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sicut animam suam : 'it's just life'

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GillP

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Aug 11, 2021
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Anyway I am off to finish my bottle of red and listen to music tonight, here is another Voces8 @GillP you might enjoy this. I have to get up tomorrow and finish my last OH appt at my new place of employment before being finalised. I feel so sad and heavy right now, but this has become a part of this journey, it is not always light and airy.....

Beautiful choral music. It is both soothing and uplifting. Thank you for sharing it.
 

GillP

Registered User
Aug 11, 2021
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Here is another one far more intense for @GillP and anyone else....Fair is the Heaven, a brilliant english piece of music by William Harris

Intense, sublime and brought a tear to my eye! Music is so powerful..

I hope that you don’t mind my mentioning that I note that you have removed a post from last night. I was giving myself time to reply to it. I am assuming that you have worked things out in your own mind. For what it’s worth I sometimes choose not to post when something upsets or shocks me on the grounds that I don’t think it was written with bad intent - at least that’s what I like to think. Maybe you have reached a similar conclusion.

Spend your leave recharging your batteries
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,182
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North West
Intense, sublime and brought a tear to my eye! Music is so powerful..

I hope that you don’t mind my mentioning that I note that you have removed a post from last night. I was giving myself time to reply to it. I am assuming that you have worked things out in your own mind. For what it’s worth I sometimes choose not to post when something upsets or shocks me on the grounds that I don’t think it was written with bad intent - at least that’s what I like to think. Maybe you have reached a similar conclusion.

Spend your leave recharging your batteries
Thanks and your right in a kind of way. Truth is I'm really struggling at the moment with how mum is and the whole dementia thing. I am hypersensitive which is unusual for me.
Anyway Ive thought about how I have been over the last week or so and I think I need to give myself permission to have a break, so I will be leaving TP alone for a while.

Apologies to all if I have seemed a bit off or less tolerant
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
12,549
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Southampton
Thanks and your right in a kind of way. Truth is I'm really struggling at the moment with how mum is and the whole dementia thing. I am hypersensitive which is unusual for me.
Anyway Ive thought about how I have been over the last week or so and I think I need to give myself permission to have a break, so I will be leaving TP alone for a while.

Apologies to all if I have seemed a bit off or less tolerant
it made me think but theres no spite attached. it helps to laugh about things to have a sense of perspective. PWD use humour as well to get through the day.
 

GillP

Registered User
Aug 11, 2021
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Thanks and your right in a kind of way. Truth is I'm really struggling at the moment with how mum is and the whole dementia thing. I am hypersensitive which is unusual for me.
Anyway Ive thought about how I have been over the last week or so and I think I need to give myself permission to have a break, so I will be leaving TP alone for a while.

Apologies to all if I have seemed a bit off or less tolerant
It’s being human! Reflection is good but don’t be hard on yourself. Life is difficult without going down that route.

I respect your decision but don’t be a stranger for long. We all need to support each other. Take care.
 

Palerider

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Aug 9, 2015
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North West
It’s being human! Reflection is good but don’t be hard on yourself. Life is difficult without going down that route.

I respect your decision but don’t be a stranger for long. We all need to support each other. Take care.
Thanks @GillP . The time has come to leave TP alone for a while, I don't know if I will return in the future. Each cause has its own ends and so does TP rightfully in supporting anyone faced with this huge repsonsibility as well as a very challenging disease as it advances.

Today is 7 years since my dad died and I was left asking myself the question ‘what do I do now?’ having arranged the funeral and everyone else, which seemed to become my never-ending role. So, I did what anyone would do who was close enough and loved a bereaved parent enough to help them on the next part of their journey. Its very easy on a forum to make assumptions about people with no understanding of the turmoil and upset they have had to deal with on their own.

I can understand the many different views and experiences many carers have with dementia, because I have been there myself, day in and day out. All the night long as well, sometime literally tearing my hair out at 4am in the morning. Days at work utterly stressed it almost killed me with a fast heart dysrhythmia I ended up in an ED resus and being cardioverted (shocked) there and then. But the following day I went back to it and started over again. Why would anyone do this?

Don’t get me wrong, but lots of people think caring for someone with dementia is easy until they hit a wall they can’t jump over and then they realise where they stand in what is becoming ever decreasing circles. The reality begins to hit home. Yes use humour, have a good rant on TP, if your new to it then yes ask how to get LPA and most importantly ask what to do when you can’t cope anymore -that is really important, because caring is not just about doing its also about not continuing to do something that is no longer beneficial to the PWD or for ourselves as hard as that may seem at the time.

What I cannot abide is this perpetual sense of blame in a disease that completely changes how someone’s brain and mind works. As hard it maybe we must take some responsibility for how we also feel, think, and react. Those old parental-child battles are not the same thing as before dementia and we just must let go of all of that for the sake of our own sanity and to make sense of what is left in the now. My brother has continued a long-standing battle as an excuse to not engage, to not help and to abandon any responsibility and what sickened me the last time I saw him was his outright self-indulgence.

Am I over-reacting? Maybe, but I also think I am not. Maybe its time for some real change. It’s a God-awful disease and it can make the best of us experience the new and unexpected when we didn’t expect any of it at all. All we can do is just get on with it in the best way we can, while being mindful each journey, each pathway everyone of us takes is separate and unique.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,182
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North West
Its not working, I said I was leaving this alone for a while...erm why am I still here? Right going to sign off and try not to come back 🤪
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,182
0
North West
Bet you do! ;)
:p
I am weighing up the responses I have had today and I will respond to one of those responses. In the end as I said before and have always tried to articulate PWD are at the mercy of others, how we as a society decide to deal with that will determine whether it continues to be a second class or even third class citizen in a world that is constantly in a state of flux with competing demands and values. In the end TP is a great place to be in this awful world of dementia we have to live with, but I also think it could accomodate more than it does.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,182
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North West
This last week I have been thinking long and hard about where the next part of my own journey goes from here. I think perhaps I have lingered here to long and I need to do something different. As the weeks go by my posts are essentially the same old thing and I am not sure if they help or hinder me or anyone else in some ways. On the back of that the same old questions come up by new members and I think, I remember what that felt like at the time and things just never seem to change. Mum plods on and it is painful to see her now to how she once was, but I keep on and do my bit to make sure she has someone close to her to keep an eye.

This week I posted on FB to my close friends that on my next annual leave I am going on a solo cruise to Iceland, having spring cleaned the house this week and feeling utterly fed-up. This escalated into Rhi asking if she could come a long and before long an old Ozzie friend Christina perked up and said, ‘why don’t you both come and visit me down under’ to which Rhi said ‘oh that’s a good idea’. I said, ‘I’m still having flashbacks of the Ibiza pool incident where one of you pushed me into the pool fully clothed with said camera, that someone had the nerve to hang out to dry the following morning’. It was of course all hilarious and we just laughed and larked about most of the night until the hangovers kicked in. It’s a long time since I have had some real fun and talking about that night made me realise how consumed I have become with something I can’t change but haven’t noticed.

I do have a real interest in change and making the world a better place for people with dementia and importantly their carers, but TP is not that place. I think when I finally start my new role, I will use that as an opportunity to leave this behind although I may pop back occasionally to say hello.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,997
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Nottinghamshire
That sounds like a great night with your friends even if you weren't in the same place. I hope you do manage to go somewhere, either Iceland or Australia.
 
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