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Hello again. :(

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,839
0
66
Toronto, Canada
I also loathe scammers - they are such lowlifes. I've had several arguments with them. One memorable one was when they kept trying to get my address to verify it. This because I had a credit card with them (which I didn't). They could not accept that I kept saying I didn't give information to people who phoned me.

There is a website called scamorama.com. These people try and keep online scammers busy as possible so they won't bother other people. It's good fun reading it.

Also, this video is absolutely hysterical.
 

CardiffGirlInEssex

Registered User
Oct 6, 2018
256
0
It's worth investing in a call blocking phone, this has pretty well wiped out scam calls for is and for my parents. Basically, a caller from any number not stored in the phone memory has to announce themselves and wait. If they do go through the process (which has only happened once for us) you have a choice to accept the call or divert it to the answering machine where, surprise surprise, they don't leave a message. I would strongly recommend this type of phone.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,675
0
Ireland
I've been ill (again!!) over the weekend. I'm never ill. But this is my third bout since shortly before Christmas. Nothing serious, just coughs and colds. Saturday morning I woke up with tonsillitis. However, once I was up and moving around, it cleared up and I was fine all day. Until evening. When suddenly, it came roaring back! Terribly painful, tonsils so swollen that I could hardly swallow. I thought for sure I'd be heading to out of hours doc on Sunday morning, but meanwhile, I bombarded it with Sambucol (elderberry syrup), Olive Leaf Extract (so utterly foul, it has to be doing you good!), and Vit C/zinc. I took Night Nurse going to bed, and slept solidly for over 9 hours! But I felt much better by yesterday morning, so continued with the olive leaf extract 🤢🥴 etc. over the day, and was feeling better enough to go to work this morning! Tonsils still very slightly inflamed, but definitely much better. I've a routine doctor appointment anyway tomorrow, so I'll let her have a look then.

But I had the most lovely dream on Saturday night! I dreamed I woke up, and could sense that it was gone very much colder than it had been. Yet, the radiator was hot. And I was thinking "how is the heating running? Surely, the stove can't be still lighting! I didn't put any fuel on it since about 5 yesterday evening!" So, I got up to check the stove (in my dream), and William was there, sitting by the stove, putting fuel on! "Aha!" he said "there you are! It was very cold, so I thought I'd keep the stove going for you. You'll be ok now." and then I woke up! Silly, maybe, but the dream left me feeling as if he is still looking after me.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
72,400
0
Kent
Silly, maybe, but the dream left me feeling as if he is still looking after me.

What a lovely dream @LadyA


I`m sorry you`ve been so unwell. The bad cough and cold virus which has been circulating seems to return with a second infection. I had it in October and then again in November. An absolute pain.

I do hope yours doesn`t hang on and you soon feel much better.
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,223
0
Victoria, Australia
I also loathe scammers - they are such lowlifes. I've had several arguments with them. One memorable one was when they kept trying to get my address to verify it. This because I had a credit card with them (which I didn't). They could not accept that I kept saying I didn't give information to people who phoned me.

There is a website called scamorama.com. These people try and keep online scammers busy as possible so they won't bother other people. It's good fun reading it.

Also, this video is absolutely hysterical.
THANK YOU. I HAD A GOOD BELLY LAUGH OVER THE GIANT GUMMY LIZARD! I have had a lot of phone calls in the last few months informing me that my internet was going to be disconnected. Now my reply is to the caller "Do you know you are the 56th person to call me in the last three months telling me exactly the same thing?" They just hang up.

Another tried to convince me he was my Telco but I was very suspicious so I insisted he give me his phone number. He was very reluctant but I pointed out to him that if he had my phone number, it was only fair that I have his. He gave me a number which I knew instantly was incorrect and when I asked him to wait while I called the number, he hung up. Out of curiosity, I called the number he gave me and turned out to be the Commonwealth Bank in Sydney. That was fun.
 
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Prim&Proper

New member
Sep 8, 2019
5
0
Another good website to visit is 419eater.com, 419 being Advanced Fee Fraud. The people there bait scammers into thinking money will be sent to them; but ultimately failing every single time. They get sent to all parts of Africa to receive non-existent packages , pictures are taken to verify travel and much more. The scammers greed knows no bounds and they practically will do anything, ultimately to their detriment.

These 419 scammers are criminals and make a very good living at what they do, so wasting their time for a while saves an actual victim being ripped off.
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
4,025
0
south-east London
I hope you are fully on the mend soon @LadyA - and what a lovely dream!

