I can't do this............


Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
Hazel, I'm so glad you were able to get throught to someone (surprised, but delighted). It just goes to show you that sometimes the system has the potential to work.



blue sea

Registered User
Aug 24, 2005
So pleased to hear you have had such a positive response.
I went through very similar difficulties caring for my dad. It was the lack of sleep, the endless, endless repetition, the loneliness, the feeling I was becoming his guard, keeping him safe, trying to get him to fit into a world that was no longer his, that brought me to breaking point. It amy well be that a change of medication, or just the changing nature of the illness, will bring an easier phase for you. If not, do consider respite or even permament care arrangements. Sometimes the things you most dread do not turn out to be the worst option. Once a person with dementia and full mobility loses all sense of time, night and day, normal social behaviours and so on, it can become impossible to care for them in a domestic setting, even with considerable input from other carers. This is not a failure on the main carer's part, just the reality of the situation. Often people who have not had experience of 24/7 care of someone at this stage of dementia simply cannot understand the stresses, tiredeness and heartbreak involved. It isn't a case of you just trying harder and keeping going. If a new assessment and change of medication etc don't work, then don't regard a choice of other care arrangements to be second best or a failure on your part. It may be the very best way forward for both of you and your relationship together.
You are such a strong person, Hazel, and have given so much support to others. I hope you can find a way forward that brings you peace of mind.
Thinking of you,
Blue sea

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Hazel,

I can see how you`re trying to find any other solution rather than respite, and I sincerely hope there is one.

But it must be very comforting to know so much help will be available immediately, should you need it.

That`s good news at least.

Take care

Love xx


Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
Hi Hazel
I'm so glad you had such a positive telephone call to social services.....you know now that help is there for you.

As far as personality change goes.....wow it hurts doesn't it? You look at John and all you see is the man you love and although you accept it's this awful disease thats making him behave like that he's still your John looking back at you......

I'm thinking of you Hazel and just hope you manage to get some rest :)eek: )

Love xx


Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
Birmingham Hades
Hi Hazel
sorry you are going through the mill.
I do understand as one who has been there.
Hazel never mind the GP,take the respite,It will be alright I promise.
I worried about doing it for a long time but it worked alright.
You cannot go on without some respite and losing sleep.
Do it Hazel
Love Norman


Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
I don't know how to describe this, it seems so trivial compared with others' problems, but my nerves are at screaming pitch and I can't stop crying.
Dear Hazel,
I am sorry for you and no this is not trivial by a long shot. I also don't know how you and others that care alone 24/7 manage it. I am sure there will be a special place in the hereafter for all of you. I am pleased that at least you have backup in place, in case you need it. I hope that you soon can get a good nights rest. Sending wishes that all goes to your liking. Take Extra Care. Taffy.


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Our Norman isn't given to long epistles.

When he writes, we should all listen as, with immense experience and wisdom, he manages to reduce a potential mass words to those that matter.

Norman said:
Do it Hazel
I'd be giving it a go.... :)


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
I think it may well come to that, thanks Norman and Bruce. But I do want to talk to the doc first. I'll hopefully get an appointment for tomorrow. I know I can't go on like this.:(


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
I'm listening, I promise. Wouldn't dare do otherwise!:eek:

Just had a phone call from the day centre. John can go on Wednesday, as well as Friday, starting this week. They're offering support too, anything I want. Unfortunately that messes up one of my U3A clases, and John's favourite carer, so I've got that to sort out next. Hopefully she'll be able to come on another day.

So many people have been so kind today (including TP:) ), so I've been in tears most of the day again. John has had a nap, so I've had a bit of a rest too. I hope I don't pay for it tonight.

I'm going to see the doc tomorrow, (hopefully) to get the meds and CPN sorted. I should get the care home book tomorrow as well, so I'll start looking into that. I've already visited some, but I'll be interested to read what SS say.

It makes so much difference to to know people care, last night was one of the worst of my life.


blue sea

Registered User
Aug 24, 2005
That all sounds really positive, Hazel. I do think lack of sleep is the worst sort of torture. Things seem so much less dark if you are rested. Now you have a plan of action you are bound to feel better and it is great for you to know the support is available for you if you need it.
Blue sea


Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
Its all been said here but just want to say 'thinking about you'. Hope the GP helps you with medication etc. I am so pleased you had the support from SS that you should have - take the help while you can; I know you are listening to Norman - and so you should.

