Mum and me
- Thread starter Canadian Joanne
- Start date
Thank you Ash and Sylvia, Rudi is now completely recovered. He has had a remarkably swift recovery, for which we're grateful.
Ash, yes, it can be difficult not visiting. Sometimes it's equally difficult visiting.
Ash, yes, it can be difficult not visiting. Sometimes it's equally difficult visiting.
Oh my goodness Joanne: I'm really sorry. Have they given you any indication of how long visiting is likely to be suspended?
Oh Joanne - it's a shame when you can't visit - hope it doesn't go on for too long. Difficult to visit and difficult not to visit xx
It's great that hubby has made such a good recovery - shingles can be so troublesome.
It's great that hubby has made such a good recovery - shingles can be so troublesome.
It will be a long week Joanne but hopefully all will be well. It must be worrying when they announce a closure. Good news that Rudi has made a quick recovery. Take care.
My sister is here visiting from Montreal and we went to see Mum today. This is the first time I've been in for a while. First OH had shingles, then we went away for a few days, and then the lockdown for the virus. So it's been a while.
But Mum was on form and ate fairly well, although much more slowly than she used to. My sister had a much better visit than last time, which is good, because last time she did a lot of crying. Now she's planning to visit every 3 months or so to keep up with the changes in Mum.
Afterwards, we went shopping. My niece is getting married Oct 3 so my sister has a ton to do. The bridal shower is in a month and naturally my sister is organizing (and paying) for all of that. It was a nice time. I'll see her after work tomorrow when she's visited Mum & done more shopping.
So I've reached an equilibrium for now, I think. I hope. Things are good.
But Mum was on form and ate fairly well, although much more slowly than she used to. My sister had a much better visit than last time, which is good, because last time she did a lot of crying. Now she's planning to visit every 3 months or so to keep up with the changes in Mum.
Afterwards, we went shopping. My niece is getting married Oct 3 so my sister has a ton to do. The bridal shower is in a month and naturally my sister is organizing (and paying) for all of that. It was a nice time. I'll see her after work tomorrow when she's visited Mum & done more shopping.
So I've reached an equilibrium for now, I think. I hope. Things are good.
Mum is still doing the same. I think we've reached another plateau. Her eating remains very slow and some days she needs a bit of coaxing (or a lot) but I am slowly accepting that she will be like this from now on, at least for a while.
However, my dreaded aunt (long time TPers will remember my many frustrated posts about her) is still going in twice a week. I heard from one of my sources (I have more moles in the home than the KGB) that my aunt is still putting a blanket around my mother in this weather. We are at 30º, with the humidex making it feel even hotter and very sticky and muggy. I removed my mother's coats a couple of weeks ago so last week she demanded a blanket. I now will have to email the home, instructing them NOT to give my aunt any blankets or any such things. Sigh.... she'll probably just bring a blanket with her. There is no way she can be made to understand that my mother is not cold. She insists that older people feel the cold - she's exactly one year and one day younger than my mother.
I have to say - one of the staff members approached me years ago and said "If your aunt ever needs to go into long term care, please don't put her here". That sums it up.
However, my dreaded aunt (long time TPers will remember my many frustrated posts about her) is still going in twice a week. I heard from one of my sources (I have more moles in the home than the KGB) that my aunt is still putting a blanket around my mother in this weather. We are at 30º, with the humidex making it feel even hotter and very sticky and muggy. I removed my mother's coats a couple of weeks ago so last week she demanded a blanket. I now will have to email the home, instructing them NOT to give my aunt any blankets or any such things. Sigh.... she'll probably just bring a blanket with her. There is no way she can be made to understand that my mother is not cold. She insists that older people feel the cold - she's exactly one year and one day younger than my mother.
I have to say - one of the staff members approached me years ago and said "If your aunt ever needs to go into long term care, please don't put her here". That sums it up.
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Thanks for the update Joanne but its hard to accept the downturn.
That wretched aunt of yours. At least if she took a blanket and asked the staff to use it if necessary; that would be the sensible approach if she is worried about your Mum being cold. Would the staff give a white lie and say the Doc. instructed that your Mum was not too be 'overheated' and they were keeping an eye on her temperature
! I can foresee your answer - no she would not take any notice anyway.
I am glad that the staff are supporting YOU though.
I hope you and Rudi are keeping well now.
That wretched aunt of yours. At least if she took a blanket and asked the staff to use it if necessary; that would be the sensible approach if she is worried about your Mum being cold. Would the staff give a white lie and say the Doc. instructed that your Mum was not too be 'overheated' and they were keeping an eye on her temperature
! I can foresee your answer - no she would not take any notice anyway.I am glad that the staff are supporting YOU though.
I hope you and Rudi are keeping well now.
I have emailed the home stating my concerns and requesting they keep an eye on my dreaded aunt. We'll see how they respond but I do see their difficulties. My aunt is like an unstoppable force of nature, she simply rides roughshod over everyone and everything.
They've responded and will remind my aunt of my requests. This will drive her mad - she gets very angry that they won't do what she tells them to do, because she's not the PoA. She has told them she's my mother's sister so they should do whatever she says but they simply respond she's not the PoA and for her to speak to the PoA. I know this enrages her and, since I'm not a nice person, this brings joy to my heart.
Oh Joanne this is not what you need. My husband had an Aunt who behaved very much the same.
Tell the staff that if they don't stop her, then they certainly will be getting her as a resident and that's not a threat, it is a promise.
