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'If I get like that, put me in a home'

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
909
0
I hope your visit goes well @Sarasa . My mum's care home has gone back into lock-down as a precaution. It is a small care-home with only one communal lounge/dining area, but they are looking at sectioning off a portion of that for indoor visits. It would take up precious space for residents who are "agitated" and need a bit of quiet (unfortunately, that's usually my mum) . There are some very determined wanderers there too, so it might get a bit lively with them trying to join in. Still, we will see. At least they are attempting to make something work.

Let us know how your visit goes. I am sure you are right, not trying to move your mum.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,018
0
South East
I think for what it’s worth you are right about not moving Mum at this moment in time . Hope your visit goes well, can imagine you are a little unsure , not knowing quite what to expect .
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,069
0
I went to visit mum today. The good news is she looks clean and tidy with nicely brushed hair and painted finger nails. The bad news is her teeth are still missing and she didn't recognise me. We got her to stay and talk to me, but I can never understand what she says nowadays (not helped by my hearing). I told her a few random things and I tried to go with what I thought she was talking about so we had a rather odd conversation about swimming. It was good to see the staff though and the home has organised things well. Carer who was sitting with us suggested I try to visit every week and hopefully she'll remember who I am. I can't go next week, but I'll book in for the week after.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,781
0
Yorkshire
Oh what a shame about your mums teeth, thats a few week now isn't it? You'd think they'd have turned up by now. Is she managing with eating ok? Even more bad news that she didn't recognise you, that's so sad 🤗🤗 It may well come back to her on other days though, like carer said if you keep going then hopefully there'll be a remembered feeling even if your mum doesn't put right name to you. It's such a shame we can't get up close to our loved ones as being able to hug or touch a hand of loved one would probably help and for those with poor sight or hearing being at 2m distance or through glass must make things more difficult and confusing. I think a confusing or new situation can also make it harder for people to process things too, so maybe when you've been a few times and your mum gets used to new form of visiting she will be able to process better who you are if that makes sense.
Glad she looked clean and tidy and fingers crossed next visit is better for you 🤞🤗🤗
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,069
0
Thanks @annielou. I was chatting to a friend that's a dentist yesterday and mentioned mum's missing teeth. She thought even if I could track down the old impression it wouldn't work as things change and a dentist would want to take a new one. Given that mum was doing best toddler impression, banging on the table and saying I don't like her when she was brought in to see me, I doubt I could get her to co-operate with a visit to the dentist, or even one to the home if I could organise that. Then, a bit like my MiL and hearing aids, I doubt mum would actually persevere with them. She looked a little thinner, but not under weight , so I assume mum is eating OK.
I debated about telling my brother about the truth of the visit, but in the end I did, leaving out the 'I hate her' bits. He is slowly getting better but still very frail btw.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,781
0
Yorkshire
Oh that's so sad your mum saying that🤗 even with knowing it’s the dementia mixing up your mums thoughts It must still hurt to hear even though know doesn’t really mean it. Big hugs 🤗 I hope next visit goes better 🤞🤗
I’d wondered about trying to get a new set of dentures for mum as her bottom ones had started rubbing and hurting but I wondered similar to what your dentist friend has told you, if it would fit ok now cos gums are probably different. Mums had hers probably 30 years or so now and dentist long since retired so doubt could anyway even if someone would be willing which doesn’t sound would be or much point.
Maybe you or CH staff can persuade mum through a dentist visit in a while but sounds like could be problem now 😕 hopefully she’s managing eating ok if home not said got problem with it. 🤞
I used to work with a man who took his teeth out to eat said he found it more comfortable and his gums were quite hard.
Glad to hear your brother is starting getting better. X
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,018
0
South East
Promising to hear brother is turning a corner , fingers crossed for a steady recovery 🤞 Sorry there doesn’t seem to be an easy solution to the teeth problem (is there ever where dementia is concerned ) I cannot get mum to wear hearing aids , though if I ask quietly if she would like cake she miracously hears me :rolleyes:.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,711
0
Bedford
So pleased that you have been able to see your Mum and that she looks clean and tidy. It is sad that she does not recognise you and that always hurts even when you expect it at some point. Your conversation sounds a bit like the ones I have with my Mum sometimes. I know a ‘good old natter’ always seems to leave Mum feeling happy (even if I have no idea what we have been talking about) so hopefully it was the same for your Mum.
Glad to hear that your brother is improving even if it is very slowly.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
613
0
Pleased to hear that you were able to visit your mum @Sarasa , but sorry she didn't recognise you. It sounds like she is being well cared for, although not good that her teeth are still missing. Like a baby , her gums are possibly quite "tough" and she has learned to chew ok without them. I don't know how long it would even be to get an appointment in the current climate, so probably best to continue as she is.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,069
