Might well becoming a regular on this forum so thought I would say hi.

Discussion in 'Recently diagnosed and early stages of dementia' started by Max68, Aug 21, 2018.

  1. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,214
    Female
    South coast
    Hi @Max68
    Lots of people with dementia have no idea that the problem is them when things go wrong and are often unable to comprehend the idea. Trying to reason with them wont work as logic is one of the things that are lost quite early, so trying to use logic and reasoning to explain that its due to them is, Im afraid, a non-starter and might just make them annoyed.

    Im afraid that things that you tell her, or try to teach her, will just not be remembered or understood, so I would just agree with her that the TV (or whatever) is not working and "fix" it for her
     
  2. Max68

    Max68 Registered User

    Aug 21, 2018
    66
    Male
    Sussex
    Thanks Canary. It's so heart-breaking. Went in the other day and she had done washing and used the drier and she still uses the oven to cook but I guess these are long term things that she has been used to but new things - no chance - even her new diary that I bought her which is a one day a page she struggles with and when she does use it her writing is really bad even she struggles to understand it.

    Even more worrying was due to her fall she had spent a long time sitting so her feet and ankles swelled up and became very red so the GP gave her some antibiotics to take one four times a day. She clearly wasn't taking them enough so I wrote it down for her and put them in a pill counter. Next day I went over and was shocked to see 4 had gone by 11am. She had obviously misunderstood and taken 4 at the same time, she must have been bouncing off the walls!! Fortunately she is ok but I'm not going to try and help with her meds anymore as less is better than too much!!

    I really don't know what to do.
     
  3. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,489
    Female
    I agree with Canary, when your mum says something is not working, just say "let's see if I can fix it for you". I know it's upsetting when they cannot do such simple things. It's a shame about the stairlift, people with dementia may greet new things with enthusiasm but be completely unable to engage with them.

    Re the tablets, it sounds like the time has come when she needs someone to supervise her as the dosette boxes clearly don't work for her. So you would need to take charge of the tablets and give them to her at the right time, tricky for the new few days when she is on a four-times-a-day regime. In the long term, if she takes regular medication you could ask the GP for a dosing regime which means she can take all her tablets at the same time each day, to make it easier to supervise.

    There are a few things you see her struggling with, but I suspect she is struggling with other things too which you aren't yet aware of - at least, that was the case with my mother. There comes a point when you have to impose help, and try to 'sell' it in a way they will accept.
     
  4. Max68

    Max68 Registered User

    Aug 21, 2018
    66
    Male
    Sussex
    Thank you. It seems she is taking her usual tablets I think, which are all in different boxes with a hand scribbled note done by her. That seems baffling to me but again it's one of those long term things that she seems to cope with although there are a couple that are morning and night and I'm not sure if she takes both. It's difficult as I don't live there and I can't pop round four times a day so will need to discuss this with her GP. We really sadly need the diagnosis confirmed so we can get the right help in. My ex retires at the end of January and she is a Radiographer and said she will help so will discuss with her as she will be more up to speed with meds etc.

    I read a good article online as well which has helped me with the way I will try and talk to her. In many ways I have been kind of trying to help her by asking things like "what did you have for lunch?" or "what did you watch on TV" just to check she is eating etc but I agree it's obviously unsettling for her as the answer just comes back "Oh something, I can't remember but never mind". Now I have started to say things like "Did you watch the tennis with Djokovic and Nadal?" rather than "You said you watched the tennis, who played?" or "Do you want to go shopping tomorrow?" rather than "Remember we are going shopping tomorrow?" I am trying to stop myself asking too many open questions and will just accept her saying such and such doesn't work and just tell her I will fix it.
     
  5. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,489
    Female
    Was the article about compassionate communication? If not and you haven't seen this, you may find it useful

    https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

    Yes, it becomes obvious that questions are really unsettling because they don't know the answer. As things progressed I found myself just formulating statements - "let's go shopping/have a cup of tea/sit over here". It's quite hard to keep 'remember' out of sentences isn't it, we say it all the time - and of course, they don't need reminding that remembering is something they're increasingly unable to do.
     
