Our magic bitter sweet moments 🥰🥰🥰

[jugglingmum]

Sounds like this home is a good one for your mum.

And the other home wasn't as good a fit.

I'm a bit confused with flats and houses now.

You've sold your mum's rental flat and your mum has a house you alternated between but do you have both house and flat?

 

[sdmhred]

Oh I wish there weren’t so many houses and flats to manage @jugglingmum 🙈🙈

The rental flat we sold was an investment my Dad had bought. Still waiting the council tax and water to finalise last bills!!!

Mum’s main home is by the coast….she can no longer access so will need to be cleared and sold but a big task as Dad was a mini hoarder. Mum’s care needs accelerated as soon as he died so we’ve done his clothes but that’s about it.

She moved up to be near me and rented as we weren’t sure how long she would be ok without needing residential. I have my own flat and originally I thought I would stay there and go to mum to do the necessary care….but soon realised it was less stressful and cheaper for me to move in to mum’s flat with her…..so mine has been ‘asleep’ for 2 years and therefore needs at least a good dust!

We’ve given the notice on hers so that’s the urgent clear out task! Gosh I’m exhausted just writing it all out….

 

[sdmhred]

Oh the irony of finding £10 Christmas bonus in mum’s account this morning - it makes all the problems in adult social care just drift away 🙈🙈😱😱

i was reading some of the tributes to Glynnis Kinnock - you can’t compare them to Mr Rishi and Mr Hunt - who will never know the value of £10 with their millions …..

 

[SeaSwallow]

Oh the irony of finding £10 Christmas bonus in mum’s account this morning - it makes all the problems in adult social care just drift away 🙈🙈😱😱

i was reading some of the tributes to Glynnis Kinnock - you can’t compare them to Mr Rishi and Mr Hunt - who will never know the value of £10 with their millions …..

I remember years ago when mum and dad first got the £10 bonus, then it was really worth something. Not now. Hubby and I got ours this morning also.

 

[nitram]

I remember years ago when mum and dad first got the £10 bonus, then it was really worth something. Not now. Hubby and I got ours this morning also.

The £10 is dwarfed by the extra 25p/wk (£13pa) I got on my 80th birthday to meet
“the special claims of very elderly people who on the whole need help rather more than others”.
https://commonslibrary.parliament.u...ged 80 and over,help rather more than others” .
Although more recent pensioners on the higher pension will not get it, us oldies have been allowed to retain it.

 

[Harmony2]

Hi all.
Just reporting back from one of my earlier posts.
Well, when my daughter and her husband came on Sunday, I made a chicken curry using the Indonesian spices of unknown origin or substance. It's probably my lack of cooking skills and experience, as I made the dhal too runny, but the Indonesian spice sauce was v nearly at my upper limit of scoville level strength! My daughter and her husband were OK, but I'm sure I had some steam coming out of my ears! I had prepared a portion without any curry sauce for my OH, which is just as well as she never liked curries beyond mild.

The brown paper packets had said best before some time in 1999, so if the spices had lost any potency over time, I don't know what they would have been like on full power (so to speak).

Cheers.

@Chizz I just want to say thanks for taking time to type up notes on this thread. The humour is much needed! And I learned a new phrase (scoville level) ! Laughter is good medicine.

 

[Harmony2]

Hi @Chizz
I'm glad your meal was a success.
I try to stick to non spicy food myself as, for me:

🍛 = 🚽💩🧻🧻🧻🧻🧻🧻🧻!

@Neveradullday! Yes! i relate to you emoji equation!!!

 

[Harmony2]

I always wonder how mum responds to seeing / hearing about dementia on the media. I don’t say anything unless she does. In the car today she heard abouta funds raising run for dementia on the radio and immediately asked if I would be running for her! She then said how much coverage dementia is getting at the moment - a bizarre moment of clarity and insight. She also said having dementia isn’t anything to make a ‘fuss about’ but needed my help to know where to put her hands on her walker ….and then having been left alone in the loo I discover this ..

we do live in a bizarre world……we did have a good chuckle tho!!!

