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Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Bunpoots, Dec 17, 2018.
Glad all went well @Bunpoots
@Bunpoots and @Lzanne
Im glad the day went as well as it could
Be gentle with yourselves now
Pleased to hear both funerals went well.
I’m glad the funeral went well for you.
I know that feeling. My dad was the same when my mum passed away. It was hard to get through the immediate post-funeral period but we did have some good years before he became ill himself. I’m sure you’ll look after your mum. Remember to look after yourself too..
So pleased all went well on the day of the funeral @Bunpoots. It’s lovely that you felt your Dad was with you and approved. I can imagine you are feeling very lost at the moment but I’m sure you’ll find something enjoyable to do in your free time once you are ready. I love the comment from your Aunt and hope it struck a chord! Thank you for your support too it really means a lot xxx
Thank you @KathrynAnne . I am still feeling rather lost and now I have to start my executor role. It seems daunting so I'm going to make a list and plod through at my own pace. Apart from the bungalow being in a trust and grandchildren being left money in a trust there's nothing I can't do by myself. I'm setting myself a target of having everything ready for the solicitor by the end of February. It shouldn't really take me that long but I find I'm getting emotional if I do too much at once.
My aunt phoned me to see how I am and then told me she loved the funeral and would like something like that for herself when the time comes. So I must have done something right!! She's 87 and always on the go! I used to visit her occasionally when dad was still alive to remind myself that old age isn't always that terrifying!! I'm hoping to see her more now that I have more time, and my cousins.
I'm sorry to hear about your dad but I just want you to know that you take one step at a time and do too much at once. Your dad sounded like a lovely man and he would have been so proud of you.
I am sorry that you have had such a shock. Take care of yourself. Xxx
So please all went well funerals are like holding your breath, hoping all goes well but not realising till afterwards when you "sigh" with relief.
Look after yourself Bunpoots.
I hope the probate isnt too taxing
Well. I was expecting this eventually but I’ve just received a text from my brother asking where the will is, what’s in it (I thought he already knew) what’s happening with dad’s bungalow (nothing while it’s got tenants in) and is the solicitor dealing with the estate. I’m the sole executor but bro obviously doesn’t trust me.
He’s offered to come round and discuss it. Never asked anything about dad when he was alive. Never even asked what’s happened to the ashes...
It’s not even two weeks since the funeral
I'm so sorry to hear this. As you say expected sadly.
I presume you will tell him not to trouble himself to come round. I would be want to be more blunt but that wouldn't get me anywhere.
And add the relevant details of you are sole executor and you are getting everything together to pass to solicitor shortly. Make sure solicitor is aware you don't want your brother to know any more than he is entitled to, if that is what you want to do. This should be professional ethics but sometimes not realised if not pointed out.
I can't recall if he has inherited anything, but if he hasn't he isn't entitled to anymore info. If he is a beneficiary or trustee of one of the trusts then he is entitled to the info.
Good luck, and remember you did your very best fro your lovely dad.
Thanks @jugglingmum. I have already done as you suggested and told him not to visit. He is a beneficiary and a trustee for his son.
Funny how he never offered to visit when I would’ve welcomed the support.
As my plumber so succinctly put it “They’ll all crawl out of the woodwork now!”
My brother did that to me too
Tell him (with a sickly smile) that its so good of him to ask how you are and yes, everything is in hand, so he doesnt need to come round at all
I don’t want to see him. Don’t know if would be that cool...
Take your time. Do things at your pace and don’t let him bully you!
I intend to. It he’s texting me now asking me to prove the tenancy agreement
It’s sunday night. I could do without this!!
I think I’ll keep them as evidence
Not answering him