Hi, I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this with your mother but your brother needs to be put in his place. Your mom can’t do anything so someone needs to step in and help contact social worker or servicesHello there
i have had some excellent advice from this forum over the years - since 2015.
I visited my 96 year old Mum a couple of weeks ago. She lives alone with no care - which she refuses. I live about an hour away and my brother 2 hours. He looks after her finances and, since I moved (I used to live next door) my brother has assumed the role of de decision maker in mum’s affairs.
it’s getting worse to be honest. Mum is reluctant to ask for her son’s help for some reason and just seems grateful for anything he’s prepared to do.
mum was smelly, unkempt and the place untidy. She’s okay - if a little sad and low. I messaged my brother to say that I was going to arrange some home help for Mum - with Mum’s agreement. With 24 hours he had driven from his home - 100 miles away - to visit her and then told me she doesn’t want help. I contacted Social Care who rang Mum and told that she said she doesn’t want help. They contacted my brother who told them that he was going to arrange home help. Nothing has been arranged and Mum is all alone
I had an email from my brother saying that, whilst he understood how I felt , our Mum doesn’t want help and things would stay the same - Mum doesnt want help and that we should draw up a rota and share Mum;s housework between us.
Mum has a bad sore on her face and her GP has arranged an appointment and I’m taking Mum this Wednesday for a hospital appointment. Mum can’t walk very far and, with some reluctance Mum has agreed for me to get a wheel chair so I can wheel her from the car park. the cost of a wheel chair is £189.00. I emailed my brother who wasn’t supportive and thought a wheel chair unnecessary.
mum has poor memory and cant Remember anything.
i had hoped to take mum to the seaside - she’s not been out of her house for 3 years but- without a wheelchair - I can’t do it.
I saw Mum on Sunday and she was hoovering but had to stop as she was too tired. I took over but the hoover was broken. It’s been like that since May. my brother visits every 6 weeks (he calls it -being on site) and does the bare minimum.
is there anything I can do? I just feel so helpless and Mum is letting her son run her life completely.