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Hello again. :(

silver'lantern

Registered User
Apr 23, 2019
166
OH MY DAYS.....no matter what we are going through new baby news puts a smile on the day. big brother looks very pleased to meet him
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,799
Chester
Beautiful photo @LadyA. Thank you for posting. It must make you so happy.

I probably said this when your older grandson was born but dau had a shock of black hair just like that. It is now dark brown (well the bits that aren't blue)
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,590
Ireland
Beautiful photo @LadyA. Thank you for posting. It must make you so happy.

I probably said this when your older grandson was born but dau had a shock of black hair just like that. It is now dark brown (well the bits that aren't blue)
The older boy's hair is now dark brown too. His eyes are almost black. It will be interesting to see how new baby's eyes turn out.
 

alzCaregiver21

New member
Dec 19, 2018
5
Hello, I am wondering if your mom's rash is still persistent? My mom had a rash also (she is 75 years old and has advanced dementia), and what cured this rash was applying liquid coconut oil directly to the rash. The brand that I used was Louana's liquid oil. I hope that this helps! Thanks.
 

father ted

Registered User
Aug 16, 2010
713
London
Nice to see your name pop up LadyA, hope your Mum continues to improve. I can quite understand your not wanting to revisit caring 24/7.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,590
Ireland
Thought I'd give a little update on things here.

Mum has now made an Enduring power of Attorney, which is very expensive, and a lot more complicated here than I understand it is in the UK. It can't be registered unless mum loses mental capacity permanently. permanent loss of capacity would, at that stage, have to be certified by her Solicitor and her doctor. It's a relief to have it in place, just in case.

Mum is more or less stable. @alzCaregiver21 (sorry, I didn't see your reply until now), mum's rash is mostly caused by psoriasis, which she's had all her life. The purple rash on her lower legs which she had when she went to hospital in August was caused by sepsis, which thankfully, she recovered from.

She didn't recover the level of mobility she had before her illness. She needs the walking frames in the house (dear God, I wish she would not go staggering around the house without them! :rolleyes:), a wheelchair for going outside and the stairlift for getting to the bathroom/bedroom. She is also inclined to be more forgetful and gets a bit confused about days/times etc. Of course, that's easy to do, when you are more or less housebound. I had hoped she would get back, mentally, to where she had been before her illness, but she's back to maybe 85/90%, which is good, although the slight decline is quite noticeable. She also seems to be a lot more susceptible to colds and coughs than she used to be. She doesn't cook anymore, my sisters in law and I bring her a good dinner each day, she makes her own breakfast (cereal & instant coffee), and she gets a snack during the day if she wants it, a sandwich or something. Her weight loss is worrying, but I think it's just age and frailty. She's on supplements, but she's down to about 47kg. She hasn't been out and about much over Winter, as she feels the cold terribly. However, once the weather stabilises a bit here, and it's not so very windy and wet, I'm going to take her out somewhere. Even if only to a shopping centre or somewhere.

Meanwhile, dau's family also take a lot of my time. This baby, too, doesn't sleep, except for short naps through the day and night! However, as I say to her, time passes so very fast, blink and you'd have missed them growing up.

So, all in all, things are fairly good. "As good as can be expected" as they say. :)
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,058
69
Dundee
It’s nice to hear from you @LadyA and to read your update. I’m glad that your mum and the rest of your family are doing as well as they can.

Take care.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,590
Ireland
It’s nice to hear from you @LadyA and to read your update. I’m glad that your mum and the rest of your family are doing as well as they can.

Take care.
You know what, though @Izzy ? I have found that those years of caring for someone with dementia (and as you know, my husband's form of dementia was not easy), seems to have fundamentally changed me. I find myself being sort of isolationist. I find large, jolly groups just get on my nerves. parties etc., I just find myself in the background, thinking "What the heck is this all for? All this jollity, and shrieking?". I enjoy socialising with one, maybe two, people at a time. But put me in a group and I retreat into myself, and just about can't cope. I have and will continue to, do group socialising when I have to. But I'd much rather not. And if I do, I prefer to be involved and useful, than just a guest. My home has become my sanctuary. I don't get to spend enough time here, so my evenings at home with just me and the cats, are something I treasure. However, I do recognise that I could become totally isolated in time, and that this would not be good for me, so I do make a big effort (now and again!).

I'm thinking recently about how long I've been doing this "caring" thing. It started with dad, although mum did the bulk of his care (he had a form of cancer), I was the one who took him to and from hospitals, clinics, chemo etc. etc. etc. By the time he died, almost 20 years ago, my husband was showing the first symptoms. And by the time he died, , mum was needing more care. "do you work?" I'm asked regularly. :rolleyes::rolleyes::D:D
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,675
You know what, though @Izzy ? I have found that those years of caring for someone with dementia (and as you know, my husband's form of dementia was not easy), seems to have fundamentally changed me. I find myself being sort of isolationist. I find large, jolly groups just get on my nerves. parties etc., I just find myself in the background, thinking "What the heck is this all for? All this jollity, and shrieking?". I enjoy socialising with one, maybe two, people at a time. But put me in a group and I retreat into myself, and just about can't cope. I have and will continue to, do group socialising when I have to. But I'd much rather not. And if I do, I prefer to be involved and useful, than just a guest. My home has become my sanctuary. I don't get to spend enough time here, so my evenings at home with just me and the cats, are something I treasure. However, I do recognise that I could become totally isolated in time, and that this would not be good for me, so I do make a big effort (now and again!).

