Our magic bitter sweet moments 🥰🥰🥰

[Rachael03]

I think mum also gets that great bonus @nitram!

Ive felt overwhelmed with it all today 😢😢 The admin and jobs are just endless……also finding it hard not knowing exactly the ins and outs of mum’s physical health. The home is reactive and good, but you do get a third hand account when not speaking to the system yourself…..and it does depend a little on which nurse is on duty. It’s a control thing my end I think!

Anyway 2 moments of amusement to make sure I note:

1] I was driving this morning and saw a body on the pavement 😱😱 You can’t take the carer out of the carer so hazards on and pulled over phone in hand to call ambulance. 🙈🙈 well it was a chap looking at a drain 🤣🤣🤣 he thought it was hilarious 🤣🤣

2) Taking mum down the home corridoor to look at the lights and she’s worried about one of the end stage ladies calling out….she recalls it and a couple of minutes later summons a carer to go attend to her 🥰🥰🥰 The carer tells me this is quite frequent for mum and they wonder if mum thinks she is working in the home 🤣🤣🤣

Love these stories...so good to write down the glimpses of laughter or humour in an otherwise stressful period.

I also enjoyed the photo of your mum's advent calendar too....we have got 2 in mums house, one for her and one for whoever is doing the overnight with her. My mistake was buying 2 different brands of chocolate...thinking it would lead to the fun of variety...but it can be a source of distress choosing. Luckily all chocolate is good to mum so she's happy with whatever one we choose for her!

Your list of admin duties is massive. You seem to do so well working through them all so give yourself a break if there are some on the long finger. I'm currently looking at a postit note of care related and amin tasks for mum...that I wrote in July-ish time....some are now becoming a bit urgent so I need to get a shift on before we are in 2024 😬🙈

 

[sdmhred]

Thanks for the advice over the care plans. I’ll not bother going through it. I’ve got a few queries that I’m asking as and when. There’s a young but very good senior carer so I will save them for when she’s on shift as she always seems on thr ball.

I think they’re still getting used to the fact mum uses her intelligence to mask her difficulties. Shes coming up with stock phrases but in an appropriate setting - so they all thought she took ‘one to two sugars’ in drinks…..but she’s clearly learned this is an acceptable answer tp the question ( i would bet someone else in her lounge says this as she’s copied) she never ever has taken sugar.

I will focus my efforts on her physical health monitoring. I met the GP yesterday and he seemed ok on first appearances….

 

[sdmhred]

I’m glad my stories are good to read …..I think maybe I’m subconsciously recalling some of those moments so that I can look back with some smiles at this stage of life.

Yesterday was one of those days where I realised only someone caring for dementia would get it.

I got mum out for a walk in her wheelchair for the first time which was lovely. It was only 3 hours delayed 🤣🤣 (GP, lunch, leg dressing). I now take iPad and essential admin with mE on visits. We had a lovely walk. It felt sooo normal and freeing. I’ve been familiar with the area for 20 years so it brought back some memories…..who’d have thought then I would be pushing my mum around in late stage dementia 🤯🤯
Mum has forgotten about the outside and never asks but still loved it out.

when we got back she was trying to communicate with Rita who speaks gobbledook but seems a lovely lady. Her husband told me so many homes couldn’t manage her but she’s settled now. She walks up and down and up and down but smiling. So mum showing a level of emotional intelligence deliberately puts on a loud but slow voice and tells Rita ‘ My friend Rachel has taken me out and we had a good time’. My brain can’t cope with the fact she knows how to try and communicate with Rita but doesn’t know her own daughter is her own daughter 🤯🤯🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤯🤯


Half an hour later the GP calls unexpectedly…to go through the care plan…..in what circumstances do we want hospital, invasive tests etc. All good but it would have been nice to prepare myself….not for the answers but the sheer depth of the questions…basically deciding how much chance to give her 🤯🤯🤯 felt icky after that 😢😢


And then as I tucked mum up she always says a prayer ….she thanks God for the kindness of Gabriella who helped her to bed….but then also Gabriella’s husband ….the other male carer who helped 🤣🤣🤣🥰🥰🥰

Thankfully today was less emotional - just got roped in making Christmas wreaths although the home had a crazy day as one of the residents fell on an outing and had to be taken to hospital an hour away!

