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sicut animam suam : 'it's just life'

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,352
0
North West
Woke to partial blue skies and snow which means no rain overnight -best get ready. I'm not one for arriving too early at these occasions, but had best make my way earlier than usual just in case.
 

Alyson1955

Registered User
Mar 6, 2016
12
0
Im afraid that dementia destroys so many bonds. Im still at home with OH, but I no longer feel like a wife. We used to be soulmates, but now Im just a carer/housekeeper/general dogsbody and all he can see are his own needs wants and comforts. Every day is groundhog day.

I hope you can work everything out, I value your input on here
((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
I feel exactly the same, I don’t have a life any more, I just don’t exist. 46 years of marriage to end like this, sad, alone, exhausted and terrified of what is going to happen tomorrow and the day after........
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,352
0
North West
Thanks everyone. Well thats it, my sister is gone. I had thought it would have been our mum as she is so frail now, but it all turned out different and unexpected. All so quick and unstoppable. We had a humanist service, which though short was fitting for my sister. I'm taking the next week off and plan to return to work at the end of the month.

Its just me and mum now
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,555
0
Suffolk
J
Thanks everyone. Well thats it, my sister is gone. I had thought it would have been our mum as she is so frail now, but it all turned out different and unexpected. All so quick and unstoppable. We had a humanist service, which though short was fitting for my sister. I'm taking the next week off and plan to return to work at the end of the month.

Its just me and mum now
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,631
0
South coast
Im so glad the weather didnt stop you getting there and the service was fitting for your sister.
be gentle with yourself now
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
2,506
0
So glad you got to the service and it was right for your sister.
Take time to try and do things for you before you have to go back to work.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,801
0
Bedford
Pleased to hear that you were able to get to your sister’s funeral safely and that it went well.
Be kind to yourself over the next week
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
700
0
Try to get some rest, fresh air and eat good, healthy food next week before going back to work. Look after yourself now.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,352
0
North West
Today is moving on day, but not without more added drama. I found out today mums care home have covid positive residents -by chance rather than being properly informed. This has annoyed me somewhat as the decent thing to do is to be transparent so that there are no surprises if the situation worsens. The last year has been a real eye opener in care providers and the lack of any integrity at a corporate level -its truly shocking what these compnies can get away with and it has to change.

Today a thick envelope arrived and I knew what it was having had the same before. Permission for the release of Karens ashes and interment in the memorial garden. There was also an overwhelming amount of leaflets on different services and products, I just wonder how someone who is bereft and not coping deals with such a huge montage of information? Anyway just waiting to fix a date for interment and an entry into the book of remembrance.

Now I am off to see how the local flooding is resolving as well as some food shopping.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,631
0
South coast
You dont have to do anything about the ashes until you are ready.

The funeral directors kept mums ashes for a year until I could sort something out.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,352
0
North West
You dont have to do anything about the ashes until you are ready.

The funeral directors kept mums ashes for a year until I could sort something out.

Thanks @canary. The reality is that I have to push to get this done as the BIL will sit on it forever and there is a charge for storing the remains past one month plus Karen would not be happy being left on a shelf somewhere :rolleyes:. We have agreed on interment which has room for three -thinking of the future as well (wise to get things tied up in one hit on these matters). It is all paid for, but someone has to actually do the doing. Anyway waiting to arrange a date for interment and yes there is another fee for that if people wish to attend.

This is the second time in five years I have had the unfortunate position of making arrangements and my advice to anyone is to think about planning and taking out a funeral plan to ease the burden on those left behind.
 

Melles Belles

Registered User
Jul 4, 2017
549
0
South east
Be kind to yourself and wishing you strength. Hopefully you can take some time for yourself soon.
I hope you won’t end up having to apply for probate for your sister as it’s sounds like your BIL will struggle.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,352
0
North West
Be kind to yourself and wishing you strength. Hopefully you can take some time for yourself soon.
I hope you won’t end up having to apply for probate for your sister as it’s sounds like your BIL will struggle.

Thanks

I have told the BIL I can't afford another funeral so he wil have to sort his affairs out and take out a funeral plan. I don't know about probate, but we will cross that bridge :rolleyes:

I am moving on and focussing on mum now as she needs my support more than anyone else. It seems harsh but I can't prop everyone up forever and I am to be honest tired of it -the only time I get a phone call is if there is a problem. I've done the best I can for my sister and that whats matters in the circumstances.

Now I am off to cook a recipe by the Hairy Bikers, so I have something nice to eat for once 🤓
 

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