

Grace - I think there are many people out there who are childless and mourn the loss of what could have been. Easier to publicly mourn a lost child than the lost hope of having children. We mourned again when I had the miscarriages as we thought we wouldn't have 2 children, but not as easy for people to understand.