Please don't throw me away, breaking my promise

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by kindred, Apr 17, 2018.

  1. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Today i am suffering from OUTRAGE. You will not detect much of that on this thread, although elsewhere I do say what I feel about the way us carers are treated.
    Anyway, this is not related to dementia, only it is. My good friend, a senior midwife, told me this morning that they are not allowed to use the word bonding when talking to new mothers. They have to say forming neural pathways ,...
    Yes, I know this is true but the word bonding is so beautiful and so true and it sounds as though all the poets in the world have been wasting their time. Lovers bond, friends bond etc etc.
    I was thinking specifically of Keith and I just staring into each other's eyes yesterday, surely, surely this is bonding.
    So that is my rant. Thank you guys. Lovely sunny day and conversation over lunchtime centred around night clubs and who has and who hasn't been to one. Some of the residents said they had but honestly, 50 years ago in this University city there was no nightlife.
    Suddenly Keith spoke up and said
    It's a recruitment problem ...
    To calm us down, the activity nurses read lots of autumn poems and they were doing an activity THE PRICE IS RIGHT as I left to come home. What was new and lovely was the chorus of, oh please don't go, please stay as I announced I had to go home ...
    It all felt very bonding.
    love and best, guys, thank you!
    Geraldine aka kindred.xxxsxs
  2. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    @kindred I'm sorry you're suffering from OUTRAGE, but I have to say, I am too!!

    Bonding is definitely what happens when neural pathways form......I am 100% with you on that!

    Thank you for your inspiring posts, sorry I don't get on here much lately but I couldn't leave bonding hanging....

    Lindy xx
  3. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Lindy so lovely to hear from you. I know, I know, it is jargon gone barking mad. Much appreciated, thank you. with love, Geraldinexx
  4. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    Bonding, glues love, grows into compassion, becomes indestructible, gets battered but sticks, falls over but together,

    Let's become Bond girls and keep bonding! bond boys too.
  5. Manc70

    Manc70 Registered User

    May 30, 2018
    S. Yorkshire
    @kindred I feel your outrage and totally totally agree with you - bonding just says it all somehow, explains so much. We bonded with our beautiful adopted granddaughter who came into our lives when she was 4 years old, and nobody will tell me otherwise - the other expression sounds so cold. They must have a committee with nothing to do thinking up all this rubbish.

    Dare I say that after reading your posts I feel as though you have so many friends on here that have bonded with you. It’s true, you are an inspiration. Love S x
  6. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Absolutely, completely. I so agree and obviously like I said, all the poets wrote in vain, they should have waxed lyrical about neural pathways ... I love what you said, yes we are all bonders on here!!! Thank you! Gxxxx
  7. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    That is so beautiful and encouraging. I love what you told me about your granddaughter, love it, and what a beautiful thing you said about my friends on here bonding with me. That gives me such faith and courage to carry on. Thank you with all heartxxxGeraldinexxx
  8. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Oh my goodness me!! Absolutely beautiful golden leaves and conker day here, amazing. Residents largely happy AND THEN a little company that comes on to do dance with music with them put on Elvis: You aint nothing but a hound dog and the effect was electric, electric. It was a little too loud for comfort so I stayed with Keith but even he was bouncing around. Some of the residents who are very profoundly disabled were encouraged to stand up and do dance moves. I could hardly believe my eyes it was so transforming.
    Great afternoon. Keith very talkative, still worried about the unions. Keith was able to sit up straight while I held his shoulder and that was lovely, too.
    Oh these moments of excitement and happiness we have here, such a gift.
    Love and best, crumbs I'm flippin exhausted. Geraldinexxx
  9. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    Glad you had a good day @kindred - yesterday Mum was (yet again) wrapped in a snake, as the animal guys came in ... they are frequent guests. Mum adores all animals - always has, and she always tries to hang on to them as long as possible when they visit. Not many residents like the snakes .... but Mum does! I haven't been in today, but I think it is National Dog Day, so 2 daschunds were going in to play and celebrate!

    Bonding: 'the formation of a close relationship (as between a mother and child or person and animal) especially through frequent or constant association' . I'm sorry but 'neural pathways' can go and do one as far as I am concerned!

    I like the idea of being a Bond girl - here's something to make you laugh .... your Bond Girl Name Generator

    Toony Oony seems a little tame when compared to my 'Bond name' .............. Dr Chastity Allura!

