Mum declining is hard

[Sphynx]

I know Christmas week has been difficult for many of us here. We decided not to take Mum out of the care home but visit here there. She was still asleep when we got there at 11 (this isn’t uncommon, she has been sleeping more and more). She doesn’t seem to recognise my sister anymore (she was the only family member she ‘recognised’ although she thought she was her sister). She was not happy to see any of us and wanted to be left alone. We went back today and she was up, but she was hungry (gobbled up some sweets) but didn’t seem to recognise her sandwich and wouldn’t try it. She is non verbal and has been for a few years now and a bit deaf and so she can’t enjoy music or watch telly or read. Our visits used to be her high point, but she just seems not interested now. I miss her so much. We have done our best to make her environment bearable, soft bedding, a really good mattress and decorated the room. It leads out onto the garden which is nice. She has started falling out of bed though and I’m not sure what the solution is to this. Some sort of bed guard? She has fallen out three times now and the last time she bumped her head badly and it’s still all bruised.

 

[Happygo]

I know Christmas week has been difficult for many of us here. We decided not to take Mum out of the care home but visit here there. She was still asleep when we got there at 11 (this isn’t uncommon, she has been sleeping more and more). She doesn’t seem to recognise my sister anymore (she was the only family member she ‘recognised’ although she thought she was her sister). She was not happy to see any of us and wanted to be left alone. We went back today and she was up, but she was hungry (gobbled up some sweets) but didn’t seem to recognise her sandwich and wouldn’t try it. She is non verbal and has been for a few years now and a bit deaf and so she can’t enjoy music or watch telly or read. Our visits used to be her high point, but she just seems not interested now. I miss her so much. We have done our best to make her environment bearable, soft bedding, a really good mattress and decorated the room. It leads out onto the garden which is nice. She has started falling out of bed though and I’m not sure what the solution is to this. Some sort of bed guard? She has fallen out three times now and the last time she bumped her head badly and it’s still all bruised.

Hi just thought I would reply to let you know when my mum started to act in this way and is very deaf we managed to engage her in her old favourite tv shows by putting the subtitles on. This seemed to work and at least she had something to concentrate on. We found the visit went easier for mum if she had something else to focus on as well as us.

 

[sdmhred]

I’m so sorry to read this. It is horrible what this disease does to our loved ones.

What do the care home say about her falling out of bed? Some use cot sides and others put the bed at floor level with a mattress at the side so no damage can occur. I would be asking them what is appropriate for your mum. I would have thought they should be on to this with a solution - especially if she has hurt herself.

 

[try again]

As far as the falling goes, bed guards, mats or low profile bed. Maybe combination of all 3.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @Sphynx It really sounds as if you have made your mum's room as nice as possible within a care home environment. It must be worrying for you if your mum is falling out of bed and i would suggest that you speak to the care home manager to discuss how they are going to deal with this. Some homes do not like to use bed rails but they should at least use crash mats and a lower bed to help keep your mum safe.

 

[Missodell18]

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. As others have said, try and get some bed rails or something in place as soon as possible. The care home thought my mum was at risk of falling out of bed (though she never actually did). They got a hospital style bed which was ordered in specifically and had crash mats. It would probably mean your mum couldn’t get out of bed by herself so perhaps that’s why your care home hasn’t done it yet? However bed rails are better than falls, so that might have to be sacrificed.
My mum is non verbal too and it’s so hard when there is such little communication. My dad often says he wishes she could speak even if it was gibberish. My mum lost the ability to speak about 12 months ago and I think it accelerated the decline then. I’m sorry.

 

[Sphynx]

Thank you all. I will speak to the manager and see what they suggest. It’s been pretty rubbish for the last 6 months after a period of stability. Maybe we will get used to this new stage as well. I think her annual review is coming up so I will make sure to mention the other bits and pieces (sometimes when we go she is just under the cover with no duvet and says she is cold).