Well hi.... Not sure if this is the correct forum but here goes anyway so apologies if not. My mum is 82 and whilst she hasn't as yet been diagnosed with a form of dementia things don't bode well, hence why I thought I would post in this forum rather than the concerns page. She was widowed in 2000 when dad died at 59, never remarried and still lives in the family home. My sister and her family and I live locally. For the last couple of years Mum has been occasionally getting caught out by these parasites that phone vulnerable people and get them to pay for a holiday that doesn't exist or knock on door salesmen who tell you that your roof needs doing and then give your mum a lift to the cashpoint in their van (yes I nearly choked on my coffee when she told me that over the phone!!) Generally though she seemed ok but just getting older and not quite the strong, independent, intelligent woman that she once was. However things have started going downhill a lot more since January. Both her elder sister who had ironically been in a home suffering from severe dementia close to 10 years and her best friend passed away within 48 hours of each other. Needless to say it has absolutely devastated mum and totally and utterly knocked the wind out of her sails. Absolutely understandably as well as I cannot imagine losing my sister and best friend at different times let alone in such a close timescale. Suddenly this confident outgoing lady became a shell of the person she was before, not helped by the fact that as age took hold she had to give up her main passion, golf, which apart from the great exercise took away the camaraderie and companionship of others. Certainly depression took hold, along with a lack of confidence and belief and worst of all loneliness. She went to the doctors and was originally told it was all purely grief and it would take a long time, understandably, to cope with it. However in the last couple of months her memory has started to be a concern and she has asked me a lot more to help her out with paperwork that not so long ago she would have done with her eyes closed. At least she is asking me to help though and not hiding things, although upon looking at some of her paperwork, such as lending her gardener £2000 last year, yep you read that right, (albeit insisting he paid her back) I really am at a loss as what to do without severely upsetting her. With the memory it's short term stuff, like telling me the same thing 5 minutes later or asking me to check her TV because it doesn't work but it ends up only being batteries in the remote control, but it's getting more prevalent. I then decided a couple of weeks ago that maybe we should swap her bank account to the same bank as mine because her old branch has closed down and the other local one has got terrible parking options. Also because she was getting worried this holiday company kept ringing her saying they would take more money out I managed to tell her that worries like that would go with a new account because they would not have access to her new account number. I considered third party but mum had a panic attack saying she didn't want me to have any control, which was obviously upsetting but I accepted that it's her independence and it is quite clear the thought of losing that terrifies her. However the bank noticed something was up as mum kept going on about her debit card not working which was because she thought she had lost it, so cancelled it, but found it again so she was trying to use a cancelled card. She mentioned this about three times in five minutes so I think the bank understand what might be going on. In the meantime I took her to the doctors after we had to call an ambulance when she phoned me saying she was sick, dizzy and couldn't move and fortunately mum gave the doctor permission to speak to me about her medical situation. I managed to ask the doctor to send mum for some memory tests without making a big deal out of it and the doctor has referred her although I won't tell mum until the time is close because there is an 8 week wait and I don't want her dwelling on it. All other blood tests were fine and the doctor has changed some of her meds. With the blood tests being fine it was bitter sweet because obviously I was pleased all was ok but was secretly hoping it might have shown a low potassium or something easily cleared up that was causing her problems. Since then I have driven her around as she no longer is confident in driving and got her to speak to Time to Talk (counselling service) and have got her to join a coffee morning and the local Age UK site where she had her first Chairobics on Monday which despite wiping her out and making her use muscles she hasn't used in years (good news) she seemed to enjoy it and needed the company of older folk like herself and I hope she continues as if I can get her happier that's a start. My cousin had noticed things when speaking to mum on the phone and of course since her mum (mums sister) suffered with dementia my cousin knows what she is talking about but says there are many possible reasons and types of dementia why mum could be like this although she will probably just be saying that not to concern me. Mum herself must be terrified after seeing what happened to her sister and just says she is losing her marbles. We already have Power of Attorney Health and Finance all done last year so at least we have done that and I was made redundant in July so at least for now I can fully focus on mum although I am sure the Job Centre will start having a pop when I am not spending 35 hours a week job searching!! But quite frankly if things do not go well on the memory tests then I am at a loss on what to do. Part of me wonders if I should rent my house out and move back home, or make home adjustments at her house because she recently told me she just has sponge baths because she can no longer get in the bath which again was out of the blue, or maybe home care help or even move into some sort of care home, although mum says any move will kill her. Other worries are If I get a new job soon how accommodating will a new employer be if I have to be on call for mum, which I want and have to be?! I, like many on here I am sure, am just so deflated and devastated and have absolutely no idea what to do for the best. So sorry for the extremely long post but I just had to get all of my thoughts down on paper. Thank you.