  6. Max68

    Max68 Registered User

    Aug 21, 2018
    66
    Male
    Sussex
    Thanks Sirena that's really helpful, not sure what it was I read but it was something similar. Yep it's very difficult to not mention the word "remember" and it's also really tough to not get frustrated. Not at mum but the situation. At times I just want to say something along the lines of "Come on mum fight this, remember, you can do it, this isn't you" and almost shake them until this evil demon is exorcised but they can't and you can't. So different to many disabilities and illnesses. Some illnesses and disabilities you have to use tough love to get that person better but this they aren't going to get better so I've realised tat the main thing is keep mum as happy as she can possibly be.
     
  7. Max68

    Max68 Registered User

    Aug 21, 2018
    66
    Male
    Sussex
    Hi all, well we finally saw the Consultant Psychiatrist (can't believe I spelt that right first time!!) yesterday and she "diagnosed" mum with "mild cognitive impairment" which is caused after looking at her scan by various brain changes which apparently show a fairly severe disease of the blood vessels for which mum bless her replied "well I have had dreadful circulation since I was 5!" Not rare by any means in someone in their 80's apparently but it does put her at a higher risk of developing a form of dementia.

    The Consultant (who was fabulous by the way) suggested mum goes back in around 6 months to redo the memory tests and she stated once again that mum's test score a few month ago was quite high which was a positive but of course a yearly check will see how things are going. She can't offer medication because mum is taking pretty much the sort of stuff that would be offered anyway like BP meds, cholesterol meds, blood thinners etc although her BP meds may change after we get the results of the BP 24 hour monitor. She also advised mum (which we have all heard regardless what our conditions are) to push a healthy lifestyle, such as eat well, exercise, start trying to do her puzzles again and cut back on the wine, biscuits and crisps!! One bottle a week rather than three or four or maybe more!!!

    This is where the difficulty comes in for us. It's not reversible, mum knows that and how on earth do us southern softies tell a brash northern 83 year old to cut back on the things she enjoys?! Especially me, an overweight smoker (who has been advised to stop 1000's of times). If I tell her to stop these things I'm a hypocrite because I don't listen either when it comes to me!!!!

    I did say I'd go swimming (I can't swim!) with her as there is a pool locally that has a high proportion of older people. I used it when recovering from a knee injury but nope she ain't interested. She is very wobbly which is part of this impairment so you can't expect her to go jogging and to be honest I wouldn't advise her to walk to far on her own so it's going to be a difficult one.

    I tried to put it to mum as nicely as possible that we don't want her to end up like her sister did but she just said "Look it can't be stopped, if it's going to happen it will happen and when it does I'll just have to go into a home". You can't argue with that in many ways as much as you would like to. If she was 60 or 70 well maybe that's different but how do you stop an 83 year old doing the few things she enjoys (having a glass of wine and a bag of crisps whilst watching the telly) when "healthy" changes probably won't make a difference anyway. After all I have always said I just want what is best for mum and what makes her feel happy.

    Difficult one, tough love or just love full stop.....
     
  8. Max68

    Max68 Registered User

    Aug 21, 2018
    66
    Male
    Sussex
    Hi all. Just an update. It's all become a bit of a nightmare. In recent months mum's memory and thought processes were getting worse. One by one the washing machine, dryer, dishwasher and finally the cooker became too difficult to use and self neglect was starting to occur. Mum was still there, you could have a conversation, but it became more and more repetitive.

    As she lives on her own we had got her help in as well as me going in regularly but I was concerned that quite simply she should not be living on her own. Mum wanted to though, that's always been the problem. Occupational Health were meant to call me - they didn't - so I rang them. "Oh it's been sorted" they told me. "What do you mean?" I replied. "We rang your mum asked her a few questions and she said she was fine and didn't need any help so we have crossed her off the list" they said. Staggering!!! I then rang several times the Doctor and Memory Clinic asking for mum to be re-referred as she had deteriorated but both insisted nothing more was worth doing until a year since her first tests in October - Staggering!!!

    This takes us to Wednesday 1st May. I rang mum around midday to see if she was ok. She wasn't, she has a bad stomach and the runs. I went over and saw something a son/daughter should never see, their mum with no clothes on the bottom half, confused and defecating on the floor as she walked. I rang 999 immediately. The Paramedics were wonderful and took mum to hospital where she spent 8 hours on a trolley in a corridor. A female friend who came with me (a retired Radiographer) had to take mum to the toilet on a commode several times because no nurses seemed interested.

