Our last night together
- Thread starter DawnR
- Start date
I`m not sure but I should hope so.
To put your mind at rest, phone the helpline. They will know
Dementia Support Line
If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
Just an update, I’m not sure where to start. He’s still in the same home, there’s no dementia nursing beds available anywhere. The cpn did tell the social worker about a home but she left it until the next day to call and the bed was taken! It was close to home as well 😔
The home has said they will keep him until a suitable home is available, with the one to one carer. This isn’t really working though as it’s a different carer each day so he’s not seeing a familiar face. They’re also not engaging with my husband, they’re just watching him. I’ve left information about his likes and dislikes but it’s not getting passed on,
The social worker forgot to extend the one to one care past the week arranged and then took a long weekend so she wasn’t available. I had to say I would pay if it wasn’t approved and while they were waiting for the carer to arrive my husband assaulted a resident and a carer. The police were called and the home said my husband had to leave that day.
They eventually said he could stay just for the weekend and then he had to go, but he’s still there as there’s nothing available anywhere.
I considered cancelling my holiday, but after a horrible visit on Saturday where he tried to punch me I thought it wouldn’t help if I stayed.
So I’m away now, me and my mum and the two dogs. We stayed near Chesterfield on Sunday and visited Hardwick Hall yesterday. It was lovely, I’ve wanted to go for years.
My husband is in the best place for the moment, and I’ll leave it to the professionals to find a more permanent place for him. I can’t believe it’s only been five years since I persuaded him to see the GP when he forgot his PIN number and password for EBay. I really didn’t think we would be at this point in that short time. I thought we would have longer 😢
The home has said they will keep him until a suitable home is available, with the one to one carer. This isn’t really working though as it’s a different carer each day so he’s not seeing a familiar face. They’re also not engaging with my husband, they’re just watching him. I’ve left information about his likes and dislikes but it’s not getting passed on,
The social worker forgot to extend the one to one care past the week arranged and then took a long weekend so she wasn’t available. I had to say I would pay if it wasn’t approved and while they were waiting for the carer to arrive my husband assaulted a resident and a carer. The police were called and the home said my husband had to leave that day.
They eventually said he could stay just for the weekend and then he had to go, but he’s still there as there’s nothing available anywhere.
I considered cancelling my holiday, but after a horrible visit on Saturday where he tried to punch me I thought it wouldn’t help if I stayed.
So I’m away now, me and my mum and the two dogs. We stayed near Chesterfield on Sunday and visited Hardwick Hall yesterday. It was lovely, I’ve wanted to go for years.
My husband is in the best place for the moment, and I’ll leave it to the professionals to find a more permanent place for him. I can’t believe it’s only been five years since I persuaded him to see the GP when he forgot his PIN number and password for EBay. I really didn’t think we would be at this point in that short time. I thought we would have longer 😢
Thank you for the update @DawnR
I’m sorry you’re still struggling to get your husband sorted but agree it`s out of your hands now and the responsibility of the powers that be.
You made a good decision to get away with your mum.
Your husband can’t help himself and I understand how upset you feel about the change in him. My husband was similar but verbally aggressive rather than physically although he did once threaten me with a knife when he thought I was an intruder. He cried afterwards , once he’d spent the night with our son, having no recollection whatsoever of the incident.
This did not mean it wouldn’t happen again and that is what I say to you.
Enjoy your holiday.
I’m sorry you’re still struggling to get your husband sorted but agree it`s out of your hands now and the responsibility of the powers that be.
You made a good decision to get away with your mum.
Your husband can’t help himself and I understand how upset you feel about the change in him. My husband was similar but verbally aggressive rather than physically although he did once threaten me with a knife when he thought I was an intruder. He cried afterwards , once he’d spent the night with our son, having no recollection whatsoever of the incident.
This did not mean it wouldn’t happen again and that is what I say to you.
Enjoy your holiday.
So my husband finally has a home that can meet his needs. He’s moving on Monday. The social worker asked me if I could come back early from holiday to help with the move! I briefly considered it as well but it would have meant not going to Liverpool to visit my youngest son who I haven’t seen since early March.
I decided that was more important as I don’t know when I would get the chance to visit him again. I’ll let the professionals handle the move. The home seems nice but is twenty odd miles away. I just hope he’s more settled there.
The care home he’s currently at have done their best but I’m sure they will be happy to see the back of him which makes me a little sad. He would be horrified at the things he’s done recently. He’s assaulted 4 members of staff including a bite causing the carer to go to hospital, and 2 residents.
I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I didn’t expect this, it’s been a nightmare 3 weeks.
I decided that was more important as I don’t know when I would get the chance to visit him again. I’ll let the professionals handle the move. The home seems nice but is twenty odd miles away. I just hope he’s more settled there.
The care home he’s currently at have done their best but I’m sure they will be happy to see the back of him which makes me a little sad. He would be horrified at the things he’s done recently. He’s assaulted 4 members of staff including a bite causing the carer to go to hospital, and 2 residents.
I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I didn’t expect this, it’s been a nightmare 3 weeks.
You have no control over your husbands behaviour now @DawnR so wouldn’t be able to help make the move easier if you did shorten your holiday.
Your son is important too and so are you. It`s time to accept your reality and trust your own judgment.
I hope your husband settles in his new place. I’m sorry it`s not local but if it`s the best place for him so be it.
It will also help your recovery now you will be able to pace your visits.
Your son is important too and so are you. It`s time to accept your reality and trust your own judgment.
I hope your husband settles in his new place. I’m sorry it`s not local but if it`s the best place for him so be it.
It will also help your recovery now you will be able to pace your visits.
This way, if your husband later blames you for the change you can say it was all done through SS and you had nothing to do with it !
