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'If I get like that, put me in a home'

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,831
Just had a call from mum's nice carer at the home. She's had two falls this morning. I could hear her being cross in the background not wanting lunch and not wanting to talk to me either. I'm not sure she understood when he said he told her he was talking to her daughter.
These falls are getting a worry. Mum is a pacer and refuses all suggestions of a walker or even a stick. I guess it's only a matter of time before she does herself a serious mischief.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
504
Hi @Sarasa
It's a worry about falls and difficult to encourage the use of a walker or stick.
My mum fell in her care home, hospital stay to repair her hip. I still worry that it could easily happen again, as carers can't be watching her all the time.
I hope your brother is doing OK after his operation X
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
507
Oh no. I know there's nothing we can do but at least she was at the home and not alone in a house when it happened. Hope she is ok x
 

Cazzita

Registered User
May 12, 2018
591
Hope your brother improves soon. It must be awful not to see your mum all this time. I feel fortunate that I can see my mum, albeit for half an hour a week, outside with a mask and no hugs. At least it is something. Hope you get your well-deserved time away xx
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,294
My mother is a pacer too and is increasingly frail but refuses all walking aids. She has had quite a few falls, a couple of years ago she fell in the CH main lounge and broke her hip, another time she cracked her pelvis. Her most recent fall was about a fortnight ago, paramedics took her to A&E for an xray, but she was just bruised. I think falls are a fairly common issue unfortunately.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,629
Bedford
Sirena has a good point. Visits at Mum’s home are chaperoned so maybe the Carer could help with communications. Otherwise do you think the Care Home might find another way to be a little flexible due to the unique circumstances. I hope both yourself and Sirena are able to visit your respective parents soon.

I hope your brother makes a good recovery and nobody has Covid.
I wish you an enjoyable holiday, it should be lovely over there.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,916
Chester
I've been away so catching up.

I'm pleased to hear your brother has had his op, hopefully things will start to improve for him now.

Sorry to hear you still haven't seen your mum, is your deafness a registered disability such that you have proof of it in some way, as I know it is severe, could you quote the disability discrimination act so say you need an 'interpreter' to assist you due to your needs. The only one person rule makes sense but your case is different - if you had walking difficulties surely they would help you get to the garden to see your mum.

I hope you have a good time in Italy, they have low virus levels so hopefully you will be ok to get there and back.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,831
Another phone call with nice carer this morning. Mum has lost the top plate of her dentures. She did that a few months ago and we tracked them down to a bathroom. This time they haven't turned up yet. There is a dentists next to the care home, but getting mum there would be a nightmare. Last time she had a new plate made she didn't like it and went back to the old one, and I guess that might happen again. I hope they turn up. Apart from that she is fine, though it sounds like she is declining as she is needing help with dressing and personal care now.
I asked about when visiting will restart and it may be next week, but carer wasn't sure. I keep on putting off email the manager about it, but I'm off to do that now.

Brother is still pretty poorly, unfortunately. More investigations are under way.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,708
Yorkshire
Sorry to read your brother is still poorly and has to have more investigations, I hope these ones help with some answers 🤞 🤗
That's awkward with your mum dentures, I hope they turn up soon. Have they checked all her pockets?
Mum lost hers at home a couple of times, once after turning the bathroom and rest of house upside down she decided they might have fallen down the loo so she poked about in the loo, then went outside and had her hand down the drain feeling for them. Not the loo drain but the sink drain cos it was the only drain she could see and get to. She didn't find them in drain and was sure she'd flushed them down loo and lost them. She told me when I spoke to her later she'd been looking through the yellow pages for a dentist and asked me could I ring to make her an appointment for some new ones. When I got to her house and started looking I found them in her dressing gown pocket which she was sure she'd checked.
Good luck with the email hope you get to visit your mum soon 🤞
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,629
Bedford
I hope you are able to visit your Mum again soon. I know I find it difficult but I am so glad I am able to see Mum at her CH. It is good when you get an update from a nice/good Carer though. It must be difficult to know what to do if the dentures don’t turn up. I think that is one reason I miss being able to go into the Care Home - I could usually find the well hidden items
I am also sorry to hear that your brother is still poorly. I hope they are able to suss it out soon and start appropriate treatment.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,775
South East
I’m sorry too to hear your brother still poorly, hope the investigations yield some answers and he can move forward . 🤗
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,294
Sorry to hear about your brother, Sarasa, and fingers crossed the dentures do turn up. I am glad my mother doesn't have a denture or a hearing aid as those are the things which seem to go missing so often.

