Update - husband went to Men in Sheds with a support worker this week and actually stayed 2 hours, so I‘m hopeful this will continue. I also took him on Friday to our local YPWD group and he tolerated 1 and a half hours, so I’m going to persevere with that whether he wants to go or not. Lastly I’ve spoken with the YPWD nurse and discussed sedatives and possible antipsychotics on an evening, though it’s still early days with the sertraline atm. She did say I need to think about long term care and possible care home.
I’m at the end of my tether!
- Thread starter Peelgirl76
- Start date
That’s serious progress - and it sounds like the YPWD nurse gets it, which is important.
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My goodness @Peelgirl76 , your horrible situation sounds so familiar and my heart goes out to you. After 3 years of enduring what you describe I am burnt out. Recently , On 2 consecutive nights my husband threw me out of the house and on one occasion he phoned the police to say I had gone missing and a strange woman ( me) was trying to get in. That got the police involved, came to the house, made reports ( which got sent to SS and Mental Health team ) and I sent many emails to the mental health team. He was reviewed in our home, section 2 and admitted for assessment. He is there at the moment. I suggest you keep phone, keys, bank cards , a bag packed and when your O.H is threatening you, phone the police and set wheels in motion, for your own safeguarding and mental health. Keep a record , a daily diary. Please, please do it, I know it’s incredibly hard but you are entitled to a life. Thinking of you, keep posting
Just read your post from yesterday. Keeping my fingers crossed re Mens Shed etc.,, good luck. My husband refused point blank to go to any groups He too was prescribed antipsychotic drug, Memantine, diazepam ( hoping for sleep ) , sadly nothing worked. It’s all trial and error isn’t it. Thank goodness for this forum, a life saver.
The shadowing gets me down.
Never heard the term applied in this respect but recognize it... My mother in law has Dementia. She was living at home, had a relative living next door, which made her (and our) life easier. But... That relative has, for years, been disappearing for the whole of every school holiday, leaving us with the task of looking after Mother In Law. this Easter, it became quite obvious that Mother In Law was no longer able to be left alone for even a short time...
I'd wait at her home in the morning until she rose, then offer to make MIL a cup of tea, give her a bowl of cereal. I'd leave the living room to get the tea made, and she'd follow me (that shadowing you mentioned) in a bit of a panic, not realizing she'd only been alone for a minute...
As she's unsteady on her feet, and didn't, in her panic, use her walking frame, it was worrying... Then, left for longer, she took to ringing our landline... we've had the number 40 years, she still knows it. If she failed to get a response, she defaulted to ringing 999... The relative next door removed the batteries from her telephone handset... that resulted in her going out into the street to seek help...
It isn't easy, is it?
Never heard the term applied in this respect but recognize it... My mother in law has Dementia. She was living at home, had a relative living next door, which made her (and our) life easier. But... That relative has, for years, been disappearing for the whole of every school holiday, leaving us with the task of looking after Mother In Law. this Easter, it became quite obvious that Mother In Law was no longer able to be left alone for even a short time...
I'd wait at her home in the morning until she rose, then offer to make MIL a cup of tea, give her a bowl of cereal. I'd leave the living room to get the tea made, and she'd follow me (that shadowing you mentioned) in a bit of a panic, not realizing she'd only been alone for a minute...
As she's unsteady on her feet, and didn't, in her panic, use her walking frame, it was worrying... Then, left for longer, she took to ringing our landline... we've had the number 40 years, she still knows it. If she failed to get a response, she defaulted to ringing 999... The relative next door removed the batteries from her telephone handset... that resulted in her going out into the street to seek help...
It isn't easy, is it?
The first ten years? And then it gets better? ;-) In my youth, several mates failed to reach their thirties, (motorcycle accidents) and journeymen at work looked older than I do now, hadn't reached the retirement age of 65... and then you'd hear of an ex workmate "Tam Smith's deid, did you hear?" (you will have deduced I'm not English) followed by "but he's only just retired!"
I'm in my seventies, now, and don't I know it... I never expected to reach my current age, father died at 56... but therein lies the problem... Parts of us don't seem to be designed for a long service life...
I find humour in stupid stuff. When mother in law asks, sadly, why her husband had to die and leave her, I explain (again and again) that, on the basis that women live 8 years longer on average, than men... she ought to have found herself a "toy boy" in 1951... She's a good audience, laughs every time... I recently learned she only had one date with another boy before meeting her husband of just under 70 years...
Next time, I'll point out that any "toy boy" would have been 12 in the year she married, and she'll concede that wouldn't have worked... (and laugh) and she'll have been diverted for a little longer...
Drafting long winded comments like this is cathartic for me, a break from reality while still giving consideration to reality... The anonymity helps... sometimes another's dementia leads you to question your own sanity... There's a surreal quality to some aspects of daily life...
Thanks for your response.
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