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Mum needs help and my hands are tied.

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
411
0
Your brother’s behaviour is very suspicious. He’s determined not to let you see your mother’s bank accounts. Even if you could be removed as attorney (which I doubt) you are entitled to see those accounts unless and until you are removed. I can’t see that your mother has the capacity to remove you, and your brother could only remove you if there had been some wrongdoing on your part.

I wouldn’t bother speaking to your brother again as it appears that he’s not going to budge. Keep on with things at your end. If SS think that your mother needs care and lacks the capacity to refuse it they should insist that care be put in place and paid for as your mother has the funds. You can tell them that your brother has refused to give you relevant information about her accounts and ask them to contact the OPG if your brother still won’t cooperate.

If your mother is found to have capacity then care can’t be forced on her.

The important thing is to keep on at SS. Until they make some decisions it’s very difficult for you to do anything because of your mother’s intransigence and your brother’s secretive and obstructive behaviour.
 

Scarlet Lady

Registered User
Apr 6, 2021
104
0
Alora, I really hope that you are not panicked by your brother’s response because he is an idiot and talking complete and utter rubbish. I don’t know how he ‘knows’ lack of capacity is not on your mums records. (what records? Medical ? Social care? Legal? ) Even if he has been talking to people, it may be just that the records have not yet been updated. In any event, he should be recognising that a safeguarding referral is a serious matter which indicates all is not well and that he cannot just dismiss it. He cannot go to a solicitor and have you dismissed as an attorney. He is behaving unlawfully by refusing to allow you to access your rights as an attorney. Please, please, do not let take him control again here. His opinion of you does not matter a jot, he’s just full of hot air snd you need to ignore his bluster and his threats.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
16,138
0
South coast
Your brother is talking rubbish - he is just going over old ground that you know isnt true.
The consultant has said that she lacks capacity - please remember that. I doubt that the letter from the consultant has reached the GP yet. This is a smoke screen to try and bully you to back off. Interesting that your brother has access to her medical records.

Hang on in there and see how this plays out. If all else fails you can always get an independent SW to check her capacity. It will cost, but might be worth it
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
765
0
Ignore him and carry on!
Also something to bear in mind, the OPG are so far behind if he tried to get this done it would take months!!
You have a right to see/manage your mums finances so keep at it. Your mum put you on the poa for a reason… maybe unknown to you she had doubts!!
 

lollyc

Registered User
Sep 9, 2020
593
0
Hi there

ive just spoken with my brother and he says that the diagnosis of lack of capacity is not on mum’s records and just a safeguarding referral. He says that as nothing is in writing then nothing has changed.

He says he’s fed up with the arguments over my wanting access to mum’s accounts because she doesnt want it as I’m a spendthrift apparently! He says that he’ll go to a solicitor and ask to havd me removed because I’m creating problems for Mum! He asked me to speak to mum as she is cross with me but when I rang her she had no idea what I’ I was talking about! He says he’s fed up with being in the middle but is trying to do the right thing.

There is going to be a meeting with us and a social worker in two or three weeks but the upshot is that care can’t be forced on mum by anybody If she doesn’t want it,

This was as a result of my email asking for the accounts.

i dont he‘s grasped how mentally challenged mum is.

So we Wait until sw has been.

I can’t have access to mum;s accounts because she doesn’t want it and if I play up a solicitor will be involved to remove me
Please, please, please STOP listening to your brother! You have POA and you have EXACTLY the same rights as him to see your mother's accounts. It's your brother, NOT your mother, who doesn't want you to have access, and that's not his decision to make. Personally, I would tell him you are reporting him to OPG, who will insist that he gives you the information. I have no idea if that is true, but you can bluster too. (You don't actually have to do it - the threat might work.)

You know full well that he can't get you removed as an attorney. Do you seriously think your mum could complete the "partial deed of revocation" ? Not very likely, and as @Starting on a journey points out, it would take months. He seems to thing he's going to pop down to the solicitor's and get you removed, just like that.

My mother (as far as I know), doesn't have anything on her records to say she lacks capacity, although it's quite clear she doesn't. My sister and I have been managing her funds for 4 years, and never been asked to provide proof that Mum can't make these decisions.

He has a very strange idea of what is "the right thing." Without your intervention your mum would not have got to hospital, would have no cash in her purse, and would still be living in a dirty house.