I'm thinking recently about how long I've been doing this "caring" thing. It started with dad, although mum did the bulk of his care (he had a form of cancer), I was the one who took him to and from hospitals, clinics, chemo etc. etc. etc. By the time he died, almost 20 years ago, my husband was showing the first symptoms. And by the time he died, , mum was needing more care. "do you work?" I'm asked regularly. :rolleyes::rolleyes::D:D
I feel a kindred spirit here, I shop at quiet times. Avoid noisy busy places, enjoy smaller groups of people & object to being told I should socialise more by those busy posting their “wonderful”lives all over social media!
Intelligent conversation for a short period of time stimulates & gives the grey cells enough on top of everything else! I don’t need the burbling masses & social media likes etc to feel validated.
yes caring changes everything, new perspectives on life that can only be truly appreciated by those who experience this disease.
my home is like yours my sanctuary, & now slowly painting it wall by wall it’s comforting calmness is working its magic!
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,590
Ireland
Aren't scammers just the worst?? :mad:

Thursday, mum felt tired, so didn't feel like going out shopping. So, she gave me her Bank card, and I went off with her list. When I got back, mum was very upset and agitated. She'd just had a phone call from someone who said that she was owing over €500 for some bill, and that she needed to pay it now. She couldn't understand what they were saying she owed it for, so she said they'd have to call back and speak to her daughter, at which they just hung up. I checked the phone, and although it was showing a fake number (non existent area code), I blocked the number anyway. And spent ages reassuring mum that she owed nothing. All her bills are paid by direct debit. And anyway, I kept assuring her, if she really did owe money for something, companies just don't phone and demand payment there and then. They would write to you. So, mum seemed reassured at the time. But on Friday, when I went in, she was again very agitated, and said "I've spent all last night and this morning going back through old papers and bank statements, and I haven't been able to find anything that I could owe that amount of money for!" So, we went through it all again, that she didn't. They were thieves, trying to trick her into paying them.

My daughter used to know someone who told her that he had got a job with a debt collection company, collecting old debts. Not what he wanted, but jobs at the time were hard to come by. However, after a couple of weeks, he felt something wasn't quite right with things, and did a little digging. And found he was working for scammers, calling people about non payment of old debts. Never very much, anything between 50 and a couple of hundred dollars. But he told dau that shocked as he was that he hadn't realised before that it was scammers, he was even more shocked at the number of people who paid up without any questions! So, sometimes, even the person who calls with these scam calls, doesn't even realise they are scamming people!

Anyway, hopefully, mum is reassured now, and I've warned her that anyone who calls like that, looking for payment, just hang up without engaging with them at all.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,340
Kent
That is terrible @LadyA

I don`t know how these people find out about the elderly living alone. A friend of mine aged 86 had a call from supposedly the Fraud Squad saying she had failed to pay a bill and giving her the fright of her life. Luckily she soon realised this was a scam and hung up on them but if affected her for the rest of the day.

I hope your mum will be able to let go of this and not dwell on it. I imagine it will have upset you even more.
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
3,976
south-east London
It really angers me when I hear of these scams too.

I know my mother would have been beside herself with worry if she ever thought she might have messed something up financially (she never did, she was meticulous at keeping a record of everything). With my husband, he was forever worrying over possible debt and it tooK a lot to reassure him that all was ok - and I don't think i ever did win the battle on that one for more than a week or two.

Things did improve once I started using Caller ID - for the most part he knew not to answer the phone if the number did not show up with the name of a friend or family member. I still use it for my own peace of mind - I work on the basis that if it is a genuine call from someone not in my Caller ID numbers, they can just leave a message and I'll get back to them.

I only realised how big an issue it was when my husband was in hospital and I answered every unidentified phone call just in case it was important.

More recently the scammers have attempted to draw me in via social media - saying that IF I am so-and-so's wife I/we are owed money through a scheme he was signed up to and to get in touch if I want to know more. Needless to say, I don't and I haven't!

I am not a vulnerable or elderly person but scammers will try it on anyway. Half the time they have no idea who they are phoning but they know that eventually they'll get hold of someone who believes them.

I do hope your mum can push the worry aside and not let it upset her further - or you.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,379
My sister in law recently lost £6,000 to scammers who said she owed money on VAT returns. She is not elderly, but is vulnerable in that my brother is ill and she's trying to keep down a self-employed job and look after a ten year old as well. She obviously wasn't really paying proper attention. Yes scammers are the pits.