Respite

[maggie6445]

Hi everyone,
My OH is going into respite for three nights whilst I go to a family wedding. The wedding is a 500 + mile round trip and I don't think he'd cope with the upheaval and excitement.

He's spent a day in the day care there last week, seemed ok . He hasn't mentioned it at all. Staff just said he was fine!

But...He can get stubborn ,at bedtime in particular ,where he'll refuse his medication for his heart, I insist til he takes it. He'll occasionally say he's off to see his parents and tries to leave. I lock the door to stop him and he just sits on the stairs still he comes round.

My question is would a care home allow him to not take meds and allow him to leave?

It's obvious to all who know him that he doesn't have the mental capacity to understand the consequences of his actions but there's no formal recent tests and SS are not involved.

I'm going back to chat with the home on Monday but they were very laid back about him ,in fact a bit lax although staff were lovely with him .

Home seemed a bit like real home, a bit lacking in a professional presentation but all residents looked clean ,cared for and the place though shabby didn't smell .

When I collected him last week after his day visit ,staff said he was fine and asked when he was going for his stay. They haven't taken any formal details .
Home is under notice to improve ,care was good and the LA uses the home.

What should I ask ,what should I expect ?
I don't want to leave him if he's not safe.


Thanks

 

[RM3]

Hi @maggie6445. It’s a difficult one isn’t it. Perhaps you could look at the CQC report and see what areas they were failing in. It could be the actual care was good (which is so important). Hope all your plans come together - I’m sure they will.
When I worked (briefly really) in care, we always just persevered with meds and used many different approaches to eventually administer them. I don’t recall meds ever not being given. X

 

[maggie6445]

Thank you @RM3 . Care was the only good on the cqc site the rest required notice to improve. There's somethings that did surprise me .. I was told to take his meds in and they could be in the weekly pill box I use., along with his prescription . I definitely do make it up according to his prescription but how would care staff know as the shape of his tablets can change depending on manufacturers. Is that usual or normal safe practice? I keep telling myself it's only three nights and if I label everything accurately then nothing can cause problems .

Am I overthinking as a first time respite user??

 

[RM3]

I can totally understand it. Our sheet used to have a picture of each tablet that was in the pill boxes.
If anyone were to miss a dose, we would have to ring the pharmacy that dispenses or Gp, to advise and check consequences.
Sometimes, we do have to put our faith and trust in others don’t we - even in a hospital setting. Thankfully, there are many more kind and caring people, than not ☺️ x

 

[maggie6445]

Strangely I don't feel guilt. Maybe because I never promised he wouldn't go in a home but I do worry I'm doing it in his best interest. If I can sort those questions out in a satisfactory way he'll go for his stay

 

[RM3]

You clearly have his best interests at heart - that is the best any of us can do.
You have a lovely time at your family wedding ☺️ x

 

[jugglingmum]

My daughter worked in a care home and has mentioned staff just keep going back until someone takes their meds.

You will need respite at some stage and have to start somewhere

 

[sdmhred]

will There be massive consequences if he missed his heart meds at worst for a few days? For the majority of meds that’s not a problem……if it would be the GP can agree covert medication whereby the carers can stick them in his favourite treat without him knowing …..I doubt that will be necessary for a short stay tho

 

[maggie6445]

@sdmhred . Well. ... He can't miss his heart med, clopidogrel ,as three of his five heart attacks have occurred on the fifth day after stopping for potential surgery. He's heart is worse now so he may not be able to miss three! I have both LPA so could I ask them to conceal in his food if he refuses?

 

[sdmhred]

in that case Maggie I would give the GP heads up. If they write a short instruction letter to the care home the usual policy is to offer once or twice and then conceal the medication in food….at least then you won’t need to worry and you can be sure he gets what he needs.

You can probably do it with your POA at home but the care home will probably want GP authority….mum’s did anyway ….she never did refuse her vital meds but i had this written up for peace of mind

dont ever accept banana or yoghurt in mums home!!

 

[jennifer1967]

they have time to keep going back for meds. no you cant ask them for covertly, only a doctor can do that in writing with their signature. care is good as per cqc so thats really good but cqc can only take a snap shot in time. if the the home seems laid back, then your oh wont get stressed either as they can pick up on atmosphere. have a good time at the wedding and let the home look after your oh.

 

[maggie6445]

dont ever accept banana or yoghurt in mums home!!
🤣🤣