I do wish he would stop using your poor mum as a pawn in this. She clearly doesn't understand what is going on, but is being "fed" her opinions by your brother.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,920
0
You've had some great advice @Alora, so I'll not add much. I think don't contact your brother unless he contacts you. He is trying to make you feel that you are making a fuss over nothing (you're not), and he isn't going to change. Concentrate on getting your mum the help she needs.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,906
0
I will just reiterate what the others have said @Alora Your brother is talking rubbish, he doesn't seem to understand POA or how it works. He cannot have you removed. He has no right to keep information from you when you request it. He is not speaking for your mum, he is speaking for himself.

I would do more than threaten him with the OPG I would report him. He is responsible for your mums welfare along with yourself and he is obstructing you in your bids to provide care for your mum. Trying to prevent you from providing a wheelchair, blocking calls from the GP or Social Services, counting every penny of your mums money, what's he saving it for? and the list goes on. There is either something wrong with him or he is up to something. Is he hiding something because his behaviour is increasingly suspicious.

I looked after dads money, I didn't need spreadsheets and everything was there on his statements for anyone to look at if they wanted.

Don't bottle out of it whatever you need to do, He is a bully and needs to be told. I hope the social worker is a good one.
 

Alora

Registered User
Oct 16, 2021
159
0
Thsnk so much I wish I could meet you a;l for a big hug and a drink on me.

My brother is being bad - it was my dad again,

I’ll soldier on with the accounts finding and wait for ss.

im having no dialogue with him.

I sent him an email saying that if i didn’t hear from him by 27 November with the a/cs id report him to the OPG - that’s what triggered an email from and a call. I’ve agreed to hold off until the meeting with sw.

he says that mum is happy as she is, doesnt want to be bothered and is happy as she is. he suggested a walker for mum which is good idea but he hasn’t grasped that her mind is falling mind as is her body. he doesn’t get that she vulnerable old lady whose stopped eating and caring fir herself - it appalling.

He should removed not me.
 

Alora

Registered User
Oct 16, 2021
159
0
Sorry about spelling.

im so angry with him and you are right Lolly he is using my mum as pawn. It’s unforgivable.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
2,237
0
High Peak
Interesting that after his silence he suddenly replied to you when you threatened to involve the OPG, isn't it?

Your mother set up the LPA for both of you when she was of sound mind. Whatever your brother says about what she wants/doesn't want, that you are a spendthrift, etc, is totally irrelevant. You and he hold LPA jointly - that's legally binding and entitles you to all the same rights and responsibilities as him.

He can say what he likes about getting you removed, seeing a solicitor, etc, but as others have said, that's just not true. He is wrong, you are right :)

Your mother has now lost capacity, as confirmed by the consultant you saw at the hospital, In other words, she is now 'out of the picture' as regards her finances as her LPA must act for her now. It doesn't matter if she wants him to do it all or Father flippin' Christmas - she can no longer make those decisions because she has lost capacity. She cannot legally change the LPA. If your brother were to march her down to a solicitor and attempt to get it all changed, you could challenge it legally because she hasn't got capacity to make that decision.

He's happy to continue to manipulate your mother because it suits his purposes. You can easily imagine the sort of things he will have said to her - 'You know what Alora is like - she's hopeless with money. Don't you worry mum - I'll take care of everything just like dad used to. Men should look after money matters... And you don't want strangers coming into the house, noseying about, do you? Alora thinks you can't manage but I know you can,' etc, etc, bla bla bla. Makes me very angry but that's clearly what's been going on.

I'm still concerned he may be up to no good with her money. Even when not allowing you access, the fact he won't even disclose what monies she has and where her accounts are is highly suspicious. I'd be sending another email stating the facts clearly - that the joint LPA stands and that having taken (further) advice from the OPG you must insist on full access/disclosure and that failure to do so WILL trigger an investigation by the OPG. If he doesn't comply, go ahead and report him. He's breaking all the rules, acting suspiciously and definitely not acting in your mum's best interests.

And go ahead with your plans and the various assessments. Make sure you repeat to anyone who will listen that the consultant has confirmed your mum no longer has capacity.
 

JanBWiltshire

Registered User
Jun 23, 2020
96
0
Interesting that after his silence he suddenly replied to you when you threatened to involve the OPG, isn't it?

Your mother set up the LPA for both of you when she was of sound mind. Whatever your brother says about what she wants/doesn't want, that you are a spendthrift, etc, is totally irrelevant. You and he hold LPA jointly - that's legally binding and entitles you to all the same rights and responsibilities as him.

