I care for mum and dad both with dementia

[canary]

Im glad the care package is working OK - so often there are "teething problems".
Watch out for your own health too, jaff, dont push that arthritis too far ....
xx

 

[Jaff]

Hi. Again had a rough few days.. ... mums electronic had gone. First day .. one of the fused had gone. Next day the whole house had gone out. Called for help. Cut long story short. We are sorted.... Mum now has water infection... Dr came out today.....
Dad gave me a very big scare..... he would not wake up.... ran for nurse. Or more in my case hobbled
Nurse sent for her boss. And she had trouble. He just would not wake. But when she started to push his hands. He pushed back.... thankgoodnes. He did not wake up for an other two hours.
I was scared. Home called Dr out to check.... his chest ok..... but lost more weight
He is a very frail. Just keep him comfortable...... we asked to hurry the salt term..... I am know worried more . And stressed..... Again
Crying most of the day. My poor dad..... this disease is horrible.... just a waiting game.... most of you will know how I feel.
Because I can not really put into words.. my friend has booked for us to go way for two weeks in August.. in the UK.. but I don't want to leave dad.
What should I do.

 

[canary]

Oh what a difficult decision jaff. You probably need a holiday - what with everything that has been happening - but I can see why you dont want to leave your dad. Is it possible to do something last minute once your dad is more settled?

 

[Jaff]

Please help. Am I doing the right thing. Mum just rang. To say she in a field. Please come and get her
As no one knows where to find her
..what I did. Was to tell her. She has just woke up from a dream. And to take a deep breath. And have a drink. Which will be side of you... and look around the room. She still goes on. And it takes me ten minutes
Before. She takes In what I have said. Told her to watch tv. .. hoping she will go back to sleep
Now I am awake
Worring.... am I doing the right thing
What do you say to a person when they are like this? Yes she done this before.. and it always frightens me
One good thing. She rang on my mobile
Not land line. Before today she has pressed every no. And got through to a friend. And she rang me
To tell me mum was confused
Will lay here now
Hopping she will be ok

 

[Jaff]

Went to see mum and dad today
Mum was sitting on her commode. Sorry I have to say this. But she was in a right mess. Poo every where... started cleaning up. When I stood her up to clean her. She fell back on to the commode.. help was at hand in ten minutes
As one of the carers came early. Thank goodness. . After that
Mum ok when I left
For dad
He was okish. These last three days. Its
Have his banana then go to sleep
Salt team coming out on the 13th
July. I can not be there as mum got an a hospital app. On the same day
This a lways happens they do everything together... nurse at dad's home
Said she will report . Back to me
Oh well. I will try and see if I can go back to sleep.... I do feel guilty. Leaving them both. It breaks my heart when I leave them.

 

[HillyBilly]

Morning Jaff and a hug.
You and everyone here on TP know that you're doing your absolute very best under the most difficult of circumstances. There is only the one of you and you have two parents to care for. Do try to look after yourself too x

 

[Jaff]

Morning hillbilly. Thanks for that
Waiting for taxi. Now as the carers said mum got upset tum
So I have sent to Dr. To come and see her. It was supposed to be my day off to day.
Could not sleep last night.had a feeling this would happen. So tied
Thanks for hug. Hillbilly. One back to you x

 

[canary]

Hello jaff - Ive just picked your posts up.

It sounds like a horrible situation. If your mums got a tummy bug that could be the reason fer her confusion.
Its so hard when you are dealing with 2 people. As you say - everything always seems to come at the same time Im glad you have got a date for the SALT team and pleased that someone will report back to you about it. I guess you are having a right day of it with doctors etc. Sending you some hugs and a large virtual bar of chocolate

 

[HillyBilly]

How are you Jaff? Thinking of you x

 

[Jaff]

I am mad mad. Went to see dad. No drinks on table. There are jugs of water. Old Orange drink in one breaker
And blackcurrent. In a other breaker. At the back of dad where he could not reach........ this has happened before.. so first thing I did was give him a drink. It split. Went all down his front. When carer came in. Asked if we could take t. Shirt off..... well dad lost it yelled. Leave me a lone. I will hit you. To both of us... carer said I will change him later.. walked out.. I said be for you go. Please could we have a new breaker.......... Dad calmed down and had his banana. And coke........ on leaving I put in a complaint... also did not offer any dinner. Just yogurt........... when I went mums more problems.... ... have cryed most of the night.... my friend still wants me to go with her on August....... which I would love to go..... mums carers. Telling me to go. As well as dad's home.... miss my brother so much. Just fedup at the moment... thanks for asking hillbilly. X

 

[HillyBilly]

You do so really need a break so if there's any way you can bear to remove yourself for a couple of weeks, then you ought to go for it. x

 

[BR_ANA]

Jaff. One thing that help me to travel away is that I organise that my mum has someone visiting while I am away.