 

[sdmhred]

Our outings are slightly less exciting to report, but tonight whilst the others were getting into PJ’s, we took off to look at some local Christmas lights 😃😃 we both enjoyed the touch of freedom and were rewarded with pumpkin soup and corned beef hash after…I’m afraid I swapped the rice pudding for a satsuma as mum has already had lemon sponge and mince pie today. I’m waiting for the monthly weigh in before discussing the diet as she will be piling the pounds on which won’t help her mobility in the long run…..and I definitely don’t want the bariatric prophesy to come to pass!

oh and on the way back she noticed the home‘s sign - ‘specialist dementia care’. Quite put out 🙈🙈. with VD she does have insight ….I got told ‘ I do have dementia, but I don’t want it broadcast’ 🙈🙈😢😢

 

[Eddcorner]

Our outings are slightly less exciting to report, but tonight whilst the others were getting into PJ’s, we took off to look at some local Christmas lights 😃😃 we both enjoyed the touch of freedom and were rewarded with pumpkin soup and corned beef hash after…I’m afraid I swapped the rice pudding for a satsuma as mum has already had lemon sponge and mince pie today. I’m waiting for the monthly weigh in before discussing the diet as she will be piling the pounds on which won’t help her mobility in the long run…..and I definitely don’t want the bariatric prophesy to come to pass!

oh and on the way back she noticed the home‘s sign - ‘specialist dementia care’. Quite put out 🙈🙈. with VD she does have insight ….I got told ‘ I do have dementia, but I don’t want it broadcast’ 🙈🙈😢😢

Corned beef hash? Yummy!!! Hey any outing is worthwhile especially whilst adapting to your new circumstances so well done the both of you You work really hard for your mum @sdmhred and your standards are so high, total star 🌟 in my book lass! And those Christmas lights? Wowser 🌲🌲🌲 Fingers crossed me and mum get to do the same too.

 

[colpatben]

Patsy and also got out this afternoon and drove into see our local lights.

Some really good efforts but didn't take any pics, maybe tomorrow.

Colin

 

[Chizz]

I wasn't going to get our Christmas tree until next week (as I think 2 weeks before The Day is soon enough) - these days, just a small one - say 3ft 6ins - that I put on a table in our sun room as it's cooler than the lounge.

But Christmas has arrived!
My OH's two sisters sent a Christmas tree in the post - the suppliers call it a Christmas letterbox tree, and it arrived in a box about the size of a full size computer keyboard, with a bag, compost, tree, a string of lights, some bells, and some cardboard balls - it stands about 18 ins high. I've assembled it and put on the sideboard next to my OH's bed (in what was our dining room) (but just out of reach to prevent accidents!) My OH's delight at seeing it was just like a little girl's! She almost clapped her hands in excitement!

First stage - you believe in Father Christmas.
Second stage - you don't believe in Father Christmas.
Third stage - you are Father Christmas!

 

[colpatben]

Still at First stage. Patsy & I will always believe!

Tree🌲, check.
Lights 💡, check
Carols 🎶, check
Paper chains, NO. (Do you remember sitting and making them with gummed paper strips 😝)

Festive greetings

Colin.

 

[sdmhred]

Oh yes the paper chains…that spent the entire Christmas period falling down 🤣🤣🤣

How lovely of OH’s family to send a mini tree @Chizz

 

[Sarasa]

My husband was saying the other day why don’t we have paper chains anymore and I pointed out he hates them! If you are keen Oxfam shops have some nice ones.
@sdmhred my mum also had vascular dementia and in the early days we used to go out quite often. I didn’t have a car but a light lunch and a glass of wine in a cafe near the home always went down well. It sounds like you have a really good balance between you and the home in caring for your mum.