I have had similar lovely, caring dreams about my husband here and there - and it does give me a much needed boost when it happens :)
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,675
0
Ireland
Oh, well now.
Mum has been doing "ok" since I last posted. We've all noticed her repeating things over and over. We've noticed that, although she's totally coherent and lucid and seems very on top of things, there were times that something she said didn't quite ring true. I've had to come up with plausible explanations for "noises" in her house (birds on the roof. Neighbours doing something. Loose wire rattling on the roof tiles. etc. ) Occasionally, she has told us about something she saw that didn't ring true, and once or twice, about something she saw that couldn't possibly be true. And physically, she has deteriorated beyond belief. Her hair has mostly fallen out. She's lost so much weight, it's insane. She's now just under 7 stone.

The Home Care never materialised at all. We've been still bringing in meals and doing things around the house for her. But every time I suggested she take a shower while I was in the house (she refuses to allow any of the family to help) she would just insist "Oh, there's no need. I already had a shower last night/this morning". We all know she isn't washing much, much less using the creams and lotions she is supposed to use every morning and evening for her skin condition But, you know, we were struggling on, as you do.

Thursday last, mum was going on about things she could "see". Loads of cats around the place. people out in the back garden (which is totally enclosed, and surrounded by other back gardens.). I realised that she may have another UTI, and rang the doctor and although they are not seeing patients unless really necessary, they issued a prescription for an antibiotic, and she started that. I felt awful, because I had noticed at least a week before this that the smell from mum's bin where she puts her used pads was enough to literally make me gag. And I didn't realise it could be a UTI.

Friday night, just as I was getting in to bed (around midnight) the phone rang. It was mum's personal alarm company. Her pendant alarm had been triggered, and they couldn't get an answer from her. I live about half an hour from mum, but I flew in as quickly as I could. She was on her back on the bedroom floor, half undressed for bed. Insisted that she didn't fall. She was tired so she just lay down on the floor, and was so comfortable, she didn't get up. She wasn't hurt at all (thick carpet), so I managed to get her up and in to bed, with warnings that she was not to get up in the morning until I got there. Thing is though, she'd obviously been on the floor for hours. She hadn't actually used the alarm pendant. It was sheer luck. The pendant had swung round behind her, and in her struggling to get up, she had lain on it, and triggered it. But, there were no lights on anywhere in the house, and no curtains closed. So, she obviously went up to the bedroom in daylight. And the alarm wasn't triggered until midnight. She was going on about the animals running around the house, and going up the walls. And a woman who kept changing into something else, and her hair kept growing.

Saturday, I took mum out to my house for the day. I thought it would be a diversion for her, and that if she continued seeing cats running around, well, there are cats here.I was also thinking that mum has deteriorated so much recently, that maybe I could move her to my house because she does need care, so wanted to see how she'd get on.

It was a total nightmare! Cats everywhere! But no, they weren't mine, she knew Atticus and Toria, and chatted to them(!), and about them. It was the other (non existent) cats that were bothering her. And the men outside cutting down trees. And the women in shawls and hats looking in the window. And the men that were out in the back, and were going to break in to the chicken pen. On and on and on. I messaged the family and explained what was going on, and that I found that because of my experiences with William's hallucinations and his aggression etc., I was actually sick with anxiety and fear. I just couldn't handle it at all. The other thing was that I found my house isn't at all suitable for someone disabled. I couldn't get her frame through the front door, and had to take it from her (leaving her with no support) to wriggle it in sideways. She was so very weak and shaky too, that as she struggled around the house with the frame, I had to hover behind her with my arms out in case she'd fall, on my concrete floors! My door straddles seem to be higher than usual (I've slipped and fallen on those myself), and she couldn't get over them without help. My doors are on the narrow side. And my bathroom is very small and awkward. We couldn't get mum and her walking frame in there together! Worst of all, my furniture is inclined to slip on the wood floors, so when mum went to try and stand up, the chairs just moved away behind her! So, I realised that trying to move her here would not be feasible.

Through mid to late afternoon, her hallucinations and agitation increased to a worrying level. Classic Sundowning. Her blood pressure, I discovered, was sky high. Finally, I got so worried, I called out of hours doctor, and they told me to take her to the hospital. So, we spent all night Saturday night in the injuries unit, where mum had blood tests, urine tests, heart tracings, etc. She continued through the night hallucinating, watching things on the ceiling, and remarking on them. When doctors talked to her, she seemed fine, but then would tell them that the "program" that wasn't very suitable for people who were ill! However, she answered all the memory questions correctly, date of birth, what day, date and month it is. Who the president is. So, they said she doesn't seem confused! Anyway, she was admitted. She was dehydrated, and needed antibiotics for an infection. Hospital is in lockdown mode, and no visitors are allowed in at all.

