Nursing homes
- Thread starter Aisling
- Start date
Nursing home
Hi Everyone,
Just a quick post as I thought it might help someone. OH has become very depressed and tearful. He is fine when I am with him as apparently I can engage with him and talk away!! His consultant has reviewed and changed meds today. These meds are for anxiety and depression, not Alyzheimers of course. Meds will be monitored closely. I was too concerned to question too much today but tomorrow I will check who visited him. I know an invisible goes in an odd time and I suspect upsets him with news about deaths in neighbourhood. Apparently he has also told neighbours that he will take them to visit. He then tells people how " bad OH is. People will not listen so tomorro am going to have a chat with nurse and try to find out more.
Sorry I am rambling, the point of post is that this sadness and crying can be part/ stage of Alyz and can hit at different times. I remember it in the early days before and after diagnoses but in my ignorance I didn't know it could happen again at other stages.
Aisling xx
Hi Everyone,
Just a quick post as I thought it might help someone. OH has become very depressed and tearful. He is fine when I am with him as apparently I can engage with him and talk away!! His consultant has reviewed and changed meds today. These meds are for anxiety and depression, not Alyzheimers of course. Meds will be monitored closely. I was too concerned to question too much today but tomorrow I will check who visited him. I know an invisible goes in an odd time and I suspect upsets him with news about deaths in neighbourhood. Apparently he has also told neighbours that he will take them to visit. He then tells people how " bad OH is. People will not listen so tomorro am going to have a chat with nurse and try to find out more.
Sorry I am rambling, the point of post is that this sadness and crying can be part/ stage of Alyz and can hit at different times. I remember it in the early days before and after diagnoses but in my ignorance I didn't know it could happen again at other stages.
Aisling xx
I lost it!
I was with T today and lost the plot!! Invisible with him with a face that would turn milk sour. Not a word to T till she was going, then it was "goodbye with sad face. She saw another man and kept asking T if he know this man.... You should know him etc etc. kept insisting that T knew him. I lost it and said "you are upsetting T with these questions. How many times must I tell you that questions only confuse and upset him? Daggers drawn !! I was furious. Do some people not understand or not listen? She went off. I apologised to the man and explained quietly to him that T has Alyzheimers. He understood and told me that he knew him. He told T about things tim had done with his horses etc and this clicked, result a two way chat and T all smiles TG
I am angry with myself for loosing the plot but am sick and tired trying to explain to invisibles about the best way of supporting T. If looks could kill, I would be dead when she was leaving. I wish these naysayers in gloomy cloaks would just stay away.
Rant over.
Thank you for reading.
Aisling xxxx
I was with T today and lost the plot!! Invisible with him with a face that would turn milk sour. Not a word to T till she was going, then it was "goodbye with sad face. She saw another man and kept asking T if he know this man.... You should know him etc etc. kept insisting that T knew him. I lost it and said "you are upsetting T with these questions. How many times must I tell you that questions only confuse and upset him? Daggers drawn !! I was furious. Do some people not understand or not listen? She went off. I apologised to the man and explained quietly to him that T has Alyzheimers. He understood and told me that he knew him. He told T about things tim had done with his horses etc and this clicked, result a two way chat and T all smiles TG
I am angry with myself for loosing the plot but am sick and tired trying to explain to invisibles about the best way of supporting T. If looks could kill, I would be dead when she was leaving. I wish these naysayers in gloomy cloaks would just stay away.
Rant over.
Thank you for reading.
Aisling xxxx
I sound like I'm defending them, I'm not really, they should be taking their lead from you. You know exactly the best ways to ensure T doesn't get distressed, but I really think some people just don't and cannot understand. There are also those who think they know better and just don't listen. Whichever category this particular invisible falls into I don't blame you for losing it with them, if they could not see that they were upsetting T they needed to be told no question about it! x
Sometimes, indeed, it would be better if people stayed away.
Was good though that the other man did recognise your husband and was able to chat to him in a way that reminded him of good times. There are ways of introducing people that a pwd knows (but isn't recognising) without badgering them with "don't you know them? You should know them!" type questions - that just distresses them beyond belief, because it's like saying "Gosh - aren't you losing the plot! See? YOu don't even recognise or remember this person that you should know well! Wow! Your dementia is really getting bad, isn't it? Oops! I forgot - mustn't mention the D word!!"
