So this happened today,I went out for a coffee with my friend,came home 2 hours later,my neighbour waved at me to come in her house,she saw 2 people on my front path with my hubby,asked them what they wanted,they'd found him walking along the expressway grass verge,he had his coat on but no trousers just his boxers,he was dressed when I went out,this is just shocking new behaviour,is it time to give in,I'm not coping anyway with him not sleeping for more than 2 hours at a time at night😭
Me,still coping😩
- Thread starter sunshine chrissy
- Start date
Only you can make that decision but I certainly think that you have reached the end of the road with care at home. Your husband's behaviour is very extreme and no medication is working. His agitation, wandering and sleeplessness are breaking you. I think that this latest incident does signify the need for secure residential care.
Oh @sunshine chrissy this is awful!
How would u feel about asking for some urgent respite? For you to sleep and then consider everything when you have rested…
Your hubbie is now a risk to himself if u go out if he wanders inappropriately clothed - you need your coffees out so something needs to shift,
Please tell ur CPN tomorrow xx
How would u feel about asking for some urgent respite? For you to sleep and then consider everything when you have rested…
Your hubbie is now a risk to himself if u go out if he wanders inappropriately clothed - you need your coffees out so something needs to shift,
Please tell ur CPN tomorrow xx
Oh @sunshine chrissy what a shock for you to come back to. Maybe you are going to think about care if he has reached this stage, but maybe you could try to get some urgent respite as @sdmhred suggested so you have a clearer head? sending you a big hug.
@sunshine chrissy It would not be giving in to consider residential care for your husband. You have done your absolute best to keep him at home, but the meds are not working and now he has started to wander when you are not at home. That is a big red flag.
I know it is not what you want but if your husband was to go into care you would become his wife again rather than a tired and exhausted carer.
You have been given some good advice by @Violet Jane @sdmhred and @jay6 so please consider what they have said.
I know it is not what you want but if your husband was to go into care you would become his wife again rather than a tired and exhausted carer.
You have been given some good advice by @Violet Jane @sdmhred and @jay6 so please consider what they have said.
@sunshine chrissy You will have slept on it now. Please get some urgent respite and rest for yourself and think it through before making this decision.
Yes respite first and then see how you feel x. My hub says he’s ok alone but then goes wandering around our sheltered accomodation and it looks bad on me as though I’m passing the book sort of thing
They are like four year olds emotionally and I know I wouldn’t leave a four year old alone
If we don’t remember it’s the disease it looks like emotional blackmail doesn’t it xxx
Much love to you. I can relate x
On a lighter note hope his boxer shorts were in better condition than my husbands
He hates new underwear x
They are like four year olds emotionally and I know I wouldn’t leave a four year old alone
If we don’t remember it’s the disease it looks like emotional blackmail doesn’t it xxx
Much love to you. I can relate x
On a lighter note hope his boxer shorts were in better condition than my husbands
He hates new underwear x
Oh I love that last sentence,mine's the same,have to force him to even put clean ones on so no,they probably weren't in better condition😂x
Thank you to everyone for your replies,I've decided to try for respite,time to clear my head and think,you can't think straight when you're in the middle of it can you?This forum really helps in so many ways,I can see people in even worse situations than I am and people who've got it all to come,I've taken something to think about from all your replies,thanks again for taking the time,it's the only time I would say,and believe,we're all in this together❤️Oh and now a fruit fly has landed in my last glass of wine-should I pour it away?Course not,Ive dealt with worse hygiene issues than this😂x
No😩Up again though I didn't hear him,just noticed landing light was on,I'm such a light sleeper lately even a chink of light wakes me up,I came down to check and the usual lights all on,back door open,fridge door too🙄
That is good to read @sunshine chrissy When you start the process of asking for respite be firm and make sure that SS know you need this time away.
As for the fruit fly, extra protein. 😂
@sunshine chrissy what you are going through is hell - and honestly I don't think it gets much worse than this. You have done so well, and everyone is right, you need respite so you can recharge and think clearly. My situation is not as bad as yours by a long way, but respite has made me realise just how difficult my life is now, what a s***storm the last 5 years have been. Week one I felt really depressed with the realisation at how I am living, the second week I began to feel 'normal' again and just dreaded bringing him home again. As others have said - you just can't go on like this. ❤️ ❤️
Things have changed today,I had the usual fortnightly phonecall from Lucy the mental health nurse,told her everything that's happened lately,she said you won't want to hear this but you need to think about 24/7 care for him now,he's a danger to himself😩She's getting in touch with social care to voice her concerns and she'll be in touch soon.I was in shock,I thought she'd be upping his meds or arranging respite for me,I've been in tears all afternoon but relieved in a sad way,I've been sat here all night thinking about myself and how I've changed this last year,I've become isolated apart from the few hours on a monday morning when I meet my best friend for a coffee in town.Time to let go and let him have the care I can't give him😭
Actually, he's a danger to you too, in terms of the toll that his behaviour is taking on your physical and mental health. All sorts of things have been tried medication-wise and nothing has worked. A team of people who work shifts and then go home and rest and have a life outside caring is now needed IMO because a sole carer can't cope with such extreme behaviour.
FWIW I agree with the mental health nurse. I have been thinking for some time that your situation is unsustainable.
I know that you have tried really hard to keep him at home, but his dementia is more than one person can cope with in a domestic situation and this new development of walking out, inappropriately dressed, along a very busy fast road is IMO the final straw.
Everyone is now saying the same thing. Please accept it
xxxx
I know that you have tried really hard to keep him at home, but his dementia is more than one person can cope with in a domestic situation and this new development of walking out, inappropriately dressed, along a very busy fast road is IMO the final straw.
Everyone is now saying the same thing. Please accept it
xxxx
