Is the end near?

[jellyfish5791]

My dear mum is 84 with mixed Alzheimers and Vascular Dementia. She is in a lovely NH where the staff all love her to bits.
Over the last few weeks she appears to have been having multiple cerebral events, each one causing her to decline further mentally. They also have led to her being very unsettled to the point of needing morphine and midazalam. She then displays all the signs of actively dying. I have lost count now of how many days, weeks, months I have sat by her bed thinking she was about to die. Each time I hope that this time her ordeal will be over for her. But she rallies again. I feel awful to say that each time she rallies I feel a little bit disappointed for her that this pain and suffering has to continue for her.
The GP saw her last week when she was flat and she also thought that she was actively dying; declared her GSF red and we discussed funeral directors.
I feel so guilty though to be wanting this to be over.

 

[Chizz]

My sympathies to you @jellyfish5791
It's v difficult to watch a loved one in this situation. It's normal to want the pain and suffering to end so that your mum can be at peace. Wanting it to be over for both of your sakes is normal, in my opinion. You want the best for your much which is reaching peace for her.
Put the guilt to bed.
Love and hugs

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @jellyfish5791 and welcome to the forum. There is no reason for you to feel guilty. Watching our loved ones suffer is truly awful. You only want what is best for your mum.
Wishing you strength for the days ahead, and please keep posting if you need support at any time.

 

[MeganCat]

Your post really resonates- mum, 13 years since diagnosis and who has been nursed in bed for 4 years, rallied again last week from another chest infection +covid. The GP had thought she wasn’t going to make it. I had very conflicted emotions when she rallied - relief tinged with sadness that her suffering continues. A friend lost their mum recently from dementia at a much earlier stage - before the loss of recognition, whilst there’s still some quality of life - I know which I’d prefer for myself.

 

[Chizz]

Your post really resonates- mum, 13 years since diagnosis and who has been nursed in bed for 4 years, rallied again last week from another chest infection +covid. The GP had thought she wasn’t going to make it. I had very conflicted emotions when she rallied - relief tinged with sadness that her suffering continues. A friend lost their mum recently from dementia at a much earlier stage - before the loss of recognition, whilst there’s still some quality of life - I know which I’d prefer for myself.

Thinking of you @MeganCat
I send a virtual hug.