Oh, well now.
Mum has been doing "ok" since I last posted. We've all noticed her repeating things over and over. We've noticed that, although she's totally coherent and lucid and seems very on top of things, there were times that something she said didn't quite ring true. I've had to come up with plausible explanations for "noises" in her house (birds on the roof. Neighbours doing something. Loose wire rattling on the roof tiles. etc. ) Occasionally, she has told us about something she saw that didn't ring true, and once or twice, about something she saw that couldn't possibly be true. And physically, she has deteriorated beyond belief. Her hair has mostly fallen out. She's lost so much weight, it's insane. She's now just under 7 stone.
The Home Care never materialised at all. We've been still bringing in meals and doing things around the house for her. But every time I suggested she take a shower while I was in the house (she refuses to allow any of the family to help) she would just insist "Oh, there's no need. I already had a shower last night/this morning". We all know she isn't washing much, much less using the creams and lotions she is supposed to use every morning and evening for her skin condition But, you know, we were struggling on, as you do.
Thursday last, mum was going on about things she could "see". Loads of cats around the place. people out in the back garden (which is totally enclosed, and surrounded by other back gardens.). I realised that she may have another UTI, and rang the doctor and although they are not seeing patients unless really necessary, they issued a prescription for an antibiotic, and she started that. I felt awful, because I had noticed at least a week before this that the smell from mum's bin where she puts her used pads was enough to literally make me gag. And I didn't realise it could be a UTI.
Friday night, just as I was getting in to bed (around midnight) the phone rang. It was mum's personal alarm company. Her pendant alarm had been triggered, and they couldn't get an answer from her. I live about half an hour from mum, but I flew in as quickly as I could. She was on her back on the bedroom floor, half undressed for bed. Insisted that she didn't fall. She was tired so she just lay down on the floor, and was so comfortable, she didn't get up. She wasn't hurt at all (thick carpet), so I managed to get her up and in to bed, with warnings that she was not to get up in the morning until I got there. Thing is though, she'd obviously been on the floor for hours. She hadn't actually used the alarm pendant. It was sheer luck. The pendant had swung round behind her, and in her struggling to get up, she had lain on it, and triggered it. But, there were no lights on anywhere in the house, and no curtains closed. So, she obviously went up to the bedroom in daylight. And the alarm wasn't triggered until midnight. She was going on about the animals running around the house, and going up the walls. And a woman who kept changing into something else, and her hair kept growing.
Saturday, I took mum out to my house for the day. I thought it would be a diversion for her, and that if she continued seeing cats running around, well, there are cats here.I was also thinking that mum has deteriorated so much recently, that maybe I could move her to my house because she does need care, so wanted to see how she'd get on.
It was a total nightmare! Cats everywhere! But no, they weren't mine, she knew Atticus and Toria, and chatted to them(!), and about them. It was the other (non existent) cats that were bothering her. And the men outside cutting down trees. And the women in shawls and hats looking in the window. And the men that were out in the back, and were going to break in to the chicken pen. On and on and on. I messaged the family and explained what was going on, and that I found that because of my experiences with William's hallucinations and his aggression etc., I was actually sick with anxiety and fear. I just couldn't handle it at all. The other thing was that I found my house isn't at all suitable for someone disabled. I couldn't get her frame through the front door, and had to take it from her (leaving her with no support) to wriggle it in sideways. She was so very weak and shaky too, that as she struggled around the house with the frame, I had to hover behind her with my arms out in case she'd fall, on my concrete floors! My door straddles seem to be higher than usual (I've slipped and fallen on those myself), and she couldn't get over them without help. My doors are on the narrow side. And my bathroom is very small and awkward. We couldn't get mum and her walking frame in there together! Worst of all, my furniture is inclined to slip on the wood floors, so when mum went to try and stand up, the chairs just moved away behind her! So, I realised that trying to move her here would not be feasible.
Through mid to late afternoon, her hallucinations and agitation increased to a worrying level. Classic Sundowning. Her blood pressure, I discovered, was sky high. Finally, I got so worried, I called out of hours doctor, and they told me to take her to the hospital. So, we spent all night Saturday night in the injuries unit, where mum had blood tests, urine tests, heart tracings, etc. She continued through the night hallucinating, watching things on the ceiling, and remarking on them. When doctors talked to her, she seemed fine, but then would tell them that the "program" that wasn't very suitable for people who were ill! However, she answered all the memory questions correctly, date of birth, what day, date and month it is. Who the president is. So, they said she doesn't seem confused! Anyway, she was admitted. She was dehydrated, and needed antibiotics for an infection. Hospital is in lockdown mode, and no visitors are allowed in at all.
Mum phoned me yesterday (now, mum hasn't phoned anyone for months, and we have been assuming she is unable to figure out how to use the phone anymore!). She needed to tell me about what was going on there, the things she was seeing. I told her that any time she sees something that disturbs or frightens her, or even that she thinks shouldn't be there, she must tell the nurse and let them deal with it. 5.30 this morning, she called me again! "where are you? Are you in my house? Can you do something about them?" According to mum, I had collected her from the hospital and brought her home. Only there were burglars in the house, and they were after knocking down walls, and removing the stairs, and she couldn't find me, so was worried that they had done something to me. I soothed and calmed, and told her that she should tell the nurse what was going on. Then I called the nurse's station, and explained what had happened, and the nurse said "yes, it's noted that she was hallucinating a little bit yesterday, but she hasn't said anything to me all night. She slept well."
So sorry for the extremely long post. I'm more getting it down for my own sake, to sort of make a record of what's happening when.
No idea what will happen now. My opinion is that mum is no longer fit to be living at home alone. The rest of the family agree (except dau, who hasn't seen mum recently because of the lockdown, and besides, doesn't want to admit that her beloved nanny is reaching this stage), and the family also are very supportive that I absolutely can't take care of mum. However, mum, hallucinations and repetition aside, still has mental capacity. She sounds totally lucid, other than the hallucinations. So, if she wants to go home, home she will go. All we can do in that instance is stand back and wait for another inevitable, crisis.