    Over the next week and a half it's been a nightmare. To start with they got her in their own words "medically fit" and were going to discharge her. We argued that she is not fit to live on her own and requested a mental capacity statement which would allow us to place her somewhere at the very least some respite to recover (if possible). Then she had two (yes two) falls in hospital and started to deteriorate and lost all strength and mobility and was diagnosed with low blood pressure. They tried sorting that and she was then diagnosed with Delirium. All this time we had no idea what was going on so I got PALS involved and they finally got the Doctor to talk to us and mum was also allocated a Social Worker. The "plan" was to get her medically fit and then into rehab but no beds were available,. They finally agreed that a mental capacity statement was a good idea!!!!!! She then became drowsy and they sent her for a CT scan for which we still haven't received the results, but there again we still haven't found out what was the cause of the original infection! Then she catches a UTI which along with the delirium has left her incoherent, confused, bedridden, - not mum ----- Can be caused by dehydration and yet we said several times to the nurses that mum had become too weak to feed or water herself and they needed to be more observant and proactive. Mind you I guess if I'd been more observant and proactive months ago,,,,, all if's and but's and hindsight.

    So no mental capacity statement can be done until mum has come off the antibiotics for the UTI. Delirium can take an age to recover from for someone with Dementia if ever so I am not positive about her recovery to a similar state to what she was prior to admission. The lovely Care Home we had pencilled in as a possibility won't take anyone with delirium so now a nursing home becomes a reality but to do all that we need the mental capacity statement.

    Sadly a retired GP I know says this unfortunately is the common routine with dementia. The patient doesn't want to leave home, is deemed with capacity by the authorities and it takes a fall or infection which places them in hospital for something to be finally done!

    I've never seen a deterioration like it. It's like mums state of health has just fallen off a cliff in under two weeks, it really is shocking. Dad died at 59 of heart attack and mum is 83 and as she is now and I really can't say who was dealt the better set of cards. I hate myself for saying this but in many ways I am just hoping something quick and painless would take mum but at the same time she doesn't seem in any physical pain and seems unaware of what is going on. But it seems almost cruel to treat someone with physical infection just so they go on longer with mental deterioration. Horrible disease, absolutely horrible.

    My sympathies and understanding everyone going through the dementia journey.
     
  9. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,902
    Yorkshire
    hi @Max68
    what a horrible situation for you and your poor mum
    well done for looking out for her so well
    maybe ask for a 'best interests' meeting, as it's clearly not in your mum's best interest to remain in hospital or to go to her own home
    you wrote something in your last post which may help: " ... if it's going to happen it will happen and when it does I'll just have to go into a home" - those words, to me, are your mum giving her permission ... and if these circumstances aren't when residential care is needed ......
     
  10. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,489
    Female
    I'm so sorry to hear what has happened with your mum, @Max68.
    There is so little help out there, and services like OT, SS and even doctors are inclined to wash their hands of it even when it is very evident the person needs the right type of help. And getting all the necessary agencies to work usefully together can be a nightmare.

    I completely understand your feelings about wanting your mother out of this one way or another. But when you finally get her into the right type of care home you may find she does recover to some extent. Ailments like diarrhoea and UTIs can have a major effect but that may be temporary. However she's unlikely she to improve much while in hospital, it is a bad environment for PWDs (people with dementia). My mother broke her hip last summer and spent 10 days in hospital, they told me she wasn't drinking enough fluids and was barely eating - they entirely failed to prompt and supervise her, so her mental state deteriorated. The care home were keen to get her back asap because they knew they could give her the attention needed to rehabilitate her. And they were right, within a month she was back to her version of 'normal'.

    Please let us know what happens.
     
  11. Max68

    Max68 Registered User

    Aug 21, 2018
    66
    Male
    Sussex
    Thanks guys for your kind words. Saw mum today and she was a "bit" better. Sat up and not as agitated and the famous Roger Moore eyebrow with furrowed brow (ie she was a tad peed off) appeared a couple of times!! Had a real word with the nurse and told them mum isn't strong enough to drink so needs help. The UTI was misinformation (typical) but she has what they think is gout in her hand and wrist so she was on a paracetamol drip and then they were going to put a fluids drip on.

