Things have been relatively smooth the last few weeks. Mum was eating slowly but we were managing to get through a meal in 30 - 45 minutes. I now consider 30 minutes to be rather good.
Yesterday was different. I was approached by the unit co-ordinator who said that my aunt has been getting rather tetchy again. Now my aunt is saying that the staff is deliberately keeping my mother in bed so my aunt cannot have "quality time" with my mother. There is a reason why my mother is in bed - the staff are waiting for Mum to have a bowel movement. My mother is keeping her legs crossed and can no longer be kept safely on the toilet. So they wait, keeping Mum in bed, rather than chance her falling off the toilet. It's easier to clean her up if she's had her BM in bed rather than in the chair. We had discussed this when it originally came up. The only thing I could say to the co-ordinator is that my aunt goes through cycles in her behaviour and it's obvious that she's on the ascending unpleasant cycle. I reiterated my position - I feel my aunt should be banned and that if I had the power I would do so.
However, it is only the home that has the authority to ban a visitor. I do understand why this is - there are far too many family squabbles and I can easily see how a PoA could abuse his/her power. Would that I could!
Then feeding Mum - it took well over an hour to feed her today. She wasn't making much eye contact. When she did make eye contact, she ate a bit. But it was a slow and labourious process. I have to confess that I was getting a little agitated and had to take a few deep breaths to calm down.
On the way home, I said to my husband that I have now spent 25% of my life dealing with Mum's Alzheimer. She was diagnosed when I was 46 and now I'm 61. I'm starting to feel like it will never end. I know it will, and I will be devastated by it. But for now I'm extremely tired.
I'm so tired that yesterday I went to bed at 5:30 in the afternoon 'for a nap' (I never nap unless I'm physically ill). I woke at 11:30, had a sandwich, and read for a while. I then went back to sleep around 1:00 am and didn't get out of bed until 8:30 am. I slept for about 13 hours altogether. I've done this before and it's always when I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. It's my way of coping - I supposed it could be worse - it could be drugs or alcohol or something along those lines. I also overeat but not when I'm truly exhausted. A minor mercy.