I can't do this............

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Skye, Aug 26, 2007.

  1. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    I want three cheers for my lovely SW!

    He rang me this morning to ask how things were, and found me in floods of tears. He's been so good today, rung me every hour to report progress.

    Someone is coming in at 6 to help me get John changed, and tomorrow the full care package comes into effect, with an extra visit at lunch time to help me change him, for as long as he's immobile.

    My granddaughter delivered the antibiotics, Boots had actually done their stuff, so treatment has started.

    John's still very weak, and sleeping most of the time.

    Norman, I appreciate your advice. I did seriously think about it, but the state John's in, I think they'd have sent him to hospital, and he's so weak he would have been a sitting target for all the bugs around. I'm happier with him at home, with the support package in place. Hopefully we can get him on his feet by next week, ready for his respite.

    Thank you all for your support and advice, I don't know what I'd have done without you.

    Love,
     
  2. angela.robinson

    angela.robinson Registered User

    Dec 27, 2004
    520
    hazel , what a wonderfull SW you have been so lucky to have , i agree with the state johns health is in right now , he would prob be transfered to hospital , causing you even more stress , i hope with the help you now have in place .some of the burden will be lifted from you , if you are as lucky with the carers you will have coming in ,just the chance to speak to someone other than ... yourself... will be a benefit for you . and when john recovers from this infection , you may think again about the respite .
    good luck.
    take care .
    ANGELA,X
     
  3. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    Hello Hazel, what a terrible day you have had. I'm not sure from your first post if a doctor actually came to see your husband or if they prescribed over the phone? I hope that your lovely son in law pays you a visit this evening as I think you could do with a little company. I will be thinking about you this evening. Keep your chin up xxx TinaT
     
  4. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    HI Hazel

    I am so glad that you have things more sorted for now. If John is weak and asleep a lot of the time at least it will be a little easier for you and I totally understand why you want to keep him at home at the mo'. I think that there is nothing worse and more stressful for someone with dementia than having an emergency hospital admission. The general hospital staff just do not know how to cope.

    Hopefully although in some ways care will be more arduous while John is ill in others it will be a little more restful if he is sleeping more and still. At least you can sit alongside and snooze or read with a cuppa!

    Hope it is easier for you soon.

    ((((Hugs))))

    Mameeskye
     
  5. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Please Hazel do not shout too loud about this fellow - we will all want him (I do NOW).

    So glad you have had this support. Truly hope it all works and you get a reasonable weekend.

    Take care and get as much rest as you can. We want you to enjoy your 'respite'.

    Best wishes Jan
     
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    I know. I can't believe how lucky I am that our previous SW is off sick.

    Step-son and partner called round after work and brought dinner -- chicken soup, steak pie and peas, and viennetta. I hadn't the heart to tell them I was on a diet. Mind you, I hadn't eaten anything all day, so I don't propose to worry about it!

    Had the first visit from the carer, she helped me change John and get him to bed. She's coming again in the morning, but said that if the bed needed changing during the night just to give her a ring and she'd come round. Also, if John fell again, to ring them, not paramedics, and they'd come round straight away.

    Tina, no the doctor didn't come out. The paramedics had checked that there was no damage from the fall, and he took my word for the UTI. He wrote an emergency prescription, Boots picked it up and my granddaughter collected it.

    It's been such an awful day, but I've had so much help and support. I've been doing just what I advise others not to do -- running myself into the ground thinking I could cope. Well I couldn't, and I can't, and from now on I'm going to accept all the help I can get.

    Especially from you lovely people.:)

    Love,
     
  7. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,424
    Dear Hazel

    Without ill-wishing anyone, lets hope your previous SW stays sick (nothing major, just long and lingering). Your new carer sounds like a gem as well. And might I point out, you should take her up on what she said: if you need help during the night CALL THEM!!!

    Love

    Jennifer
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,902
    Kent
    Dear Hazel.

    What a brilliant Carer, I`m so pleased for you. This means the end of struggling on your own in the middle of the night. After all this time.

    I hope you enjoyed your dinner.

    Love xx
     
  9. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    I did, but I do feel bloated now. And I daren't visit the diet thread tonight!:eek:
     
  10. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi Hazel

    I am gald you have now obtained the help you deserve.

    Hope John improves soon, from the UTI.

    Love
    Alfjess
     
  11. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Dear Hazel,
    There is a time for diets and a time for eating to keep up your strength! :)
    So glad your step-son and partner are being helpful.

    Have you considered ringing the Social Worker's Supervisor, telling the Supervisor how fabulous the current SW is, and asking to be transferred to his/her case list? Even if a transfer to the new SW's case list isn't possible, you could ask the Supervisor to pass on your appreciation to the new SW.

    I'm a firm believer in "praise where praise is due" and I'm pretty sure (from your posts) that you are too.

    Am sending my very best "get well" wishes to John. Please take care of yourself too. You are very valuable to us on TP, and (selfishly) we want to keep you in "tip top" shape!! ;)
     
  12. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Thanks, Nell, but my shape is far from tip-top today. In fact I feel awful, absolutely exhausted.

