Hi

littleames

New member
Mar 7, 2024
3
0
Hello everyone 👋
I have just joined the forum as I wanted a place I can vent and get some advice on caring for my mum who has altzheimers. I have so many questions and will have a scroll through the topics on here in a bit.

My mum was diagnosed with altzheimers 2 years ago. She is in denial that she has it and so I don't ever talk about it with her, and she still drives. She lives independently on her own at home and copes OK 80% of the time with daily tasks
- but her behaviour is irrational and she can be very aggressive/nasty towards me. I know this is one of the symptoms so learn to brush it off and just go along with it most or the time. I have been managing all of her personal administration, doctors appointments and taking her to hospital visits. I also go round most days to check in on her And keep her company as she has no friends or partner. She relies on me for a lot and she calls me about 20 times a day to tell me the same thing she rang 5 minutes before to tell me! Thats how we have been managing things so far but i know things wont always be as easy.
I had a bigger issue recently, however, about renewing her driving license. She doesn't understand that it has to be done annually now due to her diagnosis, so I just tell her it's because of her age, but the license is only approved based on medical assessment. I filled in all the forms for her, just saying i was renewing it, but the doctor called her to arrange a visit to do an assessment. Because she is in denial of her condition (she said she aced all of the tests at the memory clinic) she has now accused me of calling her doctor about her memory and deliberately trying to take away her license. She also says im trying to put her away into a mental home. She has now refused to speak to me, has said some awful things including that she hopes something awful happens to me. She won't take my calls or let me in the house. She has always been a difficult person being quite controlling through my life, but I have sadly just got used to it. I'm just worried she has now shut out the only person that can care for her. Not really sure what to do from here to be honest. I feel so guilty about it even though I know I haven't done anything wrong but I know she will be distressed.
 
Last edited:

Diann no e

New member
Mar 6, 2024
4
0
Hello everyone 👋
I have just joined the forum as I wanted a place I can vent and get some advice on caring for my mum who has altzheimers. I have so many questions and will have a scroll through the topics on here in a bit.

My mum was diagnosed with altzheimers 2 years ago. She is in denial that she has it and so I don't ever talk about it with her, and she still drives. She lives independently on her own at home and copes OK 80% of the time with daily tasks
- but her behaviour is irrational and she can be very aggressive/nasty towards me. I know this is one of the symptoms so learn to brush it off and just go along with it most or the time. I have been managing all of her personal administration, doctors appointments and taking her to hospital visits. I also go round most days to check in on her And keep her company as she has no friends or partner. She relies on me for a lot and she calls me about 20 times a day to tell me the same thing she rang 5 minutes before to tell me! Thats how we have been managing things so far but i know things wont always be as easy.
I had a bigger issue recently, however, about renewing her driving license. She doesn't understand that it has to be done annually now due to her diagnosis, so I just tell her it's because of her age, but the license is only approved based on medical assessment. I filled in all the forms for her, just saying i was renewing it, but the doctor called her to arrange a visit to do an assessment. Because she is in denial of her condition (she said she aced all of the tests at the memory clinic) she has now accused me of calling her doctor about her memory and deliberately trying to take away her license. She also says im trying to put her away into a mental home. She has now refused to speak to me, has said some awful things including that she hopes something awful happens to me. She won't take my calls or let me in the house. She has always been a difficult person being quite controlling through my life, but I have sadly just got used to it. I'm just worried she has now shut out the only person that can care for her. Not really sure what to do from here to be honest. I feel so guilty about it even though I know I haven't done anything wrong but I know she will be distressed.
That's a tuff one, because she lives on her own. My husband and are in still in our own home, but he needs a lot of help with most things.
When my mom lived in an independent facility, the facility had a lot to do with her moving on to care.
Man it's hard getting old!
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
4,605
0
Newcastle
Hi @littleames and welcome to Dementia Support Forum. You have come to the right place to vent and to find information. There's a wealth of accumulated knowledge and wisdom here and our members are always willing to help.
 

littleames

New member
Mar 7, 2024
3
0
That's a tuff one, because she lives on her own. My husband and are in still in our own home, but he needs a lot of help with most things.
When my mom lived in an independent facility, the facility had a lot to do with her moving on to care.
Man it's hard getting old!
It sure is. Thank you for your reply, I wish you and your husband all the best x
 

Spottydog

Registered User
Dec 8, 2023
136
0
Could you try calling the doctor and explaining the situation this has put you in and that she is vulnerable because she won't now let you care for her? They might be able to smooth things over?
 

Spottydog

Registered User
Dec 8, 2023
136
0
Ps. Hate to add to your trouble but the insurance company should also be informed if she has an official diagnosis.
 

littleames

New member
Mar 7, 2024
3
0
Could you try calling the doctor and explaining the situation this has put you in and that she is vulnerable because she won't now let you care for her? They might be able to smooth things over?
Thank you, that could be a way forward! Appreciate your reply.