1. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,896
    Nottinghamshire
    The flow does seem a bit upstream at the moment and I'm really missing dad and all the rest of that generation. Everyone who was part of my everyday life is gone now from the generation above me and it's a big void to fill.

    I was wondering how you're doing as your dad passed soon after mine. I suppose we've both got a lot of "firsts" to get through over the rest of the year...
     
  2. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,894
    Yorkshire
    thanks for thinking of me @Bunpoots
    like you I think I'm doing fine, and then I too realise I'm now the older generation with no-one to look out for me and it's a bit scary to be honest ... and I recognise the sibling issues ...
    I have found friends to be so supportive ... and have volunteering of various kinds which gives me some routine and uses my brain ... I honestly don't think I have the reserves to look after anyone; you're amazing to give time to your friend's son, I can see how that may be very demanding
    I reassure myself that others have found their way, so muddling through is just fine
     
  3. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,896
    Nottinghamshire
    It's very reassuring to talk to someone who understands @Shedrech - I know exactly what you mean about it being a bit scary... Being the grown-up of the family!! Even though I'd thought about it I didn't understand how it would feel until it happened.
     
  4. KathrynAnne

    KathrynAnne Registered User

    Jun 6, 2018
    272
    Female
    South Yorkshire
    Hi @Bunpoots, I don’t come on TP as much as I used to since Mum passed away but I keep checking in to see how everyone is doing. It is very strange being the oldest generation in the family now and I often feel ill equipped to be in that position. At other times I still can’t quite believe that Mum is no longer here. I’m kept quite busy and look after my 18 month old granddaughter 4 days a week and also do a companionship job for 8 hours a week. I’m sure this has helped me to not dwell too much on the loss of Mum. Today had been a quiet day and I feel as though I’ve wasted it by doing very little but I suppose these sort of days help to recharge the batteries. I’m just about to take the dogs a walk which I don’t feel like doing but know I’ll enjoy it once I’m out!
    Take care and good luck with the house sale xxx
     
  5. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,896
    Nottinghamshire
    Strange indeed @KathrynAnne. My mum was in her mid sixties when she became the oldest generation and I fully expected the same for myself but my mum died when I was 47 and I'm still quite a way off sixty and now dad's gone too.

    I need to pull my socks up and stop moping!! I know just what you mean - I never want to do anything and then feel much better after I have!
     
  6. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,962
    Female
    East Midlands
    Hi @Bunpoots it is strange how it can all affect you. One day can be very different to the next.

    I kept myself very busy after her death & now it feels like stalemate has been achieved. If selling a bungalow then they are usually very popular.
    If we are talking in Notts then there seems to be a lack of bungalow properties. I have achieved a great offer for my mum’s bungalow, far greater than what I was expecting.

    However now I am at the point where I need to start selling what I can & clearing out the rest of the bungalow. There is no great rush at the moment as I am in a chain with the buyers but no doubt everything will happen at once knowing my luck & we’ll be scrambling round doing events & clearing out the bungalow.

    I hope you have your brother & sister situation under control!
     
  7. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,896
    Nottinghamshire
    Yep @Kikki21. My brother and sister are well under control - they're nowhere to be seen :rolleyes:.

    Good news about your mum's bungalow. I had a couple of estimates for my dad's and they were higher than I'd hoped. I did a quick refurbishment before dad went into the care home. I think that helps. It looks quite modern. I'll have it revalued in June. I think prices have gone up a bit since last November.

    I don't envy you having to clear out your mum's things. That was the hardest part for me. But it definitely helps to be busy...
     
  8. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,166
    Merseyside
    I still find that orphan feeling & being the oldest very strange and I'm 2 1/2 years without Dad. I still get ambushed by memories at the oddest times.
     
  9. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,896
    Nottinghamshire
    “Ambushed by memories” is a good way of describing what’s happening @Cat27
     
  10. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,962
    Female
    East Midlands
    Ah a modernised bungalow will do well. If your kitchen & bathroom are modern then you can add £20 to £30k more to a property. House prices have definitely gone up. I have cleared a lot of rubbish out of my mum’s bungalow but now comes the actual clearing out of it & selling stuff & council collecting stuff. X
     
  11. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,896
    Nottinghamshire
    I gave most of dad’s furniture to a charity @Kikki21. It was in reasonable condition. The stuff they wouldn’t take I took to the tip. It’s amazing what can fit in the back of a small car with the seats down! So we managed to clear the bungalow without having to pay anyone.
     
