Hello, I have joined as my 86yo mother has dementia and I am really struggling with her care. This last year has been horrendous and I am feeling completely unable to cope. She does have a carer who comes in 4 times a day, but she constantly phones me. I have two children who are still at home - the eldest is Autistic and can be challenging. I also work full time.
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- Thread starter HarrietD
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Thanks. I've just discovered "Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired" and it's so helpful.
My wife had hearing loss too it's a double whammy not hearing what you can't process anyway.
So very sorry for you, been there got the t-shirt.
K
Hello, I have just joined as my 92 year old dad has had memory lapses and forgetfulness for a while, but he has suddenly got much worse. He tells me the same stories over and over again, plus he doesn’t seem to be able to retain anything I tell him. He lives alone and won’t discuss care homes or home help, even though he is frail and needs a range of mobility aids (none of which he uses as he forgets about them). I am being driven mad with worry and stress, but don’t know what to do. Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.
Ho @Fishcake and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community. This is a great place to ask questions, share issues, get helpful suggestions from people who truly understand, and to let off steam. I am sure to that our members will be able to offer you support that will alleviate your worry and stress.
Hello @Palomino and welcome to this friendly and supportive forum. There is lots of shared experience of dementia to be found here so I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read about your Mum. It is so difficult and unfortunately there is no getting round that.
It is good that she has carers four times a day to support her. That, at least must be some comfort. Does she live near you? Because it sounds to me like you could do with some support yourself, The constant phone calls can be very challenging I know - I had the same with my Mum.
Please do look to this forum for sound advice, understanding and support. Members here have probably had very similar experiences and would love to be able to help you.
Its also a good place to have a rant when you need to.
Hello All
I’ve been lurking here since Friday and reading the posts. I’ve learned a lot so far.
My dad has Alzheimer’s and MS. The past couple of months he seems to have gone down hill. His walking and incontinence is worse. I’ve been trying to get him to wear pull ups but no luck as yet although he will agree to them if we got out.
He’s had a couple of falls and he now has a fall detector bracelet which since I bought it a couple of months ago has only been used once so that’s good.
He’s getting more respective now and asks the same questions constantly.
We had OT out last month and my dad did really well answering all the questions. 🫣 I now know this is hosting. 🤬😂 The OT said he should be using a walking stick at minimum in the house as he is so unsteady. His response was “can you make me?” She said “no” and his response was “I’m not doing it then.” Funny but also not funny either.
My dad is 78 and was diagnosed in June 2020. His memory was bad a year before really but he wouldn’t do anything about it, luckily my sister called the GP and dad had an over the phone ‘annual review’ which he was more than happy to participate in as he didn’t have to go anywhere.
He has a carer once a day for shower and companionship. My sister pops around everyday as she lives around the corner and I pop in at weekends or if I’m free in the evenings.
I joined to get some help with the incontinence but have learned so much more so thank you to everyone who is on this forum.
I’ve been lurking here since Friday and reading the posts. I’ve learned a lot so far.
My dad has Alzheimer’s and MS. The past couple of months he seems to have gone down hill. His walking and incontinence is worse. I’ve been trying to get him to wear pull ups but no luck as yet although he will agree to them if we got out.
He’s had a couple of falls and he now has a fall detector bracelet which since I bought it a couple of months ago has only been used once so that’s good.
He’s getting more respective now and asks the same questions constantly.
We had OT out last month and my dad did really well answering all the questions. 🫣 I now know this is hosting. 🤬😂 The OT said he should be using a walking stick at minimum in the house as he is so unsteady. His response was “can you make me?” She said “no” and his response was “I’m not doing it then.” Funny but also not funny either.
My dad is 78 and was diagnosed in June 2020. His memory was bad a year before really but he wouldn’t do anything about it, luckily my sister called the GP and dad had an over the phone ‘annual review’ which he was more than happy to participate in as he didn’t have to go anywhere.
He has a carer once a day for shower and companionship. My sister pops around everyday as she lives around the corner and I pop in at weekends or if I’m free in the evenings.
I joined to get some help with the incontinence but have learned so much more so thank you to everyone who is on this forum.
Hello @Fishcake and welcome to this friendly and supportive forum from me too. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia to be found here, so I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read of about your Dad and his memory lapses. It must be a worry for you. Would you be able to get him to a GP to start the ball rolling for any sort of diagnosis. It may be simply old age, and not dementia.
I hope you will find this forum useful for information, and any particular advice if you need it, do just ask, as members here really do want to help.
It's also good for letting off a bit of steam when you need to!
I am sorry to read of about your Dad and his memory lapses. It must be a worry for you. Would you be able to get him to a GP to start the ball rolling for any sort of diagnosis. It may be simply old age, and not dementia.
I hope you will find this forum useful for information, and any particular advice if you need it, do just ask, as members here really do want to help.
It's also good for letting off a bit of steam when you need to!
Hello,
My mother has dementia and mostly (maybe always) doesn't seem to know who I am, but she seems OK with my father.
My father doesn't really have a life of his own anymore, he spends all his time looking after my mother. I have tried for years to get them to move to where I live which is approx. 330 miles away from their current home. My father has finally agreed and we are looking at property now, I am going to help fill the financial gap of the regional property price differential. If they move we (my wife and I) would be much better placed to help them both.
What I am concerned about is, how the move might effect my mother. I understand that things can be done like keep familiar furniture, curtains etc. But there is probably many issues that I am not even aware of yet, so I thought that this forum might be a useful source of information.
Steve
My mother has dementia and mostly (maybe always) doesn't seem to know who I am, but she seems OK with my father.
