1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Ostrich63

    Ostrich63 Registered User

    Jul 9, 2018
    27
    If I were you I would go out tomorrow buy a cheap phone with sim card send him your "new" number - and send him a message saying again you are soul executor and that you will collect information together and let him know its a slow process. (etc relevant to your situation) then pop it in the drawer and forget it for a week or so.

    Think I would block him from the number he has for you now too.

    Other than that phone him up and say "b*gger off"


    Someone once said to me "where there a will there is a family"
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,586
    Kent
    Can you block his contact @Bunpoots and tell him any contact can be through the solicitor and he can pay the bill.
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,548
    Female
    South coast
    I do like that solution :D
    It frees up your phone, you dont have to see it and it keeps all the evidence separate :cool:.
     
  4. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,110
    Toronto, Canada
    I never cease to be stunned by the bold-faced effrontery of some people. I do like @Ostrich63's suggestion of a new phone & number. I would send him a text saying it will take several months (or whatever a realistic time frame is) to settle things and repeat that word for word each time.

    There's always the option of telling him since he wasn't around before, he can keep himself away now till things are done.
     
  5. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,034
    Nottinghamshire
    Taking @Ostrich63 ’s suggestion in mind I’ve ordered myself a new smartphone. My old one is so old it keeps cutting off people when they try to phone me. If bro starts pestering I’ll buy a new sim for the old phone and give him that number.

    I was quite short with him last night but haven’t quite told him to b*gger off yet...

    If he hadn’t spent “his inheritance” on a boat before he’d got it he wouldn’t be in a pickle now!
     
  6. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,185
    Female
    Chester
    Hard to feel any sympathy. Money isn't yours until it's in his bank account.

    He clearly has no clue as to how long these things can take as he seems to be expecting money instantly.

    I suspect you haven't heard the last from him if he needs the money to repay the loan.
     
  7. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,034
    Nottinghamshire
    Well there’s nothing I can do. I don’t have the money until probate is sorted and the bungalow is sold. Can’t kick the tenants out until their contract ends tho bro clearly thinks I can. I don’t think he understands that having tenants in situ until probate is sorted is saving both time and money. Of course he wouldn’t care about the time as it would be me who had to maintain the garden etc.

    If he gets shirty I’ll be charging the going rate :mad::mad:
     
  8. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,185
    Female
    Chester
    You are correct in that keeping the bungalow occupied is saving money in terms of upkeep etc.

    I know from colleagues that probate can take time to sort, frustratingly so at times, but several months is not unreasonable.

    I know if my mum dies in the near future (she's fit and well and it's unlikely) I've thought about dragging out the probate process - not excessively but enough to irritate my brother, but I decided I'd just want to get it done and over with. Mum hasn't got a will, but I'm hoping to get brother to agree to transfer some money straight to his kids, as otherwise he'll spend it all and then at least there's a back up for them (thinking if mum dies before his kids finish uni - he doesn't live with them). I'd mirror the same with my kids just to get him to do this.
     
  9. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,034
    Nottinghamshire
    I was executor for my aunt and couldn’t deal with it emotionally so handed it straight over to the solicitor. I seem to remember it taking 9 months to complete.

    So far I’m coping reasonably well with sorting what I can of dad’s estate before I hand over to the solicitor to sort out the trusts. I think I’ll let them apply for probate too. Sister has offered help but there’s not really much she can do. I just want my bro and his bad attitude to stay away.

    I’m quite capable of dragging my feet . The more he pushes the heavier my feet will get...
     
  10. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,623
    USA
    @Bunpoots, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. Not what you need. I've no advice in addition to the excellent suggestions already offered. How about some ((((((hugs))))))?
     
  11. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,034
    Nottinghamshire
    Thanks Amy. Hugs always welcome
     
  12. Ostrich63

    Ostrich63 Registered User

    Jul 9, 2018
    27
    Thinking of you and hope all is going as well as it might.
     
  13. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,034
    Nottinghamshire
    #93 Bunpoots, Jan 31, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2019
    Thanks. Bro’s not texted me again since the barrage on Sunday - but I now have a new phone and a spare sim in my old one just in case...:cool:
     
  14. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,554
    Take your time @Bunpoots It's time for a bit of relaxation I think. If I were in your position I would be taking a nice long holiday somewhere nice. The probate can wait a bit :D:cool:
     
  15. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,034
    Nottinghamshire
    Thanks. I think I deserve a break after the last 4 years. I'll add a week or two stress break if I'm hassled...;)
     
  16. Melles Belles

    Melles Belles Registered User

    Jul 4, 2017
    361
    Female
    South east
    @Bunpoots. If I had a brother like yours I wouldn’t be in a rush to sort probate. Luckily mine is helpful and supportive but a shame he’s 500 miles away.
    Sending hugs and virtual support
     
  17. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,034
    Nottinghamshire
    Since I last posted on this thread I've found myself seized by a strange inertia and haven't managed to motivate myself to do anything I haven't had to deal with immediately.

    I plodded through sorting out dad's estate and then realised that by the time I'd got all the info together it was easier to complete probate online than go to a solicitor. When I collected the will my solicitor told me what I needed to do free of charge so that's what I've done. I'll be using them to sort out the house sale and trust. The tenants are leaving on the 19th of June so the bungalow will be on the market on the 20th. I haven't decided whether to go for a good price or a quick sale yet. Probably the latter cos I just want everything dealt with.

    Dad left gave me half the bungalow ten years ago but brother and sister expect me to include my half in the probate. I'm going to have to deal with the kick back when they realise this is not going to happen. I'd miss my sister if she never spoke to me again but I don't care about brother after his behaviour. Neither of them were very supportive while dad was alive but sister was better than bro. She stepped up at the end to sort out his bungalow after he went into care. If I'm cynical I'd say that was because she knew she wouldn't have to deal with caring for dad... Neither have asked if I'm OK since he's died. I'm not. I thought I would be.

    This low feeling has taken me by surprise.
     
  18. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,548
    Female
    South coast
    ((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))) @Bunpoots
    Grief tales a while to work through and low moods often come back. Im still plagued by them and its over 2 years since mum passed away.
    Be gentle with yourself.
     
  19. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,042
    Yorkshire
    hi @Bunpoots
    you've been busy and expending emotional energy ... your reserves are low, and that's when, I think, the inertia hits ... a bit like body and mind telling you they need rest, so they go on strike
    I lost dad at the end of january and it's odd how anything out of the ordinary hits me, but then sometimes the mundane everyday is just too much bother
    grief works in mysterious ways, I'd say do with the flow, don't push yourself hard
     
  20. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,034
    Nottinghamshire
    Thanks @ Canary. I can understand your low moods more than mine as you're still stuck in the middle of it!

    I look after a little boy for a friend occasionally and his Grandma, who died shortly after my dad had suspected dementia, although nothing showed on scans, and psychosis. His poor mum is frantic with worry as her son is now suffering from extreme anxiety so bad he is almost agoropobic (not sure of spelling!), unable to attend school properly and was referred to CAMHS a couple of weeks back after a panic attack ended in a visit to A&E. I wonder how much of this is due to what he's witnessed from his Gran over the last year or so. His gran was 83years older than her 10yr old grandson when she died and they were close. She often stopped at his house but was sometimes very unpleasant to him.

    I'm very worried about him too and doing what I can to support him and his mum... But having to stay indoors with him 3 days a week because he thinks the sky looks wrong or the sun is going to crash into to the world is not helping my mood.

    I often wonder how carers who have to stay in with their PWD manage to stay sane. They really have my sympathy cos I just go stir crazy :confused:
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.