    However according to one of the social workers she now won't go into Rehab as she can't take instructions and is not capable of carrying them out. Must say I thought that's what "rehab" was?!?!?!? So once medically fit she will just need to go straight into a nursing home. The care home we pinpointed doesn't take bed ridden and delirium so that's another problem but they did suggest another one in our town and have had a look online and it's one of only 12 out of over 2000 inspected to get an outstanding rating. The manager is not there so will call tomorrow but the lady I spoke to thinks they are currently full. This creates another question. Do you put her somewhere temporarily unto a space becomes available at a better place or is moving her from hospital, to home, to another home too confusing? Wish there was a bloody rulebook to all this!!!

    Mum's social worker is however going tomorrow to do a mental capacity statement. Incredible that only a week ago they were ready to send her home and now they are saying she isn't even well enough to go to rehab!!!
     
  12. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    971
    I really do feel for you this situation is very similar to the one with my mother-in-law last summer. She was managing ok with carers coming in three times a day but in the heat wave she became dehydrated and rapidly deteriorated both physically and mentally. She went into hospital and it quickly became apparent that her cognitive decline was extremely steep even after they sorted out hydration levels . She could no longer remember where her bathroom was in her own home when she was discharged So eventually we decided the only way only way forward was a care home. She was self-funding this was fairly easy to organize but to be frank in the long run it was the best decision as a family that we made.
     
  13. Jale

    Jale Registered User

    Jul 9, 2018
    243
    Female
    From our experience with mum when she was in hospital, she wasn't fit for rehab for the same reasons as you have given. We were told that because mum was unable to follow simple instructions (like putting her hands on a walking frame) then rehab wasn't for her, obviously there was more to the situation, but that was the first thing that came to my mind. To cut a long story short, Mum left hospital and was placed in a nursing home - initially for 6 weeks (I think that was the time span) whilst her needs were assessed. She settled far better than I could have ever hoped for and luckily (for us) a permanent place did become available and she stayed. The home when it was assessed was rated as needing improvement, but from what we have seen both for ourselves and from the care that Mum has received we are very happy. I'm not suggesting that you should not look for the best available, but sometimes these ratings are not the be all and end all.

    Good luck and hope you can get things sorted
     
  14. Max68

    Max68 Registered User

    Aug 21, 2018
    66
    Male
    Sussex
    Thank you. Whilst it's obviously awful many others have gone through the same thing it's also comforting that we are not alone. It beggars belief that we give Foreign Aid to countries that are nuclear powers and have their own space programs and yet the pillars of our society for many a year are forgotten and are left to fend for themselves - but that is a discussion for another time and another forum!!!!

    Indeed I have on my travels to a few homes have noticed that most expensive is not always best! In fact my mums chiropodist when I cancelled her appointment nominated a home that he visits and was very praising of it. I checked the care home site and it was down as "red" with a 6 month warning and there was also a recent online newspaper article about all the issues there. Interesting how some look great on the outside etc, that's my concern, just doing the best for mum and trusting those who care for her.

    Quick question if I may that's well down on my list but will come up at some stage. What do you all do with regard to bills and services as in those that may require a cancellation fee if you cancel mid term? Obviously mum won't be returning home and we won't touch bills like electric/gas until we work out what to do with the house as in renting or selling, but things like Sky TV for instance seem to have rules on moving to another house or the person dying but not seemingly if they move into care>? Also I am not sure what to do with regard to mums attendance allowance or council tax? Not number one on the list as I say but these things will come up in time.
     
  15. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,489
    Female
    I completely agree about what you say about rehab, it's priceless isn't it? My mother couldn't follow orders so the physios at hospital said they couldn't get her moving at all. The care home manager went in during one of the physio sessions, and got my mother up and moving with no problem - it's all about how you approach it. Once she was back in the care home they had physios come in (twice a week I think) and they and the carers got her completely mobile again.

    I would get your mother into a temporary care home as soon as feasible (if it's good you may even decide that she stays there). A good care home will be a far better environment than a hospital, they have the time and skills to potentially get the PWD eating, drinking and mobile - hospitals really don't.

    Re your question about stuff like Sky, my mother had a phone package with TalkTalk, so we rang them and asked to speak to the bereavement team. The call centre operative who answers won't have much of a clue so you need to speak to someone further up the chain. The bereavement team were brilliant, very efficient and sympathetic, and treated my mother going into a care home 'as if' she had died, and terminated the service that day. My mother's landlords did the same, most people we dealt with were sympathetic and helpful.
     
