I'm 14 and need someone hopefully a similar age to talk to.

Discussion in 'Younger people with dementia and their carers' started by SophieAnn, Apr 21, 2015.

  1. SophieAnn

    SophieAnn Registered User

    Apr 16, 2015
    24
    Burton
    My Dad has early onset frontotemporal dementia which seems to be progressing rather quickly. If anyone is a similar age to me I would like it if we could talk and support each other?
     
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,580
    Female
    Dundee
    #2 Izzy, Apr 21, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2015
    Hi SophieAnne and welcome to TP.

    I'm sorry to read about your dad's s diagnosis. It must be very hard for you and your family.

    I hope some other young carers will be along to chat with you but in the meantime I wondered if this link would be if any help to you. It's a website for young carers-

    https://babble.carers.org

    I hope you keep visiting TP though as I'm sure you will get lots of help and support here.
     
  3. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,486
    Female
    England
    Hello Sophie-Anne and welcome from me too.

    Izzy has given you a link to a site that will suit you. Perhaps you can persuade your family to join you on here and get help and support from all the members who fully understand what you are all going through and well done for looking for help.
     
  4. chris53

    chris53 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2009
    2,929
    London
    Hello SophieAnne, just wanted to offer you a warm welcome to Talking Point, so sorry you are in the world of dementia at such a young age, regardless of the ages here..from us as carers,and people that care, we can offer support to you and understanding to you and your family, there is usually someone around day or night, so please don't feel afraid to talk whenever it suits you:)
    Take care
    Chris
     
  5. Miss Merlot

    Miss Merlot Registered User

    Oct 15, 2012
    3,262
    Here's me thinking I'm pretty young to be be dealing with dementia (my MIL's) and I'm 34!

    Totally ancient, past it and uncool I know to you probably - though I do like Tinie Tempah and Plan B, if that helps...?? Also I went to see Eminem in concert a few months ago, so that must make me still semi-cool, even if it took me several days to get over such a late night.... ;)

    In all seriousness though, I think - in all the years I've been knocking about this forum - you are the youngest person I've seen posting on here, and my heart really does goes out to you...

    14 is just so young, and certainly far too early in life to be dealing with such a serious issue.

    How old is your dad, if I may ask...? How is your mum coping, and do you have any external support in (carers and the like...)?

    I do hope you'll keep posting, SophieAnne - there are quite a few younger carers on here (and I do mean proper young - not like me!), as well as you....

    My only piece of advice here is to think what your dad would have wanted for you - by which I mean probably qualifications, maybe uni, a good career etc - and go ahead and fulfil those wishes on his behalf...

    You obviously love him very much, but at this age you have all your own dreams and goals to try to fulfil, and I'm sure that's what he (and your mum) would want you to do.

    You will have to grow up quickly in comparison to a lot of people your age around you, but in years to come you might find that no bad thing - but at such a price...
     
  6. SophieAnn

    SophieAnn Registered User

    Apr 16, 2015
    24
    Burton
    Thank you! I like Tinie Tempah as well! My Dads only 50 so really young, my mums coping ok but we've had other things happen like my uncle passed away from cancer just before Christmas and then my grandad passed away earlier this month which makes my Dads situation more difficult to cope with but we have help from the Alzeimers society they come round sometimes and the British legion help out with forms and stuff and then like then there's other people but I don't know who because I've not met all of them yet because of school.
     
  7. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    5,655
    Hampshire
    Hello Sophie-Ann

    Izzy has given you a great site and here is another one that may be useful - http://www.youngcarer.com/ They are particularly good at helping with keeping your school informed etc and that sort of support. But its good to have a choice.

    I am sure your Mum and Dad have had lots of information but in case they haven't, this link might be of help too - http://www.youngdementiauk.org/

    Take care, life must seem pretty tough and unfair for all of you. As others have said, you can always come here to chat, ask things, moan, whatever - no-one will judge you. Sometimes its good to have a safe place where you can say and ask things that you might feel you don't want to ask or talk about face to face or with family.

    Big hugs for you, take care x
     
  8. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,654
    North West
    Ah yes - school.:( Do they know about your situation? It's quite important that they do I think. You could tell a teacher or whoever you trust or someone could do it for you. The thing is that, as things progress, you will be having to deal with all kinds of things that could affect how you manage in school - many kids struggle just with usual teenage stuff without what you're having to face. The school needs to understand your circumstances and, ideally, put you in touch with someone who you can talk to, in confidence, about any difficulties.

    Take care.
     
