House Advice part 2

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jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
23,472
0
Southampton
Hi All,
Sorry for the delay in getting back to everybody. Some good news to report, case has been dismissed. My solicitor met me in the street to tell me that case was dismissed with no costs being awarded against myself and Jordan. I also learned that the locks have been changed, with the house still on the market.
Good news for myself and my niece, but she told me that she is spending Christmas day with her pals, so I am going to spend Christmas day on my own. I am not really looking forward to that. I will try and get into the Christmas spirit.

My niece is not coping with things, I am not coping as well. She left the flat on Friday night at 10pm saying she was fed up and going to stay with friends. I have had no contact with her since, I am at my wits end with her. I know she is hurting, I am as well. We lost our mum, our best pal, our world.

As per usual, I would love some feedback from the wonderful people on this site.

I hope everybody is doing well and get on with things .
give your niece space to deal with all the changes. there have been so many changes and family disagreements, maybe she is so confused. she probably needs to talk to friends that have no emotional involvement so she doesnt have to worry about upsetting you.
 

Scarlet Lady

Registered User
Apr 6, 2021
582
0
Hi, Victoria. Glad to hear good news about the court case and that common sense prevailed. That must be a weight off your mind. I know you can’t put all of this behind you till the house is sold and the estate settled, but you’re making progress settling into the flat. Disappointing that your niece wants to spend Christmas Day apart, but @jennifer1967 is right: she’s had a lot going on too and maybe she does just need some space. Anyway, whatever you choose to do on Christmas Day itself, remember that we’re all just a post away if you need some company. We‘ll be around. 🥰
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
5,712
0
Midlands
Victoria,I thought you were a nurse. Can you not work christmas day? Someone would probably hve your hand off if you offererd to swap with them
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
11,863
0
Essex
Dear Victoria,

First of all I am so pleased to hear about the court case but as for Xmas try inviting friends yourself. I started doing this after dad's death and it was magical. My friend and her partner have looked forward to it ever since. You are starting a new chapter in your life. Embrace it.

MaNaAk
 

Ineedhelp

Registered User
Apr 10, 2023
395
0
Victoria,I thought you were a nurse. Can you not work christmas day? Someone would probably hve your hand off if you offererd to swap with them
I am not a nurse. I work in a drug and alcohol centre and will be off on Christmas day.
 

Ineedhelp

Registered User
Apr 10, 2023
395
0
Hi, Victoria. Glad to hear good news about the court case and that common sense prevailed. That must be a weight off your mind. I know you can’t put all of this behind you till the house is sold and the estate settled, but you’re making progress settling into the flat. Disappointing that your niece wants to spend Christmas Day apart, but @jennifer1967 is right: she’s had a lot going on too and maybe she does just need some space. Anyway, whatever you choose to do on Christmas Day itself, remember that we’re all just a post away if you need some company. We‘ll be around. 🥰
 

Ineedhelp

Registered User
Apr 10, 2023
395
0
Dear Victoria,

First of all I am so pleased to hear about the court case but as for Xmas try inviting friends yourself. I started doing this after dad's death and it was magical. My friend and her partner have looked forward to it ever since. You are starting a new chapter in your life. Embrace it.

MaNaAk
 

Ineedhelp

Registered User
Apr 10, 2023
395
0
Thank you. I have a small group of friends, my friend that lent me the deposit with the flat, stays with her mum who has possible dementia, will be spending the day with her. My other friend has unfortunately ghosted me since the height of this sorry saga, she has broke her ankle and has to remain immobile for the next two months. My cousin has her own family and my uncle has his side of the family.
It will be rough, but as you said embrace a new chapter. I miss my mum so much, but it is a new chapter that I need to welcome.
 

notsogooddtr

Registered User
Jul 2, 2011
1,286
0
would you consider volunteering on Christmas Day?Many charities,churches etc provide Christmas dinner for the homeless and appreciate any help they can get.
 