I hope you are able to visit your Mum again soon. I know I find it difficult but I am so glad I am able to see Mum at her CH. It is good when you get an update from a nice/good Carer though. It must be difficult to know what to do if the dentures don’t turn up. I think that is one reason I miss being able to go into the Care Home - I could usually find the well hidden items
I am also sorry to hear that your brother is still poorly. I hope they are able to suss it out soon and start appropriate treatment.
Am I right in thinking you do window visits, Beth?
I miss going into the care home too - I always used to check my mother's toiletries so I knew what to bring in next time, and I regularly checked her clothes to see if anything needed replacing. Now I just have to rely on the carers telling me if she needs new undies. I wonder when we will be allowed to visit under usual circumstances, that day does still seem a long way off.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,629
Bedford
Sorry to hear about your brother, Sarasa, and fingers crossed the dentures do turn up. I am glad my mother doesn't have a denture or a hearing aid as those are the things which seem to go missing so often.



Am I right in thinking you do window visits, Beth?
I miss going into the care home too - I always used to check my mother's toiletries so I knew what to bring in next time, and I regularly checked her clothes to see if anything needed replacing. Now I just have to rely on the carers telling me if she needs new undies. I wonder when we will be allowed to visit under usual circumstances, that day does still seem a long way off.
Yes I do window visits. Mum is currently on the ground floor so I can peer into the window and if there is a staff member there I can ask them to ‘help’ Mum check there and then. However that was only a temporary room and she and the other dementia residents are going back up to the 2nd floor dementia area which is a bit more cosy.
with the stricter measures generally I do not really see any light in the tunnel yet. I read a government announcement tonight about infections increasing in care homes again due to staff and therefore the need for homes to be extra vigilant and ensure staff use PPE properly.
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,294
@Bikerbeth so that means no more window visits?
I think care homes really need to get a grip on this. It should not be difficult to set aside a safe space for visitors. My mother's care home have repurposed the conservatory so that the residents stay on one side of a glass screen, visitors on the other, with an intercom used to communicate. Not what any of us want from a visit but it does at least mean relatives can see their PWD and everyone stays safe. I literally have not glimpsed my mother since 12 March. (Having said that, visits have not yet started as they are waiting for the glass screen to be installed...)
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,629
Bedford
@Bikerbeth so that means no more window visits?
I think care homes really need to get a grip on this. It should not be difficult to set aside a safe space for visitors. My mother's care home have repurposed the conservatory so that the residents stay on one side of a glass screen, visitors on the other, with an intercom used to communicate. Not what any of us want from a visit but it does at least mean relatives can see their PWD and everyone stays safe. I literally have not glimpsed my mother since 12 March. (Having said that, visits have not yet started as they are waiting for the glass screen to be installed...)
Sorry I have confused. Any resident on the dementia floor will be brought down to an empty bedroom on the ground floor and I will be able to see Mum through the window there. However that means an even more sterile environment. I guess like you will have in a conservatory with screen and intercom
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
315
It does sound as if she's beginning to settle, and fingers Xed she'll forget the cruise eventually.

I think people saying 'if I ever get like that, put me in a home!' is fairly common - until the same people get dementia, when of course there's nothing wrong with them!

However, if you make your wishes crystal clear in a Health and Welfare power of attorney, at least your relatives will know what you wanted when you were still compos mentis.
Mine and dh's are very clear on what we want in the event of mental incapacity - and it's certainly not our daughters giving up their lives to look after us.
Oh I've asked carers if they have department that will put me down by firing squad if I get "like that" but they said the didn't.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,003
North West
Just catching up before work. This is the room mums CH are using for visiting, they have had the sense to realise outside visiting isn't plausible. As you can see its very spacious (half is shown), but I guess some CHs don't have this kind of space
20200910_150546.jpg
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,629
Bedford
Just catching up before work. This is the room mums CH are using for visiting, they have had the sense to realise outside visiting isn't plausible. As you can see its very spacious (half is shown), but I guess some CHs don't have this kind of space
View attachment 63186
That looks really pleasant. I think you have another visit booked soon or was this it.

. I asked my Mum’s CH today and they sat Local Authority will not permit indoor visits still.
 

Cazzita

Registered User
May 12, 2018
591
@Bikerbeth so that means no more window visits?
I think care homes really need to get a grip on this. It should not be difficult to set aside a safe space for visitors. My mother's care home have repurposed the conservatory so that the residents stay on one side of a glass screen, visitors on the other, with an intercom used to communicate. Not what any of us want from a visit but it does at least mean relatives can see their PWD and everyone stays safe. I literally have not glimpsed my mother since 12 March. (Having said that, visits have not yet started as they are waiting for the glass screen to be installed...)
I think this is a good idea, definitely better than not seeing them at all x
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,831
I've just booked to see mum on Monday morning. Like @Palerider's mother's home they've designated a room for each floor for visits and are trying to keep the residents on each floor separate so that they can keep visits going even if they get more Covid cases on one of the floors.
I'm feeling very trepidatious about it all, but I can't not at least attempt to visit.
Our biggest news is that we intend to move about 150 miles away shortly. I'd always assumed I'd find a care home near where we are moving to, but in these strange times leaving mum where she is, at least for the time being, seems the most sensible course of action.