Hi I'm Debbie, supporting my 81 year old Mum with Alzheimer's

Deb172go

New member
Jul 5, 2022
3
0
I'm an only child, but have a wonderful husband so together we muddle along with Mum. We moved her down to Southsea to a retirement flat so she could be nearer to us, this was Aug last year. Despite having Alzheimer's for over 4 years she threw herself into everything we suggested, she was amazing she joined singing groups, chair exercise and a few other things.

Then in December she had a cataract op, caught a nasty cold and then got a tooth/mouth infection. Life/Mum has changed dramatically.

She now has practically no short term memory so even if I have spent the day with her (I'm her carer so there everyday) she will call 10-20 from when I get home. I do all her meals for her and have to remind her every night to take her meds. She only showers or changes her clothes if I suggest it. I think she has gone off me lol as I'm always the one suggesting how she might do things. The hardest thing is not having any spare time for our family and not being able to get away. I think I would be able to manage if I could get the occasional respite.

I have contacted social services but there is a long waiting list to be assessed. They have said they will assess us both together as this will be quicker but that was over a month ago?
 

Angel55

Registered User
Oct 23, 2023
181
0
I'm an only child, but have a wonderful husband so together we muddle along with Mum. We moved her down to Southsea to a retirement flat so she could be nearer to us, this was Aug last year. Despite having Alzheimer's for over 4 years she threw herself into everything we suggested, she was amazing she joined singing groups, chair exercise and a few other things.

Then in December she had a cataract op, caught a nasty cold and then got a tooth/mouth infection. Life/Mum has changed dramatically.

She now has practically no short term memory so even if I have spent the day with her (I'm her carer so there everyday) she will call 10-20 from when I get home. I do all her meals for her and have to remind her every night to take her meds. She only showers or changes her clothes if I suggest it. I think she has gone off me lol as I'm always the one suggesting how she might do things. The hardest thing is not having any spare time for our family and not being able to get away. I think I would be able to manage if I could get the occasional respite.

I have contacted social services but there is a long waiting list to be assessed. They have said they will assess us both together as this will be quicker but that was over a month ago?
Hello 💗

Welcome here x

Social Services - Chase them up, phone, email do it all and keep some notes of how things are for both of you, often when faced with professionals and as discussed a lot on the forum 'hosting mode' happens with our loved ones with dementia. I found I forgot to tell people things so I made a few notes so I could give a fuller picture. I think we waited six weeks initially.

As you have mentioned you would like some respite and maybe someone to help with some personal care for your mum, keep those thoughts in mind when you talk to Social Services.

Having any procedure of illness seems to really be difficult and can really knock someone for six when they have dementia. Not sure why but it definitely does.

I hope you will find the forum a good source of support . I am sure someone else will be along with some more advice.


Take Care ♥️
 

jchu45

New member
Feb 24, 2024
4
0
This has happened to us, mum has mild dementia and recent fall in January and still being in hospital has completely sped up the alziemers! As I am the nearest, I'm visiting every day and she is having paranoia calling me constantly to tell me she is going through hell and I have to take her home. I tell the staff and they laugh and say she is fine, which she is to them. They listened today and she called me to say a mental health nurse has visited her, she told me when she calls 'talk naturally' and I know you want to keep me in here, don't you dare! It's so hard when it's such a quick deterioration x
 

Deb172go

New member
Jul 5, 2022
3
0
Hello 💗

Welcome here x

Social Services - Chase them up, phone, email do it all and keep some notes of how things are for both of you, often when faced with professionals and as discussed a lot on the forum 'hosting mode' happens with our loved ones with dementia. I found I forgot to tell people things so I made a few notes so I could give a fuller picture. I think we waited six weeks initially.

As you have mentioned you would like some respite and maybe someone to help with some personal care for your mum, keep those thoughts in mind when you talk to Social Services.

Having any procedure of illness seems to really be difficult and can really knock someone for six when they have dementia. Not sure why but it definitely does.

I hope you will find the forum a good source of support . I am sure someone else will be along with some more advice.


Take Care ♥️
Thank you, I will chase social services and definitely write notes. I find it impossible to say things in front of Mum it seems so disrespectful?
 

Deb172go

New member
Jul 5, 2022
3
0
This has happened to us, mum has mild dementia and recent fall in January and still being in hospital has completely sped up the alziemers! As I am the nearest, I'm visiting every day and she is having paranoia calling me constantly to tell me she is going through hell and I have to take her home. I tell the staff and they laugh and say she is fine, which she is to them. They listened today and she called me to say a mental health nurse has visited her, she told me when she calls 'talk naturally' and I know you want to keep me in here, don't you dare! It's so hard when it's such a quick deterioration x
I feel your pain, I hope you're Mum is out of hospital soon and you can get back to some sort of norm. Take care.
 

Angel55

Registered User
Oct 23, 2023
181
0
Thank you, I will chase social services and definitely write notes. I find it impossible to say things in front of Mum it seems so disrespectful?
💗 Of course and I have felt the same because you are talking about the person , your parent , in front of the person and it all feels wrong x You could use the notes and just say please read these and subtly pass them over . We used to email our concerns as well.