Mum phoned me yesterday (now, mum hasn't phoned anyone for months, and we have been assuming she is unable to figure out how to use the phone anymore!). She needed to tell me about what was going on there, the things she was seeing. I told her that any time she sees something that disturbs or frightens her, or even that she thinks shouldn't be there, she must tell the nurse and let them deal with it. 5.30 this morning, she called me again! "where are you? Are you in my house? Can you do something about them?" According to mum, I had collected her from the hospital and brought her home. Only there were burglars in the house, and they were after knocking down walls, and removing the stairs, and she couldn't find me, so was worried that they had done something to me. I soothed and calmed, and told her that she should tell the nurse what was going on. Then I called the nurse's station, and explained what had happened, and the nurse said "yes, it's noted that she was hallucinating a little bit yesterday, but she hasn't said anything to me all night. She slept well."

So sorry for the extremely long post. I'm more getting it down for my own sake, to sort of make a record of what's happening when.

No idea what will happen now. My opinion is that mum is no longer fit to be living at home alone. The rest of the family agree (except dau, who hasn't seen mum recently because of the lockdown, and besides, doesn't want to admit that her beloved nanny is reaching this stage), and the family also are very supportive that I absolutely can't take care of mum. However, mum, hallucinations and repetition aside, still has mental capacity. She sounds totally lucid, other than the hallucinations. So, if she wants to go home, home she will go. All we can do in that instance is stand back and wait for another inevitable, crisis.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,626
0
Yorkshire
oh my goodness @LadyA what a worrying and challenging time for you, your mum and your family
thank goodness that alarm was triggered
I'm glad you have the support and understanding of family - it's not a surprise your daughter doesn't want to yet accept how things are, but she will want what's best for her nanny too

is there something in Ireland like the 'best interests' meeting here, so, sadly, your mum's wishes could be overidden by her need for care and to be safe - what you've written in your post surely evidences to anyone that your mum isn't able to be at home now

my very best wishes to all of you
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,533
0
Suffolk
((((((((((hugs)))))))))) Lady A. This is the first time I have read this thread, and I suffer with you. I just hope your mother recovers a little. I have no experience of these delusions, so no advice, but I hope it all goes well.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,329
0
Hi @LadyA, so sorry to hear that, but glad the alarm went off eventually so you could rescue your mother. It sounds like it could be delirium due to the infection, but it does also sound that there might be something else going on to. Maybe the start of dementia, but the weight and hair loss sound like they need investigating. I hope the hospital patch her up, and that there is a 'best interests' or equivalent meeting before she is discharged.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
63,517
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69
Dundee
I’m so sorry to read your update @LadyA.

I do hope you can get some support and find a suitable solution for your mum.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,993
0
Chester
I'm sorry things are where they are at.

I do find the 'capacity' or deemed to have capacity frustrating.

It would be considered deeply abhorrent to let children live in conditions which we let elderly live in because they have 'capacity'.

Awaiting a crisis is not taking control of a situation.

Whilst my mum's living conditions were in my opinion deeply unacceptable there is a possibility if SS had been involved they would have said she had capacity and could choose how she lived.

I hope that if she goes home any crisis is minor and that continuing to care for her in the meantime is feasible.

I'm glad you found out now that it just wouldn't work to live in your house, and not surprised that the sundowning shook you up, given the hallucinations William suffered from.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,675
0
Ireland
I finally got through to the ward around lunchtime and spoke to the nurse. She said mum's hallucination this morning had been noted, and she was still wandering to hallucinations at times, but seemed aware that what she was seeing wasn't real. She also said the dermatologists were coming to see her today, because her skin is in an awful state. She said it's blistering and peeling into sores, which they have dressed. Her legs, back and tummy mostly. They were putting it down to the antibiotics, so they changed them. I explained that mum's been complaining of her hands peeling for the last three or four weeks. The nurse said she would definitely let the dermatology know about that. I also mentioned how "tanned" mum looks, and she said they had noticed that too. She also said that mum's infection markers were up (again? still? further?) so they were running more tests.

