Thank you Molly. Tim's birthday today. Heartbreaking for me. Can't stop the tears now I am home.
Aisling xx
Nursing homes
- Thread starter Aisling
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Thank you Molly. Tim's birthday today. Heartbreaking for me. Can't stop the tears now I am home.
Aisling xx
Aw, a hard day for you Aisling. It's just the pits trying to celebrate a husband's birthday in a nursing home, and then leave him there. (((.))) hugs for you
Thank you so much. Hope tomorrow is ok for you, as ok as it can be PG. PM anytime.
Aisling xx
Am not able to cope anymore and am getting worse. Can anyone help please? We had wedding anniversary last week and OH birthday yesterday. Instead of getting energy I am just getting worse by the day. I know it is part of living bereavement but can't handle it at the moment. Apart from visiting NH, all I want to do is sleep. Is this normal or am I simple going mad....? Lazy? Not interested in even eating.... Anyone else in this position. I don't really like posting about myself anymore as you all have far greater problems than I have.
Blessings from,
Aisling
Blessings from,
Aisling
Oh Aisling, we can all feel your pain. It is real and cannot be measured against anyone else's. Posting here is much better than suffering as you are without any outlet at all. No-one on TP would wish you to stop.
You do need to seek help to try and improve your situation. Please think about phoning the Samaritans:
http://www.samaritans.org/your-community/samaritans-ireland-scotland-and-wales/samaritans-ireland
You will be able to talk at length to people who are experts in helping people in extreme situations.
And PLEASE keep posting here.
You do need to seek help to try and improve your situation. Please think about phoning the Samaritans:
http://www.samaritans.org/your-community/samaritans-ireland-scotland-and-wales/samaritans-ireland
You will be able to talk at length to people who are experts in helping people in extreme situations.
And PLEASE keep posting here.
Keep posting so we can support you.
You are going through a very stressful & upsetting time & how you feel is natural.
The Samaritans are brilliant at listening & talking things through
http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
Hi Aisling
a wedding anniversary and a birthday so close together - no wonder you feel low - times we would usually want to celebrate tend now to bring home how different life is from how it was and what we'd hoped for
yes we all have our situations but each one of us matters - it hits us all hard at different times
so post as much as you want to, you know someone will read and understand
me, when I'm saddened or stressed, I too just want to sleep - sleeping is when I can stop thinking - sometimes I allow myself to have a nap and just snuggle up in the duvet, does no-one any harm - sometimes I just curl up in a comfy chair and listen to radio 4 extra, the dramas I can get lost in, the comedy makes me (reluctantly) smile
and at those times I either don't want to cook - so it's time for thick soups and rice pudding and ready meals, or I cook up a storm and freeze lots for whenever
so no, you're not going mad, you're not lazy; you're overwhelmed; you're human
only you will know, maybe you need to not visit as much, just for a wee while, just to have a break
do chat to the Samaritans 116 123 or the lovely folk on the AS helpline - both will be happy to have a conversation with you
0300 222 1122 usually open from 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday, and from 10am - 4pm at weekends
https://alzheimer.ie/services-support/about-our-services/national-helpline-service.aspx
you're a valued member of this wonderful community - keep posting
very best wishes
a wedding anniversary and a birthday so close together - no wonder you feel low - times we would usually want to celebrate tend now to bring home how different life is from how it was and what we'd hoped for
yes we all have our situations but each one of us matters - it hits us all hard at different times
so post as much as you want to, you know someone will read and understand
me, when I'm saddened or stressed, I too just want to sleep - sleeping is when I can stop thinking - sometimes I allow myself to have a nap and just snuggle up in the duvet, does no-one any harm - sometimes I just curl up in a comfy chair and listen to radio 4 extra, the dramas I can get lost in, the comedy makes me (reluctantly) smile
and at those times I either don't want to cook - so it's time for thick soups and rice pudding and ready meals, or I cook up a storm and freeze lots for whenever
so no, you're not going mad, you're not lazy; you're overwhelmed; you're human
only you will know, maybe you need to not visit as much, just for a wee while, just to have a break
do chat to the Samaritans 116 123 or the lovely folk on the AS helpline - both will be happy to have a conversation with you
0300 222 1122 usually open from 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday, and from 10am - 4pm at weekends
https://alzheimer.ie/services-support/about-our-services/national-helpline-service.aspx
you're a valued member of this wonderful community - keep posting
very best wishes
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Aisling your pain is no less than anyone else's. You have had a lot to contend with of late and had many hurdles but in front of you. It is no wonder you are feeling so down.