 

[sdmhred]

Sad drive home tonight as mum’s car last journey with us 😢😢 It feels like a mark in the sand. The car has been our freedom and has faithfully driven mum and I across the country over the past 2 years. If it wasn’t for dementia she would still be driving it…and if not for the mobility decline I would still be driving her in it 😢😢

I may try her in my car at some point but financially it’s not worth putting it through the MOT and insurance due at the end of the month 😢

Ive been slowly clearing it out as had become a storage for us too…I will now keep it off the road for the next week or so whilst I make its arrangements 😢😢

 

[Eddcorner]

Sad drive home tonight as mum’s car last journey with us 😢😢 It feels like a mark in the sand. The car has been our freedom and has faithfully driven mum and I across the country over the past 2 years. If it wasn’t for dementia she would still be driving it…and if not for the mobility decline I would still be driving her in it 😢😢

I may try her in my car at some point but financially it’s not worth putting it through the MOT and insurance due at the end of the month 😢

Ive been slowly clearing it out as had become a storage for us too…I will now keep it off the road for the next week or so whilst I make its arrangements 😢😢

Difficult one @sdmhred Every time we reach another turning point or milestone in our 'journey' can be bit of a gut wrencher but it is the right thing to do. Me and mum have had many such life changing events, funnily enough on reflection I can't remember exactly when they happened!

You've got a lot of memories tied up in that vehicle, the pictures shared and stories told are a testament to that ❤ but you have to put your sensible hat on. Thinking of you both

 

[sdmhred]

Thanks @Eddcorner ….I’ve found someone who will take the car without the V5 as long as I inform the relevant authorities…I will finish clearing it at the weekend. This maybe wishful thinking but if mum is able I would like to hire a wheelchair car in the spring and do a couple of trips. Dementia wise she could cope with a ride along a seafront with fish and chips so I don’t want mobility to stop that….


This week has been Christmas party week. Exhausting all round! Mum and I can both only manage around 45mins. She has loved it though. I was reflecting that she would have hated it a few years ago - tacky Christmas music, seeing Santa, lots of people - not her scene at all. But as dementia has taken away her filter I think it’s also taken away her shyness and sense of reserve. Some of the night staff are hilarious and the joking she does with them is so out of what was her character - but she’s clearly enjoying it. I’m glad to have seen this side of her 🥰🥰🥰 I wonder too as she is in her mind not a ‘mum’ in my presence - maybe I’m getting a cheeky ‘friend’ side 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

You have to enjoy those mad moments at these parties….one lady lunging at the chocolate fountain and eating a platter of bananas aimed at the whole room, all the old men needing a wee, another shouting ‘fu*k fu*k’, and the care home manager looking panicked when everyone was outside for the lights on in case anyone did a runner 🤣🤣🤣 I was quite enjoying not havign any responsibility!

 

[Neveradullday!]

You have to enjoy those mad moments at these parties….one lady lunging at the chocolate fountain and eating a platter of bananas aimed at the whole room, all the old men needing a wee, another shouting ‘fu*k fu*k’, and the care home manager looking panicked when everyone was outside for the lights on in case anyone did a runner 🤣🤣🤣 I was quite enjoying not having any responsibility!

Comedy gold, @sdmhred
Sounds like one hell of a party! 😄
Quite surreal. All this and reindeer too!
You may have found a decent care home there. 👍

 

[jennifer1967]

Thanks @Eddcorner ….I’ve found someone who will take the car without the V5 as long as I inform the relevant authorities…I will finish clearing it at the weekend. This maybe wishful thinking but if mum is able I would like to hire a wheelchair car in the spring and do a couple of trips. Dementia wise she could cope with a ride along a seafront with fish and chips so I don’t want mobility to stop that….


This week has been Christmas party week. Exhausting all round! Mum and I can both only manage around 45mins. She has loved it though. I was reflecting that she would have hated it a few years ago - tacky Christmas music, seeing Santa, lots of people - not her scene at all. But as dementia has taken away her filter I think it’s also taken away her shyness and sense of reserve. Some of the night staff are hilarious and the joking she does with them is so out of what was her character - but she’s clearly enjoying it. I’m glad to have seen this side of her 🥰🥰🥰 I wonder too as she is in her mind not a ‘mum’ in my presence - maybe I’m getting a cheeky ‘friend’ side 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

You have to enjoy those mad moments at these parties….one lady lunging at the chocolate fountain and eating a platter of bananas aimed at the whole room, all the old men needing a wee, another shouting ‘fu*k fu*k’, and the care home manager looking panicked when everyone was outside for the lights on in case anyone did a runner 🤣🤣🤣 I was quite enjoying not havign any responsibility!

looks really fun, i like the reindeer included and looks like your mum enjoyed it. its called organised chaos.