I always wonder how mum responds to seeing / hearing about dementia on the media. I don’t say anything unless she does. In the car today she heard abouta funds raising run for dementia on the radio and immediately asked if I would be running for her! She then said how much coverage dementia is getting at the moment - a bizarre moment of clarity and insight. She also said having dementia isn’t anything to make a ‘fuss about’ but needed my help to know where to put her hands on her walker ….and then having been left alone in the loo I discover this ..

we do live in a bizarre world……we did have a good chuckle tho!!!

@sdmhred Photo -- LOL! It is good when we can laugh. Bless her. And you. Thanks for sharing.

 

[SeaSwallow]

The £10 is dwarfed by the extra 25p/wk (£13pa) I got on my 80th birthday to meet
“the special claims of very elderly people who on the whole need help rather more than others”.
https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/sn00321/#:~:text=Pensioners aged 80 and over,help rather more than others” .
Although more recent pensioners on the higher pension will not get it, us oldies have been allowed to retain it.

I remember when hubby received the 25p per wk, it gave him a right ironic laugh.

 

[sdmhred]

I think mum also gets that great bonus @nitram!

Ive felt overwhelmed with it all today 😢😢 The admin and jobs are just endless……also finding it hard not knowing exactly the ins and outs of mum’s physical health. The home is reactive and good, but you do get a third hand account when not speaking to the system yourself…..and it does depend a little on which nurse is on duty. It’s a control thing my end I think!

Anyway 2 moments of amusement to make sure I note:

1] I was driving this morning and saw a body on the pavement 😱😱 You can’t take the carer out of the carer so hazards on and pulled over phone in hand to call ambulance. 🙈🙈 well it was a chap looking at a drain 🤣🤣🤣 he thought it was hilarious 🤣🤣

2) Taking mum down the home corridoor to look at the lights and she’s worried about one of the end stage ladies calling out….she recalls it and a couple of minutes later summons a carer to go attend to her 🥰🥰🥰 The carer tells me this is quite frequent for mum and they wonder if mum thinks she is working in the home 🤣🤣🤣

 

[SeaSwallow]

I think mum also gets that great bonus @nitram!

Ive felt overwhelmed with it all today 😢😢 The admin and jobs are just endless……also finding it hard not knowing exactly the ins and outs of mum’s physical health. The home is reactive and good, but you do get a third hand account when not speaking to the system yourself…..and it does depend a little on which nurse is on duty. It’s a control thing my end I think!

Anyway 2 moments of amusement to make sure I note:

1] I was driving this morning and saw a body on the pavement 😱😱 You can’t take the carer out of the carer so hazards on and pulled over phone in hand to call ambulance. 🙈🙈 well it was a chap looking at a drain 🤣🤣🤣 he thought it was hilarious 🤣🤣

2) Taking mum down the home corridoor to look at the lights and she’s worried about one of the end stage ladies calling out….she recalls it and a couple of minutes later summons a carer to go attend to her 🥰🥰🥰 The carer tells me this is quite frequent for mum and they wonder if mum thinks she is working in the home 🤣🤣🤣

Love both of those stories.

 

[colpatben]

Re Christmas Bonus.

Took me 10 minutes to figure it out as the entry on both of our bank statements was £10.00 DWP, XB.
My mind wasn't working this morning 😞..

Colin

 

[canary]

Ive felt overwhelmed with it all today 😢😢 The admin and jobs are just endless……also finding it hard not knowing exactly the ins and outs of mum’s physical health. The home is reactive and good, but you do get a third hand account when not speaking to the system yourself…..and it does depend a little on which nurse is on duty. It’s a control thing my end I think!

I think it is hard to let go and trust the staff in a care home when you have been the one who was responsible for everything to do with your mum and have had to look out for all her signs. Try to step back, though. You dont need to worry about all the details of her care plan etc. All the while that she is looking well cared for, dont sweat the small stuff.

PS - loved the stories too

 

[sdmhred]

Yes I think it’s working out what to step back on and what I need to keep an eye over. I don’t need to know how often they are changing dressings etc, how often she has a hair wash etc - but her physical health condition is so rare they haven’t encountered it before…and I have no idea if the new GP has of yet. Today she was prescribed an antibiotic which her record should say she has had a bad reaction to…..but that clearly didn’t get across..so I’m glad I asked…..should I be informed when she is starting a new medication as health POA?? I think its some of these procedural things and expectations which I don’t yet know ..so I think is causing me some anxiety.