    John kept me awake all night, very agitated. The temazepam doesn't seem to be having any effect at all.

    The carer was supposed to come between 8/8.30 this morning, so I kept him in bed, with difficulty. At 8.45 I gave up and got him up myself. The bed was absolutely swimming, I had to change everything. I had stressed that with his bladder problems 8.30 was the very latest I could keep him in bed, and she said she understood.

    I toiletted and changed him (and the bed), and put him back to bed, no shower. Carer still hadn't shown up. At 9.30 I gave up altogether and took Skye for a walk. As I got back at 10 I saw her car just leaving!

    She turned up at 12.30 to help me change him, and got a mouthful. I told her I'd done all the hard work on my own in the morning, she wasn't getting paid to help me change a pad.

    I'll have to speak to SW again on Monday. Not only did she not save me work, she actually gave me more, because everything was wetter.

    John is still in bed. He's a bit steadier on his feet, but his urine is still very smelly. He doesn't want to get up. So I guess it'll be another sleepless night. I'd give anything for a sleep.

    But the worst is the disappointment, after believing I was getting help.
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,902
    Kent
    #93 Grannie G, Sep 1, 2007
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2007
    Dear Hazel, I`m really sorry.

    It`s bordering on cruelty for the carer to be so positive and then to let you down so badly. I just hope it`s `teething troubles`.
    But that won`t help you for tonight, will it. Can you contact them at weekends?

    Just thought,

    When I cared for my neighbour, the Mon-Fri carers were direct employees of SS, but the weekend ones were agency carers. Is it the same with you? I wouldn`t be surprised if there has been a `breakdown in communication.`
     
  14. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,424
    Oh Hazel, I'm not surprised you're disappointed: talk about getting your hopes up. I can't swear on here, but I assure you I'm &^&*&&***(( in private.

    I don't really rate temazepam: although everyone's reaction is different I found that in my mother it induced either a dream-like waking state (not pleasant dreams either) or had no effect at all, except to make her "bumbling", and when I used it I had horrific nightmares.

    Love
     
  15. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    I don't want to contact anyone at the moment, I'm too upset. Tonight will be OK, it's the mornings that are hard. Hopefully John will be a bit stronger tomorrow, and will be able to stand.
     
  16. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Skye - I am so sorry to hear this - what a disappointment- and as you say harder than if there was no help offered at all.

    I am sure you will sort it out but you could well done without it. WHY oh WHY do carers get all this??!! :mad:

    Try to get some rest whilst John is sleeping. Jan
     
  17. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Carers are all from an agency. SW rang round several yesterday to find one that could do early calls. This one said they could!!!!!!
     
  18. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,424
    Ah and that may be the problem (not that I call 8 particularly early but..) If there are very few agencies that do calls at that time, the one(s) that do are probably overextended. It shouldn't happen though: everyone who works in this field should be aware that timeliness is important.
     
  19. angela.robinson

    angela.robinson Registered User

    Dec 27, 2004
    520
    HAZEL dont give up too soon , this is what happened to me the first time i had a carer , arrived 1and half hour late , jim was up washed and being fed by the time she arrived , i told her not to bother coming again , she begged me not to report it , but i did and stopped it altogether , then several months later and desperate for the help i was offered another agency , .again carer arrived a bit late , but also Jim was awake earlier than norm , so again up and ready , i needed to do the care myself but needed her to help with lifting and such so we worked in tandem , .i noticed she was all rush and wanting to get of to the next client , did not try to wash hair or under feet however as i was participating in the care she had to slow down and do the job ,to my liking , within two weeks she was a gem . was always on time , brought me the morning paper and special little chocolate treats for jim , was clear she was becoming very fond of him , we became good friends in the short time she was tending Jim , however within a few months JIM WAS TAKEN INTO ASSESMENT WARD WHERE HE DIED , i wish i had taken the help a bit earlier , so persevere hazel let the manager know you are not happy with the time keeping ,
    good luck
    ANGELA.X
     
  20. Nebiroth

    Nebiroth Registered User

    Aug 20, 2006
    3,518
    I'd like to add that I hate temazepam too.

    For some reason my dad was given it five or six years ago after he had a major operation (no dementia at that time).

    It made him very "spaced out", hallucinations, nightmares, all sorts of horrible things.

    When in hospital in recovery, he managed to get out of bed, out of the ward and along a corridor past the duty nurse (trailing drips and drains and all!) to phone us at home at 3am to say "I'm coming home come and get me!".

    Mum flew down in a panic and found him being restrained by nurses and orderlies trying to persuade him that he couldn;t go home, they had to sedate him in the end.

    But bogglingly they kept him on the stuff even when he came home. The district nurse was horrified and told him to stop taking it right away!

    If you look it up, it;s listed as one of the most powerful drugs of it's type and one of the effects is to act as a muscle relaxant.

    I can't help but wonder if this is really going to help with someone with bladder problems!

    We found that with his dementia, my dad has become very sensitive to things like valium. Even a single 2mg dose left him more confused and disoriented.
     

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