I can't do this............

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Skye, Aug 26, 2007.

  1. Whiskas

    Whiskas Registered User

    Oct 17, 2006
    Oh Hazel that's awful. It must have been hard to go to ask for help and even harder not to get it when you got there. Hopefully the nice man from SS will prove more hepful tomorrow, hang on for another day. Hope you get some sleep tonight.
  2. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Sorry you had such a wasted journey to GP! How very annoying - bad enough for the 'ordinary' sick to be fobbed off but even more so when there is such little understanding for the AD illness and the effect on you.

    I do hope you can get more help soon - glad you are coming around to the idea of respite.

    Thinking of you. Jan
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Managed to get through to consultant, he's going to try to fit us in for an appointment this week. That's better!:)

    Also had a phone call from someone from PCT, they want me to join their dementia forward planning committee. Think I might have some useful input!

    Boy, do I have some input!!!!!!:rolleyes:

    First meeting on Friday.
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Hazel,
    I`m shocked at the doctor`s ignorance. Don`t they learn anything about Dementia at Medical School. She should have had some idea.

    Dhiren is sweetness and light too, when he sees any medics. I`ve posted 5 pages of `A life in the day` to him, in addition to a covering letter about his confusion over Manchester and India.

    He should get it tomorrow, so has a couple of days to read it. ;)

    The doctor he`s seeing is head of the Day Centre, the one he usually sees is away, so he only knows Dhiren from his notes. I just thought he should know him a little better.

    I really hope the Temazepam works, but it`s not the answer, is it. I really hope you get the answer from the SW tomorrow.

    Love xx

    PS Just read about the Consultant. Thank goodness.
  5. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    You surely do, and they will be very lucky to hear it. x
  6. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    Very good idea, Sylvia. If only one could be a fly on the wall when he reads it.:) x
  7. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    North East
    Hi Hazel

    I have SO much respect for you and other wives/husbands/partners/children who care 24/7 for loved ones.- I just don't know how you do it. I know in my heart that I couldn't.

    I do have terrible feelings of guilt that my visits to Mum have gone down to once a week and that's probably why I don't log an as much as I used to. When I read posts from yourself and the many others like you, I feel so inadequate. I'm not used to feeling like that and that's probably what makes me feel worse.

    I take my hat off to you and everyone in your position, and hope that you get all the help that you deserve.

  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Libby,

    When my mother was in a home, I only went once a week, becuase I was working full time and also because I hated going.

    I had probably been married over 35 years and it was a very long time since I`d lived in the parental home. My mother hadn`t been a part of my daily life for ages.

    It is a totally different ball game with my husband. We have lived together for 44 years, we are both retired and he has been a very important part of my daily life for a very long time.

    So please don`t compare yourself, don`t feel guilty, you are not inadequate. You are doing what you can.

    And please don`t let all these feelings stop you posting.

    Love xx
  9. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Hi Libs, please don't feel like that. We all have different relationships with the people we care for, and we can only do what we can, and what is appropriate in the circumstances.

    I too feel inadequate. I loved John so much, and until a couple of weeks ago could not contemplate ever being apart from him. Now suddenly he is a different person, violent, aggressive, unco-operative, doubly incontinent, and I can't cope. But he's still the man I married, and promised to stay with 'in sickness and in health'. How do I come to terms with that?
  10. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    leigh lancashire
    Dear Hazel,This must be a difficult time for you and i now completely understand why mum feels this way at times.Being there day in day out must be a trial,but a trial you don't want to end yet.You obviously took your vows seriously when you married him(something that doesn't happen often these days).The love you portray for your husband is immense,and the reception you are getting from him at the moment must be heart wrenching.Its all for love at the end of the day.And my word, your love is so dedicated.Thanks for helping me gain an understanding of how you carers are affected by this disease.I may work with the elderley but am by no means an expert on this subject.thanks again and take care.elainex
  11. taylorcat

    taylorcat Registered User

    Jun 18, 2006
    Hope you get things sorted soon. Thinking of you.
  12. Cliff

    Cliff Registered User

    Jun 29, 2007
    North Wales
    Dear Hazel,

    Just felt I had to post.

    I felt such agony when faced with a single weeks respite for Dee and decided against it.

    So can understand just a little how you are torn by everything you are going through.

    Sending you love and every good wish
  13. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    leigh lancashire
    dear hazel,please please download this song.basia.time and tide.it is so fitting for you.love elainex
  14. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    I can't do this !!!

    I have heard this so many times and have even been through it myself with Peter. Somehow and I do not know how, we do managed to do it. We become so engulfed in the Alzheimers world. Now my husband is in a Care Home, our family home is so quite. I wish I was still able to do things for him on a daily basis but I know it would have beenpossible due to my own disability. Even now I go over: if I had done that or I had tried that, done things differently. The Consultant had given Peter 2 years. A year ago I was told to see about Care Homes. I replied I am not giving up. So I carried on for another year with the help of Careers' coming in geting him washed and dressed, getting him ready for bed at night. So acording to the Consultant I had given Peter 2 extra years of home life. We need T.P. for support, making friends, asking for advice. I am so happy that I have T.P. (It was worth buying a computer for research and no I no longer have to do so much research, I feel as if I have made so many friends. Thank you all Christine.
  15. Tina

    Tina Registered User

    May 19, 2006
    Dear Hazel,
    only just catching up on various threads on TP. I do hope you'll manage to get something sorted and the SS will be able to offer some constructive advice and you can get some help.
    Thinking of you,
    Tina x
  16. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Hi everyone, had a very successful day, after an awful night. John was shaking and jerking all night. Temazepam did not seem to have settled him at all.

    Took John to daycare this morning, very unsteady on his feet. They couldn't believe how much he'd deteriorated since last Friday, so it's not just me over-reacting.

    Went to visit a care home that does respite. I hadn't visited it before, because I'd heard it was very scruffy. Yes, it is a bit scruffy inside. It's a listed building, set in it's own grounds, lots of walks. Most rooms are not ensuite, and are odd shapes, as they've been converted from larger rooms.

    But I liked the atmosphere, much more friendly than all the modern, purpose-built homes. And the first person I saw was a friend of John's from support groups, who's been there for a few months. He looked well and happy, and he recognised me.

    Social worker came this afternoon, & John's son came to support me. It was so good. I've been offered a full care package, with someone coming in morning and evening for washing, dressing and bed. Two days daycare and two sessions of Crossroads, more if I want it. And rolling respite, as much as I want.

    I've booked John in to the home I saw this morning for two weeks from 9th Sept.

    The only down point is that I haven't heard from the consultant with an appointment, but I don't think for a minute that there is anything he can do, so that's not the end of the world.

    So you see, I did listen! Now I've just got to convince myself I'm doing the right thing!

    Love to all,
  17. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Oh Hazel I'm so relieved for you! (Pleased doesn't quite seem quite the right word - you know what I mean .....:eek: ).

    And well done getting so much organised so quickly!!!!! As you have recognised, all you need to do now is stop doubting yourself (easier said than done I know!)

    Love, Karen, x
  18. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Well done Hazel. Now all (???) you have to do is stick with the plan.

  19. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada

    You have done the best thing for both of you.
    Love & hugs,
  20. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Well that is better news Hazel.
    Yes you can now. You will feel so much better after some respite, more able to see things clearly, and John will be monitored and well cared for.

    Thinking of you, love,

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