My father doesn't really have a life of his own anymore, he spends all his time looking after my mother. I have tried for years to get them to move to where I live which is approx. 330 miles away from their current home. My father has finally agreed and we are looking at property now, I am going to help fill the financial gap of the regional property price differential. If they move we (my wife and I) would be much better placed to help them both.
What I am concerned about is, how the move might effect my mother. I understand that things can be done like keep familiar furniture, curtains etc. But there is probably many issues that I am not even aware of yet, so I thought that this forum might be a useful source of information.
Steve
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Hi @Qikichi and @Ozzie_dog and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia. This is a great place to ask questions, share issues with people who truly understand, learn from the experience of others and let off steam when you need to.
Hi . My Mum was diagnosed with vascular dementia earlier this year. My Dad is her main carer and myself and my sister support them both. As I am the person that lives closest they rely on me a lot as they are both in their 80’s. Navigating the system to get through diagnosis and beyond has been challenging to say the least and is still ongoing.
Hello @Sandra28 and welcome to this friendly and supportive forum. There is a lot of shared experience of dementia to be found here, so I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read about your Mum's dementia diagnosis earlier this year. It will, sadly, be a continuing challenge, as the dementia progresses. There is no getting away from that unfortunately.
But I do hope you will find this forum useful for information, and any particular advice if you need it, do just ask, as members here really do want to help.
It's also good for letting off a bit of steam when you need to!
I am sorry to read about your Mum's dementia diagnosis earlier this year. It will, sadly, be a continuing challenge, as the dementia progresses. There is no getting away from that unfortunately.
But I do hope you will find this forum useful for information, and any particular advice if you need it, do just ask, as members here really do want to help.
It's also good for letting off a bit of steam when you need to!
Hello @David13 and welcome to this Dementia Support Forum from me also. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia to be found here, so I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read of about your Mum's dementia and your Dad's frailty. It must be very tough on you for sure.
I hope you will find this forum useful for information, and any particular advice if you need it, do just ask, as members here really do want to help.
It's also good for letting off a bit of steam when you need to!
I am sorry to read of about your Mum's dementia and your Dad's frailty. It must be very tough on you for sure.
I hope you will find this forum useful for information, and any particular advice if you need it, do just ask, as members here really do want to help.
It's also good for letting off a bit of steam when you need to!
Hi, my name is Lynda and I’ve recently found out my mum has been diagnosed with vascular dementia. What’s worse is apparently mum and dad were initially told 18 months ago that there were changes indicating its existence and they never told the family. Even now mum appears completely in denial about it, won’t discuss it, saying there’s nothing wrong.
feeling overwhelmed by this news currently and upset and a little angry at their reactions to it.
Thanks for listening.
feeling overwhelmed by this news currently and upset and a little angry at their reactions to it.
Thanks for listening.
hi maybe they cant cope with it or what it could do to your mum. maybe also head in the sand moment when if they ignore it and dont talk about it then it cant be happening. i think it would be better to drop the subject as your mum doesnt want to talk about it but just be there for when she is ready to talk about it if she never does. its a shock to you as well so maybe take a deep breath and give yourself time as well.
Hello and thank you for all that you do.
My father is 85 and diagnosed with mild alzheimers dimentia in June in the same week I was told that my mother's cancer is palliative. She passed away in September and my father always relied heavily on her.
My daughter (16) and I have lived with them all my daughter's life. This meant that when my mother got ill, I was able to care for her. I stopped working so that I could everything for her. I am now back at work, but my daughter's attendance (she's a 6th former now) is 65%; this is due to grief as, so far, she has not had any emotional support. The Isabel Hospice have offered, so looking forward to this for her in the new year.
The reason I am saying all this is because after she lost the person who was like a mother to her, she has since gained joint responsibility for my father.
My father has never been easy to get along with and he has old fashioned values, ie, I am youngest of 3, the only female. He feels he should do all the "man" things, and if I explain something to him that he feels isn't a woman's business, he immediately disregards it. Things can get really quite verbal!
We have recently made contact with Alzheimers Society who are ushering us through, and this is how I found you.
Gonna be a tough Christmas this year, the first without my mother/his wife.
My father is 85 and diagnosed with mild alzheimers dimentia in June in the same week I was told that my mother's cancer is palliative. She passed away in September and my father always relied heavily on her.
My daughter (16) and I have lived with them all my daughter's life. This meant that when my mother got ill, I was able to care for her. I stopped working so that I could everything for her. I am now back at work, but my daughter's attendance (she's a 6th former now) is 65%; this is due to grief as, so far, she has not had any emotional support. The Isabel Hospice have offered, so looking forward to this for her in the new year.
The reason I am saying all this is because after she lost the person who was like a mother to her, she has since gained joint responsibility for my father.
My father has never been easy to get along with and he has old fashioned values, ie, I am youngest of 3, the only female. He feels he should do all the "man" things, and if I explain something to him that he feels isn't a woman's business, he immediately disregards it. Things can get really quite verbal!
We have recently made contact with Alzheimers Society who are ushering us through, and this is how I found you.
Gonna be a tough Christmas this year, the first without my mother/his wife.
Hi
Have just moved my 87 yr old mum into our home a couple of days before Xmas as my dad who was main carer just passed away.
Have SS visits 4 times a day as mum also just came out of hospital. A lot to take in.
Mum is quite advanced with her dementia and incontinent. Really nervous for when we go back to work in the new year.
Have just moved my 87 yr old mum into our home a couple of days before Xmas as my dad who was main carer just passed away.
Have SS visits 4 times a day as mum also just came out of hospital. A lot to take in.
Mum is quite advanced with her dementia and incontinent. Really nervous for when we go back to work in the new year.
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