Trekking along the dementia trail with mum


Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
Up the creek I feel your pain. This week I had to call the Police out to my mum as during our 10am phone call she was convinced a man she’s obsessed with (who is 40 years younger than her and lives in Europe) had flown in to see her, walked and hitched to her house through the night, tapped on her door and was now asleep in her bed. It was all unlikely but feasible - I rang the GP who said ‘safeguarding, call 101’, and the Police arrived within 30 minutes, blues and twos going. Mum couldn’t remember anything she’d told me.

Oh my goodness! As Shedrech says - thank goodness for the police!


Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
Gosh @SweetPepper , I'm glad the police checked up on your mum so quickly.
My mother fell in love with a tour rep she met while on holiday in 2014. At the time I didn't twig she was in the early stages of dementia. I thought the various problems that were occurring were her just getting older or the fact her eyesight was failing. When she came back from the holiday he was just a rep that had been kind to her. Over the years that changed until he became the love of her life and the family got fed up of the name Mario. She got really upset in 2018 when she thought my brother was inviting him to her 90th birthday. I had to explain it was a joke. Finally as the dementia advanced she more or less forgot about him. However the last time she mentioned him, when she was in a care home, was to wonder what would have happened if she'd stayed in Italy and had his babies. There was really no answer to that one!
I think sexual fantasies and older people is one of those areas that doesn't get talked about much and perhaps should. Mum started up a sexual relationship with a much younger resident while in her first care home, much the the man's wife's distress. Now she has very little language and rarely leaves her bed. Still her eyes light up when a man comes into view.
@Up the Creek , I hope you find a companion service. It might also be worth seeing if you can get carers in the help your mum wash etc. She might be more amenable to someone that isn't you.

Canadian Joanne

Registered User
Apr 8, 2005
Toronto, Canada
Yes, sexual behaviour in a PWD is unsettling, at best. My mother once told me rather coyly that one of the male staff members was her boyfriend. I think he had danced with her at one point. I just smiled and said something like 'Oh really?'
@Up the Creek have you considered respite at all? I think you need and deserve a break. Although your mother sounds easy to care for, it's never that simple. For your sake, and to take care of yourself, I really think you should consider it.