Hello Harriet and all in the community,
I would just like to introduce myself and send you all my good wishes.
Hi 🙋♀️ I am Lorna 🌺 a slightly 'unconventional', 'messy🐒', creative 🎨 , often manipulative, but kind hearted, recovering 'addict' ( drugs & alcohol, over 10 years alcohol free more than 3 years drug free ) in my mid 50's, newly, very late but FINALLY diagnosed with ADHD, ( I think that covers most of it, and I don't look very much like my photo now 👩🦳🤣 )with parents in their 80's. Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's nearly 4 years ago now, us having spotted it pretty much as soon as she started showing signs. This is only perhaps because I was a registered nurse( RGN ) in the 80/90s, and I live close to them so I was seeing them both regularly. Mum started to require incontinence knickers approximately a year ago, and has had periods of time when she would be extremely unsteady on her feet and in Feb, I think it was, broke her hip and spent many weeks stuck in a hospital well over 15 miles away from us ( sorry I know many of you have had loved ones further away than that ! ) I am given to understand that the falls were more than likely due to a vitamin or mineral deficiency and or a urine infection ( which reminds me, I must replenish mum's vitamins ) We are now in a position that my Dad needs more help with my Mum ( for his and my own sanity ), as she is no longer motivated or recalls her routines enough to wash herself daily. I did try to gently assist/encourage Mum regularly for a few months but soon she began to get very frustrated with me and did not want me "bossing her about" and "telling" her what to do and would regularly throw me out of her bathroom or bedroom, and the friction it caused made my Dad very anxious and uncomfortable. I am not sure if this is because Mum and I didn't have the greatest relationship. My Dad has claimed she was at times jealous of my relationship with him, I think he is right to some degree but it goes much deeper than that. She didn't bond with me like Dad did when I was born. Also my undiagnosed ADHD sure did not help ! I was talking non-stop as a child which must have driven her to distraction, and that didn't really stop, as you can see, by the book I am writing here ( sorry ) Mum did, a long time ago explain to me what happened straight after I was born and the months following. This has had an impact on our relationship ever since and at times it has been a strain and as I have said I was certainly NOT an easy child, but that is perhaps for another Forum altogether, or another time. What I am trying to get at is, My Mum may not actually Remember but somewhere deep, on an emotional level Mum feels the tension between us and struggles with me particularly and personally, so I can no longer offer the personal care I wished to. Luckily Mum bonded with my brother much better and they had a great relationship, much like my Dad and I have.
So we are now at a stage where we are trying to find some, better than satisfactory, consistent ( if they actually turn up ! ) affordable home care. The Carer booked for today for 8:30am could not find my parents house and was too late so had to go on to her next customer. There were previously some issues with the office manager, doing the rotas, stating that my Dad had cancelled last weeks carer, which neither I or my Dad recall happening at all. I am aware however that the Manager is new to the role and there are bound to be teething problems, it is very frustrating for my Dad having got up early himself and woken Mum ready for the early ( much earlier than we had previously agreed with the agency ) visit. Mum was now up and dressed in yesterday's clothes probably not prepared to get undressed again, mind you she often insists on going to bed in her 'day' clothes and all Dad manages to encourage her change is her incontinence knickers ! So that's where we are at now, and I am sure many of you can relate ( if any of you are indeed still with me ... or you have nodded off ! )
I also have a wonderful, sensitive, Son, in his first throws of University life about 80 miles away. Sadly he is struggling terribly, he's going through his first breakup at 20, yes his X GF is on the same course. I expect him to come home soon having just about given up trying to feel comfortable still doing the course he is on, which he did try to transfer from, to the one he knew he would more likely be suited doing ( he's doing performance and media 🎬 ) I can't say that his new gaming PC had nothing to do with it, I have a feeling he's been playing too many computer games and that had some impact on the relationship break up. Or it's just young people being young, and it was inevitable they would break up when they both tasted FREEDOM. Mind you, my son has never been given proper boundaries ( my fault entirely ) so he's had way too MUCH freedom, but I believe in him and he will work it all out eventually. I think it might not be until the spring, as the short days and long dark nights have always been when he hibernates away, a bit miserable. I have provided him with plenty of vitamin D3, and essential oils for his vaporiser that he's always found helpful. I am looking forward to seeing him at the end of the week for his xmas break.
I think that is way more than enough for now, I've spewed out my situation much to many of your, no doubt, exasperations ! and you will be shouting 'get a job' or 'write a book' like my besties do 😂 you don't have time for this waffle, you have more than enough to contend with yourselves. I will now browse the forum a bit more, as i've been doing now and again over the past few days. I can now reply to some of your posts, and I look forward to connecting with you over shared experiences.
take care, best wishes
Lorna 🌺