He can say what he likes about getting you removed, seeing a solicitor, etc, but as others have said, that's just not true. He is wrong, you are right :)

Your mother has now lost capacity, as confirmed by the consultant you saw at the hospital, In other words, she is now 'out of the picture' as regards her finances as her LPA must act for her now. It doesn't matter if she wants him to do it all or Father flippin' Christmas - she can no longer make those decisions because she has lost capacity. She cannot legally change the LPA. If your brother were to march her down to a solicitor and attempt to get it all changed, you could challenge it legally because she hasn't got capacity to make that decision.

He's happy to continue to manipulate your mother because it suits his purposes. You can easily imagine the sort of things he will have said to her - 'You know what Alora is like - she's hopeless with money. Don't you worry mum - I'll take care of everything just like dad used to. Men should look after money matters... And you don't want strangers coming into the house, noseying about, do you? Alora thinks you can't manage but I know you can,' etc, etc, bla bla bla. Makes me very angry but that's clearly what's been going on.

I'm still concerned he may be up to no good with her money. Even when not allowing you access, the fact he won't even disclose what monies she has and where her accounts are is highly suspicious. I'd be sending another email stating the facts clearly - that the joint LPA stands and that having taken (further) advice from the OPG you must insist on full access/disclosure and that failure to do so WILL trigger an investigation by the OPG. If he doesn't comply, go ahead and report him. He's breaking all the rules, acting suspiciously and definitely not acting in your mum's best interests.

And go ahead with your plans and the various assessments. Make sure you repeat to anyone who will listen that the consultant has confirmed your mum no longer has capacity.
Excellent advice.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
1,285
0
I would continue to keep communication with your brother open, in the hope that one day things might improve, but that doesn't mean take any notice of his views. It seems to me that you have done all you can now to persuade him to divulge all the financial material and he won't budge. That is, alas, very suspicious. He is trying hard to avoid having you find out something. The time has come to ask the OPG to begin an investigation. They will be slow unfortunately but this needs to happen.
 

Alora

Registered User
Oct 16, 2021
159
0
Thank you.

i will contact the OPG today and send the email that `Jaded recommended.

Unless there is any other suggestions?

Alora
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
765
0
I think you ought to get started; the social worker meeting could be delayed or your brother could delay in providing the info or just say that mum has capital in excess of £23500 and the social worker may walk away..who knows?
If it’s spend thrifty to buy a few new tea towels, cups and new clothing after many years then so be it! In most people’s minds clean, serviceable utensils, clothing and a safe and clean environment to live in are basic necessities!
 

lollyc

Registered User
Sep 9, 2020
593
0
Hi there

ive just spoken with my brother and he says that the diagnosis of lack of capacity is not on mum’s records and just a safeguarding referral. He says that as nothing is in writing then nothing has changed.

He says he’s fed up with the arguments over my wanting access to mum’s accounts because she doesnt want it as I’m a spendthrift apparently! He says that he’ll go to a solicitor and ask to havd me removed because I’m creating problems for Mum! He asked me to speak to mum as she is cross with me but when I rang her she had no idea what I’ I was talking about! He says he’s fed up with being in the middle but is trying to do the right thing.

There is going to be a meeting with us and a social worker in two or three weeks but the upshot is that care can’t be forced on mum by anybody If she doesn’t want it,

This was as a result of my email asking for the accounts.

i dont he‘s grasped how mentally challenged mum is.

So we Wait until sw has been.

I can’t have access to mum;s accounts because she doesn’t want it and if I play up a solicitor will be involved to remove me
@Alora , how does your brother know that lack of capacity isn't on your mum's records? Has he really seen them? I'm thinking not.

Firstly, neither of you have H & W POA, so unless your mum has agreed that doctors can speak to your brother he can't possibly have got that information from her GP. You've already discovered how unwilling they are to divulge information. Is it likely that she has agreed? Has he ever attended any appointments with her to have that discussion with her doctor?

Secondly, if my Mum's NHS records are anything to go by, I can't view any consultant's letters, reports etc., - it's very basic. There is most certainly no mention of dementia, or lack of capacity.

In order for me to access Mum's records ( to re-order prescriptions) - and bear in mind I have H & W POA and a verbal agreement from Mum - I had to complete a proxy form, to link to my records. This has actually been a disaster, I still can't access them, and I've now resorted to setting up a separate account in Mum's name.

My point in all this rambling is that I suspect this is just another of your brother's bluffs, another attempt to thwart your access to your Mum's finances.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,906
0
It all seems to come back to your mums finances. What on earth is he doing and why. Lots of questions need to be answered and if there are nothing to hide why is he hiding it.