Sleep is good for you. You just do what you find helps you the most. As others have said you might find some comfort in talking to someone about your feelings. You know we are all here to listen and support, it is what we do best.
Take care Aisling and keep posting.
Jay xx
Sleep is good for you. You just do what you find helps you the most. As others have said you might find some comfort in talking to someone about your feelings. You know we are all here to listen and support, it is what we do best.
Take care Aisling and keep posting.
Jay xx
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Aisling you are not going mad, you are not lazy, you are grieving and you need help and support. Those events so close together are so difficult to get through when they are altered by this dreadful disease but knockout blows when you are already collapsing under the strain.
Please keep posting here but also get some other help, you know what the problem is, do this for yourself, you need to survive as well.
Please keep posting here but also get some other help, you know what the problem is, do this for yourself, you need to survive as well.
And Aisling - go back to the GP too! And if your usual GP isn't the type you can talk to then go to someone else - you don't have to always go to the same GP. "Midowhood" is a terrible place - you are sort of in limbo between two worlds. And please, do contact someone, because you've had the wedding anniversary, and T's birthday - but before you know it, Christmas will be looming in our sights! You need to be building up your resources to face that. Best you get talking to someone now - and if they suggest medication, then take it! Desperate times call for desperate measures, and all that! xx
Aisling, I'm really worried about you. When you last went to GP, did the person do blood tests, proper physical? Did they prescribe antidepressants? I feel I am prying, but I also feel you're not getting proper attention and I agree with Lady A, see someone else if the first GP was dismissive.
A) rule out underlying condition
B) get help (meds, counseling, cognitive behavioral therapy) for your mind
I get the sense that you simply are not at peace. I know, you have many reasons not to be. But at some point, even in these difficulties so many of us face in the horror of this disease and its care, we must come to a point where we know we have done our best, and that we must find peace with ourselves, and even with those choices which have been taken out of our hands. . I find that writing freely in a journal (often whilst crying my head off) helps me find what is truly on my mind and find my own way through a problem, which may not be the way others have pointed out.
Can you try to do one thing per day or per week which is entirely for you, which makes you feel good? How many feel good things can you string together? I know this is a challenge for me, but when I frame it as a task to attend to (!Q), I seem to do it and it does help. (Mine are: have a glass of wine at a bar where live music is being enjoyed. Take a walk in a natural environment.)
Thinking about you.
A) rule out underlying condition
B) get help (meds, counseling, cognitive behavioral therapy) for your mind
I get the sense that you simply are not at peace. I know, you have many reasons not to be. But at some point, even in these difficulties so many of us face in the horror of this disease and its care, we must come to a point where we know we have done our best, and that we must find peace with ourselves, and even with those choices which have been taken out of our hands. . I find that writing freely in a journal (often whilst crying my head off) helps me find what is truly on my mind and find my own way through a problem, which may not be the way others have pointed out.
Can you try to do one thing per day or per week which is entirely for you, which makes you feel good? How many feel good things can you string together? I know this is a challenge for me, but when I frame it as a task to attend to (!Q), I seem to do it and it does help. (Mine are: have a glass of wine at a bar where live music is being enjoyed. Take a walk in a natural environment.)
Thinking about you.
Hi Aisling.
