• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

sicut animam suam : 'it's just life'

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,437
0
North West
That's good to hear. We just arranged for mum's ashes to be scattered on Rosebed 3 at the crem - no charge and it's what mum wanted :)

I'm not one for keeping ashes or even having graves to visit, etc. but I do understand that it's important for some people. I do think about my own funeral as I'm planning to do a plan in the near future. I have to say, the Viking thing of setting light to the body in a boat and sending it off to sea still appeals... I'm also drawn to the idea of something elaborate - a long procession with professional mourners and peacocks - definitely peacocks. I could plan it so it used up any money I might have left after my sojourn at the care home....

(Don't tell my kids - hehehe!)
lol

I won't be far behind you, though as you know I have sorted my funeral plan already -couldn't bear the thought of someone else not getting things right :rolleyes:

Just waiting for the interment date to come through and that is the final part of my sisters journey

I think the final resting place is always in our hearts and memory rather than anything physical 🤔
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
1,347
0
High Peak
lol

I won't be far behind you, though as you know I have sorted my funeral plan already -couldn't bear the thought of someone else not getting things right :rolleyes:

Just waiting for the interment date to come through and that is the final part of my sisters journey

I think the final resting place is always in our hearts and memory rather than anything physical
🤔
I so agree with this. I don't want to remember my mum's death or her final years. I'd rather remember her as she was in life and a gravestone or tub of ashes would not help.

I find with my father, who died more than 20 years ago, that I've forgotten the date of his death. I know it was in the summer time and that he'd been ill for a few months but I don't need to remember that. However, on March 27th every year - his birthday - that's when I think of him. For me it's a far more meaningful date because I can remember his birthdays when I was a child.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,465
0
@Jaded and faded I would love a Viking funeral, what fun everyone could dress up and someone could fire a flaming arrow and set fire to the boat and then have a drunken party on the beach. Did you see that film with David Tennant where his children gave grandad Billy Connolly a Viking funeral after he died on the beach.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,930
0
cornwall
I did mine and paid for it. I decided on a humanist cremation . I’m not religious so I thought this was easier 😀
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,437
0
North West
Well I have been back at work for a week now and i have to say it all feels very dreary -nothing changes. I have ups and downs and today is not a great day, I am quite edgy and as I walked out of Costa I remembered my sister had gone. I guess its going to take some time for that to stop.

My brother is now fully excommunicated and I can't say things feel any different -just shows how much value he added to my life. My aunt is still fuming with him for not coming to Karens funeral -what can you do?

So thats it, its just me and mum left, and it makes me anxious about the future. I'm still weighing up whether moving to Swansea and settling near Rhi is the right way forward, but there is time to mull that over.

Mum is the same and I am told she is resting at night much better than she was and that she is quite happy in her bubble of pottering around as best she can on the unit.

I've decided to crack on and do my doctorate now I have a lot of free time to use up and besides the distraction will do me some good.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,485
0
South East
The doctorate sounds a good distraction , as long as you feel ready to throw yourself fully in to it . Sorry you are having a hard day and I agree it will take time to fully sink in about Karen .
Re brother I wouldn’t spend any more time thinking about him , he has made his choices . We can’t change others actions just accept them and move on . IMHO you need some more time to mull over a move , you have been through such a lot and need to let the dust settle. Take care
 

Melles Belles

Registered User
Jul 4, 2017
602
0
South east
You have been through so much heartache in the last year. Take time to make any decisions for the longer term.
My husband’s friends mum died recently and one of the three brothers did not go to his own mother’s funeral. Fit of pique over the will but then he is only interested in money.
 

Lone Wolf

Registered User
Sep 20, 2020
126
0
As the Yorkshire saying goes:
"There's nowt s'queer as folk."
(Applies especially in families!)
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,583
0
Suffolk
Simon, go for it! I did mine when I was in my late 30’s, with encouragement from late husband, and I never did a better thing!
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,437
0
North West
Thanks @Woo2 and @Melles Belles. I'm not going to make any decisions on moving just yet and am not sure I will in the end, I find it hard think about moving away from home -even though its just me now as well as caring for mum. I guess I'm hanging on to a place, but I see it as more than that.

My brother was a lost cause years ago and has only confirmed what my mum and dad always suspected of him. In the end the hole he has dug himself can never be filled in.

Right I must go -two long days to work and I have two new trainess to supervise tomorrow -it will be a long day
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,437
0
North West
An interesting week. On Wednsday night driving home I hit black ice and spun, landing in a hedge. The front wheels were stuck in the mud and I had to wait till after midnight to be towed out before finally continuing my journey home with the rear end of my car in need of garage repair. Turns out it was a busy night for the retreival guys -I am not surprised. In the 10 years I've commuted up and down that road in all weathers, its the first time I have had an accident. The replacement car is quite commical -I won't say anymore.

Mum is still much the same, how she is keeping going being so frail I just don't know, but I hope its long enough for me to be able to see her again.

Finally, the crematorium have been in touch about interment, they must have a waiting list as they only do one interment three days in the week and 3 on each weekend day. I need to speak to the BIL and then arrange. I was at work when they called -typical.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,437
0
North West
Right...I went round to the BIL's and we finally caught up. he knew I would be calling about Karens ashes interment so has avoided my calls (I don't blame him because this is the final step) anyway today I held him down to a date and finally we have agrreed 27th of Feb for interment of Karens ashes -hurrah, my sister would be ****ed its taken him so long and I can just imagine her barking her orders -anyway its finally sorted -phew!!! I am pleased she will be following her grandparents as the interment does not commit to anything other than a place, no memorial stone and no place marker -exactly what my sister would have wanted to let her family move on
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,465
0
Sorry to hear about your car incident @Palerider and I hope you get it fixed soon. I haven't looked at that Facebook group but I totally agree. When my dad was in hospital for 3 weeks I visited twice a day every day. I had to, poor dad didn't know where he was or why he was there. He deteriorated a great deal in that time but if I had not visited I believe he would have died in there and he would have died a lost and unhappy man. Life is precious but not at any cost and seeing loved ones is so important when someone is ill or even just plain old.

As for me I think I would have gone out of my mind with worry and I think this present situation is cruel.

My parents are both interred in the same unmarked spot but I know where it is and that's all that matters. I am glad that your sister is getting what she wanted.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,437
0
North West
Its really hard but while i have been on the subject of death I have decided to pay mums funeral up front, even though she has a seperate life policy. Mum told me as well as dad what they wanted so its not difficult but there is one rare exception to the rule I have to organise a horse drawn hearse for mum from the church to the crem -it seems odd as there wont be many witnesses but this issomething that ahs to be done and I don't know how I am supposed to organise it???