My brother just said he phoned her, and she said she's in great form, and going home tomorrow or the next day! That's not happening, and I doubt anyone (other than mum) has said any such thing . And then she told him that her sister, brother in law, and my cousins were all there. Nobody is allowed in to the hospital at all, other than staff and patients. The dietician called me this morning, wanting some history on mum. Her "before failing" normal weight/height etc. They said she is eating fairly well in the hospital, but they might try some low volume supplements, which wouldn't fill her up so she couldn't eat her meals.

If it does come to full time care, I guess we can go the route of "doctor's orders. Tests results not good enough yet." etc.
 

nita

Registered User
Dec 30, 2011
2,034
0
Essex
Hallo, @LadyA just reading your thread, sorry your Mum has developed what sounds like dementia. I'm sure I couldn't face this twice. The trouble is, the longer we live the more the likelihood of developing it.

I was just wondered if the "tanned" look could be jaundice? And the other thing that struck me was you said earlier that her hair was falling out - have they tested her thyroid function? You may have mentioned this before and I missed it.

Before she is discharged, wouldn't they do a home visit first to make sure she is capable of looking after herself at home? I know these visits are sometimes cursory and the SWs tend to not notice how poor the person's capacity to function is but surely they will realise she is in danger if she is not capable of pressing the alarm button and only did so accidentally. Is she at risk of falls, how is her mobility? It doesn't sound as if she is capable of caring for herself, even if the current episode is one of UTI and delirium.

Your home sounds out of the question so it will be a question of care home as you are already realising. I just hope she accepts it as I know this can be a traumatic time for all involved. Try not to get too anxious yourself - caring certainly affected my blood pressure!
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,675
0
Ireland
Hallo, @LadyA just reading your thread, sorry your Mum has developed what sounds like dementia. I'm sure I couldn't face this twice. The trouble is, the longer we live the more the likelihood of developing it.

I was just wondered if the "tanned" look could be jaundice? And the other thing that struck me was you said earlier that her hair was falling out - have they tested her thyroid function? You may have mentioned this before and I missed it.

Before she is discharged, wouldn't they do a home visit first to make sure she is capable of looking after herself at home? I know these visits are sometimes cursory and the SWs tend to not notice how poor the person's capacity to function is but surely they will realise she is in danger if she is not capable of pressing the alarm button and only did so accidentally. Is she at risk of falls, how is her mobility? It doesn't sound as if she is capable of caring for herself, even if the current episode is one of UTI and delirium.

Your home sounds out of the question so it will be a question of care home as you are already realising. I just hope she accepts it as I know this can be a traumatic time for all involved. Try not to get too anxious yourself - caring certainly affected my blood pressure!
Mum's hair has always been poor due to her skin condition. I suspect the skin colour is due to either liver or kidney issues. Last year (August 2019) she was in hospital and they did do a home visit before discharging her. Her mobility is very poor and getting worse. She uses a walking frame downstairs, another frame upstairs, and a stair lift to get from one floor to the other. She can't go out by herself, as she needs a wheelchair outside. She is a huge falls risk, because she abandons the walking frame and staggers around clinging to the wall, furniture etc. "But I have to practise! I'll never be able to do without the frame if I don't practise!" :rolleyes:
It will help my stress levels if I remove mum from the "priority" list on my phone, who can get through even when the phone is on "do not disturb" while I know she is safe in hospital! 🤣
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
5,086
0
Nottinghamshire
@LadyA I really hope your mum’s behaviour is due to infection and not dementia. I’ve been through the latter with 3 close relatives and don’t want to go there ever again. I hope your mum picks up soon.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
72,400
0
Kent
I`m so sorry to read your news @LadyA. I suppose it was waiting to happen but not like this.

I can only send best wishes and hope it`s all not as bad as it sounds.
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
4,025
0
south-east London
I am so sorry to hear your news @LadyA - having experienced delirium and hallucinations with William I can well imagine the anxiety you must be feeling now that you are witnessing similar with your lovely mother.

I hope you are able to take some comfort in knowing that she is currently in a safe place - but I know that it must be very stressful wondering how things are going to play out in the long run, knowing that your home is not going to be suitable for her future (or current) needs and that returning to her own home will only lead to another crisis.

It is understandable that dau is struggling to come to terms with things, which have changed so quickly since she last saw her nanny - but I know that she, like the rest of your very supportive family, will come to understand that things need to change in order for her nanny to be safe and as healthy as she can be, going forward.

I hope that your mother responds well to the medical care she is currently receiving.

Thinking of you all x