Mum asked my Dad to marry her, how to react?

[Sam01]

Hi all, my parents have been married for almost 30 years, received the early onset diagnosis last November time at 61yr old and rapidly declining still. Today my Mum has asked my Dad to marry her, of course he is going along with it I find this really difficult to take in & would love some advice on how to react?

It seems day to day and hour to hour can be so different in moods & very difficult to try have a conversation without confusing her. Would love some advice 🙏🏼

 

[canary]

Hello @Sam01 and welcome to the forum

Dementia is a very difficult disease to care for and Im afraid that mood swings are typical of the condition. People with dementia also "time shift" so that they think it is many years earlier than it actually is.

I think your dad has the right approach to being asked by your mum to marry her. She has obviously forgotten that she is married to your dad, but the love remains.
It sounds like one of the many bittersweet episodes that we all recognise.

 

[Grannie G]

I agree with @canary

It`s far better to be given a second proposal than the rejection and denial so many of us experienced

The love is still as strong as ever @Sam01 Rejoice.

 

[Julian TQ]

I'm very touched. So many people with dementia stop recognising the people they once loved. Would you all be able to have a laugh about it and acknowledge the love that is still very much there?

 

[Collywobbles]

Think of it as a sort of metaphor for how your Mum feels about your Dad. Maybe she’s reaching for the phrase “I love you” but can’t quite get to it. Asking your Dad to marry her, is an expression of how deeply she loves him.

From that perspective, it’s rather lovely that she’s still trying so hard to be a loving partner.

 

[Kevinl]

Set the date and tell me where to send the wedding present to...joking but it's so nice yo hear you're still their someone special.
You can do a wedding vow renewal ceremony in some places I understand, be a day for you all to remember.
K

 

[maisiecat]

My husband of 46 years forgot me altogether for some months last year. I think its lovely that your Mum still has feelings for your Dad because often people with dementia find it difficult to connect with feelings. I think all the feelings are still there its just they cant express them. I did a playlist for our anniversary and my husband just cried but I think it wasn't really sad crying he was feeling the emotions of our favourite tunes

 

[Louise7]

Hi @Sam01 As it's Valentine's day perhaps your mum's touching proposal was triggered by something she heard or saw on the radio or TV? It may be forgotten tomorrow, but a reminder of the feelings that your mum still has for your dad.

 

[Fugs]

Hi @Sam01 , I think your Dad has the right approach, but I understand that it is hard for you to see your Mum's decline in this way. My wife also has Early onset Alzheimer's, aged 59 at the time, so my sons are in the same situation as you. As others have said it is your Mum's love that is important, even if some of the details seem a bit confused. This is what I tell my boys when their Mum is unsure what her relationship is to them.