I'm 14 and need someone hopefully a similar age to talk to.

Discussion in 'Younger people with dementia and their carers' started by SophieAnn, Apr 21, 2015.

  1. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,569
    Merseyside
    It's so hard when it looks like him & sounds like him isn't it?
    I'm a lot older than you but I still say I want my dad back!
     
  2. IzzyA

    IzzyA Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    36
    He's still at a stage where I get flashes of my real Dad but I'm not sure if this makes it easier or harder to live with such a monster.
     
  3. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,569
    Merseyside
    Snap!
    It make realise he's still in there somewhere but makes me miss him more when he goes again.
     
  4. IzzyA

    IzzyA Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    36
    Dad is just being....i don't know what word....annoying is a bit of an understatement but he's not shouting as much as sometimes. He's infuriating to such an extent Mum has gone out for a walk... Which is probably a good thing because he winds her up until they end up shouting at each other.It's horrible. And it makes me cross because she's supposed to be the not ill one, complete with self control. There's so many occasions where I'm sure mum just not rising to it would diffuse the situation much quicker.
    Anyway now she's gone for her walk he feels the need to explain to me "what went wrong" and why he got angry.
    Then I get just as angry with him. I hate it when he replays 'arguments' over and over even though he feels it helps him.
    And now I just feel guilty. In no state to either sleep or do the homework due tomorrow (I know I shouldn't have let it get shunted to the night before).
    I feel guilty for getting angry with him but still can't bring myself to either apologise or just give him a hug...
    I just don't know what to do with myself and I doubt writing this will actually make me feel any better.....it feels to much like complaining.
     
  5. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,035
    Hi IzzyA

    Today is the first time I have read this thread, I have skimmed it but enough to read what an amazing girl you are. Lots of 'complaining' goes on here but its not really complaining but merely the pressure cooker blowing off a bit of steam - a necessary function:) Sorry you are having a rough time, is there something you can do to relax or enjoy? watch or listen to something?
    Look after you too
    Love
    Sue:)
     
  6. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,706
    North West
    I can only agree with Sue that you are an amazing girl Izzy. You are having to deal with stuff that anyone, never mind anyone as young as you, would find heart-breaking and almost unbearable, yet you are dealing with it in a way that is an example to many of us. Of course you get angry and frustrated but you are mature beyond your years in the way in which you cooly describe what is going on, even though I'm sure you do not feel cool, and can write about your feelings in such an open and analytical way. It's so sad that you want to hug your dad and can't bring yourself to because of the way he is behaving, even though you know it's the disease that is responsible. Maybe you'll find another time soon to give him a hug.

    Please never worry about 'complaining' on TP. That's one of the things it exists for.
     
  7. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,569
    Merseyside
    Sweetie explaining how you feel is not complaining.
     
  8. IzzyA

    IzzyA Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    36
    It's still always going to feel like complaining!
    I let myself dwell on the past few days during 10 minutes of quiet in tutor and almost cried in a room full of my peers.
    It makes me so angry with myself and my Dad.
    I ended up sitting in a classroom not achieving anything. I couldn't concentrate and I couldn't be bothered. When I'm like that it scares me because I lose the motivation and determination which is more characteristically me. I'm scared of getting dragged into the downward spiral of lack of sleep, late homework and feeling miserable...
     
  9. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,298
    Yorkshire
    Hi IzzyA
    sorry to read that life's a bit turbulent right now - and I must add my bit of praise for you - you are a daughter in a million - and an admirable young woman
    I'm a firm believer that a good 'moan' gets it out of your system and then you can move on
    personally, I think you have put in place some safety nets for yourself, so you won't slide down that spiral - you know you can come here and write anything (that's what the rest of us do) and you know you have people at school who are on your side, who will listen and give you some space; keep them in the picture
    you seem to recognise some of the behaviour patterns of your parents - is it possible for you to maybe put on some quiet music your dad enjoys whenever things get heated, and then disappear to your room (with a 'do not disturb studying in progress' notice on the door) in the hope that your dad won't then talk through his arguments with you and may find the music soothing? just a thought ( I was a bit of a hider in my room type when I was a teenager)
    Have you seen that Sophie Ann, the starter of this thread, has posted recently - I hope the 2 of you get to chat
    sleep tight
     
  10. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,035
    Hi IzzyA

    Of course it always feels like complaining and maybe in a way you are, complaining that your poor Dad has this disease and about how it affects your life - I think that is what teenagers, and not only teenagers, do when their life is affected so closely by dementia and it is ok to do that. Although you are, as many have rightly said, very mature in how you handle things and help you are still allowed to feel as any teenager would - cheated of their Dad, and like a lot of teenagers get angry at their parents when things aren't as they want them to be. The hard things for you is you know he can't help it but probably want him to be able to.

    I wonder what you would think about asking your Mum if you could have some counselling together? You have said she is a GP so would understand that this might help you both.

    Just some thoughts, hope they help.
    Love
    Sue:)
     
  11. SophieAnn

    SophieAnn Registered User

    Apr 16, 2015
    24
    Burton
    Sorry it's been so late for me to reply to you! I would love to be able to talk to you as well! I feel the same at school because no one understands how difficult everything is! My Dads been diagnosed for just shy of a year (1 year on the 18th) but he's had it a lot longer than a year I would probably say around 3-4 years.
     
  12. IzzyA

    IzzyA Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    36
    My Dad has been diagnosed for 4 years now and at first I didn't see any changes but he's at point now where it feels like he's getting worse everyday.
     
  13. SophieAnn

    SophieAnn Registered User

    Apr 16, 2015
    24
    Burton
    Same with my Dad I get how you feel! It's difficult to describe what's going on really ah
     
  14. sford91

    sford91 Registered User

    Nov 4, 2015
    112
    Hi Izzy A and SophieAnn

    I am 24 and recently my mother has been diagnosed with Frontal lobe dementia so I totally understand how you both feel. If you ever want a chat you know where I am. We are all to young to be going through this but we can get through it together :)
     
  15. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,569
    Merseyside
    Hi Izzy :) hope you're ok?
     
  16. IzzyA

    IzzyA Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    36
    I mostly post to vent frustration.

    But I've needed that less because I'm back running!

    And because Dad has got noticeably worse. It means he's less angry. He's just confused. When he's screaming at me it's easiest just to get angry with him and blame him.

    But now he seems so vulnerable. And it's ten times harder to see him like it but it is easier to live with.

    The whole atmosphere of the house has changed without the chain reaction shouting.

    But now Dad has the more stereotypical memory loss and loss of speech, as well as sleeping a lot of the time.

    It's upsetting but, as selfish as is it, a better quality of life for us.
     
  17. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,569
    Merseyside
    I'm delighted you're back running so you can vent.

    I'm sad your dad has detiriorated but I'm relieved things at home are easier. I hope you all manage to have a good Christmas.
     
  18. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,298
    Yorkshire
    Hi IzzyA and SophieAnn
    Just to wish you and your families a lovely Christmas - I hope it's the Christmas you wish for for yourselves
    Enjoy the holiday
     
  19. IzzyA

    IzzyA Registered User

    Sep 17, 2015
    36
    Thanks!
    Much better than I feared...
    Happy Christmas to everyone on TP!!
    Xxx
     
  20. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    60,141
    Female
    Dundee
    Happy Christmas Izzy, from another Izzy!

    I'm glad you seem to have had a good day.
     

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