  16. Max68

    Max68 Registered User

    Aug 21, 2018
    66
    Male
    Sussex
    Thanks Sirena I called Sky Bereavement Team and they were great to be fair and even said she was due a reimbursement~! House Insurance contacted as well and all ok for another couple of weeks but then the excesses go up dramatically as no-one is there, but in the main all utilities have been pretty easy to deal with.

    Have a meeting tomorrow with the Ward Manager and the elusive Doctor after having to complain again to PALS. I just hope they don't take my complaining out on mum. I couldn't not though quite frankly the hospital is shocking.

    Mum has been so up and down it's frightening. I've seen her trying to get out of bed with absolutely no strength through delirium and pretty much at that point I was part hoping something quick would take her as it was awful. Then she rallied a bit but has now ended up in a side room again because the diarrhoea has returned. Still no colonoscopy etc to see what is going on!! Mentally she was a bit better yesterday but quite tearful and frustrated which is hard to see but her 9 year old nephew gives her the twinkle back in her eye although she is annoyed with dad for not visiting her. Poor fella as I don't think they do taxi's from Heaven!!!!

    Since she has been in hospital she has picked up delirium, UTI, Gout, her weight has plummeted , strength and cognitive abilities diminished badly and I am told a lot of this is down to dehydration!! How can you become dehydrated in a bloody hospital?! I even asked as to why they don't give patients measured cups and the measurement of fluid is taken down each hour just to see how much they are drinking. Simple idea eh?! I said just because mum has a cup at here lips doesn't mean she is drinking because of her strength. We have to help her eat and drink when we go in. Then because of a catheter she felt she needed the toilet all the time. I had to get a nurse because mum wanted a number two. Not surprising as her bowels are the reason she ended up in there. I finally find a nurse and all she can do is raise her eyes to the heavens as if to say "not again". I bit my lip but I wanted to say "You are in the wrong career love if that's your attitude - that's the job - don't like it find something else". I thought it was disgusting so that's when I decided to complain.

    Lack of communication, the rehab debacle, confusing diagnosis's, plans changing daily, Doctors visiting mum only in the morning when she is at her best rather than checking later in the day when she deteriorates, her deteriorating condition and then finally attitude from a nurse, I just felt I had to go to PALS who are brilliant by the way, they should be running the place. If the NHS wants to save money then maybe get things right and then they wouldn't be paying out millions in compensation every year! I mean surely keeping a patient fed and watered is the very basic level of nursing?!

    We had Care Seekers involved in looking for respite for mum. Out of 29 homes they checked two could take her! One was 1500 per week and rated outstanding, the other 975 per week and rated good with improvement needed in the "well led" column,. The outstanding one was awful, small, dingy, you couldn't swing a cat in the room, it was like The Munster's Summer Retreat!! The good one lovely, two nice rooms to choose from and a much brighter place. Problem is we still have no plan for mum from the "experts". She is obviously not "medically fit" again and once you book a room after a week as far as I can tell you have to pay for it and we still have no idea how long mum will be in hospital or rehab if it happens. So difficult knowing what is best to do. I am calling her private medical insurance tomorrow to see if she is insured for anything that will help but I just don't know. It's so difficult.
     
  17. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    423
    Female
    High Peak
    Good luck with the private medical insurance :mad:

    Mum paid this for years and it was eye-wateringly expensive. She used it once about 30 years ago - no claims since as mum was in good health. The crisis came when she fell getting off a bus, hit her head and ended up in hospital. It wasn't a bad wound though it did get infected and a few weeks later she developed a chronic sub-dural haematoma.

    The hospital was really horrible so I phoned mum's insurers hoping to get her moved to somewhere nicer. At this point mum had no diagnosis of dementia. Long story short, she could not be moved because a head injury is considered an emergency and private hospitals do not take/treat emergency patients. I tried again a couple of weeks later when she was no longer an emergency but they wouldn't touch it.

    What's even worse is that if you check the policy, you will probably find - in the exclusions bit - that anything that could be considered a 'mental health issue' is excluded. So effectively, mum would no longer be covered for much. Maybe an elective, small operation but anything dementia related, say an injury from a fall, would not covered. Private hospitals simply do not want to deal with the messy/difficult end of illness.

