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It feels like I will be a stranger at my partner's funeral

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
12,669
0
Southampton
thats standard so why is he quibbling. the life insurance is paying for it. i know with my mum, we had to wait and that was 18yrs ago. she had her picture on it
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Thank you @jennifer1967. I think he is worried the company will go bankrupt in the meantime, though his sister thinks he is trying to do everything as cheap as possible to leave more money for himself. That's the lack of trust in a nutshell, but there's a long story behind it that is coming to a head at the wrong time.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
6,337
0
Chester
You can't put the headstone in for 6 months as the grave has to settle.

So sorry it is all being mucked about.

Sending hugs xxx
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,895
0
Victoria, Australia
So sorry that this is happening as it is. Of course, raw emotion and crisis tend to be worst times to be making decisions about such things as a funeral.

I suspect that the daughter has no idea of how to cope with her emotions and accordingly is behaving so badly. It should always come down to not what anybody wants except what the deceased would have liked.

I have reached the age when funerals are a frequent event and they have varied greatly in their character from large funny funerals, to private small events and to traditional masses that seemed to be more about the church than the person.

I just hope that everything goes well and that the ceremony brings you a degree of comfort and warm memories.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Thanks again for your support and replies.

Christel's son has spoken to the aborted probate and solicitor and is now accepting that paying in advance for a stone that won't be in place for 6 months or more is normal. Her daughter has accepted the idea of me using an excerpt from a poem by Goethe. I'll just have to paraphrase both English and German, but it was our little private joke and shows Christel's good German education, so I hope it will be appreciated in that light.
Now we are all meeting at the chapel there will be a slight problem getting two signatures from warring siblings on the form to pay out what is left from life insurance money, but we'll cross that bridge on Tuesday. So long as there is a cold bottle of Exmoor Gold in the fridge on Tuesday night and a chance for a long walk on Wednesday I think I'll get through it.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,727
0
Suffolk
Sorry to hear of Christels death. I’ve been away from here for several months. I think you are coping brilliantly despite E and everyone else interfering!

Hugs.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
I never did find the right words to the poem, so will have to improvise. Its been a few years since we shared a wee moment while I recited the poem and Christel corrected my awful German. Now her daughter says she may not go to the funeral as she is afraid she will have a panic attack and make a fool of herself. There will be about 3 people I know who will be there, so I will probably address my babbled speech to Christel in the coffin. I feel like sharing those final memories with you all who have supported me through this and hope you don't mind.

Some of you probably know I met Christel when I needed a room for 4 months in 2006. It was the garlic chicken thighs that convinced me to take on her spare room. She thought I looked hungry.
We shared a love of music. I knew Pavarotti from his duet with U2 on Miss Sarajevo and she knew him from his operas.
We went to a concert at the Barbican and she applauded so hard she broke her glass ring with her silver ring and didn’t care because she was so happy and excited.
We went to Westonbirt in the early months and she spent so long setting up a photo of me with the maple leaves around me to match those to my fleece that we got an audience who all went to recreate the same shot when she finished.
Right to the end her love of music kept her going. One year she was ill for 2 months or something and did not want to go to a concert at our sheltered housing, but with a cajoling she went anyway. As soon as the singer came on, she was conducting and flirting as if she had never been ill.
She actually said she did the antique fairs more for the haggling than the money, and gave a way a 20 quid necklace to a young lassie just because she liked it so much.
A wee poem before I shut up.
It was by Goethe, Germany’s answer to Rabbie Burns. There was a minor disagreement as to who was the better poet.
Ihre Blue Augen
Wass je ehre gesehen
Sei Wass ist woller
Es war doch so shoen
Rough translation is: You blue eyes
Whatsoever you saw,
Whatever it was,
It was oh so beautiful.

She was a one off. Warm, generous, talented, cultured, cheeky and kind. My brother and his wife only met her once and spoke on Zoom a couple of times, but Maureen said she loved Christel the minute she met her.
 

GillP

Registered User
Aug 11, 2021
1,726
0
What a wonderful woman and what a wonderful relationship. The warmth and love and fun you had together shine through these words. Finding such a connection is truly joyous. I am sure she would be smiling at this fitting tribute.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
12,669
0
Southampton
your words are very special and shows the bond that developed between you. just shows age doesnt matter but who you spend your time with and the pleasure you both got from each other. memories to treasure for a lifetime.
dont worry about the daughter. her choice and you dont harm from panic attacks, the body sorts itself out. you would think she would want to be there for her mum rather than creating her own dramas. hope it goes well and Christel is well remembered. it might make you smile if you can picture her complaining about your pronunciation but proud you made the effort.
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
2,452
0
Newcastle
You don't need to worry @nae sporran You (and we) know how much you loved and cared for Christel in good times and bad. It is hard for you just now but you will have time to reflect and remember all the special times. That is what will see you through.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,148
0
Bristol
Thank you for your kind and supportive words, everyone.
Christel must have misremembered the poem and I think liked her version because it referred to her blue eyes, but I'll go with that version @canary. Google translate has that as happy eyes and that seems very appropriate too. Thank you so much.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
67,202
0
71
Dundee
Oh Rob - your words are just beautiful. A lovely lady and your love for her just shines through these words.