I care for mum and dad both with dementia

[Jaff]

Funeral sorted

Have been up early. And have done a lot of running around. Funeral is on the 20th Oct. I can not put into words how I feel.. it's just so un real. I feel empty. In a dream world.... would like to thank all my friends on tp. For your lovely thoughts. With out you I would be very lost... I would like to come back every now agAin.. to see how your doing. If I may. You gave me the strength to carry on. So instead of flowers. Have asked for donations. To go. To the Alzheimer's society.. take Care of yourselves... as to friends are brill. Hugs to everyone xx

 

[canary]

Of course you can come back - whenever you wish and it will be nice to see you

I think a sense of unreality is to be expected at this stage. I remember when my dad died - at the funeral it all seemed so unreal that I kept on expecting a film director to jump out and say "Cut! - can we please do that again. And a bit more emotion this time!"

 

[jugglingmum]

Jaff - so sorry to hear your news, you have done so well for both your mum and dad.

JMxx

 

[Jaff]

Feeling lost

I feel as thou I am lost. Can not express how I feel. Need hugs. I keep thinking the phone will go in min. And it will be mum. So empty. Mum loved owls. Have ordered for her flowers. An owl. And they said they can do it in 3d. I hope its like the picture . They sent me. I think it's lovely sitting in leaves and branches. Hope mum likes it. It's amazing what they can do now in flowers. Try and go and get some sleep. Any one got any ideas. How to sleep? I only get two hours. If I am lucky. And then I am up crying.

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Jaff
I'm hoping that you have gone to bed and will have a good sleep
you surely must be exhausted in every way; sometimes that means it's hard to relax and slip into sleep
I tried all the usual suggestions; warm milk, not watching TV before bed, some lavender scent, room warm but with some air, maybe even some herbal tea for restful sleep, some calm music in the background left on so it was still there if I woke
sometimes I'd deliberately remember some pleasant time with my mum, nothing exciting, just a quiet moment we'd shared, and it comforted me - I even kept a cardigan of hers and wrapped myself in it to have a hug - nothing wrong in weeping - maybe that's exactly what you need to do right now; you've probably been holding so much back
you are bound to feel lost; so much of your time and energy has been spent supporting your family - sounds silly, but maybe just accept that you will feel this way for a while and not expect too much of yourself
I know what you mean about no phone calls, seems odd not to hear the phone and almost odder not to be on edge in case the phone rings
best wishes

 

[Jaff]

Shedrech.your so right. As you can see with the time. Now I am a wake. Sorry to say have done what you have suggested. Lol even down to wearing Mum cardi . Which I am wearing. That's spooky.Have just keep trying. To see what will make me sleep
I use to read. That does not help. Keep going over the same line... think I will go for a cuppa now. And just wait. If any body else has any ideas.. would be glad to hear them....

 

[DMac]

Shedrech.your so right. As you can see with the time. Now I am a wake. Sorry to say have done what you have suggested. Lol even down to wearing Mum cardi . Which I am wearing. That's spooky.Have just keep trying. To see what will make me sleep
I use to read. That does not help. Keep going over the same line... think I will go for a cuppa now. And just wait. If any body else has any ideas.. would be glad to hear them....

Jaff, do go and see your GP when you get a chance. S/he may be able to help you with something to get you through this difficult period. I'm not sure what 'something' will be (counselling? pills?), but it should help you.

You are probably experiencing something like shock, although it feels more like numbness. I had this experience when my mum died 30 years ago, with consecutive sleepless nights, and it is only by looking back that I can see what a state I was in (I couldn't 'see' my situation properly at the time - I was convinced I was OK!).

Shedrech is right, it's a good idea to try to accept your feelings at the moment, and not to expect too much from yourself. But your GP can help you, so please speak to them. Wishing you well. xx

 

[canary]

This numbness, shock and feeling of emptiness is the first stage of grief, and you have had so much to grieve over and so little space to be able to do it that it is all coming out at once. Im sorry, I doubt that will have helped you much and I dont have any answers. Just dont expect too much of yourself, only do what you have to do and live in the moment. (((((hugs)))))

PS - the owl sounds lovely

 

[Jaff]

Well said goodbye to mum today.. upset. As not many people turned up. Oh well nothing. I could have done. But I do hope mum looking down. As the owl was fab. No one has seen anything like it. It stood 40cm tall. All white flowers. And it had pink wings. Which matches the spray on top of the coffin.. funeral directeder. Nick name him olly. And every one was taking pic... I was doing ok. Until mum song

came on. And that was that.. I am tied. Don't know weather I will sleep. Thanks everyone for being there for me. Xxx

 

[HillyBilly]

Jaff - well done, love the owl, bet your Mum loves it too. Big hug xxx