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'If I get like that, put me in a home'

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
689
I hope your visit goes well @Sarasa . My mum's care home has gone back into lock-down as a precaution. It is a small care-home with only one communal lounge/dining area, but they are looking at sectioning off a portion of that for indoor visits. It would take up precious space for residents who are "agitated" and need a bit of quiet (unfortunately, that's usually my mum) . There are some very determined wanderers there too, so it might get a bit lively with them trying to join in. Still, we will see. At least they are attempting to make something work.

Let us know how your visit goes. I am sure you are right, not trying to move your mum.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,786
South East
I think for what it’s worth you are right about not moving Mum at this moment in time . Hope your visit goes well, can imagine you are a little unsure , not knowing quite what to expect .
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,846
I went to visit mum today. The good news is she looks clean and tidy with nicely brushed hair and painted finger nails. The bad news is her teeth are still missing and she didn't recognise me. We got her to stay and talk to me, but I can never understand what she says nowadays (not helped by my hearing). I told her a few random things and I tried to go with what I thought she was talking about so we had a rather odd conversation about swimming. It was good to see the staff though and the home has organised things well. Carer who was sitting with us suggested I try to visit every week and hopefully she'll remember who I am. I can't go next week, but I'll book in for the week after.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,711
Yorkshire
Oh what a shame about your mums teeth, thats a few week now isn't it? You'd think they'd have turned up by now. Is she managing with eating ok? Even more bad news that she didn't recognise you, that's so sad 🤗🤗 It may well come back to her on other days though, like carer said if you keep going then hopefully there'll be a remembered feeling even if your mum doesn't put right name to you. It's such a shame we can't get up close to our loved ones as being able to hug or touch a hand of loved one would probably help and for those with poor sight or hearing being at 2m distance or through glass must make things more difficult and confusing. I think a confusing or new situation can also make it harder for people to process things too, so maybe when you've been a few times and your mum gets used to new form of visiting she will be able to process better who you are if that makes sense.
Glad she looked clean and tidy and fingers crossed next visit is better for you 🤞🤗🤗
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,846
Thanks @annielou. I was chatting to a friend that's a dentist yesterday and mentioned mum's missing teeth. She thought even if I could track down the old impression it wouldn't work as things change and a dentist would want to take a new one. Given that mum was doing best toddler impression, banging on the table and saying I don't like her when she was brought in to see me, I doubt I could get her to co-operate with a visit to the dentist, or even one to the home if I could organise that. Then, a bit like my MiL and hearing aids, I doubt mum would actually persevere with them. She looked a little thinner, but not under weight , so I assume mum is eating OK.
I debated about telling my brother about the truth of the visit, but in the end I did, leaving out the 'I hate her' bits. He is slowly getting better but still very frail btw.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,711
Yorkshire
Oh that's so sad your mum saying that🤗 even with knowing it’s the dementia mixing up your mums thoughts It must still hurt to hear even though know doesn’t really mean it. Big hugs 🤗 I hope next visit goes better 🤞🤗
I’d wondered about trying to get a new set of dentures for mum as her bottom ones had started rubbing and hurting but I wondered similar to what your dentist friend has told you, if it would fit ok now cos gums are probably different. Mums had hers probably 30 years or so now and dentist long since retired so doubt could anyway even if someone would be willing which doesn’t sound would be or much point.
Maybe you or CH staff can persuade mum through a dentist visit in a while but sounds like could be problem now 😕 hopefully she’s managing eating ok if home not said got problem with it. 🤞
I used to work with a man who took his teeth out to eat said he found it more comfortable and his gums were quite hard.
Glad to hear your brother is starting getting better. X
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,786
South East
Promising to hear brother is turning a corner , fingers crossed for a steady recovery 🤞 Sorry there doesn’t seem to be an easy solution to the teeth problem (is there ever where dementia is concerned ) I cannot get mum to wear hearing aids , though if I ask quietly if she would like cake she miracously hears me :rolleyes:.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,630
Bedford
So pleased that you have been able to see your Mum and that she looks clean and tidy. It is sad that she does not recognise you and that always hurts even when you expect it at some point. Your conversation sounds a bit like the ones I have with my Mum sometimes. I know a ‘good old natter’ always seems to leave Mum feeling happy (even if I have no idea what we have been talking about) so hopefully it was the same for your Mum.
Glad to hear that your brother is improving even if it is very slowly.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
507
Pleased to hear that you were able to visit your mum @Sarasa , but sorry she didn't recognise you. It sounds like she is being well cared for, although not good that her teeth are still missing. Like a baby , her gums are possibly quite "tough" and she has learned to chew ok without them. I don't know how long it would even be to get an appointment in the current climate, so probably best to continue as she is.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,846
Had a call this morning from the care home, another case of Covid so on full lockdown for 28 days. Bang goes my visit for next week. That’s the third time this has happened, what a pain for them and for us relatives.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,630
Bedford
Disappointing that you will not get your next visit due to another 28 day lockdown. I too hope the resident has a full recovery and that your Mum, other residents and staff are able to remain virus free.
 

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