It seems so easy to give out these 'instructions' - not so easy when you are so involved emotionally - but you DO.

Take care - hope you get some rest. Jan



Registered User
Feb 12, 2007
I don't have any words of wisdom to pass on but just want you to know that I'm thinking about you Hazel and I sincerely hope things work out ok with the respite.


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
I am wondering what GP can do , but give John medication that just Zonk him out more tranquilizer,that he won't get the most out of day-center while he still can or anything

sleeping pills may help ,

sleeping pill did not work on my mother

In my View, to keep mum out of care home for as long as possible is more days at day-center , because since mum has been going 4 days she sleeping better at night time , they are offering me more days when I get back from respite mum has her yearly assessment and even with day-center I still need respite.

I hope that more days at day-center help you if your really adornment not taking respite just yet , but push for a lest 4 days or more at day-center while you don't take respite
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Registered User
Oct 17, 2006
Glad you found some helpful people out there, you sound much more positive. A carer's life is really hard isn't it. People are always telling me if I don't look after myself I can't look after Mum but it's not easy,I know how you are feeling.
Take care


Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
leigh lancashire
Helo skye,please take care of yourself,where would we be without you?I can only imagine how you must be feeling but have the greatest respect for you and what you are doing on a daily basis.Throw the towel in,then go and pick it up.it wouldn't be you otherwise.I don't know you at all but i do know you are a woman with a sense of reality.we all loose it from time to time.please take care my thoughts are with you.love elainex

dolly gee

Registered User
Mar 9, 2007
Skye said:
I don't know how to describe this, it seems so trivial compared with others' problems, but my nerves are at screaming pitch and I can't stop crying.

John gets a bee in his bonnet, and his lack of speech doesn't stop him nagging about it.

It starts at about 10.30, when he wants lunch. I get a constant demand of 'When?'. And I do mean constant, like every five minutes.

After lunch, the 'When?' continues, only this time it's for bed. Yesterday I took him upstairs for an afternoon nap, and had a couple of hours peace. But I paid for it with a very restless evening and night. I get little enough sleep anyway, with his bladder problems.

Today I decided to keep him up in the hopes of getting some sleep tonight, and have had the 'When?' all afternoon, culminating in a blow-up at four o'clock when he decided he was going to bed whatever I said, and did -- fully clothed. I persuaded him to come down for some tea, and then it started again.

He's in bed now, but I can't go on like this. I can't explain anything to him, he doesn't understand, and the constant dripping is driving me mad.
hazel it souds like you have come to the end of the road you dont say who has the mental problems but it looks like you have to do the right thing for you ie care home i know only to well so be strong you take care now dolly gee


Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
south lanarkshire
Hi Hazel

Can maybe John go into care to give you some well derserved respite and while there, could the CPN and Phychiatrist review medication?

The first time I had respite from Mum and Dad, I was dreading it. I was a wreck, I couldn't take them, (coward that I am) so CPN took them.

They were fine, that is after the first half hour and a quetiapine for mum, if the truth be told, they handled it, better than I did.

Please look after yourself, John needs you and so do we.



Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
Hazel, thinking of you this week and hoping that you get offered all the support you need and that you accept it. It may only need to be a little step here and there to make things easier. Test the water and see how it feels. Do look after yourself. Love Deborah x


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Well, the visit to the GP was a complete waste of time. Our own doctor is on paternity leave, so we saw a locum. I don't think she'd ever seen AD before, at least not at close quarters. John was his normal sweet docile self, and I'm sure she thought I was making a fuss about nothing.

She asked 'Why do social services think you need a CPN?'

Gave me a prescription for 21 temazepam and wished me luck!!!!!!!!!!

Got home and had another strop from John, he stormed off to bed, fully dressed, and without lunch.

I rang SS again to report, and yesterday's nice man is coming round tomorrow to talk to me. I think I'm going to ask for respite. Very little sleep again last night, hope the temazepam works tonight.

Have tried to follow Sylvia's example and ring consultant, but no-one's answering. He's probably on holiday too!

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