 

[canary]

You have to enjoy those mad moments at these parties….one lady lunging at the chocolate fountain and eating a platter of bananas aimed at the whole room, all the old men needing a wee, another shouting ‘fu*k fu*k’, and the care home manager looking panicked when everyone was outside for the lights on in case anyone did a runner

😂😂😂
Absolutely wonderful
Its important to see the funny side

 

[Rachael03]

Thanks @Eddcorner ….I’ve found someone who will take the car without the V5 as long as I inform the relevant authorities…I will finish clearing it at the weekend. This maybe wishful thinking but if mum is able I would like to hire a wheelchair car in the spring and do a couple of trips. Dementia wise she could cope with a ride along a seafront with fish and chips so I don’t want mobility to stop that….


This week has been Christmas party week. Exhausting all round! Mum and I can both only manage around 45mins. She has loved it though. I was reflecting that she would have hated it a few years ago - tacky Christmas music, seeing Santa, lots of people - not her scene at all. But as dementia has taken away her filter I think it’s also taken away her shyness and sense of reserve. Some of the night staff are hilarious and the joking she does with them is so out of what was her character - but she’s clearly enjoying it. I’m glad to have seen this side of her 🥰🥰🥰 I wonder too as she is in her mind not a ‘mum’ in my presence - maybe I’m getting a cheeky ‘friend’ side 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

You have to enjoy those mad moments at these parties….one lady lunging at the chocolate fountain and eating a platter of bananas aimed at the whole room, all the old men needing a wee, another shouting ‘fu*k fu*k’, and the care home manager looking panicked when everyone was outside for the lights on in case anyone did a runner 🤣🤣🤣 I was quite enjoying not havign any responsibility!

At the risk of sounding like an idiot....is that a real reindeer or a false one lol?

I'm hoping real but talk about a health and safety worry- a load of dementia patients and a large animal with antlers 🤣

Looks like a lot of fun. Christmas brings such heightened emotions for people generally (for me anyway!) Never mind dementia journey and grief in the mix..you are doing an excellent job of embracing and making memories as best as you can

 

[SeaSwallow]

At the risk of sounding like an idiot....is that a real reindeer or a false one lol?

I'm hoping real but talk about a health and safety worry- a load of dementia patients and a large animal with antlers 🤣

Looks like a lot of fun. Christmas brings such heightened emotions for people generally (for me anyway!) Never mind dementia journey and grief in the mix..you are doing an excellent job of embracing and making memories as best as you can

I think that it is a real one, reindeer are very gentle animals.

 

[Neveradullday!]

I think that it is a real one, reindeer are very gentle animals.

They may be very gentle, but they can't half fly! 😏
They like mushrooms, too.

 

[sdmhred]

Yes @SeaSwallow is right - this was Snowdrop. I have to say she or he was very calm. They walked through the home to a grotto in a marquee in the garden where anyone could have their photo taken. They were very sedate - much more than the alpaca in last week! The photographer was professional so I am expecting to have a selection to choose from like school photos 🙈🙈

The clinical lead did look aghast when one did a poo in the middle of the lounge 🙈🙈🤣🤣

I tend to avoid mainstream Christmas…in fact I avoid mainstream life 🙈🙈🤣🤣 …what do you say these days 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ I’ve always liked focusing on Christmas with those on the edge of society so hanging around a dementia home seems apt. A carer told me tonight many on mums floor have no visitors 😢😢

Mum and I have been doing cards and listening to carols, but that’s about it. we’ll listen to some traditional services online I imagine. I’m enjoying the home‘s decorations but I won’t put any up at home just for me I don’t think. That would feel empty.

I tend to find something little will set of a wave of grief and I have a huge cry…..release alot of stress and then pick up and carry on…

my friend just posted this on Fb which seems to fit the bill