Tell the staff that if they don't stop her, then they certainly will be getting her as a resident and that's not a threat, it is a promise.
Tell the staff that if they don't stop her, then they certainly will be getting her as a resident and that's not a threat, it is a promise.
Jaymor, I really can't because the staff who have to deal with her the most, the nurses and personal service workers, are almost without exception lovely people. However, perhaps I could say that to the manager & admin types....
It's been a while but Mum has been very much the same, eating slowly but steadily.
I did have a blip with my aunt about 2 weeks ago. I went in after work to feed Mum her evening meal and realized her face was slightly sunburned. This of course means my aunt had her out for "fresh air". (Just to digress for a moment, the home is on a corner and the one street is extremely busy and big. My aunt likes to wheel my mother up and down this road, because carbon monoxide is so good for one.)
I spoke to the director of nursing and the unit co-ordinator and they will tell my aunt to put sunscreen on my mother if she takes her out. My aunt is also still (in this heat, oh someone help me!) wrapping my mother's shawls around her legs. She's using the shawls because I have removed my mother's coats (and no, I won't be replacing them).
But this weekend Mum was eating even more slowly and holding her mouth closed when she had fluids in it. I can see it easily - she covers her bottom lip with her top lip. When she does that, I have to wait for her to swallow. She was doing this a lot this weekend. I'm hoping it was only a blip. Apparently all the other residents were not eating well that day. Maybe it was the weather - hot, sticky and horrible. Not to say that the home isn't air-conditioned - it is. But I suspect the humidity gets in the building and that's what so unpleasant.
I'll be popping in tomorrow or Wednesday so I'll see how she is then.
I did have a blip with my aunt about 2 weeks ago. I went in after work to feed Mum her evening meal and realized her face was slightly sunburned. This of course means my aunt had her out for "fresh air". (Just to digress for a moment, the home is on a corner and the one street is extremely busy and big. My aunt likes to wheel my mother up and down this road, because carbon monoxide is so good for one.
)I spoke to the director of nursing and the unit co-ordinator and they will tell my aunt to put sunscreen on my mother if she takes her out. My aunt is also still (in this heat, oh someone help me!) wrapping my mother's shawls around her legs. She's using the shawls because I have removed my mother's coats (and no, I won't be replacing them).
But this weekend Mum was eating even more slowly and holding her mouth closed when she had fluids in it. I can see it easily - she covers her bottom lip with her top lip. When she does that, I have to wait for her to swallow. She was doing this a lot this weekend. I'm hoping it was only a blip. Apparently all the other residents were not eating well that day. Maybe it was the weather - hot, sticky and horrible. Not to say that the home isn't air-conditioned - it is. But I suspect the humidity gets in the building and that's what so unpleasant.
I'll be popping in tomorrow or Wednesday so I'll see how she is then.
The quote is from a few posts back but how could you be
so nice when all you do is care so much for your dear Mum
Its hard for you to deal with this dreadful aunt who seems to have no understanding of dementia (or indeed for any human emotions at all).Other than these problems I hope all is well with you.
Sisterly love
Your aunt reminds me of my mother .
Mum was the bossy sister, thinking she new what was best for my aunt.
I could be wrong, as I wonder what their relastionship was like before your mother got dementia ?
Must be hard on your Aunt letting go of her sister, not having that control.
Seeing you as an adult same as her, but it's lovely to read how your Aunt takes your mum out, even thought she's letting your mum get sunburnt
Also good to read your mum is alive, having some good positive quality care.
Receiving Loving feelings from you, also your Aunt and Husband,something dementia disease can never take away from someone with a dementia when they lose the ability to communicate verbally is knowing how a person feels for them be it negative or positive.
Your aunt reminds me of my mother .
Mum was the bossy sister, thinking she new what was best for my aunt.
I could be wrong, as I wonder what their relastionship was like before your mother got dementia ?
Must be hard on your Aunt letting go of her sister, not having that control.
Seeing you as an adult same as her, but it's lovely to read how your Aunt takes your mum out, even thought she's letting your mum get sunburnt
Also good to read your mum is alive, having some good positive quality care.
Receiving Loving feelings from you, also your Aunt and Husband,something dementia disease can never take away from someone with a dementia when they lose the ability to communicate verbally is knowing how a person feels for them be it negative or positive.
Maggie, how nice to see you here again. Yes, my mother is still hanging in and I expect to have her with us at least a couple more years. There has been decline of course, but that goes without saying.
Oh dear, you and I will have to disagree on my aunt!. I do agree that my aunt really thinks that she is doing everything she can for Mum, and it's all done out of love and concern. She definitely wants control, that's for sure. One thing - my mother and aunt lived on opposite sides of the country for something like 30 years. They had been close when they were young but certainly my mother had drifted away.
We were able to visit Mum last night and things were much better. She ate her meal in about 30 minutes and didn't do too much of the holding liquids in her mouth thing. Plus she spoke a lot (her version of it) and made a lot of eye contact. All in all, a really good visit.
Oh dear, you and I will have to disagree on my aunt!. I do agree that my aunt really thinks that she is doing everything she can for Mum, and it's all done out of love and concern. She definitely wants control, that's for sure. One thing - my mother and aunt lived on opposite sides of the country for something like 30 years. They had been close when they were young but certainly my mother had drifted away.
We were able to visit Mum last night and things were much better. She ate her meal in about 30 minutes and didn't do too much of the holding liquids in her mouth thing. Plus she spoke a lot (her version of it) and made a lot of eye contact. All in all, a really good visit.