0
Had a call this morning from the care home, another case of Covid so on full lockdown for 28 days. Bang goes my visit for next week. That’s the third time this has happened, what a pain for them and for us relatives.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,711
0
Bedford
Disappointing that you will not get your next visit due to another 28 day lockdown. I too hope the resident has a full recovery and that your Mum, other residents and staff are able to remain virus free.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,069
0
Another month has gone by, and I haven't seen mum again. The home sent an email from head office about visits, that mentioned window visits, but also the possibility of visiting inside. I phoned today to find out more. The person I spoke to wasn't sure about the visiting situation, so she suggested I email the manager to clarify. Window visits would be useless as mum wouldn't be able to see my clearly and I wouldn't be able to hear her, but I'm not sure how useful the sort of visit I had last time would be either. Visits to mum always worked best when we were taking part in one of the activities the home put on. All is not doom and gloom though as there was a nice picture of mum on Facebook having her hair done and despite the lack of teeth mum looked pretty much as she always did when she was being the centre of attention.
The rest of my life is a bit up and down. My brother is a lot better than he was. Still not very strong but sounds pretty much back to normal and starting to do things again. My husband has retired and we're hoping to move shortly. The buyer we had has just pulled out, so it's back to marketing the place again. Hopefully enough people are still keen to take advantage of the stamp duty holiday and know they need to get their skates on. It's doubly annoying as my husband is actually up where we want to move to looking at a property. He's just phoned to say that if we were in a position to put in an offer we'd go for it.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,018
0
South East
Sorry to hear your buyer has pulled out @Sarasa , it’s very frustrating , hopefully the next one is just around the corner and wants to completely speedily . Great news about your brother , long may it continue and hope he builds up strength soon .
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,781
0
Yorkshire
Sorry you've still not got a visit yet 🤗 I hope they can come up with indoor visits soon, window visits aren't great and in yours and your mums case would be really difficult. It's not really formal visits that we want is it, it's to spend time with them inside doing things. My mum can't concentrate and follow conversations for long and a visit where we just sit or stand opposite each other to chat isn't best, she gets worn out by trying to keep up with it. I'd like to be able to go in and sit with her and it not matter if we went quiet for a bit and did something else other than just chat, maybe colour with her, or join in an activity, or style her hair, paint her nails and most of all give her a hug. Window visits, or socially distanced visits just aren't the same are they, and in your case really not suitable. I hope they can figure something out soon🤞The FB photo sound nice like your mum enjoyed her treat of having hair done.
Glad your brother is getting better, I hope it continues for him 🤞 And I'm sorry your sale fell through, I hope you get another buyer soon 🤞
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
613
0
Sorry to hear you're not managing a visit @Sarasa , window visits aren't good, as @annielou says we just need to get inside.
Glad your brother is getting better, and I hope you get your house move soon. Very frustrating, but these things work out eventually.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,711
0
Bedford
So sorry that you have not been able to visit your Mum still. I just keep fingers crossed that something positive happens soon. If they are doing ‘quick tests’ for students and various areas I can’t see why these could not be introduced for relatives. Again it would not help everyone but maybe some people like yourself so you could go inside to see your Mum. Glad that you got to see a photo of your Mum looking well on FB and pleased to hear that your brother continues to improve slowly.
i have never managed a straight forward house buy and/or sell but hopefully you have had your house selling hassle out of the way now and with the next buyer all will go smoothly. Could you still put an offer on the one your husband has seen or are they only excepting offers from people who have already ‘sold’ or have firm buyer?
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,069
0
I emailed the manager and got a reply about turning half of the café into a secure visiting room. I replied saying wall to ceiling Perspex screens reminded me of prison but I'd give it a whirl. I do wish the government, local councils and care homes could come up with some better ideas. Not sure if it was my moan, but I got a call from mum's favourite carer last night. Partly to tell me she liked the flowers I'd had delivered to her but mainly to say they were planning a surprise from my mum to me and my family. Didn't ask what it was as I don't want to spoil the surprise!
In other news we've reduced the price of our house and have eight viewings lined up for Saturday so far. The estate agents know we have a property we want to offer on and are pulling out all the stops. Fingers crossed it works.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,711
0
Bedford
I hope the house viewings go well this weekend and you get a good definite offer as a result.
The surprise sounds interesting. I really hope it is a visit to your Mum that works for both of you
 

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