I hope this doesn't seem trite or inappropriate but a friend of mine shared this with me last year. Maybe you could take one small "thing" from it tonight, or tomorrow, or the day after. Otherwise sleep is good, nothing wrong with sleep at all!
http://www.tosavealife.com/for-when-youre-actually-not-okay-a-self-care-printable/
I hope this doesn't seem trite or inappropriate but a friend of mine shared this with me last year. Maybe you could take one small "thing" from it tonight, or tomorrow, or the day after. Otherwise sleep is good, nothing wrong with sleep at all!
http://www.tosavealife.com/for-when-youre-actually-not-okay-a-self-care-printable/
Dear Aisling. I`m really sorry you are having such a tough time and am just thankful you are staying in contact with Talking Point.
So often breakdown happens after the decision for residential care has been made . People who are caring 24/7 eventually work on automatic pilot out of necessity. This is because the needs of the person they are caring for have to be met.
Once they are in residential care there is room and time for the after effects of so much suffering to take hold. I`ve seen it happen so many times on TP Aisling. You are in good company.
Please allow yourself to feel the pain you are feeling. Allow yourself to be heartbroken. Be as kind to yourself as you are to the person you were caring for.
Take time for yourself. Do phone the Samaritans. I hope eventually you will heal.
So often breakdown happens after the decision for residential care has been made . People who are caring 24/7 eventually work on automatic pilot out of necessity. This is because the needs of the person they are caring for have to be met.
Once they are in residential care there is room and time for the after effects of so much suffering to take hold. I`ve seen it happen so many times on TP Aisling. You are in good company.
Please allow yourself to feel the pain you are feeling. Allow yourself to be heartbroken. Be as kind to yourself as you are to the person you were caring for.
Take time for yourself. Do phone the Samaritans. I hope eventually you will heal.
Just want to encourage you Aisling.
I only have my mother with dementia and it must be so much worse to have a partner, but I have suffered anticipatory grief for many years now and it really is just as devastating as final grief' but we don't have closure so can start the rest of our lives. We live in limbo, not able to move on just waiting for 'the end'.
That sounds awful to people who've never been there but sometimes anyone in this position feels that way I'm sure. The first six months of the year, with family birthdays, wedding anniversary (one a month) etc are always bad for me and I haven't been able to celebrate my last two birthdays because I can't bear to celebrate them without my mother who gave birth to me. My father being dead I can cope with but knowing my mother is down the road not even aware who she is, let alone be aware that she has a daughter and a family is areal stumbling block for me. We were always a very close family and celebrated together. Now of course she can only 'eat' pureed food and takes up to an hour because she can't process the necessity of swallowing I actually find distressing to watch.
I recently came to the end of my tether- didn't want to be here and saw a counsellor who has helped a little. I know I'm never going to 'be right' but I can now function.
I only have my mother with dementia and it must be so much worse to have a partner, but I have suffered anticipatory grief for many years now and it really is just as devastating as final grief' but we don't have closure so can start the rest of our lives. We live in limbo, not able to move on just waiting for 'the end'.
That sounds awful to people who've never been there but sometimes anyone in this position feels that way I'm sure. The first six months of the year, with family birthdays, wedding anniversary (one a month) etc are always bad for me and I haven't been able to celebrate my last two birthdays because I can't bear to celebrate them without my mother who gave birth to me. My father being dead I can cope with but knowing my mother is down the road not even aware who she is, let alone be aware that she has a daughter and a family is areal stumbling block for me. We were always a very close family and celebrated together. Now of course she can only 'eat' pureed food and takes up to an hour because she can't process the necessity of swallowing I actually find distressing to watch.
I recently came to the end of my tether- didn't want to be here and saw a counsellor who has helped a little. I know I'm never going to 'be right' but I can now function.
Thank you all so much for so many replies of support and comfort. I will reply to you all when I am able to do so. You are all carrying me on your shoulders. Please keep me there for a while. You are stars in the darkest skies.
Aisling xxxxxxxxxx
Aisling xxxxxxxxxx
I'm sure you are in many people's thoughts Aisling. I hope you are feeling a little less troubled.
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