  10. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Oh thank you, I will look up mine!! Loved to hear about your mum and the snakes and did not know it is national dog day today! Don't you love it.
    So appreciate you giving the definition of bonding, of course, of course, it is all barking mad, this constant telling us what to say and what not to say and yet I would not say the world in general is getting more loving as a result of it all.
    So good to hear from you, your mum wrapped in snakes!!! love and best, Geraldinexxx aka kindred. I shall refer to myself as Bonding Woman.
  11. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Goodness me. Keith's first words to me this morning were, I hope you realise it's taken me hundreds of years to get to this position ...and he wasn't talking about the unions this time, Sometimes I reflect that Keith (one presumes) knows nothing of our anxious, speeded up world. I think he would have hated it. Then I think is it the price we pay for our freedom, us ones not in nursing homes ... Then I think oh sod it and think of more cheerful things.
    Such as the very nice young man who has appeared in the home as a trainee activity nurse, bringing enthusiasm and energy with him.
    Astonishing conversation over lunch as to how much a gallon of whisky costs. I can't even envisage that. One of the residents reckoned fifty pounds, but I have no idea. Then we started to sing:
    How much is that whisky in the window?
    The one with the golden sheen ..
    To the tune (obviously) of how much is that doggie in the window ...
    After this, Keith started to sing
    Non nobis domine non nobis ... I think this is a Latin grace but forgive me if spelled wrong.
    When I left the residents were having a very posh bone china tea party with cake and poetry ...
    I should have stayed!!
    Love and best, Geraldine, aka kindred. xxxxx
  12. Sad Staffs

    Sad Staffs Registered User

    Jun 26, 2018
    Lovely warm vibrant post Geraldine... thank you. I read your posts and feel grounded yet uplifted, if you can understand what I mean!
    Do you have any idea how important you and your posts are to so many of us? Can I send love to you and your lovely Keith.
    Thank you, love B xx
  13. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
  14. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Oh thank you, B, thank you so much and I hope you understand how much you give me courage to carry on, thank you so much. Means the world to me. with all love, thankyou, Geraldinexx
  15. carolynp

    carolynp Registered User

    Mar 4, 2018
    You’ve turned my day around, @2jays. A million thanks.
  16. Sad Staffs

    Sad Staffs Registered User

    Jun 26, 2018
    Not sure what I would do without you Geraldine.
    You are a shining light in the pea soup of our lives.
    And yet I know all the comfort and strength that you give to us here on TP cannot be easy for you. We all have lives that we don’t want. We want life as it used to be. But you share your amazing strength with us, and I for one am so very grateful. I feel privileged to be part of your life....
    With much love to you, Barbra xx
  17. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Barbra, thank you with all love and heart. Oh darling one, of course we want life as it used to be, of course we do. You most certainly are part of my life, most certainly and thank you with all heart. Always here, always. with love, Geraldinexxxx
  18. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Dear oh dear what a day! The rain and wind so confused me that I wore my apron to Keith's home, underneath my mac. Mind you, I have worn it to work many times, including when I used to work in London, and someone pointed it out to me on the tube.
    Well it was dark, but Keith's first words to me were Have they had the lighting rehearsal yet? So I said yes they have, and the sound rehearsal too sweetheart.
    Then the laundry lady came and did a Charlie Chaplin impression about her wet trousers from walking to work. This got residents giggling.
    Keith and I made funny noises to each other (he was always the master of funny noises, it's a man thing I think) and then he fell asleep so off I went to talk to a resident who was simply not eating because she was so low.
    She whispered to me, why are you here?
    So I said I come to see Keith and everyone
    And she said no, what are you doing here, with me?
    So I said, I like being with you, you know that. And I want to get you to eat something.
    And she said, are you right in the head?
    So I said probably not but why do you ask
    And she said because why would anyone bother with me?
    And I said because they love you and you know that I do ...
    And she said, simply, and I love you.

    That's a poem in its own right.
    Thank you folks, thank you. I love it that you are here with me. with love, Geraldine aka kindredxxxx
  19. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    Straight to Keith and we sung our hello song, I sing hello and he sings hello, then I vary the rhythm slightly and see if he can copy it. Often he can. It's a lovely form of communication. Did I tell you guys that apparently the duke and duchess of windsor, when they were dining in public and had nothing to say to each other, used to recite the alphabet to each other with feeling ... then it would look like they were communicating. Don't know what reminded me of that, but still ...
    One of the other male residents said that if i tried to cheer him up he would knock my block off. i must have looked a bit taken aback because he then winked at me.
    Keith and I then did a bit of singing of Beethoven's fifth piano concerto together, and the residents who were awake clapped!
    I am trying to see if Keith's home has a microphone I can borrow so I can do some singing episodes.
    Church tomorrow so will check back in with you on Monday. Love and best, Geraldine aka kindred xxxxxx

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