  9. queenquackers

    queenquackers Registered User

    Oct 2, 2013
    19
    Hi SophieAnn. I'm 24, but my mum started showing the first signs of dementia when I was in my late teens, though at the time we thought it was just a few 'blips' due to stress. Totally agree with stanleypj - even if you're not ready to tell the whole world about your situation yet, it would be great if the teachers at your school had some idea of what was going on. By the time my mum became noticeably ill, I was at university, but didn't feel I could talk to anyone (Mum wasn't officially diagnosed until after I graduated, and still hates talking about dementia) so my grades suffered as a result of bottling up all the worry and sadness. I've definitely spotted a few people in their late teens or early 20s caring for a parent posting on here before, so it's good (if frustrating) to know that the media portrayal of dementia as 'old-timer's disease' isn't at all accurate, that's we're not alone and there are other young people going through the same thing as us.
     
  10. SophieAnn

    SophieAnn Registered User

    Apr 16, 2015
    24
    Burton
    A couple teachers know but they were meant to call my mum like 4 months ago and they still haven't so I keep trying to talk to that teacher but I never know where she is haha
     
  11. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,580
    Female
    Dundee
    It might be an idea to ask your mum to let the school know that you a young carer. I would suggest that this is done through the headteacher or the deputy head or someone in charge of a department like pupil care and support. I'm sorry I probably don't have the correct name of the department. The Scottish school teacher titles and departments are different I think. The PC&S department used to be called Guidance here.

    It is really important that all staff know about your situation, particularly when it comes to exams and preparing for them.

    I hope the sun is shining for you today!
     
  12. Miss Merlot

    Miss Merlot Registered User

    Oct 15, 2012
    3,262
    When I was at secondary school still, my mum had cancer - I told two of my most trusted teachers, and the word got round among the staff, who did a lot to help. Do you have a teacher you know and like who you could speak to...?

    In my teens, it often seemed that I was dealing with some very "adult" issues too - death, divorce, domestic violence, evil step-father, eating disorders, parental mental breakdown, my mum's cancer etc... Often felt like we were on an episode of Neighbours with all the drama we had - or Jeremy Kyle! :rolleyes:

    I know the situation is very different, but all I can tell you is that things do get better - sometimes only after they have got worse and sometimes not for a long time yet - but eventually they do.
     
  13. SophieAnn

    SophieAnn Registered User

    Apr 16, 2015
    24
    Burton
    Thank you there are like three teachers that know but my mums called the school today and I don't know whats going to happen she will properly come in and talk to my head of year and the head teacher. And sorry to hear about your mum! Hope you're ok x
     
  14. Tears Falling

    Tears Falling Registered User

    Jul 8, 2013
    637
    Have a chat with your mum and let her know that you want to be involved in any discussion with your teachers where ever practical.

    Its never easy dealing with a parents illness, regardless of your age.I don't think we ever feel old enough to deal with these moments, yet somehow we get through. Although I am many years older then you, my mum was ill during my schooling. i was often called out of class to go home and help her and had to deal with various issues at school on behalf of my siblings. Trying to get through school and deal with housework and cooking meals during my childhood wasn't ideal, but probably has given me the strength i have now. having someone at the school who understands and is aware of the situation will really help so speak to the trusted teachers and school support.

    I am sorry to read about your Dad's diagnosis and I am sure he is very proud of you and how well you are coping.

    Keep posting on here as there is so much support available from forum members.

    :)
     
  15. Senna

    Senna Account on hold

    Apr 23, 2015
    1
    hi Sophie,
    i get how you feel, my um has ftd too. She has had it since i was born we think, but we only knew last year. I myself am 12 nearly 13. it has gotten so bad that my mum thinks she is 45 and bon on 1970 but in realety she is 53 and born on 1962, i have been in her for 3 mons and her younger brother is apparently onlder that her.
    she sometimes forgets names and always says "click" whan she cant say a word immediatly.
    itmdoes go fast, but dont worry, as there are lots of people willing to talk to you! including me.
    x senna:)
     
  16. SophieAnn

    SophieAnn Registered User

    Apr 16, 2015
    24
    Burton
    Awh it's so hard especially since FTD is really rare so not many people understand it. And thank you if you ever need anything I will be more than happy to talk to you x


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  17. eleanor9

    eleanor9 Registered User

    May 9, 2015
    1
    Sophie,

    I'm 17 so a close age to you, and so I probably know how you're feeling. As our situations are so rare, it's hard to find someone who really understands; I hope you have people to support you.

    Although this is hard, it's important to take your mind away from it, even if only for a few hours. School helped take my mind away from home life, but being with friends or just watching TV also does the trick!

    I found that going through this at a young age made me grow up very quickly, but looking back at it now, maturing at a young age was not a bad thing at all. In fact, it has made me a much better person with a lot of motivation and big dreams. It's not all bad!

    If need someone to talk to, I'm here. :)
     
  18. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,654
    North West
    Welcome to TP eleanor9 and what a helpful and supportive first post.:)
     
  19. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,302
    Cotswolds
    Agreed :) Welcome to TP, eleanor9 :)
     
  20. SophieAnn

    SophieAnn Registered User

    Apr 16, 2015
    24
    Burton
    Thank you x


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     

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