When I could found someone to visit on my place, I asked the CH owner to visit my mum and check if everything was OK.

 

[canary]

Jaff. One thing that help me to travel away is that I organise that my mum has someone visiting while I am away.

When I could found someone to visit on my place, I asked the CH owner to visit my mum and check if everything was OK.

Yes, mum has a friend who visits mum and when I cant visit she reports back to me so I know what is happening

 

[Jaff]

Grove........ are you alright........ have not heard from you for awhile.. I do hope your ok.... hug. X

 

[Jaff]

Mums friends. Have gone... and my friends are all over the u.k. same with cousins.. have asked if they could see mum...
No one. Wants to know... Mum has a brother... but he's not well he used to help out a lots.. but no more... I think he has dementia. As well..... I must say though. The carers mum has now. Are very good...... because of past experience. Mums had four different provides. No good..... but this one well
I feel as if I have won the lotto......
Lol ( wish I could)..... they are brill.... Mums key safe gone faulty.... they are coming tomorrow. To sort it out......

 

[Jaff]

Yet a other problem...... mum has no hot water........ I am getting fed up..... I just don't get a week. Without something going wrong...... so have to wait for two workmen today.... I am feeling Fed up..... and down... it seems I spend more time with mum. Instead of dad............ sorry about the rant . Just feel so low.. got to take mum to hospital tomorrow.... so there a other day don't see dad... and I have an app at Dr on Friday. For me..... there only Thursday left.... sorry just got to let of steam.

 

[Jaff]

All sorted..... mums problems..... just got hospital tomorrow...... with her.. app at 3 30. Then got wait for ambulance. There and back..... I will be late getting home tomorrow.. .... a other dAy I don't see dad..... poor thing
But what am I suppose to do. The two workmen .. did not come to mum until 4. 30 and next it was 5 15. Had to wait until work finished. I have only just got home....... going bed.... now worried over dad... I think will Gove the home a ring before I go to bed.

 

[Jaff]

I feel bad... could not help myself.. Mum started shouting at me..... over different things.... and I shouted back
I feel awful... but I am at the wits end with her.....
After a while she calmed down. Until the carers came in. Then she went off a again.... shouting at the carers for talking to me first.. and for being late
As soon as the shopping came. As now I do it on line... I was gone.... went to see Dad..... he was not well. Went for the nurse. Checked him over. At a lost what's the matter with him... carer said yesterday. He was shouting at every one. Today he just wanted to sleep. Now his diet has changed.. he is now on a soft diet... so we think it might be his tum.... would not take his banana or coke...... I am worn out....... Dr.. now has told me I have got to have a break... so it looks like I am going away in August... but I don't want to.... now I have had two Dr telling me...
If I am honest... I could do with it... Mum is really hard work

 

[canary]

Poor you jaff with both parents shouting at you
Dont beat yourself up for shouting back - you are human, not a robot and we all snap eventually. If she starts being unpleasant the best thing is to just walk out of the room, but its difficult to remember in the heat of the moment.
Im glad that the hospital has got your dads food sorted out. If hes on a soft diet dont worry too much that he didnt want the banana. Everyone has good days and bad days and he may decide he wants a banana tomorrow!
A third vote here for you to have a holiday - if you burn out you wont be able to help either of your parents.........

 

[Jaff]

Dad will not eat drink very little. . Nursing home keeping a eye on him... I am scared...... also more problems.... Mum wanted me to put in local paper
A birthday memeriam. For my brother. If he was alive. He would be 55..... well. A well know building society...... refused mums card...... even thou I have power of attorney... so now I have to run into town and find out what's going on........ not a day passes. Where problems crop up.... that's just for starter....... I am now feeling I am losing my self esteem...... all I want to do is sit with dad...