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It feels like I will be a stranger at my partner's funeral

Bod

Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
1,578
0
An off the wall idea.
Could you have a Memorial service, for all the important friends and carers, with wake/party to follow?
Then it's up to you who gets an invite.

Bod
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Now the order of service is being changed so many times due to spelling mistakes and Christel's daughter complaining nobody is listening to her requests for a poem about people coming from stardust going on it. She doesn't stop rambling 100 words to the second long enough for anyone to understand what she actually meant. She has cancelled the car after I sent the invoice to the life insurance company, so that will need to be reclaimed later.
My internet connection went down as I tried to print the forms. The scanner gives me a web address that the life insurance company can't access, so had to post it. I got it in the post just as the post office was closing and the last collection was going out the door. At least the registry office clerk was so kind and supportive.

Edit : Sorry, I do seem to keep letting off steam on here forgetting that so many others are going through similar stress coupled with grief and my heart goes out to you all.
 
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Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
67,202
0
71
Dundee
Oh goodness Rob - if you can’t let off steam here where can you? You need to be able to get it all out and this is the very place to do it. You know we are all with you.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
17,553
0
68
Toronto, Canada
@nae sporran Please don't apologise for letting off steam. If you can't do it here, where can you do it?

The daughter sounds like a nightmare. I agree with letting the home know about the funeral. That's what I did when my mother died and two of my favourite staff were able to attend.
 

GillP

Registered User
Aug 11, 2021
1,727
0
The last thing you need is the extra anguish over the funeral. You are responding with integrity and dignity which is commendable. I do hope that you will have some support on the day and that there will be people there who are important to you and Christel .

Thinking of you.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Thank you @northumbrian_k. I got a message from a walking buddy earlier inviting me to join her and a couple of mutual acquaintances tomorrow. Sadly, work keeps getting in the way of my old escapes, but with everything going on it is good to have friends. One day I'll pay it back.
 

Moggymad

Registered User
May 12, 2017
1,068
0
Oh goodness C’s daughter seems to be going into a tailspin. I hope she can hold it together. You will all be feeling a lot of pressure & upset & everyone handles these emotions (or not) in their own way. We had a last minute hitch the day before mums funeral when I discovered some of the lyrics to the song my nieces had chosen were inappropriate for the occasion & some last minute editing was required by the funeral director. It’s all so stressful leading up to the funeral & that day is the focal point for everyone.
I hope you can all get things finalised soon without any more hiccups & give yourself some time to try to come to terms with your loss. It does get pushed aside somewhat doesn’t it. This is your outlet so steam away. Best wishes @nae sporran, as Nitram says we are all with you virtually.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Thank you @Moggymad.
I've not got both of Christel's children, and they are certainly not children any longer, saying they will sit at the back as they might want to leave for air half way through. I was in a panic in the post office when I thought I would miss the last postal collection to send the life insurance form off on time. I had a panic in the registry office when I had to sign the forms and the reality hit me again. The funeral is going to be so hard and the drive across the city to Clevedon ( at least half an hour if I can find a short cut to the motorway) is going to need me to find some very calming music. The chaps from the old sheltered housing may be able to offer a lift, but the one with the car talks too much about himself and much as I appreciate the way he looked after Christel that's not what I need. Wednesday needs to be a warm, sunny day to tempt me out for a walk in the woods behind my flat or back to Clevedon for ice cream by the pier.
Thank you all for your kindness and support, it is so good to know someone is there in hard times.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,864
0
South coast
The funeral is going to be so hard and the drive across the city to Clevedon ( at least half an hour if I can find a short cut to the motorway) is going to need me to find some very calming music. The chaps from the old sheltered housing may be able to offer a lift, but the one with the car talks too much about himself and much as I appreciate the way he looked after Christel that's not what I need
Could you splash out and book a taxi?
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
12,469
0
Yorkshire
I agree about a taxi, you are best not driving on the day ... the funeral service will be able to organise a car for you (yes, some expense involved, but it will be worth it for your peace of mind)
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,843
0
I agree about a taxi, you are best not driving on the day ... the funeral service will be able to organise a car for you (yes, some expense involved, but it will be worth it for your peace of mind)
I do agree about a taxi and I am so so sorry about the stress you are under, as well as the awful grief.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Money is a bit short at the moment due to only just starting work a month before moving and I agreed to pay for the flowers and the death certificates. Now you all mention it a taxi would only cost a few bottles of beer and I can manage without those for a couple of weeks.
 

Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
705
0
Sorry have no words of advice for you (well I could think of some but I might get banned). Will be keeping you in my thoughts and I hope that on the day everything goes smoothly for you, and hold your happier memories close. Sending many hugs your way
 

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
603
0
Scotland
Nae Sporran, I am so sorry for all the stress you are dealing with at the moment. Remembering my husband's funeral two years ago, I was thinking that on the day although I was fully aware of all that was taking place, at the same time I felt a wee bit detached. I'm wondering if you might feel like that and if so, the friend who talks a lot could be a comforting presence, a supportive companion and would relieve you of the responsibility of driving.

If you end up travelling alone, like the others I think a taxi is a good idea.

Lilac x
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Thank you both for your support. The idea of a taxi is definitely becoming more appealing even if the prices I have seen quoted online are around the £30 mark.
There's a new spanner in the works. The invoice I posted to the life insurance company included an advance price for a new headstone. The cost is £2000, which should get a very good granite one. Christel's son has seen it. He was told the new stone would not go in for 6 - 12 months to give the ground time to settle. Now, 5 days before the funeral he wants a new price without the stone from the funeral director, to be sent to the life insurance firm. He kept on until I gave him the number, but I told him it was too late and asked him to please not mess everything up and make us wait another month to bury his mother. Nobody is trusting anyone, nobody is listening to anyone else, the goalposts move every day and I just want to (as a good friend put it) start the healing process.