  12. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,962
    Female
    East Midlands
    That’s good. I think some furniture will have to go to charity but saying that, 70’s furniture is in so might be worth a go trying to sell it. It’s mainly in good nick too. Oh we have a 7 seater Galaxy which is mainly used with the seats out for my events & you can stuff a lot into that!
    The beds will have to be picked up by the council though.
     
  13. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,896
    Nottinghamshire
    I took the bed to pieces and stuffed it in the car - only a Corsa - but I think it's mother was a TARDIS!!!
     
  14. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,962
    Female
    East Midlands
    Haha love it! The most we stuffed into the Galaxy was all the equipment for a concert show in the back plus 1 of the singers in a seat plus a roof box. That car has done very well. It’s been to & from Scotland numerous times. Been around Scotland numerous times. Been to the Isle of Man, Jersey, Guernsey & Ireland & Northern Ireland numerous times plus all my events in the Midlands.
    My mum’s bed was one of those attached to the wall with drawers etc either side. That will be interesting to try & take apart.
     
  15. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,896
    Nottinghamshire
    #115 Bunpoots, Jun 23, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2019
    Tomorrow I'm going to put dads bungalow on the market. I have yet to check it to see if the tenants are getting their deposit back. Just haven't been able to go there.

    But bungalows apart... My dad, before he got dementia, gave me half his bungalow. He then made a will stating that he wanted to leave everything to me but with a wish that if bro and sis stepped up to the mark I would reward them appropriately. TBH I wasn't happy with this responsibility but it was what he wanted (there had been history).

    Fast forward 7yrs... Dad had dementia... Bro takes his own solicitor to dads house and has the will rewritten. Dad was not happy and went on and on about it until I took him back to HIS solicitor and dad had another will written dividing everything 7ways (kids and grandkids). At this point I'd forgotten I owned half his bungalow!!! So that's half of the bungalow plus his savings that will be shared. I get the other half of the bungalow.

    I was then asked by one of my siblings if my half of the bungalow was included in the settlement and, caught off guard, I said yes. Since then I've had lots of people saying "don't give them a penny". I'm torn. My dad didn't have dementia when he gave me the half bungalow (because I helped him look after mum and my siblings didn't) so should I honour his wishes? Or am I stealing from my siblings if I do? They seem to think I am...

    I have lost a fair amount of money (self employed wages) myself looking after dad. Siblings have not.

    Just after opinions.
     
  16. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,209
    Female
    South coast
    No of course you are not stealing from your siblings by keeping your half of the bungalow. It was yours before he died, so its not part of his estate.
    You should also get a 7th share of his half of the bungalow and savings.
    Dont be guilt tripped
     
  17. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,484
    You have to follow the instructions given in the will @Bunpoots and that does not include your half of the bungalow. Your dad gave that to you and it's yours to keep.

    Don't be made to feel guilty by your siblings. You were there for your dad, they weren't.

    Your brother had a blooming cheek getting your dad to change his will. I can't believe some people and how greedy they can be. Your dad may have had dementia but he was on to them.
     
  18. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,209
    Female
    South coast
    One thing that occurs to me @Bunpoots is that if the inheritance is going to cause a load of accusations from the family you might want to hand the probate over to a solicitor to sort out.
    It will cost extra, but if its been done by a solicitor then although the family might not be happy you cant be accused of stealing.
     
  19. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,896
    Nottinghamshire
    The same thought has occurred to me.
     
  20. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,062
    Female
    Chester

    Sums it up really.

    I'm not sure you expect to see your siblings much going forward anyway so nothing to lose.

    I think using a solicitor sounds a good idea if it'll reduce any comeback. Don't forget to charge everything you can think of since your dad died into his estate as you are entitled to full expenses for all the clearing of the bungalow etc, you might have owned half, but your dad occupied it so clearing it is the cost of his estate.

    I think you have 2 daughters so presumably you're family will get 3/7 as well which is good (and maybe give your daughters a house deposit?)
     

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