It all stems from ignorance really doesn't it? Until we can somehow make sure that people have more information about and understanding of dementia this kind of thing will sadly continue. Even in hospital I've come across people who ask Sue complex questions and expect an answer.
I'm not surprised you lost it Aisling.
I'm not surprised you lost it Aisling.
I had a phone call from a friend of 50yrs, haven't heard from her since Ed went into care, she now wants to visit him, he doestn't even recognise his own family, why do these invisables want to visit after a year, l do have two friends who have visited every 3 weeks, he no longer recognises them, they are there to support me, which l find very comforting.
A huge thanks to all of you. You are keeping me going. The big problem with OH is depression now and heartbreaking. Is depression a huge problem for some people with Alyz? OH has many periods of depression since diagnoses. Meds are then looked at etc and monitored and in the past have helped him TG.
Aisling xx
I don't know the answer to your question Aisling, but I imagine it is quite common. Of course, there's always a fair chance that medication is responsible or making it worse. I hope they get things sorted out for OH a.s.a.p.
I think it's quite common for depression to go along with Alzheimer's. My husband was on antidepressants from when he was diagnosed in 2001 until he died in July. In the early days depression was quite a big problem with him. I think because he understood his diagnosis at that time. It took a while to get his medication for it right.
Hello Aisling, my husband has been on Sertraline for 2yrs, he is now on the highest dose, he still cries alot, the staff say he misses me, when l am not there he's looking for me. When l am with him he wanders off looking for me. Other residents cry alot as well, they get flash backs of their former life, then they get upset. The only release is death. Sad but very true.
Dear Aisling,
I sat and read this whole thread yesterday evening, completely engrossed and finished it at 11pm, just as my iPad was running out of charge. I am in the process of helping my mum find a care home for my lovely Dad as she can no longer cope with his increasingly erratic outbursts and agitation, and your thread had me gripped but also in tears for you. You sound so lovely and caring, but I completely feel for your heartbreak and worry my mum will be the same when we find a home for Dad. I am so torn about the situation but support my mum 100%. If only we could find a way to stop him from suddenly getting up and deciding to leave his home, as there is no reasoning or distracting him and he becomes very angry and aggressive towards my mum and I have to rush round on an almost daily basis to help her. We also think Dad is quite depressed at times, although he is on sertraline, he becomes quite tearful at time , but also can be quite euphoric at times.We worry he will not settle in a home and get upset and aggressive in there. You appear to have found a lovely home for your husband but you still have so much anguish and grief to deal with. Everyone on here is so lovely and supportive that it's lovely they give you so much comfort. It's a shame your neighbours and family are less than helpful. I feel comforted that my mum has me and my family supporting her, but I fear she will feel terribly guilty as well, as will I.
You are a wonderful lady and I wish you some peace and happiness if that is at all possible, oh and a virtual hug from me xxx
I sat and read this whole thread yesterday evening, completely engrossed and finished it at 11pm, just as my iPad was running out of charge. I am in the process of helping my mum find a care home for my lovely Dad as she can no longer cope with his increasingly erratic outbursts and agitation, and your thread had me gripped but also in tears for you. You sound so lovely and caring, but I completely feel for your heartbreak and worry my mum will be the same when we find a home for Dad. I am so torn about the situation but support my mum 100%. If only we could find a way to stop him from suddenly getting up and deciding to leave his home, as there is no reasoning or distracting him and he becomes very angry and aggressive towards my mum and I have to rush round on an almost daily basis to help her. We also think Dad is quite depressed at times, although he is on sertraline, he becomes quite tearful at time , but also can be quite euphoric at times.We worry he will not settle in a home and get upset and aggressive in there. You appear to have found a lovely home for your husband but you still have so much anguish and grief to deal with. Everyone on here is so lovely and supportive that it's lovely they give you so much comfort. It's a shame your neighbours and family are less than helpful. I feel comforted that my mum has me and my family supporting her, but I fear she will feel terribly guilty as well, as will I.
You are a wonderful lady and I wish you some peace and happiness if that is at all possible, oh and a virtual hug from me xxx
Thank you Stanley. I think meds will help but take a while to work. Then there might be a plateau for a while.
Aisling
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