I care for mum and dad both with dementia

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Jaff, Mar 28, 2016.

  1. Jaff

    Jaff Registered User

    Mar 28, 2016
    95
    Please I need some advice....... anyone..... had a call from my dad's nursing home........ that dad become very frail.. will not eat or drink now..... they called me in to see if he would drink for me...... also they sent for Dr
    Which now coming tomorrow...... they told me tonight...... any way.. question? Which I don't want to ask
    Is his time near..... going back this thing in the morning....... felt as full. He did not want me to go...keeped shaking his head no..... when I told him I was leaving..... I had to go.. as I have got to get my Dr note and take it to work....... then right after that I will go to dad's
    So does anyone know.... Is this the beginning of the end.
    ..
     
  2. Jaff

    Jaff Registered User

    Mar 28, 2016
    95
    Phone playing up sorry.
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,872
    Female
    South coast
    (((((hugs))))) Jaff
    I dont know whether its the beginning of the end, but it could be.
    On the other hand mum stopped eating and drinking at the beginning of the year and I thought it was the end, but she bounced back. Either way its a difficult time for you and Im so sorry.
    You are being pulled several different ways at the moment and it must be so hard.
     
  4. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    1,085
    Brazil
    Idk. However I would be ready. I would ask SS for respite for your mother so you could stay more with your dad (as you said you wish on early post).
     
  5. Jaff

    Jaff Registered User

    Mar 28, 2016
    95
    Dad died.... this morning..... at five past eight....
     
  6. DMac

    DMac Registered User

    Jul 18, 2015
    537
    Female
    Surrey, UK
    Jaff, so very sorry. My thoughts are with you. Please, take things slowly and take good care of yourself in all of this. ((((hugs))))
     
  7. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,738
    Yorkshire
    My gosh Jaff
    such sad news - I'm so sorry
    you've been an amazing support to your dad and given so much of yourself
    please do go gently for a while, you need to take this sadness in and breath a while
    I know there will be arrangements to make; please take your time and accept any help offered
    best wishes and condolences to you and your mum
     
  8. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,872
    Female
    South coast
    Oh jaff, Im so very sorry - I cant believe how quick that was
    ((((hugs))))) You did everything in your power for your dad at a time when you were being pulled so many different ways. Be gentle and dont expect too much from yourself now.
     
  9. jknight

    jknight Registered User

    Oct 23, 2015
    786
    Hampshire
    Oh Jaff, I am so sorry. You did so much for your lovely dad! Be comforted knowing that you couldn't have done more xxx
     
  10. Jaff

    Jaff Registered User

    Mar 28, 2016
    95
    Thank you guys... for your support. This site. Was the best thing I ever did. All of you are amazing.... I can not thank you enough. It was a peaceful passing........ even the Dr. Says he now looks peaceful.... oh how my heart is breaking... can not stop crying... please never give up... how ever hard it gets.. all of you keep up thegood work and care with all your heart.
     
  11. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    1,948
    Ireland
    So, so sorry for your loss Jaff.
    You've been amazing with everything, it must be so hard to be pulled in two like you have been. Please look after yourself. I hope you can find strength from within to cope with the grief you must be feeling because nobody could have done more than you x
     
  12. Dave66

    Dave66 Registered User

    Sep 13, 2014
    78
    Hi Jaff

    I'm greatly saddened to hear this news Jaff.
    I have followed your very difficult and touching story for a while now and hoped with all my heart that things would eventually become a bit easier for you.

    I know this is going to be a very emotional and trying time for you, but please try to give yourself to breathe, grieve and focus on the future with your Mum.

    You have truly be super human and an inspiration for what you have endured during all of this, feel proud, you have loved your parents and done your very best for them both.

    Please accept my most sincere condolences, I hope you see the light.
     
  13. tigerlady

    tigerlady Registered User

    Nov 29, 2015
    427
    Dear Jaff. I haven't posted on your thread before, but I have been following your posts with such sadness and admiration for you with all that you have had to cope with.

    Your visits brought such comfort and pleasure for your Dad, and you could have done no more. He's at peace now and I'm so glad he had a peaceful passing and is no longer in torment or pain.

    You must try and look after yourself now x
     
  14. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,027
    Female
    Chester
    So sorry Jaff, I've followed your journey and you did everything you could for your dad
     
  15. Jaff

    Jaff Registered User

    Mar 28, 2016
    95
    Dads funeral. Is on the 29 July at 2. 40...... have a car which takes wheelchair... so now we wait
     
  16. Roses40

    Roses40 Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    473
    manchester
    Jaff please accept my condolances on your Dad's passing. Helping my Mam and Dad for many years has been so hard and I lost my Mam last year March. My Dad is now in a care home yet he seems to be settling. This is such a surreal time isn't it? My thoughts are with you, love Rose x
     
  17. Jaff

    Jaff Registered User

    Mar 28, 2016
    95
    Had a very hard day today...... cleared dad's room out. Have never stoped crying.. and I have had phone calls from cousins..... say that they will come on Friday...... why could they be there when both in hospital?? When I needed help the most.... words fail me..
     
  18. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,872
    Female
    South coast
    I think there is probably a whole army of people reading those words and going - yes, why indeed...?
     
  19. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,738
    Yorkshire
    Hi Jaff
    just to say am thinking of you and your mum
    I do wonder how I'll deal with dad's funeral when it's time - all those relatives who never ask after him
    you're a wonderful daughter - and an amazing woman to have carried all this on your own
    best wishes
     
  20. mot

    mot Registered User

    May 4, 2016
    73
    USA
    Jaff, have been following your journey and am also one who has been inspired by your determination and loyalty to your parents. I know this is a difficult time for you and my heart is heavy for your loss.

    You did an amazing job of taking care of your dad. I cannot imagine being pulled in so many directions and handling things. YOU, my dear, did everything humanly possible and did it well!!

    Crying is cleansing for me. It seems to "wash away" so many things!

    And, yes, cousins and others will show up and say nice and lovely things - offer help and so on. And I agree with Canary that most all who read this are wondering where they all were (or are) in our times of need!

    You are never alone with all of us here! Am sending lots of love and hugs to you today! Keep us posted.

    Mot
     

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