    In the end, all we were able to claim for mum was the 'per diem' payment for the time she was in hospital. There are problems with that too though, as there are limits on how much you can claim, an excess, and of course they won't pay out on subsequent admissions within a certain time period. We also felt that once mum's diagnosis was made they would blame anything on dementia and refuse to pay out so we cancelled the policy. Total waste of money. She has paid nearly 5 grand a year for donkeys years and we got back just £3000.

    I would advise anyone who has private health insurance either for themselves or a loved one to look carefully at the T & Cs of their policy - it's really not much use for PWD.
     
  18. Max68

    Max68 Registered User

    Aug 21, 2018
    66
    Male
    Sussex
    #58 Max68, May 19, 2019
    Last edited: May 20, 2019
    That's awful. 5 grand a year?! Bloody hell and I thought mums was expensive at 1500 a year! Fair point you made though I did in fact look through it and Dementia isn't listed as a mental health covered condition. If it's not mental health no idea what it is!!!!

    I'll probably cancel it. Even if she was covered for say a private hospital it only adds to the confusion. I think she took it out years ago when she was diagnosed with Atrial Fibrillation and pretty sure she made use of it then but seems a waste of time now.

    Cannot fathom this country and it's treatment of dementia (or lack of). The establishment continuously bleats about lack of funds for the NHS and it's overcrowded blah blah but if they pumped money into dementia research and found, dare I say it a cure of even a vaccine then hundreds of thousands of people would be able to live perfectly well and happily at home well into old age thus solving the care crisis in one fair swoop! It would also allow many older people to pass on any wealth to their descendants if that is their wish rather than having to splurge it all on an expensive care system thus leaving more people able to financially fend for themselves rather than drain the benefits system.

    As it stands I was unable to work a few years ago due to severe vertigo. I basically couldn't walk in a straight line, if at all, unfortunately the delightful Department of Work and Pensions claimed I was fit so I could claim nothing so mum kindly helped me out. I was made redundant last year and have only worked part time since because I've been looking after mum and now she will probably be paying 50-80000 a year in care so in the end the government will have to fund my care if I ever make old age anyway because I won't be able to afford it. It just doesn't make sense! They should in fact be persuading all of us to smoke, drink, eat **** food and take up dangerous sports as it will probably kill off a few more early rather than the healthy lives campaign which will only end up in physically healthy older people with dementia!!! It's bonkers.

    At least mum's sense of humour had a good day today. We bought her a lip balm for her dry lips and the ward put a name label on it. Mum pointed at it and said "it's good that". I said "is it? does it help your lips keep hydrated?" She said "No, the labels good so I can remember who I am!" Bless her I peed myself laughing!
     
  19. Max68

    Max68 Registered User

    Aug 21, 2018
    66
    Male
    Sussex
    Quite bittersweet today. Mum has rallied a bit which is great and the delirium may be clearing because emotions have come back a bit, laughter and tears. That's great but the tears are really difficult especially when you have to leave the hospital. Mum thought a Doctor was coming to let her go home and got upset when she realised that wasn't the case. Then she said she was probably not going to be leaving hospital and got upset again. Not sure how to deal with this as obviously a normal explanation she can't retain and is quickly forgotten so if she hears she has to stay in hospital a bit longer every time she hears it it's as if it's the first time she has heard it! Fortunately a lovely nurse went to sit with her when I left but I hated leaving her so upset. How do others deal with this?

    On a positive note my grumble to PALS seemed to work and after a meeting with the Ward Manager and Doctor they are now falling over themselves to be nice and proactive. Those who shout loudest will be rewarded!!!!!
     
  20. Max68

    Max68 Registered User

    Aug 21, 2018
    66
    Male
    Sussex
    Well we finally have a plan of action. The Social Worker finally admitted that mum no longer has capacity and is writing a statement which in many ways is a relief because it's a nightmare not being able to deal with mums affairs for her benefit. She is eligible for a council tax rebate but they wanted a letter of authority from mum saying I could talk to them but no-one would witness the letter. You try and help your parent and your hands are tied, madness. Bittersweet as it is having the confirmation she is not going to get better because of the statement we at least now can use the LPA'S.

    So it's a Dementia Residential Care Home we are now looking for and that's us out of limbo on not knowing what was going on. Hopefully we will be able to find somewhere nice and be good stimulation for her and make some good friends and with a bit of luck I hope she won't hate me for too long for not getting her back home which is what she wanted!! Keep smiling....
     

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