The staff tho are all very good, friendly and helpful. She’s clearly being well looked after and is content and I am made to feel welcome. I hope they realise I am there not to keep an eye but to hang out with mum because I want to.

Is going through a care plan something we should or shouldnt do? I’m quite happy not to …and just raise issues if I see them? Is that what most folk do? In her previous 2 placements I was given loads of documents to sign re consent for this, that and everything ….but have had nothing here at all…..I was kind of expecting it 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

 

[nitram]

Yes I think it’s working out what to step back on and what I need to keep an eye over.

Agree.
Moving from micro management to observing management is a massive step.

 

[canary]

When mum in her care home I didnt see her care plan, but I was told about medication changes and if she had an infection, so I would have expected someone to have told you about the antibiotic. I used to chat the the carers and ask the senior carer how mum had been and if there were any changes - not in an interrogative manner, just asking for info. Care homes arnt always the best at communicating with family.

I think all the documents to sign will be on their way.......

 

[jugglingmum]

I never saw a care plan but did observe how they were with mum and other residents and felt very comfortable with it all. Eg when mum started loosig weight she always had ensure drinks to hand. They fed her cakes all day as she wasn't eating meals and they observed what food she ate and made sure she got it. The full nuance of this won't be I a care plan.

However in your shoes I'd want to be fully involved in all medication changes.

I wasn't but did meet the gp who visited every Friday and had a lot of confidence in her.

 

[Eddcorner]

Oh the irony of finding £10 Christmas bonus in mum’s account this morning - it makes all the problems in adult social care just drift away 🙈🙈😱😱

i was reading some of the tributes to Glynnis Kinnock - you can’t compare them to Mr Rishi and Mr Hunt - who will never know the value of £10 with their millions …..

Yep mum got her bonus too!! I'm sure it will offset all the price rises and extras we now need to buy. Oh the joy! Ho, ho, ho indeed!!!

 

[Eddcorner]

Oh the irony of finding £10 Christmas bonus in mum’s account this morning - it makes all the problems in adult social care just drift away 🙈🙈😱😱

i was reading some of the tributes to Glynnis Kinnock - you can’t compare them to Mr Rishi and Mr Hunt - who will never know the value of £10 with their millions …..

Millionaire elites with no clue.

 

[Agzy]

Great idea @sdmhred
With apols for length.
Throughout our marriage my wife has been a really super cook - made all our bread and bread rolls (without breadmaker machine), yogurts, ice cream, pickles, preserves, etc., catered for family parties, dinner parties, exotic dishes, etc., etc, - and had collected numerous cook books and her own handwritten recipes and secrets.

She also went to various classes and courses. At one of these, there was a Dutchman, who regularly turned up with various Indonesian spices, with the packets in Indonesian so there would be no clue what each was or was for,

Since my wife became ill 6 years ago, it fell to me to do all the shopping and cooking etc. I only did simple stuff to begin with, then I started to read recipes and expand the repertoire. I have got rid of most of the dinner party recipe books as I'm never going to do the fancy stuff my wife loved to do.

My daughter suggested going through cupboards and possibly clearing up stuff that I no longer need. Well earlier today I went through the kitchen cupboard where we keep herbs and spices and sauces etc. Some of them, well passed their "best fore" dates by a long long way! It is probably nearly 20 years since my wife last went to a cooking class/course.

My wife cannot now hold a conversation other than to answer whether cup of tea is too hot or not, etc and often talks randomly and incoherently.

I came across several small paper packages with labels printed in Indonesian. I showed them to my OH and asked her what they were and what they were for. Well, knock me down with a feather, without a moment's hesitation she said "Ah, the Dutchman gave me those for the curries."

My daughter has challenged me to use them for our next curry! It is likely to be a bitter/sweet moment if they don't poison us!

For me the frustration is that my Pauline is a “super taster,” and seemingly can taste a grain of salt on a mealand because of this has always eaten very very bland foodstuffs. No curries or spices and her only ‘greens’ are mushy peas twice a week. Her favourite food? American fries and a brioche burger bun three time a week!