Knitandpurl

Registered User
Aug 9, 2021
775
0
Lincolnshire
So so glad you have some good news at last. Give yourself (and niece), some time and space.With everything you have been dealing with (both of you), you have had no real time to grieve properly, or to start to move on and start to make a new home and life for yourselves. Wishing you lots of good things to come. It’s hard to be on your own on Xmas Day, but try and make it a day for you. Whether that is doing something nice or even a day to concentrate on memories, grieve, smile, cry, laugh and start to let go and move on. Maybe look at photographs, listen to music that meant something to you and your Mum, take a walk someplace you used to go together, and feel that though she has passed on she is and always will be still with you. Xx
 

Ineedhelp

Registered User
Apr 10, 2023
395
0
So so glad you have some good news at last. Give yourself (and niece), some time and space.With everything you have been dealing with (both of you), you have had no real time to grieve properly, or to start to move on and start to make a new home and life for yourselves. Wishing you lots of good things to come. It’s hard to be on your own on Xmas Day, but try and make it a day for you. Whether that is doing something nice or even a day to concentrate on memories, grieve, smile, cry, laugh and start to let go and move on. Maybe look at photographs, listen to music that meant something to you and your Mum, take a walk someplace you used to go together, and feel that though she has passed on she is and always will be still with you. Xx
 

Ineedhelp

Registered User
Apr 10, 2023
395
0
I hope @Ineedhelp is okay.
Not great. My niece has been away with her friends since last Friday. I got a What apps message tonight to remind about paying for her hair. I promised it as a Christmas present. I did it on Tuesday. I am not great, dreading on being on my own for Christmas. I will wrap what I have got my niece, buy some presents for myself and my cousins. I emailed my solicitor asking for a detailed account of when the house is sold, I want to see every penny. The older idiot told me my mum had only left £6k when she had left £23k.
I am not motivated by money, my father was still working at 80. As long I have a roof over my head, a job food and warmth and the ability to go a holiday once a year. I am more than fine. As you all know, I see people with nothing in my job. I buy people in the street a coffee and something to eat. I am not a saint, but I am trying to help people that was very much my wonderful. She said there was nothing wrong with being nice and being helpful
 

Knitandpurl

Registered User
Aug 9, 2021
775
0
Lincolnshire
Maybe when your neice is back you could make a nice day/evening off decorating your new home. Perhaps make a few new decorations, get in some mince pies, yours and hers favourite drink (alcoholic or just hot chocolate and spray cream and marshmallows. Put on some Xmas music etc, Xmas Day on your own is hard but doesn’t mean you can’t have a bit of Xmas fun leading up to it. Remember we are all here everyday, your Forum friends, and we care. Sending you hugs, this time of year is always difficult.
 

Chizz

Registered User
Jan 10, 2023
3,528
0
Kent
Hi @Ineedhelp - I agree with @Knitandpurl You know you have to make the best of whatever situation you are in, and all carers learn this, often the hard way.
Many carers feel they are on their own and lonely, even though they have a PWD to care for.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
11,863
0
Essex
Hi @Ineedhelp - I agree with @Knitandpurl You know you have to make the best of whatever situation you are in, and all carers learn this, often the hard way.
Many carers feel they are on their own and lonely, even though they have a PWD to care for.
Oh I remember that feeling well. One invisible said he felt it was unfair for him to see his dad on Xmas Day if his wife was not seeing her dad (her parents fell out with them both) and the other invisible only came in the evening on Xmas Day and Boxing Day because he felt he needed a 'break'! This was Xmas 2017 and I thought this could be dad's last Xmas before going into a home and I was right.

MaNaAk
 

Ineedhelp

Registered User
Apr 10, 2023
395
0
Maybe when your neice is back you could make a nice day/evening off decorating your new home. Perhaps make a few new decorations, get in some mince pies, yours and hers favourite drink (alcoholic or just hot chocolate and spray cream and marshmallows. Put on some Xmas music etc, Xmas Day on your own is hard but doesn’t mean you can’t have a bit of Xmas fun leading up to it. Remember we are all here everyday, your Forum friends, and we care. Sending you hugs, this time of year is always difficult.
Thank you. Virtual hugs greatly received and sending some right back to you.
 

Ineedhelp

Registered User
Apr 10, 2023
395
0
Oh I remember that feeling well. One invisible said he felt it was unfair for him to see his dad on Xmas Day if his wife was not seeing her dad (her parents fell out with them both) and the other invisible only came in the evening on Xmas Day and Boxing Day because he felt he needed a 'break'! This was Xmas 2017 and I thought this could be dad's last Xmas before going into a home and I was right.

MaNaAk
Thanks for all your support. I am just finding it very hard
 
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